TEASER “ All Things Blue”
LONG SHOT OF ANGEL CREW.
Angel stops, creating a domino effect of Loren running into him, Cordelia running into Loren, Roger running into Cordelia, Wesley running into Roger, Lorne running into Wesley, Fred running Lorne, and Gunn running into Fred.
“That was graceful,” Angel said sarcastically.
“Yes, I love being the second layer of the Angel posse sandwich,” Loren replied,
“Why the hell are we even here?” Cordelia asked. She stretched out her shirt to make sure there was no spot or dirt or Sunnydale something on it.
“Blah,” Roger stated, giving Cordelia a grin.
Lorne got to his feet and pushed Wesley. Wesley gave him a look and turned to Fred and Gunn. Gunn was helping Fred to her feet. Wesley pretended not to care.
“These are sixty dollar shoes! And Roger and his honking feet put a huge scuff in them! Uggh! I hate Sunnydale. I forgot how deeply I *hate* Sunnydale!” Cordelia shouted.
“Be quiet, Cordy. We have to check up on the other demon hunters of California,” Loren shouted back.
“Right. Angel crew, we’re on the move!” Lorne shouted.
“I don’t see *why* we had to take the bus, of all mass transportation! I mean, public transportation, even Angelus is above that!” Cordelia complained.
END OF TEASER
ACT ONE, SCENE ONE “All Things Purple”
Buffy: All Scoobies, please line up!
Left to right, Giles, Xander, Anya, Willow, Tara, Spike, Jessica, Andrew, Taylor, Dawn, and Jake.
Xander: What’s the big deal? *Eevil monsters, big uglies. Twisted cheerleaders?
Giles: Ha ha, very funny. What is it?
Buffy: Angel and his big enormous crew are comin’ to Sunnydale for a couple of days. I think... they might stay... forever...
Andrew: That means more people to play Star Wars with!
Buffy: Oh my God... Okay, Spike and Jess, we are either going to have to kick you out of the basement, or you’re going to have to share.
Spike: But...
Buffy: Share or leave.
Spike: In that case, I like to share.
Dawn;Oh my God! They’re here!
Everyone tackles each other to the window. Spike presses his nose against the glass.
Andrew: Oh my God, Angel is hot!
Taylor smacks him and shoulders passed Dawn to get a good look at the crew.
Taylor: Oh my God! Loren! And Roger!
Jessica: OMG! It is!
Buffy: Oh my God! Wait... who?
Buffy crew runs out the door, pushing each other. Xander gets trampled and Spike runs head first into Angel.
Spike: Uh-hi. I was *not* barreling out of the door blindly!
Angel: Good to see you, too. Buffy.
Buffy just stands there. Loren gives her a questioning look.
Buffy: My hat has a cow.
Taylor: Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God! Loren! Roger! Loren, why are you squeezing Angel’s arm? Roger why are you checking out Cordelia’s boobs? Oh my God! Are you two... broken-up?
Roger: It’s been a while since high school.
Angel: You two were together?
Angel gives them the disapproving father look.
Loren: Yeah, yeah, long story. Taylor, you’re with *Andrew*?
Taylor: He likes Star Wars.
Jake: Uhh...
Loren: Oh my God! Jake, do you still read Natoru?
Jake: Sure.
Roger: Jess? With... Spike. I could have guessed.
Jessica: This is strange. Reunions of reunions. Wow...
Loren gets teary and gives Jessica and Taylor a big hug.
Taylor: Breathing... becoming... an... issue.
Wesley: Yellow snow!
Giles: This is interesting. I’m going inside.
Giles exits, while polishing glasses.
Tara: Anyone care for introductions? I don’t think I’ve met any of these people.
Buffy: My hat has a cow.
Spike: I think I can do it! This is Angel and he has a girlfriend that used to date Cordelia’s boyfriend who knows my girlfriend who knows the gay guy who used to Taylor’s boyfriend and Wesley is here for some reason and I have no clue who the other three are.
Angel: Thank you, idiot.
Roger: I am *NOT* her boyfriend. What hat has a cow?
Buffy: Wait, (((Points to Loren))) she’s your *girlfriend*??
Loren: No! Wait, Angel?
