“Wow.” Willow said for the third time as she sat with Buffy on a table outside in the bright sun. “So you guys are like dating now?” She prodded.
Buffy wrinkled her forehead, realising that she had no clue where she stood with Angel. “I don’t know…I think so…I’m not sure. I mean I’d like to, but there’s the whole thing of him being…” Her voice trailed off. It had been so much easier when she hadn’t known he was a vampire, but really when she thought about it she had known from the first moment she had met him; she just didn’t want to believe it.
“Well did he ask you out…or did you ask him?” Willow continued intrigued by her best friends new relationship.
“Well no…not technically. It was weird. One minute we were telling each other how it was never going to work, and the next…we were kissing” She tried to organise in her head how they had actually ended up kissing, but thinking about it made her even more confused. “I don’t know how it happened. It just…happened.” She resumed to wrinkling her brow again, struggling to make sense of last nights events.
Willow on the other hand couldn’t help but give her friend a long look of complete fascination, as she added another, “Wow.”
Buffy was about to continue the conversation when she flicked a look at her watch. “Oh, time for Giles.” She yelped as she gathered her books from the bench. Willow did the same, and they headed up the entrance steps into the high school.
“Hey Buff.” Xander greeted his obsession as she slumped herself into the comfy chair which Giles usually claimed.
“Hey.” She replied non-committal.
He was about to casually quiz Buffy on her latest dealings with Angel, when Giles emerged from his office with a strong cup of coffee. “Ah Buffy.” He said as he came to the desk they sat around and halted as he noticed that his chair had been filled. Buffy shot him a sweet smile, and he couldn’t help but give a short smile back as he took to the spare chair opposite her. “I’ve been meaning to chat with you…about slaying.”
“Chat away Giles.” She encouraged him, wanting to get it over with so she could continue her thoughts about Angel.
He raised his eyebrows at her keen attitude, and wondered whether or not she was being sarcastic. “Ah…yes, well, it’s nothing much I just wanted you to keep me informed of all your slaying activities…So we know what’s happening around Sunnydale.”
“Sure.” She replied simply. A silence fell upon the room, and she realised that he was waiting for more from her. “Oh, you want to know what vampires I’ve slayed?” He nodded. “Well, there hasn’t really been much. There were three a couple of nights ago outside the Bronze, and there have been odd ones around the cemetery, but nothing unusual…except for a big scaly demon.” She added.
“A scaly demon?” Giles focused his attention on her urging her to elaborate.
“Yeah, you know. Large fish-type creature, with blades for fingers about this long.” She demonstrated with her hands. “It was in the cemetery.” She added
“And you killed it?” Giles prodded.
“Yeah right.” She scoffed. “The thing was like three times the height of me. No, we ran back to my house. It didn’t follow.” She corrected him.
“We?” Giles observed, her choice of words. Xander also gave her an intrigued look.
“Angel and I. We bumped into each other in the cemetery.” She defended herself.
“Angel…who is Angel?” He prodded further.
“Angel is a vampire.” Xander announced.
“But a good vampire.” Willow protested.
“Will, a vampire can never be good.” He retorted.
“Angel. You said his name was Angel?” Giles asked half lost in his thoughts.
“Yeah, as in angel cake.” She replied, liking the sound of that.
Suddenly distracted by his work as the Librarian, Giles rose to his feet, cleaning his glasses. “Very good. Keep up the good work, and I shall look into this scaly demon you say you saw. If you come across anything else be sure to let me know.” And with a nod of his head he retreated to his office. Confused Buffy sat back in her chair and returned her thoughts to Angel.
A while later Xander and Willow left to go to their classes, leaving Buffy alone in the Library. She liked the fact that her classes were different to her friends’ because she was able to chill out, and assess her life, which was a very tedious process. She was snapped out of her thoughts by the sound of a crash in Giles’ office. She popped her head through the doorway to find him picking up a pile of books from the floor, which had obviously fallen from the shelf.
“You okay there Mr. Bookworm?” She asked.
“Oh yes. Quite alright thank you.” He assured her as he placed the pile on his desk. “Did you need anything?” He questioned her presence, seeming rather agitated by something.
