INT. INT - WOLFRAM AND HART - ANGEL'S OFFICE. -- MOMENTS LATER
ANGEL
Xander.
XANDER
Well, if it isn't my two favorite people. Captain Hair Gel and Mr. Belvedere with a stick up his ass.
Angel grimaces. Wes stiffens.
WES
I take umbrage with that remark.
XANDER
Thanks for proving my point.
ANGEL
I appreciate you coming down on such short notice.
XANDER
Notice?! I was in the middle of a client meeting when your goon squad kicked the door down and dragged me halfway across the state!
ANGEL
(Sighs)
Sorry. I told Gunn I needed you here as soon as possible. We need your help.
XANDER
Look, I doubt you've heard, but I'm out of the biz. The hellmouth has closed for business! I sold all my weapons in one very spooky yard sale and I closed up shop! I build things now. Houses. Office Buildings. Strip Malls. No demons. No vampires. No apocalyptic doomsdays. There's nothing you can say or do that will drag me back into this supernatural hell.
WES
It's Anya.
XANDER
Wha-huh?
ANGEL
At least we think it's Anya. Take a look.
Xander steps forward to look at the monitor.
XANDER
(Softly)
Holy Mary keep on burnin'.
WES
We've done some tests. Both scientific and uh..
(glancing at Angel)
Not so scientific. So far we don't have any explanations on why she is here.
SPIKE enters the office and approaches Xander from behind, out of his line of sight.
XANDER
No. I was there. Sunnydale is gone. That place is just a sinkhole in the middle of a desert. Even if she wasn't split in half, there's no way she could dig herself out of that pile of rubble.
SPIKE
He's right you know. I'm not so sure I left a few kibbles and bits behind myself.
Xander turns, sees Spike and screams like a little girl.
SPIKE (CONT'D)
Lovely to see you too. You look like you've seen a ghost. Oh! That's right I was. Boo.
XANDER
Sweet merciful Jesus on a pogo stick! Can't anyone I know just stay dead?!
ANGEL
Technically, Spike and I are still dead.
XANDER
Technically, you guys really creep me out. Thanks for the very horrible Scooby Dooby reunion. I'm leaving. I'll find my own way out.
ANGEL
Xander...
SPIKE
Oh let the poofta leave. He's sucking all the fun out of the room and he's just doing what he does best.
XANDER
Excuse me?
SPIKE
Walking out. On her.
(To Angel and Wes)
He left her at the altar you know.
XANDER
There were extenuating circumstances.
SPIKE
Yeah, you got the feet of ice and slipped away before she could do the big thaw.
XANDER
That's not the way it happened!
SPIKE
Look you stupid git! That could very well be the love of your life down there! And like the bloody idiot you are, you're too scared to even admit it! Now here you are with a second chance and all you can do is run. If that's all you are going to do about the situation then bugger off. We don't need you. She on the other hand, just might.
Xander nods his head.
SPIKE (CONT'D)
All right then. Let's go down and see if seeing you sparks anything in that discombobbled noggin of hers.
XANDER
Discom-what?
WES
Amnesia. She lost a lot of her memory.
XANDER
Of course. Why shouldn't she?
SPIKE
She remembers having a shag with me if that makes you feel any better.
XANDER
Very much, thank you.
ANGEL
I'd also recommend that she doesn't actually see you.
XANDER
Why not? Why bring me all the way down here if we're not going to see each other.
ANGEL
Not only does she have amnesia, but she's dangerous. Until we get this whole thing figured out, I think it would be safer for you if you didn't see her face to face.
XANDER
Fine. Whatever. Let's get this over with shall we?
INT. LAB OBSERVATION ROOM -- LATER
ANYA sits in her hospital gown looking very bored. Xander watches her through the one way mirror glass. Wes and Fred stand beside him.
XANDER
She is...
(struggling for the right word)
corpus christi, right?
WES
I beg your pardon?
XANDER
Can you can touch her?
WES
Yes. She is corporeal, so she definitely isn't an apparition of The First. In fact from every bio-test we've done on her points to her being Anya, but her long term memory is practically non-existent. She has vague memories of people and events, but nothing factual. She also has exhibited some strange abilities that are neither human nor vengeance demon.
XANDER
Like what?
FRED
Let's just say that we're still picking up the pieces from the last experiment we tried. Were you there when she died?
XANDER
No. I wasn't.
FRED
So it's possible she could have survived?
XANDER
I was told she was almost cut in half. That's not something you walk away from. Of course the guy who told me this isn't the most reliable source.
WES
Demonic?
XANDER
No, he's just more a dweeb than you and I put together.
WES
Ah. I see.
XANDER
The first time he told the story she died defending him. The fourth time, it was like the unabridged battle scenes from Beowulf.
WES
You do know that I've changed a lot since I lost saw you.
XANDER
Yeah, but you're still British right?
WES
Quite.
XANDER
Again, thanks for proving my point. Look, can I just talk to her? I can clear this whole thing up in five minutes.
FRED
Does this solution require the use of a bunny?
XANDER
(Wary)
Maybe.
FRED
Trust me. You don't want to do that.
XANDER
Okay! Great! That was my ace in the hole. I got nothing.
WES
Xander. You know her better than anyone. Maybe if you look over our research.
Xander looks over at the piles of documentation and books sitting on a table.
XANDER
(sighs)
This part, I haven't missed. Can't I just use this? I loved these things.
Xander picks up the magic eight ball and shakes it.
FRED
Uh.. We've been having problems with that.
XANDER
Will Anya and I get back together?
(reading result)
Very doubtful. Huh. Is this going to end in heartbreak?
(reading result)
Most definitely. Great.
