Dawn folded her arms. 'And?'
Buffy tried to regain some of her composure. 'Dawn, what are you DOING? What are you thinking? And my god what are you wearing...'. Flustered, she put her hands to her face and paced back and forth.
'I'm entering this contest', said dawn confidently. 'And you can't stop me. I've already signed up!'.
'No, Dawn, it's too dangerous!', Buffy fumed.
'Yeah, what, so I'm out of the loop now? I'm eighteen, Buffy, I'm not a kid anymore!'
'You know what Giles said about endangering you on a Hellmouth!', her sister hissed. 'What if Glory-'
'Glory?', said Willow, perplexed.
'You know what I think?', hissed Dawn. 'I think you're jealous. I'm young. I'm pretty. I'm a candidate. You can't take the heat'. She tossed her hair back defiantly.
'Hold it', Faith announced, walking between them. 'Let's just focus on the mission. The facts are that five of us are more than capable of looking after ourselves, as Buffy pointed out. And forgive me if I'm wrong, but I think Dawn handled the last hellmouth sitch pretty well. So drop the sisterly combat-it's been done before.'
'Someone is approaching', said Illyria suddenly.
A hooded woman entered, wearing a long gown-like cloak, with diamonds embroidered on the hems. She had the most dazzling smile, and the most ill-applied mascara that any of them had ever seen. She raised her arms in greeting.
'Welcome! Wow do you all look super!'. They shuffled uncomfortably. 'Well, my name's Claire Cleaver, and I'm in charge of the contestants. Now, in ten minutes, our contest's anthem will start, which I expect you all have learnt-'
'Huh?', interrrupted Kennedy. 'Will, did you-?'
Willow shook her head. Buffy cleared her throat.
'Uh, Ms Cleaver, we didn't receive instructions on how this thing would run. Aside the general layout of the three rounds, I mean'.
'Oh?', said Claire, lookind upset. 'Well, do you know the words to the old Divynals song 'I-'
Faith made a choking noise, and Dawn widened her eyes in horror.
'Just kidding you!', Claire guffawed, elbowing Buffy. 'You must sing "Good Vibrations", by the Beach Boys. The lyrics-", she pointed to the wall opposite, "are there. But don't be long. Oh, and the layout of the first contest. The swimsuit, as I can see you have all picked up on, is first. Straight after the chorus, you line up, give us a twirl, pout and SMILE!'. She beamed at the thought. 'My girls ALWAYS smile!'.
'Well isn't that neat?', Willow grinned painfully. 'We'll be practicing!'
'Not a big turn-out this year...', grumbled Claire as she left. 'Must be the typhoid...'.
Once she was gone, Buffy turned to the rest of the gang. 'Okay, that was weird'.
Kennedy nodded. 'I know, Beach Boys? Please, how are we supposed to remember that?'
Willow, Buffy and Dawn looked at each other. 'We're Californian girls', Dawn shrugged. 'We just know'.
'My first Watcher liked them', Faith shrugged. 'Even if they are a load of crap, I know the words'.
Illyria paused for a moment. 'I love the colorful clothes she wears-', she blurted in Fred's voice, before snapping back to normality. 'The information is explicit', she stated. 'It will not be difficult to retrieve her register.'
'Oh', said kennedy nervously. 'Well...give me the goddamn sheet'. She tore it from the wall and began to read feverishly.
Willow cleared her throat. 'Anyway, who wants to bet that woamn has horns?'
'Definitely wiggy', nodded buffy. 'But she could be an innocent'.
'Wow, that's a revelation', Dawn mocked. 'At least you have looks that are half decent at best'.
'Illyria-crush', instructed Faith loudly.
Illyria stared at her icily. 'How dare you issue me commands, a worthless human-'
'Okay, okay,' said Dawn, giving a nervous laugh.'Let's focus on the show. We're on in two minutes'.
'Two?', asked Buffy in surprise, ignoring the panicky rusting from Kennedy's corner.
*****************************************************
'Welcome to Cleveland's First Annual Beauty Contest!', declared a bearded man in a purple tuxedo. The mostly male audience shifted in participation in the enclosed theatre.'Tonight, we will meet a range of beautiful ladies, all desperate to strut their stuff to win first prize of Miss Cleveland!'
