SPELL PAINS
Willow pulled up to the gym. Giles and Dawn bailed out. They all ran into the gym. Willow directed them upstairs to the second floor where the rooms and the office were. They checked the office before they all burst into Faith’s room.
They came in to find Faith in bed with a towel over her eyes. Buffy was at her side. Xander told them that she was unwilling to leave Faith’s side. Xander had been pacing in the room. Benny and Kennedy weren’t back yet from patrol. Xander had called them and asked them to come home soon. Xander told Willow that they were on their way back now, that they should be back anytime.
“What happened?” Giles asked at he looked at Faith’s eyes.
“I did a spell,” Faith answered.
“What kind of spell?” Giles asked, “Do you remember? I can’t help you if you can’t tell me. Do you remember the name of it?”
“I do,” Buffy stated, “I think it was called ‘Illumin.’ That is what she said after she told me to close my eyes. She fried a whole nest of vampires.”
“Really?” Willow sounded startled.
“Yeah,” Xander stated, “That must have been a sight to see.”
“I wouldn’t know. I didn’t see anything,” Buffy answered.
“I did,” Faith explained, “I saw it all. It was beautiful. I watched them all burn.”
Giles looked at Faith’s eyes again. Her face looked like it had a really bad sunburn. Her eyes were red and swollen.
“Faith, can you see anything?” Giles questioned.
“Nope, I can’t see anything. Can you do anything for me, Giles?” Faith asked.
“I don’t know. I’ll have to research this spell before I could do anything for you. Willow, we might have to do some sort of healing spell for her. I might have a spell that would temporarily give your sight back but it wouldn’t be a permanent fix. We will have to be careful when we do a spell to fix it,” Giles started, “Dawn, you and Willow see if you can’t start researching this spell to see if there is some sort of antidote for it.”
“I am on it,” Dawn replied and Xander walked her into the office.
“Buffy and I will see what we can do about this,” Giles said.
Xander came back in. Willow escorted him back to the office. She knew that Giles wanted to be alone with Buffy and Faith. He wanted to talk to them alone. He wanted to find out more about what had happened in the nest.
“Please, one of you tell me every thing that happened tonight and quickly,” Giles demanded. He was pacing in the room. Giles cleaned his glasses and put them back on his face. “One of you going to start talking?” Giles questioned them.
“I don’t know where to begin,” Buffy stated.
“How about at the beginning?” Giles replied.
“It’s my story and I’ll tell it. It all started sometime last night and early this morning. I was visited by Tara,” Faith paused to let the information sink in for Giles before she continued on with the story, “She took me to the nest on the outskirts of town but didn’t want me to hit alone that night. She told me to come back and tell everyone about and plan to hit it tonight. Which I did, and then we did.”
“Tara? Tara came to you?” Giles questioned quietly.
“Yeah, she did,” Buffy answered, “Meanwhile, the First made an appearance to Willow and Kennedy. We got spooked and started looking for Faith, to no avail.”
“So what happened?” Giles asked.
“I ended up at Benny’s, the new slayer you sent us after. I asked her to come back with me here, so that I could tell them about the visit from Tara. Needless to say, everyone was wary of the situation. Buffy agreed to go with me, while Benny and Kennedy went on their normal patrols. I don’t think that Buffy actually believed me about the nest until we got there,” Faith stated, “It’s okay, B, I understand though. Well there we were like I was the night before, and Tara came back and told me the spell. More like put it in my head, but she gave me the spell. She told me that it would sap my energy the first few times that I used it, but that it would benefit slayers everywhere if we could learn to use it.”
“Learn to use it?”
“Yeah, she said that it was a spell that she and Will had been working on for Buffy but had not really gotten the hang of before she died. It was going to be her contribution to the Scoobies,” Faith explained.
“Then, hopefully Willow will be able to help cure this problem,” Giles stated, “I would hate for it to be permanent. That would not be good for a slayer to be blind. There would be no way for us to defend you properly.”
“Hey, I can take care of myself,” Faith said harshly, “I am not an invalid.”
“Right now, you are, and with the First out. You couldn’t have picked a better time to try this little spell out,” Giles retorted.
“Sorry, I didn’t feel like letting a nest of over a hundred run amuck in the great town of Cleveland. Next time, I’ll them gorge themselves on innocents,” Faith replied.