“Nope. Just came to see if you had been knocked out.” She said casually. She narrowed her eyes as she saw that he did not take light to her wit, as he usually would have done. He did not respond to her look, and instead sat himself down on the chair at his desk, ready to attack the pile. She left, picking up on the fact that she was not needed.
When she had done all the homework she could do she gathered her books she slid them into her bag and stood to leave. “Bye Giles.” She called as she passed his office, heading for the double doors.
“Wait!” He shouted after her, running from his office with two very old books. She figured they were from his private collection.
She turned, and took the books that he shoved into her arms. “Angel; I don’t know how much you know, or what you think you know about him, but you should read these.” And with that he left her abruptly.
Puzzled, she took the books and left also.
Buffy trudged up the stairs and fell backwards onto her bed, exhausted. It had been a long day. She hadn’t even had chance to read the books that Giles had handed her. Curious, she sat up and shifted one of them into her lap, and opened it. She struggled to make out the first words as it was written in a rushed scribble. Nevertheless she managed to make it out to be some watcher from a long time ago. Great, she thought, more of Giles’ Slayer research! But why had he said about Angel, she wondered.
There wasn’t much of interest in the book until a few pages in when her eyes were immediately struck by a portrait sketch of Angel. She chuckled at his long hair, and old-fashioned clothing, but he still managed to look incredibly handsome. The smile soon faded as she read on. The entry went on to describe the vampire in the portrait, and what he was capable of…more to the pint what he had done.
Hours passed as she sat in her room, unable to stop reading the diaries; wanting to know everything. That most recent of the diaries she found most disturbing. Reading all the evil things he had done…to innocent people made her wretch, and her stomach threatened to be violently sick. Trembling she dropped to her knees and slid the books under her bed, resting her head against the mattress to ground her. Now she knew. There was no more mystery to him; she knew everything she needed to know about his past. What made things worse is that she had only been kissing him last night; kissing a monster, and knowing that she was the Slayer; meant to protect people from evil like him made the situation even more sickening. She couldn’t help but wonder why he had stopped. The last entry of the diaries seemed to imply that he had stopped being evil. Why? What stopped him? She wouldn’t be able to rest until she knew why. Standing tall she checked her stakes and headed out the house.
She knew he’d be watching her somewhere, which half scared her, but she didn’t know where. Shuffling through the cemetery she spotted a vampire stumbling from his grave and sped up to kick some demon ass. With a swift tug of his shoulder the vampire whirled to face her. She knew she could have staked him then but she needed to get some frustration out. Instead she rounded her leg in the air to crack his jaw, sending him to the ground.
Proud with her work she managed a slight smile and walked forward to the demon, who was already in motion to stand. She took position to strike again when the vampire bolted away from her.
“Hey!” She called after him. She followed his eye line where he had been looking before he had turned and ran, and saw that the demon that had attacked them the previous night was standing tall above her. “Oh give me a break!” She exclaimed as she moved to a fighting stance. “Don’t you guys ever quit?” Its large arm forcing her to the ground shut her up. Not appreciating grass in her face she whipped her leg round to knock it off balance.
It came at her again, revealing it’s long blades, which protruded from its hands. She was quick off the mark; dodging every swing it gave her. She wasn’t in the mood to get injured tonight. In fact she wasn’t in the mood to be in combat tonight but did she ever get what she wanted?
She caught sight of its face in the moonlight and gasped when she saw that it had no eyes, yet it fought so well. The fight continued, not losing its force. However, Buffy felt her body weakening, yet the demon kept attacking as strong as ever. She could barely manage to defend herself let alone try to take the thing down. Looking around for a way to knock it down to enable her to escape she spotted the exit of the cemetery. If she only had a way to distract it she could make a sprint for the exit in no time. Finding nothing she helplessly continued to block its powerful strikes at her.
It charged her again, more powerful than before, it was almost as if it thrived off her weakness. Knowing that she wouldn’t be able to hold it off much longer she shifted around the tree she leant on, giving her enough time to take a quick breath. She hoped he wouldn’t be clever enough to notice that she was behind the tree; after all it had no eyes. She wracked her brains for a plan, but came up empty. About to run for it she felt herself being yanked downwards into an open grave. Protesting she pushed against her capturer and saw that it was Angel. She wanted so badly to beat him off her, but took heed of his signal for her to be quiet. Instead she slumped down against the muddy walls of the grave, and looked away.
