I don't own the characters; I hope you know who does. If you don't know who these belong to, why in hell are you on this archive? Okay, here's a tip: it says who owns these people on almost every other fanfic around. I'm too lazy to tell you, though. (Actually, in case I can get sued for this, Joss Whedon owns 'em)!
Author's Note: This is a series I'm writing in which the characters talk to an unamed (but hopelessly easy to manipulate) fanfic author about their ideal fanfic. I'm hoping to write one for most characters (and especially looking forward to doing Snyder's!)
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- I’m gonna kill her. I really am. She avoids me for all this time, and then I find out she’s requesting stories in which she makes it with the entire male population of Sunnydale, just about. I mean, Xander? Spike? *Giles*? Oh my god, I think I’m gonna have a heart attack.
- A heart attack? You’re a vampire... I guess maybe if you’re talking about a metaphorical one... I have too many thoughts. Oh dear. Well, since it was me that created this mess, I better right it. I tell you what, if you promise to calm down, and just listen, I’ll offer you a deal. I’ll write one for you too.
- You will?
- Yeah. It’s the least I can do
- Well, in that case, sure. I’ll listen.
- You know, the way you just perked up leads me to believe your anger was mainly a silly ploy to get your own made-on-request fic.
- Umm...
- Hah! I knew it! You aren’t mad at Buffy.
- No, actually I kind of enjoyed her fic. Especially the way she chose me in the end. And I like the fact that we’re speaking now. And that she actually likes the dark side of my personality... in moderation, of course. Our relationship benefited unbelievably.
- Here’s the deal: I’ll write your fic, but not because of your fake misery. I’ll do it because I have a pretty good idea of what you want, and I know I’ll enjoy writing it. And because I’m a sucker for a fairy-tale romance and I wanna see you two back together.
- I bet you don’t know what I want.
- Oh, come on. A vampire with a soul who has a mortal girlfriend. Not to mention the fact that you continually make references to seeing her in the sunlight. This is what I think you want: Angel and Buffy, together in some place that means something to you, I don’t know, the beach, a peaceful forest glade, whatever. Once there, you spend the time being together, talking, kissing, and relaxing. No vampires to defeat, no shop-talk, no fear. Just love. How’d I do?
- Well, pretty accurate actually. But you missed the strawberries and cream. And the ‘no spoon’ problem, which we solve by-
- Hey! Hold up there! Nothing like that! Didn’t you know the rules. These are for everyone to read, which means we’ll have none of that malarkey!
- Oh, sorry. Okay. Leave that part out
- Don’t look at me like that! Don’t use that ‘kick-me-while-I’m-down-I’m-a-helpless-puppy-dog’ expression on me. It doesn’t work... It doesn’t... Okay! It works! I’ll see what I can do.
- Strawberries?
- And cream. But no... other stuff. Happy? I am *so* easy to manipulate. Buffy, you, Xander...
- Why did Xander get one?
- Don’t be jealous, he trapped me. I had no choice but to do one for him.
- Did he want to... get involved with Buffy?
- No. I kept that stuff down, for your sake, but he is entitled. After what happened with Buffy...
- ...and the chocolate sauce?
- Don’t remind me. It was a moment of madness.
- Well, he gets chocolate sauce, I get strawberries and cream. I’m satisfied.
- Good!
- Oh, I forgot to tell you the place. I want us to got to this secret place I know-
--Surprise, surprise. Angel wants to take Buffy to a secret place. You are *so* unoriginal--
- Hey! Cut me some slack, here. All I’m asking is a day in the sunlight. Buffy wanted you to get her five dates, some of which were with guys who have girlfriends. Not to mention the fact that she has a boyfriend.
- At the time that was written, you two weren’t exactly looking too couple-y. As I recall, that fanfic helped you two get back together. So, where’s this special place?
- Let me describe it to you...
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