“Both of you stop this,” Buffy interjected, “I need you both. Giles, figure out what did this to her and how we can make it better. I need to know if what happened tonight was a fluke or will it happen every time we try this spell. And, Faith, just lie there and get better. No, that is order from one slayer sister to another. Just do it.” “Buffy, do me a favor, tell me when Benny comes back from patrol,” Faith stated, settling back into the bed.
“I will. Just try a rest now. We will try and find a cure for this in the books,” Buffy replied, “I am going to try and help them even though I don’t do the research thing very well. Just yell if you need anything. I am going to leave your door open so we will hear you. I am going to go, now.”
“Buffy, wait, don’t go. I don’t think that I can be alone right now.”
“You want me to stay?” Buffy asked.
“Please, I … what happened in there? Do you remember anything?”
“I remember you calling to the mortals to close there eyes. I felt the radiant heat coming from you and through my eyelids I sense the light with it. I fell to the ground and grabbed a hold of you. I don’t remember much after that, except grabbing you and running like hell outta that place. I drove back. Your burns didn’t show until we made it back here. I drove back because you were too weak to walk at the time, let alone drive.”
Benny and Kennedy walked into the gym, sweaty and tired. They had dusted four vamps in cemetery tonight. They were feeling high and righteous. Benny wanted to talk to the gang. She wanted to know what they found out. She had no idea what was to happen when she walked up stairs.
Xander met her on the way up.
“Benny, good, you’re back. Faith needs to see you,” he stated.
“Why?” Benny asked.
“We just got back. Can’t we rest first?” Kennedy asked.
“No, there is no time. Kennedy, you should go to Willow and Giles in library. They are going to need your help with some research. Benny, Faith has been asking for you. She told us that she wanted to see you as soon as you came in, please go to her,” Xander told her.
Benny wasted no time. She ran like a possessed woman up the stairs and to Faith’s room. She noticed that the door wasn’t closed. Benny rounded the doorway and found Buffy and Faith in the room. She saw Buffy sitting by the bed and Faith lying in the bed, injured.
“What the hell happened?” Benny asked, walking in the room.
“I played rough,” Faith answered, “And, got a little burned in the process.”
“I’ll say. I should have gone with you. We should have all been there to help you take out the nest,” Benny replied.
“There was nothing that you could have done for us. We did what we had to do. We took out the nest with the help of some angelic light,” Buffy stated.
“Angelic light? Tell me you didn’t use some sort of spell?” Benny demanded.
“Just a little one,” Faith answered.
“What spell was it, Faith? Tell me, exactly, what was it?” Benny questioned.
“It was a spell called Illumin,” Faith said.
“You cast the spell of heavenly light. You cast the spell of heavenly light…”
“You say that like it was a bad thing,” Buffy stated.
“It is,” Benny answered.
“So why is it so bad?” Buffy asked.
“You called down the light of heaven. You basically asked for the Light of God. The Light of God is not something to play with. That spell is very dangerous if you don’t know how to harness the power of it. You asked God to grant you the power of His Divine Light. The Divine Light is only granted to those who are deemed worthy. Most of those who are deemed worthy by God don’t live to tell about it. You are extremely lucky. You have no idea what you have done to yourself,” Benny explained.
“Divine Light? I don’t get it,” Buffy stated.
“Come on, B, you remember your Bible stories, right. Divine Light destroyed Sodom and Gomorrah. Divine Light lived in the Arc of the Covenant. It is God’s way of punishing the non-believers. A non-believer will look into the Divine Light and perish; the holy will close their eyes and bask in the glory of God, knowing that Man is not capable of seeing the true radiance of God. A non-believer thinks that they can look upon the true face of God. No man can do that,” Benny told them.
“No wonder, I can’t see,” Faith replied.
“Is there anyway to fix, um, this little problem?” Buffy questioned.
“I don’t know. You really have done something to yourself this time, Faith. I think I should call Hope. She might be able to help us,” Benny stated.
“Hope? Whose Hope?” Buffy inquired.
“She is Benny’s girlfriend and roommate,” Faith replied, “Besides, I don’t want medical attention. If this spell is what you say it is, then medical help won’t help me.”
“At least, let her look at you,” Benny demanded.