Angel: Yes, yes, we all are over it. Angel does not like brood no more. Loren =s not brooding.
Spike: I’m so happy for you. (((For stupid people, that was sarcasm.)))
Taylor: Wait, Jake is gay?
Jake: Yes, I’m gay, you have a problem with that?
Andrew: Angel is hot...
Loren punches him in the nose.
Loren: I don’t do the slappy thing, that’s for wosses.
Andrew: I want my Mommy!
Taylor: Loren! That was... my boyfriend.
Loren: If that’s your boyfriend, you have serious problems.
Tara: I’m confused now.
Willow: I second that confusion.
Angel: Okay, here’s my crew. This is Loren, Roger, Wesley, Cordy, Fred, Lorne, Gunn. Buffy, introduce your crew.
Buffy: This is me, and Spike, and Jess, and Jake, and Taylor, and Andrew, and Giles went inside, and Xander, and Anya, and Willow, and Tara, and Dawn... Wow, that’s a lot of crew.
Loren: Uh, you’re the slayer... and this is your crew... what do they all do? They have to have some special ability, right?
Buffy: Well, Spike’s a vampire and this is ... his girlfriend. Jake is gay, Taylor and Andrew like Star Wars, Giles is the ex-watcher, and Xander’s my friend, Anya is the Demon, and Willow a Wicca who won’ta, Tara’s a Wicca who willa, and Dawn is my sister.
Loren: Well I’m a Wicca too (((smile flashies)), Roger is weird, Wesley and Fred are the brains of the operation, Cordy’s the prep, (((Cordy: Hey!)) Lorne’s the demon, and Gunn is the enforcer. Whew, happy day.
Spike: Wow, I think the light at the end of the tunnel.
END OF SCENE
SCENE TWO, “Evil Plotting”
Note: Gertrude’s minions are cheerleaders.
Gertrude: They think they’ve found the light at the end of tunnel, how terribly, terribly wrong they are.
Minion *1: Yay!
Gertrude: We shall suck the friendship from them and turn it into pep! Just for the sake of eevil!
Minion #2: Peppy!
Gertrude: I think I’ll enjoy watching them. (((Evil laughter)))
Minions kick up their legs and chant:
Minions: We’re peppy! With pepper! And this a leper! Her socks are blue! They’re blue! And it’s now time for the fade out!!!
FADE OUT
ACT TWO, SCENE THREE “Oh my God.”
Enters with camera swiveling around basement steps. Spike opens door and immediately regrets it, tripping over shoes and sleeping bags and suitcases all lined up on the stairs. He landed on his arse at the bottom of the stairs.
Spike: Oww.
Jessica: I would have warned you. I forgot.
Xander: It’s like a war zone in here. It’s kind of... comforting...
Angel: Okay, Loren and I get the two person sleeping bag thingy, Spike and Jess get the bed (((growls in disappointment))), everyone else gets a one person sleeping bag.
Gunn: Oh, just because you’re the boss, you get to snuggle with your honey!
Loren: Uh, yeah.
Gunn scowls, but pushes the subject no further.
Angel: (((Sighs))) I hope this sleeping arrangement works out. I mean, I really don’t want to hear things I normally wouldn’t.
Spike: Are you suggesting *we’re* not going to hear what we normally wouldn’t?
Angel: I don’t know, what do you think, Spikey?
Angel gets inches away from Spike. Jessica runs up and separates the two.
Jessica: Okay, okay, can we do this some other time? Like not in front of everybody with the lights on... in the basement?
Angel: She has a point. Smart girl there, Spike.
Spike: Thanks! Loren isn’t exactly a dolt herself.
Angel: P-E-P-P-Y! What does that spell?
Angel throws out his arms, forming the letters as he spells them in the air. He nods his head at Fred pumps some music from the little radio in the basement.
Spike: Peppy, we’re peppy!!! Yeah, yeah, we’re peppy! And old! Really, really old! And sexy! Yeah, yeah, we’re sexy. S-E-X-Y!
Loren and Jessica stand side-by-side, mouths agape.
Jessica and Loren: Oh my God.
SCENE FOUR, “Peppy and Hair Gel”
Summers’ living room. Jessica and Loren come running up the stairs.