'I heard there's only six', whispered Spike. 'Illyria should have a bloody good chance at this, you know'.
Angel sighed, trying to forget that Spike sat next to him. 'Spike, can you shut up a minute? I'm trying to listen to what they've got to say'.
'Misery guts', muttered Spike. 'This is a swimsuit compo. There's no time to bloody brood.'
'Yeah, well, I'm doing this for Giles', whispered Angel, as the band set themselves ready to play. 'We need to get back on Buffy's side after the whole Wolfram and Hart thing. Plus, when Illyria wins, she'll need back-up'.
'I'm sure she'll appreciate that', muttered Spike sarcastically.
'Cordelia would have loved to do this', Angel mumbled suddenly. Spike said nothing. There was no talking to Angel when he got like that. He worked on peeling the sticker from his seat, as the contest anthem began to play.
'Spike', said Angel harshly. 'Can you-'
'Yeah I can bloody well hear it. The ladies are singing a Beach Boys song. I feel like killing something.'
'I like this song', Angel replied defensively. 'Anyway, that's not the point...'
'Buffy?', Spike stammered, finally looking up at the stage. 'What's she doing here?'.
'Giles must have sent her', Angel answered angrily, but keeping his eyes on the Slayer. 'I should have known he would't trust me to do the job'.
'Three Slayers, Red and...Dawn?' said Spike in disbelief. 'I think we're outnumbered, mate'.
But it was Buffy that their eyes watched with every movement, as she warbled a heartfelt rendition of 'Good Vibrations'.
**************************************************************
Buffy smiled fakely, as she sang what had to be the Contest's strangest choice for an anthem. Dawn, however, seemed to be loving it. Willow looked as nervous as she felt, and Illyria, although out of tune, was determined to get the wordage right. Faith was also a surprise. Yes, she liked to dance, but singing was a past-time that she tended to avoid. Buffy almost laughed out loud as she saw Kennedy stumble over the lyrics.
'Goood good gooooood good vibratiooooons..', finished some of the world's most fearsome fighters. The largely male audience applauded, eyes on their swimsuits.
'Now,' announced the purple tuxedo man, 'for our first round.....the Swimsuit competition!'. He smiled broadly when the audience cheered. Holding out a piece of paper in front of him, he proceeded to call out the contestants. 'First up, is the lovely Winifred Burkle!'
Illyria stepped forward coldly, and spun around. People stared, not knowing what to make of her. She returned to the others, walking stiffly.
Tuxedo man pretended not to notice. 'Next up, Faith...uh....what's you last name again?', he whispered to the seriously pissed-off Slayer. 'Never mind... let me intoduce the beautiful Faith!'
Faith really knew how to sway the crowd in her favor. She paused and pouted at just the right moments, and gave the men sexy winks. She owned the stage.
Kennedy followed straight after, and very obviously tried to mimic what Faith had achieved effortlessly. Although she looked a flowery vision, she lacked the charisma and suggestivity of her predecessor, and left the stage looking disappointed with herself. Willow tried to give her a reassuring glance, but it was now her time to strut.
'-and be dazzled by Willow Rosenburg!'. Willow's heart leapt to her chin, as she walked, shaking to the front of the stage, She gave a quick spin, and almost fainted when she noticed who was in the audience. Boys watching her semi-naked was always wiggy.
But Oz watching her was a hell of a lot worse.
*Omigod omigod omigod*, she thought, distressed. *Can he see me? Did he know I was here? What if-?*. The tuxedo man cleared his throat rudely, and Willow was brought back from her panic. She gave the audience a final bright smile and stepped back, not caring if the judges thought her shallow and a selfish extrovert.
'Buffy Summers', the host invited. She walked up, a fixed smile on her lips, as she sold her body to the crowd. She had to win this. She had doubts that the others could manage the situation if things turned sour, and so it was important that she was declared the victor and possible sacrifice. She smiled confidently at the crowd, a picture of sweetness and light. She turned her back just in time to miss Spike wave his arm at her and Angel yank him down to invisibility.