WES
Is that thing actually working?
FRED
Ask it if she is really Anya.
XANDER
Is this really Anya?
(Reads reply)
Reply hazy. Try Again.
FRED
Try it again.
XANDER
Reply hazy. Try Again.
WES
Maybe the spirit doesn't know.
XANDER
Do you know the answer to the previous question
(Reads reply)
No.
FRED
At least we know it's not broken.
XANDER
This thing actually works? It tells the truth?
WES
As far as we know.
Wes picks up the picture of the wound on Anya's neck.
XANDER
Is it dangerous for me to see Anya?
(Reads reply)
Signs point to Yes.
Wes heads toward the door with the picture in hand.
WES
I'll have to agree with the eight ball on that one.
Wes exits.
XANDER
Does he always do that?
FRED
It's his Eureka moment. It's very dramatic. Didn't he do that back in Sunnydale?
XANDER
No. Back then he just reeked.
FRED
Oh.
Xander looks through the observation window at Anya who is playing with her hair.
FRED (CONT'D)
You love her very much don't you?
INT. ENTRANCE TO LAB
A tech punches in a code to make the door go open. Xander follows her every move.
INT. LAB OBSERVATION ROOM
Xander watches through the window as the tech gives Anya something to drink.
XANDER
Yes. I did.
FRED
What are you going to do?
XANDER
I don't know. I just wish I could see her.
Fred's pager goes off.
FRED
It's safer if you don't. I think Wes found something. Do you want to join us?
XANDER
No. I think I'll stay here and act like I'm on a cop show.
FRED
Okay. I'll give you an update when I get back.
Fred leaves. Xander makes sure she's gone, locks the door to the Observation room and heads toward the lab entrance and immediately starts fiddling with the control panel.
INT. WOLFRAM AND HART - ANGEL'S OFFICE.
Gunn and Angel are arguing again as Fred enters. Spike sits on the couch bored.
GUNN
You're making a mistake!
ANGEL
Until we know more, we are not eliminating her.
GUNN
She put two of our employees in intensive care.
ANGEL
So? They were probably evil anyway.
FRED
Where's Wes?
SPIKE
On his way. None too soon for my tastes either.
ANGEL
I am not taking sides on this.
GUNN
It's your responsibility to...
ANGEL
I know what my responsibilities are!
Wes enters the office. No one notices
GUNN
How do you know that's really her?
ANGEL
It's instinctual. It's a creature of the dark kind of thing.
WES
Angel.
ANGEL
What?
WES
That isn't Anya.
ANGEL
She isn't.
WES
Well she is, but she isn't.
ANGEL
Thank you. That clarifies things.
WES
It's the mark on the back of her neck. It's the entrance point left by a Hturrac Oiduts, it is kind of a demon spirit of retribution.
ANGEL
So.. is this a kind of vengeance demon?
WES
Not exactly. It accesses the body of a recently deceased human, absorbs his or her memories and personality, It then tracks down the person or persons that the demon feels has caused the person the most harm in life and kills them.
ANGEL
(Oh crap!)
The person responsible…?
WES
While the memory absorption process isn't exact, the Hturrac are well known for becoming almost "one" with the victim. Taking on all the personality traits of the deceased. Then focusing all its rage on the one person who has caused the host body the most pain and suffering in life.
ANGEL
Xander.
SPIKE
Bravo for you Spanky, but I believe the rest of the Little Rascals were already a step ahead of you on that one.
GUNN
Relax. Your buddy is in the observation room and won't be able to access the lab without…
FRED
(Checking out the monitor)
He's in.
GUNN
Damn!
FRED
What is he doing?
INSERT - Monitor Xander appears to be… dancing. Badly.
INT. - LAB
Xander is finishing off the last verse of "I'll Never Tell" from Once More with Feeling.
XANDER
(Singing)
So thank god I'll never tell!
I swear I'll never tell. My lips are sealed. I take the fifth! Nothin' to see! Move it along!
I'll never… Tell!
Xander collapses into an office chair. Anya applauds enthusiastically.
XANDER (CONT'D)
Did you like that?
ANYA
That was wonderful! I'd call it more of a book number than a stand out hit, but wonderful nonetheless.
XANDER
Did it bring anything back?
ANYA
Vague... Very vague glimpses of...
XANDER
Nothing.
ANYA
(Perky)
Not one bit. Besides, judging by the lyrics, we seemed to have a lot of problems in our relationship. Why was that?
XANDER
Well we come from different worlds. You were a thousand year old demon...
ANYA
And you were just some dweeb I met in high school. Interesting. So what happened to us?
XANDER
Uh.. We lived together for a while. We were engaged.
ANYA
(stern)
Engaged?
XANDER
(oops)
Yeah.
ANYA
You and I were getting married.
XANDER
Almost got married.
ANYA
(getting angrier)
Almost?
XANDER
We.. I.. uh..
ANYA
You left me?!
XANDER
At the proverbial altar.
ANYA
It was because of someone I cursed!
XANDER
There were extenuating circumstances.
ANYA
Circumstances my ass! You left me!
XANDER
Anya..
Anya's eyes begin to glow a dark red. The mark on the back of her neck begins to glow. She looks at Xander as though she is looking straight through him.
ANYA
You left me to die!
XANDER
No.
ANYA
(guttural)
This is all your fault! For that you must pay.
XANDER
Anya, we worked through that. And now we have a second chance to... I don't know what, but second chances are good things.
VOICE (O.S.)
My dear boy...
CUT TO:
FULL SHOT: LAB
D'HOFFRYN stands at the entrance. FATU stands by his side.
D'HOFFRYN
I do believe she was talking to me.
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