Buffy came home from school. She had been worried about her family since the new big bad had come to Sunnydale. Dawn and Joyce were Buffy’s world. She was worried about them. Buffy didn’t want to leave them alone. Buffy had considered many different places, but she kept coming back to Spike. He had “babysat” them before and she hoped that he would do it again.
Buffy packed them up and took them to Spike’s crypt in the local cemetery. Spike seemed more than happy to help the slayer out. He was a little concerned because he was supposed to have demons over for poker night.
“I don’t care, Spike. Just no kittens, got me?” Buffy stated.
“No kittens, got it. But, the boys aren’t going to like it,” Spike answered.
“Spike, no kittens.”
“Fine, I call it off then. Me and your mum can just watch Passions again.”
“Don’t do that!” Dawn stated, “I don’t want to watch that.”
“Whatever,” Buffy stated, “Just don’t let anything happen to them.”
“Got it. Littl’ Bit and Mum will be safe with me.”
Buffy left them with Spike. She went out on her nightly patrol.
Anya was busy at the Magic Box cleaning up from a day’s work. She had to admit that it had been a usually good day at the shop. Anya was thinking that she would go to the Bronze later and hang out with Xander.
She was in the animal magick section sweeping when she noticed something hairy running around in the area. She wasn’t sure what it was but she didn’t really care. Anya rounded the corner. What she saw around the corner scared her, she ran back behind the counter and called Xander on the phone.
“Xander!”
“What is it, Anya?”
“I am scared.”
“Where are you?”
“The Magic Box.”
“What?”
“Just get over here and protect me.”
“From what?”
“Just get over here.”
Joyce and Spike were watching Passions on his t.v. Dawn had found an old mirror somewhere in the crypt and was totally fasicnated by it. It seemed magical to her. While Dawn was enthralled with the Mirror, Spike remember that he forgot to call his buddies that were coming over to play poker.
“Hey, Spike,” Clem said walking into Spike crypt.
“Ummm….Clem…hi.”
“What is it, Spike?”
“Umm…is tonight poker night?” Spike asked.
“Yeah, you forgot it was tonight again. I guess that is a good thing. I forgot my kittens. I was hoping that we could just play for fun for once.”
“I am glad. I am watching Buffy’s family tonight,” Spike answered.
“Cool. They could play with us. The others couldn’t make it. I brought some peaches to eat as well. I like their taste with a good kit…”
“Peaches!” Joyce said coming from the other area where the t.v. was.
“Yeah, I had Clem bring peaches for our poker night. We like a good fruit drink while we play,” Spike lied to her.
“Yeah, like a Peach Demon Punch,” Clem added.
“Is that some sort of Alcoholic drink?” Joyce asked.
“It is when we make it,” Clem said.
“Well, that sounds like fun, but Dawn can’t have any.”
Xander ran into the Magic Box to find Anya sitting on the counter.
“What is it, Anya?”
“It’s over there. Kill it or something.”
“Kill what?” Xander asked as he walked over to where Anya had been pointing. He walked around a table and still saw nothing. He decided to go around the book case. Xander stepped back when he saw the bunny hopping around on the floor.
“Anya, it is just a rabbit. It won’t hurt you.”
“Xander?!?” Anya yelled.
Xander leaned over and picked up the bunny.
“Xander, that thing is a killer. That is no ordinary bunny. That is a black killer bunny. It wants to hurt me. I can see it in it’s little hoppy, floppy manner.”
“Anya, that is how bunnies act.”
“I don’t care. Get rid of it. Kill it or something.”
“I think I’ll keep it.”
“Your gonna what?!!” Anya screamed.
Buffy was stalking around the cemetery. She was bored. She hadn’t staked a vampire or fought a demon in days. Normally she would be happy about this. With the Big Bad Demon Bitch Glory floating around, Buffy could only wonder what it meant.
“I wish there was some one to fight.”
“I am up for it,” a vampire said coming out from behind a grave.
“Okay, I’m game.”
The two began to fight.
“Are you even really trying?” the vampire asked.
“Are you? What the hell is that noise?”
“Hold on,” Buffy stated.
“For what?” the vampire questioned.
“Wait…wait one minute…my phone is binking,” Buffy answered.
“Your what is what? Your phone is binking?” the vamp inquired.
“My phone is blinking and ringing. That is what I said.”
“No, you said binking, the vamp replied.
“I don’t have time for this,” Buffy said. She rolled and staked the vamp, who was still shaking his head about the phrase that Buffy had said. He didn’t even see her coming when he was hit. Buffy answered her phone, “Hello…yeah…I’ll be there in a few…yeah, I hear you, Dawn…don’t worry about it…I’m making one more round then coming to get you both…yeah about ten to twenty minutes…see you then.”
“Spike, what did you put in the punch?” Joyce asked.
“Nothing, Clem made it.”
“Spike, I am seeing things. Since when do I have twenty fingers…”Joyce said.
