Willow quietly opened the back door, her body was convinced it was in a different time zone, as darkness had given away to pre-dawn grey she had slipped downstairs, wholly awake and craving some fresh summer air.
To her surprise she wasn’t the only one up at this early hour. Giles was sat on the steps holding a mug in one hand and stroking Wilf who was slumped next to him. Wilf saw her approaching and jumped up. Willow couldn’t help it, she recoiled slightly, that dog was just a bit too big and unpredictable for her liking. Giles held onto Wilf’s collar.
‘Behave yourself, you daft animal.’
Then looking up at Willow he said,
‘He’s fine. Do sit down.’
Willow paused.
‘We’ll go. Give you some privacy.’
Giles went to stand up.
‘No, Giles it’s okay. Stay.’
He hesitated for a second and then relaxed. Willow sat down too, closer to Giles than she would have normally and not far enough away from Wilf, who was staring balefully up at her, than she would have liked.
The silence built up between them. They’d barely exchanged a word over dinner, and Giles had withdrawn immediately afterwards, leaving Willow and Buffy to pick over second slices of dessert, gossip hugely and relax back into the rhythm of each others’ company. Eventually Buffy had poured out all her fears and worries. To which Willow had sadly listened, then comforted. It broke her heart to see Buffy so lost, and she couldn’t quite get her head around the fact that Giles appeared to be the cause.
They’d still been in high school when Willow had worked out the truth. Her crush on Giles led her to spend many happy minutes just watching him as he worked in the library in various states of anxiety or exasperation depending how far along they were with defeating the Demon of the Day, and she’d seen the way he looked at Buffy, the way he’d soften when she was around. Unlike Xander, Willow hadn’t been at all surprised when Buffy told her that she and Giles were going to be together, what surprised her was that it had taken so long.
Whenever Willow thought of Giles she remembered a person entirely adrift, through changing jobs, images and attitudes. A man who’d reached his mid-forties barely able to cope with the consequences of decisions he’d made at twenty-one. Someone who’d walked away when they’d needed him most and someone who, when she had fought him had been almost comically easy to defeat. Now the real Giles sat in front of her, infinitely more complex than the jaded set of memories she carried around and someone whom she realized she’d missed a great deal.
‘A new day. Such a comfort.’
Giles broke the silence but did not look at her.
‘I used to feel that way back in Sunnydale. If we had made it to dawn then we’d won. It would all stop, if only for a few hours. The relief of seeing the sun come up could almost be overwhelming on occasion.’
‘I remember.’
‘Of course. Do you ever miss it?’ he asked, turning to face her.
‘I miss how fast everything was. Like if you’d…if I’d made a mistake or been too harsh then there wasn’t always a big ‘I’m so sorry’ moment. Something would happen and I could prove that I loved someone and there was no need for words - of which I’m using too many right now. If a person was willing to get hurt for you or worse and you’d do the same that was a good indication of feelings. There was no need for words or silences and then we could carry on as normal - whatever normal is when you’re on a Hellmouth…’
She trailed off, embarrassed; she hadn’t babbled like that in a long time. Normally Willow was perfectly in control of her emotions, however she wasn’t normally talking about Sunnydale with someone she once tried to kill. Willow had left California and gone on to become a fantastically successful individual, yet like the others when she thought of her past it provoked a storm of feeling she couldn’t suppress. Vampires, demons, and most regrettably humans. They had fought, killed and bled to save a world that remained unaware of their sacrifice and how close it had come to being completely destroyed.
‘I understand.’
There was a time when Willow had hugely resented that they had anything in common at all. The inescapable fact that both she and Giles were murderers had come to dominate how Willow thought of him. She’d had been so afraid that the guilt would consume her, as it so clearly had her friend that she’d shunned him as if he were contagious. She watched Giles as he cleaned his glasses, struck by how haunted and vulnerable he looked without them and felt a sudden rush of affection.
‘Giles, I…’ she instantly ran out of words, not knowing where to start.
‘You wish there were some nameless danger from which you could save me?’
‘Yeah, I guess I’ll have to say sorry instead.’
They smiled at each other.
‘You have nothing to apologise for. Yet all the same it is pleasant to hear.’
The awkwardness between them fell away, and they spent some time talking as they once had done everyday. Her work, his work, Alice - it was as if the years they’d not spoken had vanished as well. Willow did not want to jeopardize the new found harmony between them, but seeing as Giles was being about as open about his feelings as he ever was, Willow felt that she owed it to Buffy to try to discover the cause of her recent unhappiness.
‘Buffy thinks you’re ill.’
Giles’ expression changed to one of confusion.
‘Why would she think that?’
Look in a mirror, Willow wanted to say. But instead replied,
‘She thinks all sorts of things. Seeing as you won’t actually tell her stuff.’
‘I can’t. Willow. I don’t expect you to believe me but I assure you this is the best course of action.’
‘How can you even think that’s true?’ asked Willow incredulously. ‘How is what you are putting Buffy through now, the best option?’
So he told her.
Willow listened stunned as he dispassionately recounted the details of his affair with Vix, Willow went through so many emotions, she couldn’t find the words to respond. She was relieved that the reason behind all Buffy’s fears was something as commonplace as an affair, and yet shocked by Giles’ behaviour, and the fact that something so ordinary threatened to tear apart two people who’d survived so many unusual and horrific dangers.
‘…it’s actually a relief to say all this out loud. Although I-I am aware how awful it sounds. How awful it actually is.’
An hour ago Willow would have found it easy to condemn Giles utterly, but as he sat there looking so defeated she felt sorry for them both.
‘You have to tell her, Giles.’
‘Not a chance.’
She tried again, it was obvious that Giles had lost all perspective about this.
‘So it’s over and Vix is going in a couple of weeks. That’s two more weeks of uncertainty, with Buffy thinking that you hate her…’
‘I could never hate her,’ he broke in defensively.
‘I know that, Giles,’ said Willow patiently. ‘But right now Buffy doesn’t, while Alice is being torn apart by the rowing. Who else knows?’
‘No one. Well there’s rumours, but there’s always bloody rumours. They are very rarely accurate.’
‘Finding out you’ve cheated on her is one thing, finding out from someone else is much worse.’
‘She won’t.’
‘You don’t know that.’
‘I‘ve risked everything for months. I’m fully prepared to do so for a few more days.’
Willow stared at Giles wondering how anyone so clever could have been so stupid.
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