Jessica; You need to get in the asylum.
Loren: I’ll say. Are you all insane too? (((Addressing Buffy, Willow, and Tara sitting on the couch.))))
Tara: Nope, I think we’re all perfectly sane. Willow?
Willow: I feel pretty sane. You can never really tell, now can you?
Buffy: What’s going on? Insane?
Jessica: You mean you don’t know?
Loren: It was scary. Call me traumatized.
Jessica: I second that... uhh...
Loren: We were all sleepy arrangementy and then... Oh my God.... Angel and Spike....
Buffy: Oh my God!! They’re not sleeping together are they?
Loren: No! ...worse.
Jessica: Oh my God! It was with the arms and the spelling with the arms and the... oh my God. I think I’m dying.
Loren: Oh no, I know what it is!!!
Willow: Info?
Loren: ... It’s all so clear now! ((goes over and sits on couch, blank expression on face)) We’re all just going to die.
Buffy: No! We aren’t!
Tara: Okay, I feel a big apocalyptic speech coming on, but I still don’t get why we’re all going to die. Because Spike can spell?
Loren: Well that is a big surprise but... Come on. ((Grabs Tara by the wrist and leads her to the basement with others in tow. Spike and Angel are arguing...))
Willow: In case you don’t know... they do this a lot. I was here in High School.
Jessica: But... but... with the spelling and the... the... music... and the pumping.... and oh my God, the S-E-X-Y....
Buffy: We all know you think Spike is sexy.
Loren: No! There was music, and ... hyperness. Oh God!
Angel: What the hell are you talking about?
Buffy: I think they’re drunk.
Loren: Angel... You’re back to normal, with the I-think-you’re-weird-but-I’m-still-sexy look you always give me!!
Buffy: You give her an I-think-you’re-weird-but-I’m-still-sexy look?!
Spike: What the bleeding hell are you talking about? I mean, come on, you can say a sexy look in a lot less, much more betterer words than all that.
Angel: Betterer?
Spike: I’m dating Jessica, remember?
Loren: ((sniffles)) You’re back to normal, and I never thought there could be a worse form of Spike... ((embraces Angel))
Angel: She’s drunk.
Jessica: I take that offensively, you know. Cheerleader Spike is far sexier than cheerleader Angel!
Loren: Cheerleader Angel is ... scarier than I ever thought Angel could be with out fang-face.
Spike: I think they’re really drunk.... Or crazy. I’m going to go with crazy.
Loren: Noo! I like being drunk!! I mean... I’m not crazy! Tell him Angel?
Angel: ... Can somebody get Asprin?
Loren: ((sniffles))
Spike: Oh my God.
Andrew comes sliding down the steps, wearing Cordelia’s old Sunnydale cheerleader uniform. Taylor runs behind him crying.
Loren: See!! See!! You were like that except you didn’t have... is that Cordy’s?
Andrew: Thong included.
Loren: Squeak! ((tighter embrace))
Angel: Uh... (((I’d-rather-not-be-here Angel face)))
Jess runs behind Spike, holding shoulders and cowering in fear.
Jessica: Squeak! Save me!
Taylor: My boyfriend’s gay... again!!! *sobs*
Loren: ((Pauses)) Hee hee, my boyfriend’s not.
Jessica: Ha ha, my isn’t either.
Loren: He’s your first one!
Jessica: So! At least he’s not gay!
Spike: What if I am?
Loren; Oh God.
Angel: P-E-P-P-Y!!! Peppyness is the only way to go! Spike?
Spike: (((kicks up legs at a scarily high, unatural for men height))) I’m peppy! Peppy, yeah, yeah, I’m peppy! Lorne, Gunn, Roger, Wesley, Giles, Xander, Jake, Andrew! We have to do the pyramid! Angel and I get to be the bottom. I just love knees digging into my back.
Angel and Spike run gayly to the middle of the dusty Summers’ basement floor, beaming and getting on their knees.
The “boys’ come running down the stairs, Andrew giving them ushering motions to the music Fred has just turned on. Loren shoots Fred a look and she shrugs.
Fred: It’s too funny.
Jessica: Spike, you moron! Stop before I... I... spoon feed you?
