Disclaimer: Xander Harris and all things Slayer belong to Mixmaster Joss and the Mutant Enemy Funky Bunch. Rocky and Bullwinkle also belongs to someone else, but I don't know who...
TEASER
EXT. SAINT BUFALARI'S SCHOOL
MAYA (VO)
Where is that little twerp?
INT. SAINT BUFALARI'S SCHOOL - LIBRARY
Liv and Maya are working in the stacks doing research.
LIV
Come on Maya, it's not that bad.
MAYA
Do you want to tell Sister Sledge that we
don't have our group project done? We were
supposed to meet the last two nights and he
bailed on us.
LIV
It's not due until Monday, we've got time
and our portions are almost done.
MAYA
It's the weekend! I'm supposed to be
comatose for two days! Not spending 48 hours
going over the cultural achievements of
ancient Sumeria. I swear I'm going rip that
little...
VOICE(OS)
Hey.
LIV
Hi Jordy.
ANGLE ON:
Jordy. Dressed in the standard St. Bufalari Uniform, he still
looks like an unmade bed. Wild and unruly red hair and a thin
frame completes the picture.
JORDY
Talking about me?
LIV
No.
MAYA
Yes! Where the hell have you been?
JORDY
Sorry. My grandmother grounded me.
MAYA
Well, you could have told us. Nimrod.
LIV
Maya...
JORDY
(unflappable)
Nah. It's cool. I understand.
Jordy reaches into his bag and pulls out a folder filled with
neatly stacked papers and a couple of CD-ROMS and hands it to
Liv.
JORDY
I finished my portion of the research. You
should have everything on hard copy there
and I put my portions of the report and
bibliography on the discs. I talked with
Sister Samantha about not being able to
participate in the group so she pushed back
the deadline for us until Tuesday.
LIV
(looking over the docs)
This is great Jordy! Wow! You even have
everything cross-referenced.
MAYA
Sorry Jordy.
JORDY
(waves it off)
If I cared about my grades I'd be flipped
out too. We cool?
MAYA
We're good.
JORDY
Better haul ass before Nana flips her
biscuit. If you need anything, send me an email.
LIV
Thanks Jordy.
Jordy leaves.
MAYA
Okay, now maybe the weekend won't totally
suck.
LIV
I don't get it. He's smarter than everyone
but he's failing everything.
They start gathering up their books and head out of the
library.
MAYA
Whatever. Hey you want to come with me to
Brad's party tonight? You can drool all you
want and I can entertain myself by making
fun of all the social delusions he has about
himself.
LIV
Can't. I'm patrolling solo tonight.
MAYA
Really? Mr. Harris is finally letting you
off the leash?
LIV
Don't make me sound like a dog.
MAYA
Woof! Woof!
(panting noises)
Woof!
LIV
(laughs)
Okay, you know that line your not supposed
to cross with your friends?
MAYA
(smiles)
I'm approaching it?
LIV
Look behind you.
Maya laughs.
MAYA
Are you excited?
LIV
Excited. Nauseous. Scared. All of the above.
MAYA
Trust me, you've got nothing to be scared
about.
INT. THE VIZIER'S HIDEOUT
The Vizier sits in a chair in the thinker pose as he watches
Maya and Liv through some sort of mystical portal.
LIV (OS)
Sure. Just demons, vampires. You know. The
usual.
The Vizier smiles an evil ugly smile.
VIZIER
My dear... you have no idea what I have in
store for you.
And the bad guy cackles like there is no tomorrow.
END TEASER
ACT I
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM
Xander is going over Liv's gear.
XANDER
Stakes?
LIV
Check.
XANDER
Battle axe?
LIV
Check.
XANDER
Field PDA?
LIV
Check.
XANDER
Good. How do you feel?
LIV
Nervous.
XANDER
You'll do fine. If you get into any
problems, call me.
LIV
Okay.
Xander give her an appraising look.
XANDER
You're not going to be sick are you?
LIV
(chagrined)
Already threw up twice on the way over here.
XANDER
You're going to be fine. You're smart,
you're strong and you're fast. Just don't
over-think it.
LIV
Okay. What are you going to be doing?
XANDER
Well... since your Mom is working tonight...
Xander pulls out a large bound book and plops it on the table
with a heavy thunk.
XANDER
I get to read the council's analysis on all
the bits and pieces we sent them from that
warlock's cave.