“No. I can’t believe that Tara would do this to us. I can’t…I won’t believe that Tara would purposefully give the spell just to hurt me. What is one slayer anymore? There are thousands of us around the world now. One slayer isn’t going to make a difference. I don’t think that Tara would send me to that nest just to kill me,” Faith said.
“I don’t know,” Buffy stated.
“How do you know? Faith, answer that one. How do you know?” Benny asked.
“I don’t. I am relying on my gut, which has never steered me wrong. I may have made bad choices in the past, but my gut feeling has never led me astray,” Faith replied.
“Faith, please, let me get Hope. Let her look at you. Just do it, please,” Benny demanded, “We have no idea how much damage was actually caused. Please, just let Hope look at you. She might be able to help you in some way. If you are in pain, she could be able to help you.”
“Buffy, could we be alone for a minute?” Faith questioned.
“I’ll go across the hall. I’ll see what that they got with the books,” Buffy said, walking out of the room, “Faith, play nice.”
“I always play by my rules,” Faith retorted.
“I think that is what she is afraid of. Faith, you have to let someone help you every now and again. You can’t do it all alone. You need help,” Benny stated.
“I will. Tara said that it would be temporary and I believe her. She said that the spell would sap my strength and energy. That is why Buffy had to drive us back after it was over. It wasn’t until we got closer to the gym that the burns appeared. I can only believe that they will go away. Just give me time,” Faith begged.
“Time is a luxury we don’t have. We are slayers on a hell mouth. Time is something that is against us. We need to find out what the First up to here, so that we can stop it. Faith, we are going to need you in order to do that. Please let me help you. Let us get you help for your wounds,” Benny pleaded with her.
“Don’t you think that I know that!?!” Faith shouted back at her, “I know all to well the sacrifices of the life of a slayer. Hell, Buffy has died twice for the world and one hell mouth. I am willing to die as well.”
“Faith, being a blind slayer will ensure your death,” Benny stated.
“I know that. I have been thinking about that ever since I realized that I couldn’t see anything. I am blind, not stupid,” Faith snapped.
“Faith, I don’t want to fight,” Benny said.
“I don’t either. Just leave me be, for now. I need to think,” Faith answered.
“Let me call Hope for you. Let her come and see you, that is all I ask. Grant me this one wish. I will never ask anything of you again, please,” Benny entreated her.
“Yes, you will. You will ask more of me…there is no way that you won’t. I am slayer. There will always be someone out there looking for us and you will need me, then. I will be here still. I am going to be a part of our Watcher and Slayer U,” Faith stated matter-of-factly, “I am not willing to give up with a fight, just let me do it my way. That is all I am asking for right now. Let me fight my own battles. You can’t protect us all, Benny. You have to let us live our lives.”
“I know and that is what scares me the most,” Benny replied as she stood and left the room. Benny pulled the door shut behind her. She hung her head as she left.
“What have you found on the net?” Dawn asked Willow.
“Nothing, there is no mention of Illumin any where in any text that I can find from the occult or demon stand point,” Willow replied.
Benny walked in the room. Buffy, Xander, and Kennedy were pouring over books trying to figure out how to help Faith. Dawn was researching the spell in magic books, while Giles was researching something on his own. Benny couldn’t quite make out what Giles was reading, but it was something that was thick and obviously heavy. Willow was working furiously on her laptop searching the web for anything.
“It won’t be under the occult or demon texts. That is why you can’t find it. Try looking it up under religious texts, especially ancient and early Judeo-Christian texts. That should be where you’ll find it,” Benny stated as she sat down at her computer at her desk in the library.
“Got any search words that we should use?” Willow asked, peeking around her laptop over at Benny.
“Yeah, try Divine Light, the Light of God, or the Light of Righteousness. It could even be under…” Benny began but was cut off by Giles.
“The Light of Redemption Most Holy…” Giles stated only to be cut off by Benny as they stared at each other.
“The Holy Light of Purification…” Benny said.
“The Radiance of God…” Giles countered.
“Okay. Okay, I get the point…go Catholic and Jewish,” Willow responded.
“Maybe, even earlier than that,” Giles stated.
“You are good. Faith and Willow weren’t kidding. You must be Giles. I am Benny. And, the little one over there must be the kid sister, Dawn,” she said.