He wondered why she didn’t greet him in her usual fashion; then again he had just put her in a grave. He didn’t expect anyone would be grateful of that. She wanted to put some distance between them, yet when the demon left neither of them made a move to stand. Observing her troubled face, he reached out a hand to rest on her shoulder, wanting to know what was on her mind. He stopped when he saw her flinch at his gesture. This time she did turn her gaze to look at him. They sat for a short while just staring at each other, a growing tension filling the grave. After a beat Buffy stood up tall and hopped out from the grave, followed by Angel.
She felt better to have more space between them. He on the other hand was very confused and wanted to know why she was behaving the way she was.
“Are you okay?” He dared to ask.
She seemed a little shocked at his question and fumbled as she answered. “Yeah.” She lied.
He nodded; accepting that she wouldn’t tell him what was really on her mind. “That was some fight. I’m glad I got here when I did or…” His voice trailed off, not wanting to continue.
“Or what?” She prodded, fully aware that he was no stranger to killings. He didn’t answer, confused at her abrupt question. “It would have killed me?” She filled in the rest of his sentence. Still he did not answer; overwhelmed with puzzlement. “Well aren’t I glad you got here in time?” She sighed mocking his heroic stunt. And with that she headed off, away from him, in the direction the demon had gone.
She was jolted back as he clenched his solid hand around her arm. “Where are you going?” He asked.
Frustrated at his force over her, she whipped her arms free from his grip and stepped backward, away from him. “Well in case you didn’t notice, there’s one big nasty demon on the loose tonight and I plan to kill it.”
“How?” He quizzed; growing slightly frustrated with her.
“I’ll manage.” She assured him in a non-convincing tone, and began to walk away again.
“Like you were just now…when it almost had you?” His words were enough for her to turn around and face him.
She laughed. “Is that what you call it?” She mocked inching closer to him. “’It almost had’ me?” She repeated his words, now only inches away from him. “Tell me Angel, how many have you had?” The message in her words was clear to him, and he could do nothing more than return her gaze.
“I’m serious Buffy.” He warned her.
“So am I.” She retorted, not moving her body away from his. It sickened her that she still felt quivers ripple along her skin when she was so close to him, knowing all what he had done. “I want to hear it Angel. I want to know everything about what you are.” She told him.
“Used to be.” He corrected her.
“Right, the curse! Tell me about that, tell me about how much you regret doing all those evil things just so I don’t kill you right now.” An edge of threat crept into her voice.
“Now is not the time or place Buffy, you know that.” He replied, disguising his hurt. He didn’t need to ask how she had found out about the curse, he knew she would’ve find out eventually. “Right now we should be following that demon, and finding out if there’s any more. And you can’t do it alone.” He added.
“No.” She agreed. “I need a big strong vampire to watch my back…or should I say my neck?” She knew that she didn’t have a chance taking on the demon again, but didn’t fully trust Angel enough to fight beside him.
“You don’t know what you’re up against here, Buffy. Moroth demons are pure evil, you can’t reason with them. They feed off your power; they can smell it in you, and they won’t stop until they get you. You’re the one they’re after.” The worried sound of his voice caught her attention, although she wanted to discuss everything right now, she knew she was the Slayer and that her duties always came first.
“Just another night in Sunnydale.” She sighed, finding the thought of going home to bed all too tempting. Instead she shot her eyes up to meets Angels, in full Slayer mode. “So how do we kill this thing?” She asked, and with that they sped off into the night following the demons trail.
She had kept her distance from Angel as they had stalked the Moroth demon down to the ocean. It saddened Angel that she was so distant from him, when only the other night they had been so close. He wondered if that was over now, and that his simple nature had driven a wedge between them.
Together they clambered down the cliff, still in toe of the demon. The rock face of the cliff was slippery with the moisture in the wind, which swept up at them from the sea.