LIV
That's a lot of reading.
XANDER
I think they were a little miffed at our
smash and bash approach.
LIV
So they retaliated with paperwork?
XANDER
It appears so.
(sighs)
You ready?
LIV
No.
(beat)
Yes.
(beat)
I don't know. You think I'm going to do okay
tonight?
PONGO the oracle puppet pops up from below, arms waving
excitedly.
PONGO
Outlook GOOD!
LIV
(startled)
Gah! Get away from me!
Pongo hangs his head with disappointment and bobs away.
LIV
Can't we tie him up or something?
XANDER
He's not evil, Liv. He's a creature called
Ekul Reklawyks. Dawn looked him up for me.
LIV
What's a Ekool Reklaw-whatever you called
it?
XANDER
It's actually part of a gestation stage for
an Oracle spirit. At this point they can't
make any prophecies, but they are keyed in
on what is the truth. Usually they don't
take physical form in our dimension, so I
guess you can say we're lucky to have him.
LIV
Can we just stuff him back in the eight
ball?
XANDER
Now, I know it's a little bit freaky but
even if we knew how to put him back I don't
think he want to go. Besides it's kind of
nice to have someone other than me in the
house.
A loud crashing noise occurs off camera.
XANDER
(Sighs with frustration)
That breaks ALL MY STUFF!!
PONGO (OS)
Outlook good!
XANDER
Of course there is also the communication
barrier.
(To Pongo)
You better clean that up!
PONGO(OS)
It is certain!
XANDER
All right. I've got reading and puppet
sitting to do. And you have patrolling to
do.
LIV
Okay.
Liv's feet are planted on the floor.
XANDER
You're not moving.
LIV
(panicky)
I don't know if I'm ready for this.
Xander sits down so they are at eye level.
XANDER
Remember the alley?
LIV
No.
XANDER
Remember the demons invading your house?
LIV
No.
XANDER
Remember saving Dawn? Getting past the
demons to get to the post office?
LIV
Vaguely.
XANDER
It's because you were in motion. You just
moved. No thinking. So... Don't think. Just
act.
Liv looks at Xander for a second and starts laughing.
LIV
That was pretty lame.
XANDER
Yep. Sorry, I got no words. Just faith... in you.
Liv smiles. Xander smiles back.
LIV
How about I read the report and you go on
patrol?
XANDER
Tempting, but no.
LIV
How about we read the report together and we
send Pongo out on patrol.
XANDER
Again... Tempting, but no.
(hands her the PDA)
Check in every 20 minutes.
LIV
Am I ready for this?
XANDER
You'll never know... unless you GO.
LIV
All right. I'm going.
Liv walks out. Xander walks to the windows and watches her
until she is out of sight.
EXT. CAPE KENNETH CEMETERY
Liv is battling a vampire. Hand to hand, he is almost a match
for her. They trade blows back and forth like pros. The vamp
goes after her with a two punch combo and a roundhouse kick.
Liv blocks the two punches, ducks under the roundhouse kick and
stakes him before the vamp can recover.
She sits back on a grave and catches her breath. Her PDA
chirps. Liv pulls it out.
LIV
Hey Mr. Harris.
XANDER
(Filtered)
How's it going?
LIV
Just staked my third vamp.
XANDER
(filtered)
Good job. Where are you?
LIV
Third cemetery. Two more to go.
Liv hears some sounds like people talking in the distance.
XANDER
(filtered)
Excellent. Check in when you get to the next
site.
LIV
Hold on. I'm hearing some activity over by
the Mauseoleoum. I'll give you a call after
I check it out.
EXT. CAPE KENNETH CEMETERY - MAUSEOLEOUM
Liv approaches the site cautiously. We see brief glimpses of
humananoid forms and then... Brad.
LIV
(realizing)
Brad's party.
ANGLE ON: The party
Seems like most of the high school is there. Liv breathes a
sigh of relief and starts to head off when...
MAYA(OS)
Hey worm!
Maya pops up next to Liv, scaring the daylights out of her.
LIV
Jeez. You scared me.
MAYA
Yeah. I'm good that way. Come to join me for
Mock-fest 2005?
LIV
No. I forgot Brad had his big party here.
A snotty group of teenage girls walk by. Their leader, Vanessa
stops to disparage.
VANESSA
Olivia Fontaine? What is she doing here?
