Angel was finally allowed in, and was shocked at her appearance. In the hour since he’d brought her in she’d changed fast. She looked old and weak and pale, and every minute movement sent a fresh wave of pain through her.
“Buffy?”
“Angel.” She smiled weakly, happy to see him.
“You know what’s wrong, don’t you?” He could feel her shielding part of her mind from his investigation. “You knew this was going to happen.”
“Giles warned me it might happen. It’s never happened before because no Slayer has ever lived this long, but I knew there was a possibility. I made him promise not to tell you. I didn’t want you to know, ‘cause I knew you’d spend the rest of our time together searching for a cure, and I just wanted to spend it with you. There’s no way to save me, Angel. Do you really think Slayers can have all that power and strength channelled into their bodies, and just contain it? There’s always a price, but no Slayer has ever had to pay it before. It’s killing me, Angel. My body can’t hold it anymore, the pressure is too much and it’s just giving up. I don’t even know how long it will last. My body is fighting it, and it’s not gonna give up easily. I could go though weeks, months, years of this.”
She stopped speaking, and turned to face the wall.
“I’m sorry you have to go through this, Angel. I’m sorry you have to lose me. I never meant to hurt you.”
Angel was stunned by her words. Buffy was dying? His wife, the woman he loved enough to do anything for, was in pain and there was nothing he could do to stop it? He was having trouble comprehending the enormity of her words, but he could sense that she was hurting emotionally too, and he needed to reassure her.
“Shhh. It’s okay. I know why you didn’t tell me, but even if you had, I would have stood by you. I *will* stand by you.”
Xander, with his usual lack of timing, entered then, cheerfully calling out, “I brought grapes!” Willow followed behind, obviously trying hard to look brave.
“The docs don’t know what’s happening, but you being the Slayer you’ll heal,” Xander added, smiling.
“No, I won’t,” Buffy told him, sighing. “Me being a Slayer is what’s doing this to me. This time, there’s nothing that can save me. I’m going to die, Xander.”
Willow stumbled forward, face betraying the fear she felt, and her belief that Buffy was telling the truth.
“Oh, Buffy,” she said, anxious to comfort her friend.
“Hey, it’s okay. Everyone has to die. It’s just my time, that’s all.”
Willow and Xander exchanged glances, baffled by Buffy’s good humour.
“But you’re only twenty-nine. You’re too young to die.”
“Xander, if everyone lived till they were old enough to die, there’d be way too many people in the world. It’s just death. It happens to everyone. Millions of people die who are much younger than me. Besides, I’ve been living each day like it was my last for almost my whole life. And I’ve had years to prepare.”
Her expression softened.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you.”
“You mean you knew you were gonna die?” Willow asked, incredulous.
“Yeah. Giles told me.”
Willow paled, and stepped back.
“You *knew*? And you didn’t do anything?”
She seemed unable to accept that Buffy could know she was going to die, but decide to not do anything about it.
“I, uh, I have to go. Do something,” she added, as she backed out of the door, desperate to leave, wanting time alone to fully take in Buffy’s words.
“I better go check on her,” Xander said, as he followed Willow.
“Well, that went well. Angel?”
“Yes, Buffy?”
“Promise me you won’t make this difficult. That you’ll just accept things the way they are, and not try to find some miracle cure, or walk around grinning and saying, ‘it’s gonna be okay’. ‘Cause I don’t think I could stand it if no one believed me. I need you to just be here for me, Angel, I’m scared and alone.”
A silent tear welled up in her eye, and rolled down her cheek. Angel could barely stand to see her like this, in pain, and feeling like she had to face this on her own.
“I’ll be here the whole way, Buffy. I won’t leave you. Buffy?”
She caught a glimpse in his mind of the question he was going to ask, and shook her head slightly.
“Don’t say it Angel, please don’t.”
“Buffy, I have to. I love you, and if there’s a chance I can save you... Buffy, I can stop this. All you have to do is say the word, and we can be together. Forever.”
“Angel, no! I’ve never wanted that, my whole life. There’s always been the opportunity. I knew if I ever asked you you’d do it. But I never took it. Don’t you understand, I’d rather die than become a vampire, that’s how strongly I feel it. And that’s not saying I hate you being a vampire. I love you Angel, and partly that’s *because* you are a vampire, but it’s not what I want. That’s not who I am.”