Buffy lost her footing as she dropped down to a lower level of the rock face, and her whole body was flung away from the cliff. Angel dropped just in time to wrap his arm around her waist and pull her back onto the ledge. She lost her breath when she was jolted from the air to press up against him, and for a moment she forgot all who he was and loved him simply for holding her. The feeling must have been mutual, as he made no attempt to release her petite body he held so well. Moments later they resumed to scrambling down, when they eventually met the soft sand at the bottom.
They scanned the beach for the demon but saw nothing. They both were filled with confusion until they turned to face the sea. Then their puzzled expressions fell away at the realisation of where the demon had gone. Buffy moved toward the lapping water of the sea and spotted fresh footprints. Angel came up behind her and examined them too. She continued to observe the prints, but found that her attention was taken away to the fact that she had sensed Angel’s presence, and it wasn’t her usual Slayer sense; she had felt Angel. It worried her that she was rapidly falling deeply for him. She didn’t know if it was love, but whatever it was she knew that it was strong, and it made her want him more than she could bear.
“The sea.” She broke the silence, bringing her head up to scan the waves, which threatened to wet her feet. She didn’t like standing there; she felt like she was being watched. Something was watching her from beneath the surface of the water. Not liking this new vulnerability she abruptly stepped backwards in an effort to remove herself from watching eyes. She had forgotten that Angel was stood directly behind her and stumbled into him. He steadied her, holding both her arms.
“Hey. What is it?” He asked trying to sound light-hearted but the truth was that he too felt the eyes, which fell upon them both.
“They’re watching us.” She told him, not stopping until she was back at the foot of the cliff again.
“I know.” He said managing to match her pace. “I feel it too.” Those last words half related to the Moroth demons, but it was clear that he meant more than just them; he needed her to know how he felt about her, even if she chose not to see him again. He wanted her to know.
It was obvious to her what he was implying and found it hard to reply. “We should go before they come after us. We can come back tomorrow night with more weapons and the gang.” She avoided approaching the subject of them for now and began to climb back up the cliff. He followed.
A short while later they emerged up over the cliff edge and stood to dust themselves off. Unsure of what to say they both began walking back to the centre of Sunnydale. They hadn’t got far when Angel broke the silence.
“What do you want to know?” He asked simply, expecting a simple reply.
“Look Angel, it’s late. I really should be getting home.” Before, she had wanted to know anything and everything about his past, but now she found that she was afraid of knowing. She had read the diaries, but it was so much easier to pretend that it wasn’t Angel they talked about; it could be someone else…anyone else. Just not him; not the guy she was falling in love with.
“You said you wanted me to tell you. So what do you want to know? Now is as good as any time.” He pushed her to ask him all about the horrible things he had done so that she wouldn’t have reason to be awkward around him, and so that he didn’t hold any secrets from her. Although he knew that what she did not ask he would not tell her, for her own benefit.
“I don’t want you to tell me. I’ve read more than I’d like to know about your past, and I know there’s a lot more, but I just can’t deal right now.” She hoped that he would let it go but there was an uneasy atmosphere between them, and she knew that wouldn’t go away until they had talked.
They resumed walking in silence, neither of them sure what to say. They had only reached the small convenience store just outside of Sunnydale when the rain began to fall.
“Great.” Buffy said in that sarcastic tone she did so well. “The perfect ending to the perfect day.” She slumped her shoulder and let the raindrops crash down on her.
“Come on.” Angel said, grabbing her wrist. He pulled her along as he sped off down an alley. “I live near here.”
“What?” She ordered struggling to find her feet, as he didn’t slow down. “I thought you said you lived near me.”
“I did.” He answered, still holding her. He looked back and saw her confused expression then said. “I lied.” Flashing her a wide grin. She found it hard not to return the gesture.
Accepting this new information she followed him a little way further until they came to his apartment. They slowed on the steps down to his door, adjusting to the dry surroundings. She slumped against the wall as he unlocked the door, then they both went inside.
“Nice place.” She said as she scanned the interior of the dim lit room.
“Thanks.” He replied, flicking the light switch to flood the room with light. It was then that she realised how wet she had gotten. She saw that Angel was just as wet, and couldn’t help but sneak a peek at his muscles where his shirt clung to his skin, but stopped when she observed that he did not shiver. She on the other hand was.