MAYA
She's with me.
VANESSA
Nice outfit. Where'd you get it, the army
surplus store?
LIV
Yep. Got a good deal too.
The girls all titter. Liv goes into awkward mode.
MAYA
Oh like you ladies didn't get those
wonderful outfits at TJ Maxx.
VANESSA
Maya, as a second string cheerleader, I
think you would know better than to...
MAYA
Piss you off? Like I give a damn. Why don't
you take your botched nose job and two
dollar mini-skirt and go hang out with the
bulimics who worship you and leave us alone.
The girls all leave in a huff.
LIV
You really shouldn't do that.
MAYA
Oh come on, there was no part of that that
wasn't fun.
LIV
How did I ever get such a good friend?
MAYA
Your Mom pays me five bucks a week and lets
me eat all the candy I want.
Liv and Maya laugh.
JORDY(OS)
Hey ladies. Did I miss the floor show?
Jordy approaches them, still looking like he rolled out of bed,
but much better looking in his "civvies". He drinks out of a
strange looking bottle.
MAYA
Naw. You just missed me bitch slap the
fashion police.
Jordy sits back on a tombstone.
JORDY
Ahhh... Then the festivities have not truly
begun. Hey Liv.
LIV
Hey Jordy.
MAYA
I thought you were grounded.
JORDY
I am.
LIV
And yet you're here.
JORDY
Grandma goes to bed at nine. She's a
hardcore sleeper. Won't be up until dawn.
MAYA
Wow. Sneaking out of the house while
grandma sleeps. Guess that makes you a badass,
huh?
JORDY
Nah. That just makes me an opportunist. And
just a tad bit pathetic.
Maya and Liv laugh.
LIV
I didn't think you were a drinker.
JORDY
(lifts bottle)
This? Just hemlock. Should be keeling over
dead any second.
Maya catches a whiff.
MAYA
Whoa! That smells like feet.
JORDY
Tastes like it too.
LIV
Then why do you drink it?
JORDY
Health tonic. It's good for me.
MAYA
You're a pretty strange duck, Jordy.
JORDY
A cheerleader who disses her fellow
cheerwenches and a bookworm in fatigues? I
seem to be in good company.
Jordy and Maya smile. Kindred spirits.
BRAD(OS)
(howling)
Woooooooooooooo!
JORDY
And the floor show has just started.
Brad approaches the group with a couple of buddies from his
entourage. He's drunk out of his mind.
BRAD
MAYA! What's going down!
Maya greets Brad with the standard eye roll.
MAYA
(disgusted)
Brad.
BRAD
Whoa! Check out Liv! You're all "sistah
soldier".
LIV
(barely able to speak)
Hi Brad.
BRAD
You out on patrol? Killing demons and
vampires?
His buddies and Jordy give him a strange look. Maya and Liv are
horrified.
LIV
Uh. Yeah.
BRAD
That's totally bitching!
JORDY
Wow Brad, you usually don't start
hallucinating until after eleven 'o clock.
Liv and Maya share a look of relief.
BRAD
Do I know you?
JORDY
I'm no one of consequence.
Brad and his buddies are even more confused. Jordy adopts a
party attitude.
JORDY
Party on dudes! Bitchin'!
BRAD
WOOOOOO!!
Brad and his buddies start up the whole party screaming
attitude and move on. Jordy goes back to his easy going self.
JORDY
There was no part of that, that wasn't fun.
They all laugh. Liv's PDA chirps.
XANDER
(filtered)
Moose to Squirrel. Come in Squirrel
LIV
(horrified)
Um... Excuse me.
Liv separates herself from Maya and Jordy.
JORDY
What was that all about?
MAYA
She's.. She's doing this survival training
program.
JORDY
Liv? Survival training?
(tries to wrap his head around it)
Isn't that where they send you out in the
middle of nowhere and make you eat bark?
Maya laughs. LIV moves away from the party and answers the PDA
LIV
Hey Mr. Harris.
XANDER
(filtered)
Why aren't you using my call sign?
LIV
I don't know. What are Moose and Squirrel
supposed to symbolize?
XANDER
(filtered)
You never watched cartoons as a kid did you?
LIV
I preferred reading the encyclopedia.
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM
Xander is sitting back on the couch holding a similar PDA
device. The big book from the council is sitting in front of
him. He shakes his head at Liv's last comment.