“Whoa, I think it is time to cut you off,” Spike stated.
“That is enough for the mom…Spike where is Dawn?” Clem asked.
“Umm…over there I think. I hope she didn’t find that mirror, though.”
“What mirror Spike?” Clem questioned.
“The one that I got from Moo Moo Kuh. You know that cow.”
“Oh…that mirror. I hope she doesn’t wish for anything while looking in it.”
“Mirror…Mirror…who is the fairest of the all?” Dawn asked the mirror.
“Moo,” was its simple reply.
“Moo. Who is…what…wait, ‘Moo.’ You answered me.”
“Moo.”
“Weird, but cool..”
“Moo.”
“Do you know any other words?”
“Moo.”
“Dawn, don’t play with the Moo Moo Mirror. Nothing good will come of it!” Spike yelled at her.
“Moo.”
“Moo Moo Mirror…what the heck is a Moo Moo Mirror.”
“Moo”
“Dawn, I am serious. Leave the mirror alone!” Spike yelled again.
“I wish….Don’t have a cow!” Dawn shouted back.
Buffy walked into the crypt. What she heard made her run down further into the crypt. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Spike was singing some sort of song.
“TINGLAAAAAAAO! Come little dunkey come….TINGALAAAAAAAO! Come little dunkey come…me dunkey EAT…me dunkey SLEEP..me dunkey…Oh what’s the rest of the song…me dunkey…SIT ON A GARBARGE HEAP! TINGALAAAAAAAAAO! Come little dunkey come.”
“No, Spike, that isn’t how it goes.”
“Sure it is. Then let’s hear you sing, Clem, mate,” Spike slurred.
“Fine. Feast on this…This lil piggie went to the market…this little piggie went home…this lil piggie had roast beef…this lil piggie had none…and this little piggie went weee weee weee all the way home….”
“That isn’t a song, Clem…it is a nursery rhyme.” Joyce said.
“Whatever, Joyce. You sing something.”
Buffy burst into the room.
“Wait, Buffy, I can explain,” Joyce said.
“What? You can explain why you are all drunk?” Buffy questioned.
“Whose drunk,” Spike stated as he stood and walked over to Buffy.
“You are drunk, Spike. I can smell it on you.”
“I am not drunk…” Spike started, but then fell down in front of Buffy’s feet, and continued, “Buffy, you have so many toes….FOES! I said foes.”
“Get up, Spike,” Buffy replied and then turned to her mom, “Come on, Mom, let’s go home. Where is Dawnie?”
Clem stood up. He seemed to be the one that was the least drunk. He was still a mystery to Buffy. The concept of a civilized demon, especially one that was friends with Spike, was lost on Buffy.
“What were you drinking anyway?” Buffy asked.
“Peaches,” Clem answered while Spike collected himself enough to get Dawn and return her back to the slayer.
“Come on, we’re leaving.”
The next morning when Buffy awoke, she went down stairs to get some breakfast.
She went straight into the kitchen. She poured herself some cereal and was preparing to go to the living room to watch some t.v. until she had to go to school.
The phone rang. Buffy put her spoon down and answered it.
“Yeah, hey Xander,” Buffy said.
“Hey, Buffy,” Xander replied.
“What is it? Xander, it’s like nine am. What could be going on this early?”
“Umm…its Anya. You know that thing that she has about bunnies.”
“Yeah, so?” Buffy inquired.
“Well, she found one last night at the Magic Box,” Xander stated, “I got it. I’ve decided to keep it. She is like freaking out. What should I do?”
“Get rid of it. If she is that afraid of them, give to the school or something. You could give it Dawn. I am sure she’d like it,” Buffy replied.
“I just don’t get it. Why is she so afraid of bunnies? What can a bunny do to you?” Xander asked.
“It must be some sort of killer bunny thing that she unleashed on some poor guy. But, who knows, everyone has their fear of something,” Buffy stated.
“Yeah, but Buffy, it is bunnies. You know, cute, furry, little cotton tail bunnies. She doesn’t understand why they like carrots either. She thinks it has something to do with good eye sight or something,” Xander said.
Buffy finally decided that she could talk to Xander while she watched t.v. and ate her cereal. She walked into the living room, while they had been talking about Anya and the bunny. She sat down and turned on the t.v. before she saw the cow walk in the room.
“Xander, I have to go,” Buffy stated.
“What’s up? You sound a little flustered about something,” Xander said.
“There is a cow in my living room,” Buffy replied.
“A what?” Xander questioned.
“There is a cow in my living room,” Buffy stated again.
“You’re joking, right?” Xander asked.
“I wish that I was,” Buffy answered.
“Well, okay, you win,” Xander said.
“Yeah, I do,” Buffy stated, “There is a cow in my living room.”
Buffy and Xander couldn’t help but laugh. It was something to laugh about for once.
“Xander, there is a cow in my living room,” Buffy stated again.
“I know, so what are you going to do about it?” Xander asked her.
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