ACT III
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM
The group is scattered about the room. Brad sits catatonic on
the couch with Maya nearby. Liv is practically glued to her
Mom's side near the kitchen. Xander is examining the now
"living puppet".
MAYA
Man, just when you think it can't get any
weirder, we get a talking puppet.
Brad sits and stares out into space.
MAYA
Brad? Brad?
(snaps fingers in front of Brad's face and
whistles)
Okay everyone, it's official: Brad's lost
it.
XANDER
So you were the eight ball and now you're...
a puppet.
PUPPET
Yes. Definitely.
XANDER
Still have the same powers?
PUPPET
Yes. Definitely.
XANDER
Just in puppet form?
PUPPET
Signs point to yes.
XANDER
Is the package still at the post office?
PUPPET
Yes. Definitely.
XANDER
All right. Now we just got to come up with a
plan to get past the horde of demons on my
front lawn to the post office. Any ideas?
PUPPET
(shrugs)
Reply hazy. Ask again later.
XANDER
Which is eight ball-speak for "I don't
know."
PUPPET
Signs point to yes.
XANDER
Right. Got it. Anybody have any ideas?
BRAD
We're all going to die.
XANDER
Okay, we've heard from Brad. Anyone else?
LUCY
Go out the back?
MAYA
I checked, we're surrounded. The demons have
no idea what they've surrounded, but we're
surrounded.
XANDER
Liv? Any ideas?
LIV
Kill the puppet.
PUPPET
(Scared)
My reply is No!
XANDER
I think the puppet is okay, Liv.
LIV
Sure, that's what it wants you to believe
until it goes all "chucky" on you.
MAYA
Okay... and it looks like we've lost Liv as
well.
(smiles)
Hey, wee puppet man! Go give Liv a hug.
PUPPET
(Suddenly loving)
It is decidedly so!
The puppet moves to hug Liv with arms open wide. Kind of cute
actually, but not for Liv. Liv hides behind her Mom.
LIV
(horrified)
Keep that thing away from me!
LUCY
(sighs)
I should have never rented that movie.
Xander's body does another flash of light, except now...
there's two of them.
XANDER1 & XANDER2
Now what?
Everyone does a double take... (Sorry couldn't resist) The two
Xander's freak out for a moment.
XANDER1 & XANDER2
Gah!
Xander1 pokes Xander2. Xander2 reciprocates. They smile in
realization. The rest of the gang just looks on.
XANDER1
It's about time you got here!
XANDER2
Like I can control what's happening.
XANDER1
You got the syphilis?
XANDER2
(takes a deep breath)
Nope. I'm Chumash free. No urge to eat bugs
either. Looks like all the spells stuck with
you.
XANDER1
Lucky dog.
XANDER2
I feel for 'ya, bud.
MAYA
Does anybody want to explain the doublemint
twins?
XANDER1
Oh, a while back a Toth demon split us into
two different parts.
XANDER2
Quite the goofy excapade wasn't it?
Both laugh. Maya just shakes her head.
MAYA
All righty then!
XANDER1
So do you have any ideas for...?
Xander2's body goes all glowy.
XANDER1
Uh, oh. What'd you get?
Xander2 stands up straight and flips a salute.
XANDER2
Reporting for duty sir! Wait? Where am I?
MAYA
Oh boy.
XANDER1
No, this is good.
LIV
It is?
XANDER2
What's going on here?
XANDER1
Stand down soldier! You're in a black ops
scenario. These are special operatives of the
NSA who need your assistance.
XANDER2
(suspsiciously)
What's your clearance?
XANDER1
Clearance? I don't need no stinking
clearance! Look outside soldier, it's
armageddon!
Xander2 goes to the window.
LUCY
What just happened?
XANDER1
One Halloween, I dressed up like a solider,
a big bad cast a spell and I actually
became..
LUCY
(sighs)
Okay... I get it. So how does this help us?
Xander1 smiles.
XANDER1
Did I tell you about my visit it to the army
supply store the other day?
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM -- LATER
Xander2 is now dressed in fatigues, kevlar and helmet, matching
Liv almost to a "T". He's also armed to the teeth. Liv is also
carrying a backpack and the Puppet is hanging out of the top of
it. Liv is not pleased. Brad and Maya are nowhere to be seen.
LIV
Why do I have to carry the demon puppet?!
XANDER1
It's not a demon. Willow checked out the 8
ball when she was last here.
LIV
Then what is it?
XANDER1
That I don't know. But can you trust me?
LIV
(sullen)
I suppose so.
XANDER1
All right then, then we're all familiar with
the plan?
XANDER2
Affirmative.
LIV
Yes.
The puppet gives what apparently is a puppet's thumbs up.
PUPPET
Outlook is good!
LUCY
I sure hope that's a thumb you're holding
up.