“Hey! I am taller than her,” Dawn retorted.
“It’s true,” Buffy said, shrugging.
“Well, now, that we are acquainted, back to the matter at hand. Faith has done something that no slayer has ever done before,” Giles stated.
“What cast a spell?” Benny questioned before continuing, “I do it all the time.”
“No, that isn’t what I was going to say. I was going to say that she has used Divine Intervention to stop the demons. Not that Holy Water and crosses aren’t Divine, they are just not Divine,” Giles explained.
“I got you. They’re blessed objects but not objects of God, himself,” Buffy said.
“Right. Faith has used the power of God to defend herself. That is pretty powerful. She is lucky that she is only blind,” Giles stated.
“We’ve already discussed this. That light should have killed her and I want to know why it didn’t. I want to know why it didn’t kill me,” Buffy demanded.
“You closed your eyes, Buffy, the Light washed right over you. You showed that you were capable of understanding its power and the radiance that went with it. You bowed down before the higher power and acknowledged it. That is why you lived,” Benny explained, “But, that doesn’t explain Faith’s current condition.”
“Wait,” Giles started and then asked, “Buffy, didn’t she say that she saw the whole thing? That is was beautiful to her? That she saw them all burn?”
“Yeah, she did,” Buffy answered and then questioned Benny, “But, Benny, I thought if you saw it, the Light, that you would perish because you were a non-believer.”
“She should have…maybe that is key,” Benny replied.
“Nope, I am the key,” Dawn spoke up.
“Huh?” Benny asked.
“Long story…Dawn, books, research....,” Buffy answered.
“Yeah, yeah,” Dawn replied.
“What would her seeing the event have to do with her living?” Buffy inquired.
“I dunno, but that is what we need to find out.”
“I think I got something,” Willow stated.
“What? What is it, Will?” Buffy asked.
“I have a site about Divine Light. There have been writings it seems about Divine Light since Moses and the Burning Bush. Hold on, here, this one sounds like it is something,” Willow explained, “Saint John of the Cross questioned early Christian writings about it, asking why it was called ‘the dark night.’ In his view, Divine Light was something that God gave men to purge their ignorance and illuminate their soul with His love. He saw it as a good thing. It seems that early Christians in the first through fourth centuries use negatives to explain God’s lightness because it was indescribable. It was how they made it make sense.”
“That makes sense,” Buffy stated, “I couldn’t describe it to you, either.”
“I’ve got something,” Benny added, “It is a theory on Divine Light by Clement of Alexandria. It goes something to effect of this: Divine Light allowed man to see the error of his ways. That the eyes of man were the bearers of light for the soul.”
“Does any body remember the story of Saul who became Paul?” Dawn inquired.
“What does that have to do with anything?” Kennedy asked.
“Saul was a persecutor of the Christians. He was on his way to Damascus, when he was stopped on the road by a blinding light,” Dawn explained.
“That’s right, Dawn,” Giles replied, “He was blinded for three days. Nothing and no one could cure him. He had to turn to God for his absolution and the restoration of his eye sight. It took the Christian turning of three days for him to absolved and restored. Saul changed his name to Paul and became a saint.”
“Everything that I have found talks about saints being bringers of the Light or testifiers of the Light, but not the keepers of the Light itself. They merely preached of the Lights wondrous ways and love,” Benny added, “If this all we can find, then we have nothing. We can’t anything that can help her.”
“Your wrong,” Kennedy stated, “There is a pattern. You only have to find it.”
“What is it? I can’t see the pattern,” Willow said.
“It is there though,” Xander spoke up, “Saul found it and became Paul. Clement talked about it being through the eyes. Both the stories have to do with eyes.”
“Yes, yes, I see it now,” Giles responded, “Saul was blinded by the light and the path to the soul is through the eyes. Other Christians who have seen it can’t describe it in any form of mortal words because it is too perfect in their eyes. They called it…”
“The dark night…” Buffy finished, “They can’t describe it because it blinded them as well. It was the only way they knew how. The light was so bright that sent them into the darkness. That may be our problem. The light was so intense that it burned her eyes. It might have purified her in a way that only she can understand.”
“Buffy, you and Faith both talked about Tara. That Tara gave her the spell to use and that is why she doesn’t believe it was evil. You have to tell me about it,” Benny said.