“I had to offer it Buffy. I can’t just let you die without offering you the one thing I have to give that can save you. But I understand why you don’t want it.”
“Just wait with me, Angel.”
Angel sat down on the bed beside her, and carefully lifted her up until she was cradled in his arms.
“I’ll wait forever if I have to,” he told her, kissing her hair gently. “But maybe it’s better if we don’t wait.”
“What?”
“We both know you are going to die, Buffy. And we both know the minute I lose you my life isn’t worth living anymore, and I’m going to be looking for the nearest stake. I don’t want to live in a world without you in it. You’re the one thing that’s made my life worthwhile; I was nothing until Whistler told me about you. You gave me a reason to live, and then you gave me a reason to love. Why do we have to wait?”
“You mean, you’d rather just go and find a quiet place somewhere where we can wait for sunrise together?” she asked, not having to read his mind to tell what he was thinking.
“Yes. That’s exactly what I mean.”
“I’ll agree on one condition.”
“Anything, Buffy.”
“You have to drain me. Otherwise you might die and I’ll end up living for another year. I don’t want that. We can die together, Angel.” Angel nodded.
“I don’t see any point in waiting any longer. There's nothing for us to wait for now.”
So saying he slipped out of the bed and tenderly lifted her into his arms. She wrapped an arm around his neck and rested against his left arm, supporting her back.
“Wait! We should probably leave a note so they know what happened.”
“You were always the brains of our duo, my love,” Angel said, smiling fondly at her as he put her back onto the bed and handed her the pen and paper lying on the bedside table.
“Okay, ‘Dear Willow and Xander.’ What next? We don’t want them to find us before the sunrise.”
“How about, ‘We’ve gone to do an R & J’? Willow will figure out it means Romeo and Juliet fairly quickly, but it may slow them down.”
“And we’d better tell them where we’ll be. Where *will* we be? Oh, wait, I know, ‘We’ll see you in Oz’s favourite place.’ It’s this hill that looks out over Sunnydale. It’s just perfect. Willow will know what I mean, but it will take a while for her to get it. Let’s go.”
Buffy folded the note and scribbled ‘To Willow and Xander’ on the front. She tucked it under the covers, so that a small corner was sticking out, enough to be noticed by someone looking for something out of place, but not to catch the eye of anyone who passed by.
Angel swept her up into his arms, and she giggled. The pain had gone away for the time being and she was hoping she would be gone before it came back. Angel cautiously checked out the hallway.
“All clear,” he told her, and made a dash for the stairs.
They were halfway to the hill before the nurses checked on them and found them gone.
Buffy sighed with pleasure as Angel laid her on the cool grass. He laid himself down beside her, as the first rays of sunshine began to appear.
“You’d better hurry,” she told him, and he nodded.
He brought his fangs to her neck, for once they appeared without his accompanying game face.
< I would endure anything rather than continue to exist without you >
Angel told her sternly.
< I belong with you. >
Angel sighed mentally.
Buffy gasped with pain as she felt the sharp pinpricks of Angel’s fangs pierce her skin, but that soon dissipated, overwhelmed by sheer rapture at the exquisite feeling of sharing everything with her Angel. She could share his immense pleasure at drinking her blood, and his love surrounded her mind, body and soul.
< I never knew it could be like this > she thought, in delight.
Angel’s mind-voice sounded as elated as she felt.
They both knew the instant the sun began to cover him, but neither felt any pain. As his body began to crumble, he drained her fully, and they both parted from life in the same instant.
When she died Buffy’s body joined Angel’s, crumbling to dust, the first Slayer to die of being a Slayer. Her giving her blood to Angel meant she shared more than death with him. Their ashes mingled, as a wind picked up, sweeping the golden dust into the air.
A lingering smell of Buffy’s perfume, and a faint echo of laughter were all Willow and Xander found when they arrived, moments later.
A pair of nearly invisible figures, one all darkness, the other all light, merged together in front of Willow’s astonished eyes.
Buffy and Angel were finally completely together, with no bodies to separate them.
“Xander?”
“Huh?”
“Do you believe in miracles? Because I think I just saw one.”
THE END!!!
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