He passed through to his bedroom and handed her some clothes. “Here, put these on you’re freezing.” He told her as he touched her arm to feel her temperature. He pulled away realising that he had made a mistake, feeling all too well the temptation to pull her closer.
“Thanks.” She said taking the clothes and going to change in his room, and returned a short while later.
He chuckled at how she could even make his clothes look sexy. She wore one of his baggy white t-shirts and a pair loose jogging pants. “Do you want a drink or anything? I don’t have much but...” He trailed off walking over to open the fridge door, seeing the packets of blood made him shut it again.
“No, I’m good thanks.” She said moving to sit on the sofa. He came to join her.
“Buffy we do need to talk.” He told her bending down to sit on the opposite side of the sofa.
“About what? I’ve read the diaries, I don’t want to know any more.” She replied growing a little frustrated with him.
“You need to know.” He answered calmly.
“I need to know what…How you spent years getting high off torturing people? Come on what more do I need to know?” She prompted him, giving in to the urge to stand and pace around a bit.
“That I’ve changed.” He retorted as he rose of the sofa and grabbed her arms to halt her in her stride. She caught her breath at the closeness, and then remembered who he was.
“Right.” She nodded. “The curse. So come on, tell me how you’ve changed.” She spat.
“I have changed!” He shouted. “Why can’t you see that?!”
“Because I’m the Slayer!” She shot back. “I kill things like you.”
“So stake me! It’ll save a whole lot of this.” He said, not waiting for a reply as he spun around to walk into his bedroom and began to change himself.
“And what exactly is this?!” She demanded as she followed him into the bedroom and cocked her hip, waiting for his answer.
“Can we not just have a rational conversation for a once?” He shot back, and removed his shirt to replace it with a white t-shirt similar to the one she was wearing. She turned her back to him when he changed his pants.
She sighed weakly staring at the blankness of the wall. “For us to do that we’d need to talk about something that’s actually rational.” She told him.
“What’s not rational about it?” He pressed, coming up behind her and slowly turned her round to look at him. He could see the pain that etched in her eyes.
It pained her to be so close to someone she found herself falling for yet be all too aware of the risks she was taking, let alone abandoning her duties as the Slayer. “Well it’s not your average every day conversation is it?”
“We could try?” He offered in a gentle voice.
“Okay.” She gave in with a small sweet smile. “I want to know about the curse.” She told him.
He nodded his head in acceptance of her request. “You want the short version or the long version?” He half chuckled, as they moved across the room to sit on the sofa. “For many years I found pleasure in the death of my victims…I craved it.” He saw the look of disgust flash across her face at his words and wanted to stop but knew that she wouldn’t let him. “Part of me always knew that I’d get my justice one day…and then I did. I was cursed by a clan of Gypsies.”
“So they just decided to curse you ‘cause you were a vampire?” She prodded.
“I killed one of their people. She belonged to the Kalderdash clan, they spoke Romani, and she was considered very valuable to them. As their revenge they conjured the perfect punishment for me…they gave me a soul.” He added.
“A soul?” She quivered.
“You have no idea what it’s like to have done the things I’ve done and regret every second of them. Getting my soul back meant that I could feel human emotions but I can never be a human.” He admitted sadly. “The ultimate torture for a vampire.” He turned to her and saw that she felt his pain equally, and wanted to cast her away so that she did not have to bear any of his troubles; she had enough of her own. Yet she chose to stay, which meant more than life itself to him, just having her next to him eased his pain slightly. “I know there’s no way to change what I’ve done, but the vampire you read about in the diaries isn’t me anymore.”
“I know that…I do, and I want to believe it but…” She trailed off. Why did she find it so hard to trust him now, when he had saved her from so much already? “ I just need some time.” She told him, almost asking the question. He nodded. He wondered, whether they would be able to remove the wedge, which had fallen between them, or if she would slowly fade away from him; afraid of what he was. It was as if she knew what he was thinking as she said, “Just for a little while…to take it all in.”
“I understand.” He assured her. “You think it’s difficult to hear it, try living it.” He added, giving her a look, which she could never even come close to sharing. His eyes kept many secrets, which she preferred not to hear, yet his skin was untouched, cementing his youthful appearance, which she had quickly fallen for. In that moment she could do nothing else but stare at him.
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