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Buffy The Vampire Slayer > BTVS - Future
Two-In-One by Gillian
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GROWING UP A SLAYER

“It is the truth that everyone must know, now,” Benny stated.
“I’ll go get the others, then,” Faith said standing up and started inside.
“Wait,” Benny stated, “They can wait. I need to tell Will some more about Joe, but the others can wait. You are different. You know what it is like to always be searching for something. I think I can tell you about it.”
“Why me?” Faith asked.
“You’re a slayer with something to prove. You need a reason to keep going. I know what it is like to be there. I want to tell you because you will understand what I am saying. You know what it is like,” Benny explained.
“I am still not understanding, but I’ll listen to what ever you have to say,” Faith stated sitting back down next to Benny.
“It is a hard story. My story can’t compare to anyone else’s because it is mine. I don’t know what you would want to hear about it anyway. I was raised a slayer. I guess I should start with the day that Joseph died. I believe that was the day that I realized I was different.
“I saw him die right outside our home in Sunnydale. I should have been able to save him. I might have been able to save him, had I been older, wiser, and quicker. It is a thought that I have to fight everyday. I guess I wasn’t meant to save him that night. I watched him die in my arms. I ran to him to do what I could for being an eight year old. It wasn’t much. I kneeled next to him, trying find out what I could do, and all I found was lots of blood. I saw the monster, James David Poe the third, shoot him from the living room window where I was sitting. I know it was dark, but I saw it clearly as if I was right next to Joseph when he got shot.
“He lay in my arms, calling to me, asking me, begging me to help him. I put my hands on the wound trying to stop the blood. I thought that I could help him. I thought that if I prayed hard enough it would make the wound close and eveything would be alright. I held his hand in mine, willing him to live with my mind, but it didn’t help.
“That is the first time that I knew that I had some sort of power. I couldn’t save him because I wasn’t strong enough with my magick, yet. I did somehow manage to make Poe stop in his tracks and stay there until the police got him later that night.
“The pain of the whole thing was too much for my family. Willow’s mom tried to help us and Willow and I became really close, but it wasn’t enough. Love wasn’t enough anymore. My mother blamed my father and my father blamed my mother. I was some where in the middle. I wasn’t enough either. I couldn’t save my family. I turned into myself and hid from everything and everyone. I did everything that I could to save my parents’ relationship.
“When my father tried to turn me into some sort of new male child for him, I couldn’t be it. I was a girl and he knew it. He took me to temple everyday. He wanted me to be a rabbi, which a girl can’t be. After a while of the going to the temple thing, the rabbis took my father aside and talked to him about me never being able to be a rabbi. He still wanted to go to temple everyday. He realzied that I couldn’t be a rabbi, but that didn’t stop him from wanting me to very religious. I guess he thought that it be able to protect me from the big, bad world out there.
“Too bad, I found out that I was the protector saving everyone from the big bad.
“I would go with him to temple and find a way out. I started going to this café. That is where I met Albert. Albert was what I needed at the time. He gave me the strength and support I needed to survive my parent’s divorce. I can say that I was prepared to be the slayer at the tender age of thirteen, but I wasn’t able to be alone while my parents were constantly fighting and going to court about the divorce. Albert gave me refuge. He was secretly training me, getting me ready for the unknown world of the slayer, but I just wanted to be a kid without family troubles and have my rebellious years.
“But, that could never be. I was a kid with a mission. I was to the slayer. I was going to be an intrument to fight evil, demons, and the like. Albert wasted no time in starting my training. I was learning how to slay vampires before I even thought about kissing another human being in a romantic fashion.
“Don’t get me wrong, I loved Albert. Who couldn’t love an Englishman named Albert Doyle Lewis? Albert had me slaying before I even started dating. That was a big harsh dose of reality for me. I was doing good here, you know, dealing with my own problems and the demons. Everything was going good. I was fighting the good fight. I was being all slayer and stuff.
“I don’t know how I could get so cocky about it. I thought that I couldn’t get hurt. I believed that I was invinsible. I wasn’t afraid of death, I was more afraid of life at the time. I couldn’t think about anything else or anyone else. I was more worried about the next thing that thought it was the big bad and how I would deal with it. I was never worried about others dying around me. I…was so stupid then…no, I was naïve.”