XANDER
(Sighs)
I have so much to teach you.
(picks up book and starts paging through
it.)
You didn't check in, so I got worried.
Everything, okay?
LIV
(filtered)
Everything's fine. It's just a bunch of kids
from my high school having a party.
Suddenly Xander drops the PDA and grabs his head.
EXT. CAPE KENNETH CEMETERY -- XANDER'S VISION
It's blurry but we can see: the mauseoleoum, people running
around screaming and vampires running around with big sharp
pointy teeth.
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM
LIV
(filtered)
Mr. Harris? Mr. Harris?
(beat)
I mean.. "Moose"? Are you there?
Xander recovers and picks up he PDA
XANDER
Get them out of there.
EXT. CAPE KENNETH CEMETERY -- MAUSEOLEOUM
LIV
What?
XANDER
(filtered)
I just had a premonition. Get everyone out
of there as soon as possible.
Liv starts running back to the party.
LIV
What is it?
XANDER
(filtered)
Vampires.
Liv closes the PDA and runs up to Jordy and Maya who are
chatting amicably.
LIV
Get out now.
MAYA
What?
LIV
Go. Trouble.
JORDY
(pointing off screen)
But we're going to miss the traditional
territory fight.
ANGLE ON: Brad and his entourage facing off against another
group of "Thugs". Brad is trying to be a bad ass.
BRAD
Sorry dorks! This place is ours tonight.
LEAD THUG
Oh really? It's our place almost every
night.
BRAD
Oh yeah? What are you going to about it?
ANGLE ON: Liv, Maya and Jordy.
LIV
Run. Now.
MAYA
Liv...?
LIV
GO!
Jordy and Maya start off. Liv turns back to the party.
LIV
POLICE!! THE POLICE ARE HERE!!
ANGLE ON: The party in general. All the kids start freaking out
and running except for Brad and a couple of his buddies from
his entourage and of course... The thugs.
LEAD THUG
(laughing)
I love it when they run.
BRAD
Who's running?
The "thugs" all vamp out and get the bumpy faces we all love to
see. Some of the vampires break off from the group and start
chasing the party goers. The Lead Thug smiles and bares his
pointy teeth.
LEAD THUG
You should be.
Brad eyes bug out. The Lead thug bashes Brad who flies back and
hits a tombstone, knocking him out. Liv flies in and hits the
Lead Thug with a two punch combo, grabs his arm and tosses him
into the mauseoloum wall. The lead thug recovers and barks
orders to his crew.
LEAD THUG
Get the girl!
Two of the thug vampires nod and run off. The other three
surround Liv.
LEAD THUG
Well, look who we have here. I was told
there was a baby slayer running around town.
I didn't think I'd get a chance to...
LIV throws a stake into the Lead Thug's chest, dusting him
before he can finish.
LIV
Sorry. No time for chit-chat.
The three vampires rush her at the same time. Liv grabs one and
does a judo toss into the other two vampires. She stakes and
dusts one. blocks a kick from the second and stakes the third.
The final vampire hits her three time and knocks her against
the mauseoloum wall. Liv recovers, pulls her battle axe off her
back and decapitates the final vampire as it charges in for the
kill. Liv looks around and sees Brad and others who have been
wounded, but all the other vampires have cleared out. Liv pulls
out her PDA.
LIV
Mr. Harris? Can you get a couple of
ambulances out to the mauseoloum?
EXT. CAPE KENNETH CEMETERY - ELSEWHERE
Jordy and Maya have gotten away. They stop to catch their
breath.
JORDY
What was... What happened back there?
MAYA
You heard Liv. Cops were breaking up the
party.
Jordy smiles and shakes his head.
JORDY
I don't buy it. What's going on around here
Maya?
Maya looks at Jordy. For some reason... she trusts him.
MAYA
Okay. Um... This is going to sound crazy
but... Liv is a vampire slayer chosen to
defend us against the forces of evil.
Jordy looks at Maya with a confused expression and then bursts
out laughing.
JORDY
Fine... don't tell me.
VOICE(OS)
Listen to your little lady friend...
Jordy turns his head to see:
ANGLE ON: The two vampires who ran off on the Lead Thug's
orders.
VAMPIRE
She's completely right.
The last thing we see is the vampire's fist as it comes towards
Jordy's face.
GO TO BLACK
END ACT I
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