“Tara,” Willow said softly. All eyes turned to Willow. The shock of the news hit Dawn and Giles alike. Willow looked at Buffy, her eyes questioning Buffy as they teared at the mention of her former lover’s name. Dawn moved closer to Willow and sat down next to her. Giles sat down in his chair. The news had floored him in sense. He could no longer pace, think, and devise a plan for Faith’s treatment.
“Buffy, what happened?” Giles asked, as he cleaned his glasses.
“She came to us. It was just like Faith said it was. She appeared in the car. She touched me, and then Faith. She turned into a brilliant light and gave Faith the spell. She told Faith that it would take a lot of energy out of her, but that the more that she used it, the less energy it would take. She used it in the nest, in that club; it was so bright, that I could only see darkness. I grasped her to ground myself to something. If the Light of God came from her eyes by way of her soul, no wonder they are burnt and she is blind. Maybe it will take the accustomed three days and she will see again,” Buffy answered.
“We need to find Tara,” Benny stated.
“How? If she is angel, how do you find an angel?” Xander questioned.
“The same way that Faith did. We take a drive,” Benny replied.
“I don’t know if I can find my way back there,” Buffy stated.
“You have to,” Willow started, and again all eyes turned to her, “You have to for Faith’s sake. If you don’t, then how can we effectively help her.”
“I’ll go,” Xander stated.
“No, I’ll go and with Buffy. We’ll take my Explorer. Just get me in the general neighborhood of where the sightings were and maybe we can get Tara to come to us,” Benny stated, “I need you here, Xander, for Faith. I need you to be our link to her. Call us if anything changes. As for the rest of you, please, continue the research. The more we know about this Divine Light, the more we can help Faith.”
“Let me go with you,” Willow requested.
“I don’t know if that is a good idea,” Benny stated.
“Willow, you’re needed here,” Buffy added.
“That’s right, make Willow forget that it is the ghost or whatever form of her dead girlfriend that may or may not have done this to Faith. I can’t live with that. I need answers just like the rest of you and you know that I won’t find them here in some book. I need to make peace with this. Please,” Willow pleaded.
“Alright, but at the first sign of emotional stress, I’m pulling you out,” Benny agreed, reluctantly.
Kennedy looked around. She knew that Tara was a sore subject for them all, just as it was for her. Kennedy knew what she was up against with Willow. She just never thought that Tara would come back in any way and take Willow from her. Kennedy couldn’t take the emotional rollercoaster anymore. Willow was up and then down, because of this talk about an angelic Tara helping the out. She stood up and bolted from the room. She was out the door, before Willow could stop her. Kennedy ran from the gym. She ran away from the emotional stress and the pain. She wanted an outlet, something that she could take her pain out on and she wanted it soon.
Many hours had past and Buffy and Benny took their drive with Willow down the back road highway to see what they could find. Xander, Dawn and Giles were still in the library doing research. It was almost three p.m. and none of them had slept. They were all too busy doing their research for Faith to stop for sleep. In there business, no one had noticed Kennedy come back in or even checked in on Faith.
Kennedy was in Faith’s room. She was watching her. Kennedy didn’t know whether or not to hate her. Faith was the reason that Willow had become preoccupied with Tara again. Kennedy could only wonder what was going through Faith’s mind at the moment. Could she know that she was the catalast that was destroying Kennedy’s peace of mind?
“If you’re just going to sit there, don’t think too hard,” Faith said, as she sat up.
“What?”
“You heard me. Now, be a dear and help me up. I need a drink. I think that you do, too. Come on, you can drive. I know this bar we can go to,” Faith answered.
“I can drive? I have to drive or have you forgotten?” Kennedy asked.
“I haven’t forgotten a thing. I can still feel, you know,” Faith replied, “And, quit looking at me like that. It is a little unnerving to feel you stare at me. Be a good slayer and find my sunglasses. I don’t want to many people staring when we go out.”
“Here,” Kennedy said, handing Faith her sunglasses, “So, where are we going?”
“I don’t know, but anywhere but here is good for me right now,” Faith answered.
“But, what about the others? Shouldn’t we tell them where we going?”
“You can tell them, if you want, but I am going out,” Faith replied.
“So do you think that we can just wait three days?” Buffy asked.