“We’ve all been there Benny. We all go through a time as a slayer where we think that nothing is ever going to hurt us,” Faith replied.
“I know. Mine…I mean my time was mine. I fought the vampires one by one until no more would come and fight me. Demons came, fought and died. I never thought that the evil would try to get to me in other ways. I could even fathom that at the time.
“I came home on day to find everything that I held dear was taken from me. Some vampire with a grudge named Otto von Frank decided to take it all. I had no idea what I had done to make him that mad at me. After a long and tiring interagation, it seems that I might have dusted a relative. Otto wasn’t a vampire with a conscience. He was one with a grudge. He wanted me to suffer, so more than he had. He sent his son Kermit after me, too. I had no idea that they hated me so much.
“They killed Albert and strung his entrails around his apartment. There was blood every where. Albert was my life at the time. I functioned because he gave me reason to live after my horrible childhood. I loved Albert more than anything, more than my parents. Albert wasn’t just my watcher; he was like a brother and a father to me. He was my friend. I wanted Otto’s head on a platter. I wanted to dust him so bad.
“Otto became enemy number one. Watchers and other potentials searched for him. We never found him, but I did manage to find his son Kermit. Kermit became my version of a nemisis. We fought many, many times. Sometimes I would wound him badly and others he would almost kill me. I couldn’t function like that anymore. I was tired of trading wounds with a vampire.
“My purpose changed from researching my brother’s death and proving to myself that it wasn’t a demon to vengence. Not the most original reason to live, but it works. I missed Albert so much. I wanted him back so much. My reason to live became my quest for Otto’s head. I wanted it so much that I could virtually taste his blood.
“Was that too much to ask? I didn’t think so. I thought it was a simple life for a life. That is all I wanted it to be. Too bad for me, it can never be so simple for anyone. I should have known with everything that I had been through up until then,” Benny stated.
“What happened?” Faith asked.
“I killed someone thinking that they were some sort of demon. I killed an innocent. I killed him and became a fugitve. I was offered something that not many people are in that situation: a choice. The Watcher’s Council set it all up for me. They managed to set it up where I would serve in the military, like public service, in order to pay my debt to society. I should have known that they had alternate plans for me.
“They sent me into the military to train harder and more war like. They figured that there was a war raging on between the demons and us. So, the better the soldier, the better I could fight and win, it was too bad that I wouldn’t be at the hell mouth anymore.
“They killed me one night in a battle in Bosnia. I found out later that it was because they needed Buffy to be ‘the slayer.’ I was a good slayer and all, but I was more powerful. The Council thought it would be better if I was off the demonic radar. If I could be on the perifferals, then I could slay and no one would be the wiser. I wasn’t ready to take on the responsibility of the being ‘the slayer.’ I guess I never bothered to look and see what would happen if I was dead,” Benny explained.
“Yeah, I know that. That is how I became one of ‘the slayers.’ I was tapped after Kendra died,” Faith replied.
“Who was Kendra?” Benny asked.
“Kendra was the slayer that was tapped after Buffy died fighting tht master. When Buffy died it and came back, it totally screwed up the slayer line thing,” Faith said.
“Ah, so Kendra died and you became the slayer, too?” Benny questioned.
“Yeah, something like that,” Faith answered.
“So, the grand scheme of things was flawed. No one ever thought about death and reawakings. Way back in the day, they didn’t know about CPR and stuff.”
“Right,” Faith stated.
“So the slayer dies, I am tapped. I die, Buffy is tapped. She dies, Kendra is tapped. Kendra dies, and you are tapped. So, right now, if the spell was never cast, there would be three powerful slayers that were truly tapped,” Benny explained.
“Exactly. Hence, all the slayer in charge fights that we had,” Faith stated.
“Well…that kinda explains some of the letters from Willow about you and Buffy. But, that doesn’t tell you my story. My story begins really in the military.
“I joined up and served well. I defended my country and found a love that I couldn’t explain. A new watcher was introduced to me in the service. Her name was Lieutentant Emma Upton. God, she was beautiful. She found a way to get me on a task force with her so that she could personally train me. She used this task force to fight demons, kinda like the Initative. Every military service has there version of it. The government denies it, but they are there.
“Emma found a way to do what we needed. She found a nest some where in Romania. We hunted them down. We took them all out. It was pie, but still no Otto. I told Emma about him. She began a search for him as well. The only thing that could stop us was the government.