'And now for the youngest in the competition, Dawn Summers!'. Dawn presented herself as bubbly and fun, seemingly ignorant of what she was wearing. Buffy felt a strong urge to run out onto the stage and drag her back into the dressing rooms.
When Dawn strolled back, the women filed backstage to get changed. Claire was there waiting for them. 'Wear something sexy', she hissed. 'It's the talent contest next, as you'll be well aware'.
Dawn gulped. 'T-talent?' Faith looked similarily frightened.
'We have our costumes', Willow said, 'but we need time to practice'.
'Good, good', rushed Claire. 'You have an hour to prepare. The order will be as such-'. She left the list of names on the floor and rushed out again.
'Why'd I have to be first?', Dawn whined. 'Unfair much?'
'Dawn, do you even have a talent?', Buffy quizzed.
''I don't know,' said Dawn in a high-pitched voice. 'I'm not a Slayer. How can I compete?'
'A bit late for the wiggins now, Dawnie, said Willow comfortingly. 'Just do the best you can do'.
'What have you got prepared?', Faith asked Willow quickly.
'Oh, just a few magic tricks,' she replied vaguely. Everyone smiled.
'Cheater', teased Buffy. 'But hey, it's a talent. I'm cheerleading'.
'Aren't you a little old for that?', Kennedy scorned. Buffy frowned.
'Judges dig the bimbo thing, Buffy's dealing.', shrugged Faith. 'It's slaying without the vampires. Wish I'd thought of it'.
'Huh', said Kennedy. 'Cheerleading is NOT talent'.
'Something tells me you weren't the 'in' girl at your boarding school', Buffy challenged. 'I smell jealousy-ness'.
'This conversation reeks of bitter hatred,' Illyria commented. 'This behaviour is alike to information I gathered on the ceremony'.
'Shut up!', Dawn screeched. 'This is unfair! What talent do I have that nobody else in the room could do better? Buffy, why didn't you tell me about this part?'
'I didn't know you were going to enter!', her sister shouted. 'Who do you think I am, a psychic?'
'Hey, Dawn could be a psychic chick', offered Faith.
'That's part of MY act!', Willow protested.
'Fine, I'll be the lame-ass comedienne that everyone pities', sighed Dawn. 'At least that red dress will come in handy...'
'Alright', said Buffy. 'Has every one got their acts sorted out?'
'Who made you the leader?', Kennedy argued.
''Nobody!', said Buffy, her voice rising. 'I never said-'
'I'm a Slayer, Faith's a Slayer, your superiority complex doesn't hang anymore-'
Willow and Faith gave each other exasperated looks. 'Deja-vi, anyone?', Faith yelled.
'I will play the harp', Illyria announced. 'It is the only instrument that is worthy of a congregation of humans.'
'What's that supposed to mean?' asked Faith in annoyance.
'Humanity has disintergrated the true essence of music,' illyria answered with an accusative stare. 'It can never fully comprehend-'
'Oh,' said Faith suddenly. 'I'll dance to the harp. You don't mind if I mooch, do you Winifred?'
'My name Illyria,' started the enraged god, 'I do not approve of this...mooching'.
'Tough,' said Buffy. 'Faith's mooching. Kennedy?'
'I'm singing,' Kennedy said. 'Not beach Boys. But a good old fashioned piece of Celine Dion. get's 'em every time'.
'I suppose we better practice then,' said Willow, her stomach churning. Oz was still out there...somewhere....
'And remember,' piped up Buffy, 'keep an eye open for any suspicious behaviour. Remember what we're here for.'
'Yeah, right,' Dawn sulked. 'You wouldn't say that if YOU had to remember some borderline amusing jokes'.
'We remember you, don't we?', Kennedy spat.
***************************************************************
Oz sat in the crowd, feeling not at all cool. Willow was in the contest....His heart hurt when he thought of how much danger she was putting herself in. He had to warn her. Somehow....
He wasn't going to let her die. He wasn't going to let her down again.
Sitting still, Oz watched as the purple tuxedo man reemerged onto the stage.
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