“I don’t know if that will work, but it doesn’t hurt to give it a try,” Giles said.
“I still think that Faith should let Hope look at her eyes. Those burns are bad. I would feel better if she would let someone, any one with a medical background just look at her wounds,” Benny replied.
“We should get going if we are going to find that place,” Willow stated.
“I agree. I would rather you go now, while it is still light out. Don’t know what we will have to face tonight and I don’t want you unprepared,” Giles replied.
“Always with the preparedness,” Buffy said, “Come on, Giles, when have we not been prepared, I mean totally prepared for anything….Never mind, don’t answer that. Let’s go.”
“Okay, let’s roll. I’ll drive,” Benny stated, “You all continue with the research and find out something, anything that might help us.”
Willow, Benny and Buffy left the gym and got in Benny’s Explorer. Buffy pointed her in the direction of Faith’s highway. Benny wasted no time driving down it. She floored it.
“So, what are we looking for, exactly?” Buffy asked.
“I dunno. You two were the last ones to see Tara and it was near the nest. So that is where we should go,” Benny stated.
“So, let’s go to the nest,” Willow replied.
“There…go that way. The nest is up there. At least that is where it used to be, you know before Faith lit it up,” Buffy stated.
“Wow,” was Benny’s simple response when she saw the burnt down club.
“Wow, doesn’t even describe it,” Willow said, “This is a new wow. This is slayer goodness, right. I mean come on. It was a big nest and it’s gone.”
“But, look at what it cost us to take it out. Willow, the end didn’t justify the means. We can’t just go around burning up vampire nests and having blind slayers. Blind slayers are dead slayers. You can’t fight effectively what you cannot see. We have to figure out what it really going on with Faith or we might loose her,” Buffy explained.
“We aren’t going to loose anyone,” Benny stated, “We are going to figure it out.”
They got out of the Explorer and began to check out the ruble. Buffy showed them the area that they had been standing in when Faith unleashed her lightning effects.
“So, this is where Faith did it,” Benny said in wonderment as she combed through the mud, muck and ash. Benny didn’t know what she was looking for, but it did make her feel better knowing that they were trying to find something.
“Buffy, why are you here?” a voice asked.
“Who was that?” Benny asked.
“Tara! Tara, if that is you, we need your help,” Buffy stated.
“Why are you here? Why do you need my help?” the voice asked. “You did what you came to do. You took care of the nest. There is nothing more I can do for you.”
“Yes, Tara, there is,” Buffy replied.
“Faith is hurt. She needs your help,” Benny stated.
“Faith did your bidding, Tara, help her now,” Buffy said.
“Faith is hurt?” Tara questioned as she formed in front of them, “She’s injured?”
Willow and Benny came immediately to Buffy’s side. The three of them stood there staring at Tara’s figure in front of them. Tara seemed to be upset that something had happened to Faith. Buffy didn’t know what to do or say. Willow was lost.
“Faith is hurt?” Tara repeated.
“Yeah. She did your spell and burnt her eyes out practically,” Xander stated.
“No, no, no, no…She wasn’t supposed to get hurt,” Tara replied.
“Then, what was supposed to happen? Care to explain what was supposed to happen then?” Benny demanded.
“She was supposed to cast the spell, burn all the vampires, and that’s it. No one was supposed to get hurt. No one….Oh, God, no, no, no,” Tara answered.
“Tara, what is it?” Buffy questioned, walking toward Tara.
“No, no, no, no…” Tara was crying.
Buffy grabbed the vision of Tara. She broke down into Buffy’s arms. Buffy held her. Tara looked into her eyes.
“You are the only one…you know that. You are the only one, Buffy,” Tara said.
“I am the only one. I am the only one, what?” Buffy questioned.
“Faith can only be helped by you. Without your full trust, she will die. She may be blind, but she isn’t stupid. She will see the truth with your help, Buffy,” Tara told her, looking into Buffy’s eyes with her teary ones.
“Help me, Tara. What do I need to do?”
Xander and Benny just stood there. They didn’t know what to do. Xander was still mystified about the fact that Buffy was talking to Tara.
“The burns will heal, Buffy. She will see Buffy if you show her the way. The Light didn’t hurt her. It was your lack of faith in her. She thinks you think she is blind to the ways of a slayer. You are the only one who can help her,” Tara stated.
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