“We were together for about four years. We combed Europe for any vampires. We destroyed every nest we came upon. Emma and I were very good at what we did. Demons and vampires found out about us. They tried many times. They tried to stop us and kill us all. They never found a way to do it.
“Ironically, Emma was killed as we were running through the former Slavic areas of Europe. A stray bullet blew through our vehicle. It barely missed hitting her flak-vest. It killed her instantly. She didn’t even really feel it. Once again, I lost another watcher.
“The Council got me out of the military and once again, I was back at the hell mouth during my thing. I was the slayer at the hell mouth once more. I couldn’t escape my destiny no matter what I tried to do. The Council sent me a new watcher, whom I promptly sent back home on a plane. I couldn’t deal with it or them anymore. I went out on my own. I started slaying on my own terms. I would no longer be there puppet. I was a powerful weapon against evil, but I would no longer be ruled and manipulated by others thousands of miles away from me. I would fight my way, my rules, and by myself. I wouldn’t put anyone else in danger. I would make it my lone fight.”
“What made you change your mind about it all then?” Faith probed.
“Life. I wanted to live properly. I wanted to live and have a life. I had to find some sense of normalcy in it all. I had to live. I had to make a conscienous effort to survive and actually live. The hardest part about being alive is actually living.
“I found out about Buffy so I never sent Willow word about what I was. I figured it would protect her. I didn’t want anyone else to die because of me. I purposefully hid my identity from them. I tried to keep appearances up for my family. I tried to keep in contact, but sometimes it just got so hard for me to not tell them the truth about it all.
“Then one day I woke up and I realized that I was no longer afraid of the people I loved dying. I was more afraid of giving up hope and dying myself. I figured it was better if no one knew the truth. After some time alone doing the slay thing, I realized that some where in the back of mind I did want to die. You know how the life of a slayer is and what it causes you to do and see. I didn’t want that anymore. I wanted a way to move on and I figure out that death was the only real way that I could do that, since I was a slayer and knew too much about demons and such.
“I didn’t want to feel that way anymore. So, I did what every slayer does when they get that way. You try and find a way to have demon assisted suicide. You know, you get in a fight. The only thing is during the fight I made a conscienous decision to die. I was going to let the demon win. I stood there and let him beat me. I let the demon pummel me. Some where between the hits and beatings, I hit the gound. The cold cement jarred my brain,” Benny stated standing up and began to pace.
“What happened while you were on the ground, Benny?” Faith asked.
“I realized that I really didn’t want to die. I wanted to live and I knew that living was the hardest thing about life.
“I lay there broken and battered but not dead yet. Somehow I summoned the strength to stand up and fight the demon. I don’t know why or how I managed to defeat that demon that night. I thought I was going to die. I had hoped that I was going to die. But, now, I could let that happen. Too much was going for me and I had too much to prove still. I found a way, some how, to drag myself to the hospital ER. Man that must have been a sight to see me walking in.
“I barely made it to the nurse’s station before I passed out cold on the floor. I don’t remember much about being admitted that night or any one seeing me in the ER, but I know that some doctor had saved my life that night. I still don’t remember much about that night. I know I was broken, battered, and looked like a really severe abuse case. Cops came and questioned me the when I was lucid enough to talk. I think I was in the hospital around three or four days. I don’t think that they thought I was going to make it. And for some dark reason, I don’t think that I wanted to.
“This doc comes in the middle of the night to check on me. She notices that my vitals are dropping and that they are going to loose me. She calls the nurse, gives her some instructions, and begins some sort of life saving techniques on me. So now, I am totally at this doctor’s mercy. My life was in her hands. She kept talking to me the whole time. She kept telling me not to give up. For some miraclous reason, I responded to her voice and her coaxing me, willing me to live for one more day.
“When I awoke the next day, she was sitting in the chair next to my bed. I hadn’t died. I hadn’t even been techniquely dead even once. She had managed to keep me alive. I didn’t know what to say or do. I didn’t know how to thank her. I have to admit though, that she was very beautiful,” Benny explained.
“So? What did you do about the good ol’ doc?” Faith probed.
“I married her. She is my roommate. I called the hospital and got her extention. I wanted to thank her in person. So, I did. I sent her flowers and stuff. Eventually, I managed to summon enough courage to ask her for dinner. I was so damn shocked that she even agreed to go. The rest as they say is history,” Benny stated.