PUPPET
Yes! Definitely.
LUCY
(to Liv)
You be careful out there sweetie.
PUPPET
Outlook is good!
LIV
Yeah. We got that.
XANDER1
All right let's get this started.
Xander1 picks up a military CB and talks into it.
XANDER1
Moose to Squirrel. Come in Squirrel. Boris
and Natasha are leaving the building.
MAYA
(filtered)
Oh for crying out loud, can we just get
moving?
XANDER1
Okay Maya... Make 'em cry.
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - TRAINING ROOM.
Maya and Brad are on the top floor, surrounded by handheld
canisters of teargas.
MAYA
Bombs away!
Brad opens a window and he and Maya start pulling pins and
tossing tear gas containers.
EXT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - FRONT LAWN
The tear gas starts forming around all the monsters. The
demons... as least the ones that breathe, start backing away
from the house.
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM
XANDER1
Go!
EXT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ENTRANCE
Xander2 bursts out the door, guns blazing. Liv follows wielding her favorite battle axe. What demons aren't mowed down by Xander2, she takes out with quick and hearty kicks, punches or slices.
PUPPET
Oulook is good! Outlook is good!
LIV
Shut up already!
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - MAIN ROOM.
Xander slams the door shut and leans up against it.
XANDER
How they doing?
LUCY
They broke through. A few of the demons are
following them.
XANDER
Most will stay here. They're attracted to
me, not them.
Xander flops to the floor. He really doesn't look good. He's a
big sweaty mess and is weaker than he let on.
LUCY
Xander?
XANDER
I'm okay.
Lucy realizes something.
LUCY
You're really not okay, are you?
XANDER
(very weak)
No. I'm not. Each time a spell is
regenerated it takes something out of me.
LUCY
Why didn't you say anything?
XANDER
I had to get your daughter out. She's my
first priority.
LUCY
I don't understand. Why didn't you get a
premonition about this?
XANDER
I did. It came too late. This was the only
way.
Xander begins to shiver. Lucy grabs a blanket off the couch and
covers him with it. She then sits down next to Xander and holds
him close.
LUCY
Hang in there, Sparky.
EXT. CAPE KENNETH - MAIN STREET.
Liv, the puppet and Xander run down the street. Xander brings
up the rear and provides cover fire behind them. Xander looks
up from the rear.
XANDER
Up ahead.
LIV
I see them.
Three vamps are charging toward them. Liv pulls out one of her
stakes and throws it dead center into one of the vampires,
dusting him. She bashes one vampire in the head with the blunt
end of the axe, swings and decapitates the other vampire. The
other vampire comes at her again, feints a kick and lets go
with a volley of punches. Liv deflects the punches with the
axe, pulls out another stake and dusts the final vamp.
LIV
Not bad huh?
PUPPET
Yes! Definitely
XANDER
How much further to the post office?
LIV
Three more blocks.
XANDER
Let's keep moving.
INT. XANDER'S FIREHOUSE - BEDROOM.
Lucy has gotten Xander into bed. Maya and Brad come down from
the training room.
MAYA
They got to Main street okay, but we
couldn't see them once they turned the
corner.
(she looks at Xander)
Is he going to be all right?
LUCY
(heart in her throat)
I don't know.
EXT. CAPE KENNETH - POST OFFICE - SIDE ENTRANCE.
Xander and Liv run up to the door.
XANDER
Door's locked.
Liv kicks the door open.
LIV
Not a problem.
They enter.
INT. POST OFFICE - WAREHOUSE ENTRANCE.
Xander and Liv run in. Stop in shock.
ANGLE ON: THE WAREHOUSE
Remember that scene at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark with
all the boxes? Then you get the idea.
LIV
Aw Crap! What do we do now?!
XANDER
I don't know. I... OW!
Xander grabs his head.
LIV
What?
XANDER
Row G. Bin 11. Third from the top.
LIV
Are you sure?
PUPPET
Yes! Definitely!
Liv takes off. Xander follows.
INT. POST OFFICE WAREHOUSE - ROW G
Liv runs down the row and skids to a stop in front of bin 11.
LIV
Third from the top.
Xander grabs the box. The light from within begins to pulsate.
LIV
Okay. That doesn't look good. Now what?
XANDER
I don't know.
LIV
Should we just smash it?
PUPPET
Yes!
Xander drops the package and Liv proceed to smack the crap out
of it with her axe. The pulsing light stops and purple fluid
begins to ooze out of it.
LIV
Did it work?
PUPPET
Signs point to yes!
LIV
Mr. Harris? Did it work?
Liv looks around, but Xander is nowhere to be seen.
LIV
I'll take that as a yes.
PUPPET
Outlook good!
LIV
Yeah. I got that.
END ACT III
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