“Well, damn. That beats my story any day,” Faith replied.
“I wasn’t trying to beat anyone’s story. I just wanted you to know what my life has been like. It hasn’t all been smiles and happiness. I just want you to know that I understand your hatred and outlook on being a slayer,” Benny said.
“My hatred? What do you mean by that?” Faith questioned.
“I understand where it comes from. You grew up with nothing until your watcher found you and then he was taken from you. I had everything and it was taken from me. You fight because of this hatred and envy of those around you who lived normally. Faith, we can’t live normally. We are slayers. We don’t do normal. I am not saying that your hatred and envy are bad things. They aren’t. They make you who you are. I have the same problem. I am envious of what Buffy and Willow have,” Benny stated.
“What are you talking about?” Faith asked.
“I wish that I had had the lives that they had had. I wish that I could have had the most normal life that I could have had as a slayer. I wish that my parents were still together and alive. I wish that I still had siblings that gave me grounding when I needed it. I realized along time ago that I can’t have that. I got through it. I fought my battles with hope and love and somewhere along the way I realized that I didn’t lose them. That they had been pushed aside and that is where they were waiting on me. Do you understand that, Faith? Hope and love are yours if you want them. You should know that. Your name Faith means a lot as well. Use that in your slaying and you will find the answers that you are looking for,” Benny told her.
“Have faith? That is your supreme wisdom for me. You want me to faith, find hope and love and everything will be okay. What kinda advice is that?” Faith demanded.
“The truth. I have no answers for you. I maybe older and slightly maybe a little wiser than you, but I can’t tell you how to live as a slayer. I just can’t. You are looking for answers about the possiblity of a future that is as unknown to you as it is for me.”
“What are you talking about Benny?” Faith asked.
“I am talking about the questions that you want to ask me. I have no answers for your questions. I can’t tell you that everything will be okay for you. I have no idea what the future holds for any of us. I can tell you that it is possible to have a family, as long as they understand what it means for you to be a slayer. I mean your Principle Wood is the son of a slayer. All things are possible, even though, we are programmed to know that we will die young and for the safty of the world. I have no idea how long I am going to live or how long any of us are going to live. I can say that because of Willow’s little spell that maybe just maybe we could all possibly retire and a younger generation might take over for us. We could become their watchers,” Benny explained.
“So, you can’t tell me anything? All you can say that we might live a little longer than normally expected because of a spell,” Faith stated.
“True. Now there are more than one and each of us are slayers. There are more of us now. We don’t have to fight solo and we have each other. We aren’t alone anymore. Do you know what that means? We are army of slayers. We could do so much now. We could be so much. There is a future out there that no slayer has ever had the opportunity to have before. We are the first in a new line of slayers. We can do so much for those who will be coming after us, but only if we choose to do so,” Benny said.
“Or, we can choose to be the normal slayer. We could die young if we chose to do so. Is that what you are saying?” Faith questioned.
“Yes, now the choice is ours.”
“Wow,” Faith states, “I never thought of it that way.”
“That is true. We have a destiny that is unknown to us, now. We are all still slayers, are we not? We have a destiny to fulfill but we don’t have a dominated timeline towards our death. We can live life and be a slayer, too. Do you know what that means for all of us?” Benny questioned.
“We can do anything we want, now,” Faith stated. It was like the thought had finally entered her brain and meant something. She looked up at Benny. A life with slaying and a life worth living, the thought made Faith absolutely giddy. Now, she could plan a life without having to worry if the next day would be her last. A smiled crossed her face. Benny couldn’t help but smile back at her.
“We don’t have to be afraid of death anymore. We only have to worry about the evil that comes every now and again. Our hatred no longer has to rule us, we can fight the good fight without being angry all the time. Faith, we can look past our pasts and plan our unknown futures,” Benny stated.
“That sounds so promising, Benny, but you are forgetting one thing. We are still slayers and slayers will still die young,” Faith replied.

“Buffy, what are we going to do?” Willow asked.
“We are going to set up a home here and call Giles and Dawnie to come to stay with us. We are going to be a slayer family and we can try to be happy here. I just hope that Giles doesn’t freak out when he knows that Benny is some sort of uber-slayer.”
“I know what you mean,” Xander stated, “Giles is going to freak out that we didn’t call him as soon as we knew about it. You know how Giles is.”
“I know, and Dawnie is going to freak out,” Buffy stated.
“Eekk,” Willow started, “Dawnie is going to go blastic here. We can start over and make a new life. The only thing that I am worried about is that all the slayers will start to come here to fight this hell mouth.”
“Don’t forget about the watchers. They’ll be coming here, too, trying to hook up with the new slayers. They will be looking for ways to re-document the watcher chronicles. The watchers that managed to survive the attack will be looking for a job,” Buffy stated.
“Watchers are the least of our worries, now. What about we should be thinking about is the First and how we could possibly stop it again. I mean last time we all craterfied Sunnydale. I don’t think that they will be all too happy here, if we have to do it again,” Xander replied.
“I am not worried about what they think. I plan on stopping this hell mouth before any thing or any one has a chance to open it,” Buffy responded.
“I am totally down with that,” Willow stated, “But how, Buffy?”
“With the help of all the slayers,” Kennedy said as she quit leaning against the wall and walked toward them and the continued, “There isn’t anything that we can’t do now. There is an army of slayers out there that need to be found, taught, and trained to be slayers. They need us as much as we need them.”
“But, Kennedy,” Willow started.
“No, wait. I know what you are going to say. We can try and live normal lives now, but we are still slayers. Don’t forget that. I was taught to fight the good fight and I will. But, you have to understand that there will be girls out there that won’t know why they are strong, powerful and smart. They won’t know why they should fight,” Kennedy stated, “They won’t understand their potential unless we tell them what it is.”
“She’s right, you know?” Faith replied as she walked into the gym. She saw them standing there looking at Benny and her, wondering where she was going to go with this. She could see the questioning on their faces.
“We have to fight, this is true, but only because of what we are. Others like us out there don’t know what they are or even how to harness their power. Without instruction, they’ll be wild, dangerous and even possible threats to us and out mission. You have to understand my point-of-view on this one. I was raised with nothing and out of it arose to be a slayer. I never had anything. I had nothing to loose but my life, which I really didn’t care about at the time. I didn’t have anyone at home who loved me or would worry about me when I came home late. My job as a slayer was another way that I could rebel against society, a society that had looked down on me for so long.”
“What are you saying?” Buffy asked.
“I am saying, B, that there will be more like me out there if we don’t find a way to help them all. God knows I could have used it growing up,” Faith answered Buffy’s question before turning to Benny and continuing, “I realize now why you couldn’t give me an answers for what I was seeking. I had to find them for myself. I realized just now why I was so lost.”
“So, what did you learn, Faith?” Benny asked, smiling. Everyone else just looked puzzled. They had no idea what they were talking about, but they could see that Faith had come to some sort of realization from their discussion. They were all waiting to hear what Faith’s epiphany had been.
“I learned that if society keeps putting you down and telling you that you are nothing then you begin to believe it. That is what happened to me. When my watcher came and told that I was some sort of superhero, I laughed at him. I couldn’t fathom how I, who was a loser and a bottom feeder, was this great and destined hero to save the world. I just couldn’t believe it. I had come to believe that I was nothing so his words were lost on me. I couldn’t understand why the watchers council would choose me.
“After hearing Benny’s story, I know why to some degree. One is that I was born for it and second was that I could be wisked away, trained and no one would miss me. This is true, but only partially. I was choosen because of fate. It really had nothing to do with my background or how I was raised and lived. It had everything to do with cards that I was dealt with at birth.
“I have had to learn to come to grips with that. I believe that there are others like me out there that are potentials. If we don’t tell them what their potential is, then how can we effectively fight the First? Without our new fangled army of slayers, we are still all that there is. They won’t have any concept of the evil that is out there and what it is capable of doing to them. They won’t know that monsters are real and not all the legends about them aren’t fake. These new slayers need us. They need to learn from us.
“We need watchers to record our beings, our battles, our adventures, and our losses. Without this knowledge, the future generations of slayer don’t stand a chance against the evils of this world. We have to record it. We have to have our her-story, or that spell that Willow did was all in vain,” Faith explained.
“That oddly makes sense,” Xander replied.
“So, who should head this new watchers council?” Buffy asked.
“Why not Giles?” Faith questioned.
“What about Dawn and me?” Willow inquired.
“Why not all of us and those who know what we really are?” Benny probed.
“That makes sense. Let those who chronicle our deeds be those who are close enough to know what it means to be a slayer. Sounds good to me,” Kennedy stated.
“I could go for that,” Buffy replied, “But, I think that Giles should be the head watcher. He won’t let the corruption that was present in it before. He cares more about the slayer than the council ever did. We need watchers like him in charge.”
“Yeah, we do,” Benny stated.
“It would make it easier on the potentials,” Kennedy said.
“Good, then set the plans in motion. We’ll start our own Watcher and Slayer U, right here. How many do you think that we can house here at the gym?” Benny asked.
“I dunno. With us taking rooms upstairs, I would say that we could fit about twenty potentials up there two to a room. But, we would have to start setting something up now. I wouldn’t even know where to begin,” Willow stated.
“We need to plan a curriculum for them to start with. We have to find them. We need to set the school before we start anything else,” Faith said.
“I can help with that,” Kennedy answered, “I kinda went to a Watcher U myself.”
They all just turned and looked at Kennedy. They all look shocked to see that Kennedy had been in a watcher prep school. It was a scary thought for them, but then they realized that they were about to create their own version of it.
“So, what kind of courses would we teach?” Buffy asked.
“I dunno. Kennedy, you went to Watcher U. What did they teach you?” Benny asked looking at Kennedy.
“We had a normal ciriculum, like a normal high school. We also had classes in witchcraft, ancient and demonic languages, slayer histories, fighting techniques, weapons classes, tracking, hunting, and evasion classes, and demonolgy,” Kennedy replied.
“That must have been one helluva school day,” Xander said.
“It was no biggie,” Kennedy answered.
“No biggie?” Willow asked, “How the did you manage?”
“How did you manage high school?” Kennedy asked.
“One slay at a time,” Buffy answered.
“Same way I did. We slayed little and less dangerous demons that the watchers could round up and actually catch,” Kennedy answered, “They taught us as much as they could in the short years that we were there. It was all the preporation I got.”
“Well that helps,” Xander answered.
“Actually it did,” Buffy said, “It has helped tremendously. Now, I know what we need to do. We need to devise a class schedule for the slayers that come to our school. We need to split up the course load between us all. We can each take our own class to teach. We can help all the potentials become the slayers that they were supposed to be.”
“I like the sound of it,” Benny stated, “So, what would I be teaching?”
“Well, Willow could teach witchcraft. Benny, you could teach demonolgy. Faith could teach fighting techniques. Buffy could teach weapons. Giles, when he gets here, can teach the slayer histories. Dawnie, if she chooses to, can teach the ancient and demonic languages with Willow’s help, of course. Xander and I could teach the tracking, hunting, and evasion classes. Does that make sense at all?” Kennedy propossed.
“That would good, but is there anyway that we could leave Dawnie out of this?” Buffy asked, “I would like it if she didn’t have to deal with this anymore.”
“It is a little late for that, B. Dawn is in this whether you want her to be or not. She is the sister of a slayer and being that was created because of magic. She can’t help but be part of the slayer bit. I hate the fact that she has seen as much as she has, but you can’t protect her forever. She has grown up in the slayer’s shadow. She is the closet thing to a watcher after Giles than anyone else I know,” Faith stated.
“But –“ Buffy started.
“But, nothing, Buffy, Faith is right. Dawn is a great researcher and a great watcher. You might not have seen her in action, but I have. She would be perfect, for the job. Plus, she might decide to be a watcher some time in the future and have her own slayer to contend with. She is old enough to decide for herself,” Xander replied.
“I know, but you can’t yell at for trying,” Buffy started, “I don’t want anything to happen to her. I wouldn’t be able to handle that. I love her.”
“I know,” Xander stated, “None us would be able to handle that. She is like all of our’s little sister. Dawn is special to us all. We would all die for her.”
“I guess you are right, but where do find all of the slayers and potentials now. They are everywhere around the world. I mean those who didn’t make it to Sunnydale. What do we do about all of them? How do we find them all?” Buffy asked.
“Leave that to Will and me,” Benny stated, “You all just get ready because Watcher and Slayer U is about to up and running full force. We need to get whatever we are going to need to make this thing work and soon.”



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