Spike: I’m busy, luv. Gunn, you be on the bottom with us?
Gunn: You bet!
Angel: Xander! You too!
Xander: You bet! If Giles gets on top of me!
Anya comes staggering down the stairs.
Anya: Xander! What was with the sudden... Oh my God!
Giles climbs atop Xander, suggestively so. He puts a knee on Xander’s back and a knee on Angel’s. Lorne gets on Angel’s back next to Giles, a knee on Angel and the other on Gunn. Wesley climbs atop Gunn, one knee on Gunn, the other on Spike. Jake and Andrew climb atop the second row and Roger stands on the top.
Girls (((including Fred)): Oh my God.
Spike: What do we got boys?
Boys: Pep!
Angel: What else do we got boys?
Boys: Hair gel, lots and lots of hair gel!
Roger: I use the cheap stuff! But it holds my hair! Even if it comes out in dandruff-like flakes!
Angel: Only the best for me!
Spike: Me too. Since I steal it from him!
Loren: You steal *hair gel*?
Jessica: Hello, Spike you’re talking to.
Loren: Right.
Spike: What do we want boys?
Boys: Friendship!
Angel: Why do we want it?
Boys: Because we love each other!
Jessica: Spike, come on!
(((Grabs Loren and throws her at Angel and runs over to Spike, clutching his face in her palms. Loren slinks away from Angel and stares open mouthed at him. ))
Jessica: Spike, stop this. It’s ridiculous. This isn’t you.
SPIKE/JESS THEME SONG PLAYING IN BACKGROUND.
Spike: But Jess, this is me! I don’t ... (((low, threatening voice))) You don’t like peppiness?
Jessica: No, no I don’t. I like you.
Spike: But you love me. You love all of me, right? I am peppy.
Jessica: No, no you aren’t.
Jessica plants firm kiss, lasting whole chorus and then turns to Buffy, hands still on Spike’s cheeks.
Jessica: Something is wrong. And we’re *going* to get to the bottom of this.
Fred: I’ll stay here.
Buffy: Now, don’t do anything funny with my.... their boyfriends, got that? Or anyone else.
Fred: What about *my* boyfriend?
Buffy: Oh, right ... Sure.
Buffy and girls, Loren and Jess up front, run out of the basement, the look in their eyes. The no-body-messes-with-my-boyfriend look.
ACT TWO, SCENE ONE, “The Epic Battle of the Broken Nails”
Enter with camera swiveling on Gertrude sitting on an alter, surrounded by kneeling scantily clad minions.
Gertrude: This is great. When the “boys” get peppy enough. they will explode and turn to dust. Not that the vamps wouldn’t have anyway. It’ll be funny. Now, all we have to do is...
Buffy: I don’t see that happening anytime soon.
Buffy and the super gang of girlfriends like up in a big group triangle, the center of which are Buffy, Loren and Jessica. Loren has a crossbow and Jessica has an axe. Willow and Tara are prepping there magick, Buffy is quipping. Minions attack and Buffy easily adverts a few at a time, ducking and kicking and punching and sometimes getting hit in the face by a pom-pom powered fist. Jessica starts hacking making heads roll left and right. Luckily, the minions appear to be humans on speed, so they die easily. Loren is doing nothing with the crossbow so joing Willow and Tara as they attack with simple forfeild and wall blastin’ spells. Taylor jsut stays out of the way in tears.
Loren: WHAT HAVE YOU WHORES DONE TO MY ANGEL!??!!
Minion: Oh my God, I broke a nail!! And I just got them done! Gertrude!
Gertrude: Keep fighting, or *I’ll* chop off your head!!!
Minion gets her head chopped off by a red faced Jessica. Loren steps up the spells with an invisable force of her anger directed at one minion at a time, leaving them in bloody rags.
Jess and Loren: GIVE ME BACK MYBOYFRIEND!!!!
Buffy: Just shut up, okay? Keep fighting, then we’ll get back Spike and Angel, who I’ll have you know, I cared about very much.
Jessica: Uh-huh, right. In an alernate deminsion. Besides, Spike is *so* over you.
Buffy: Whatever. Just keep killing cheerleaders.
Loren: I always thought they were eevil. They had to be. There is no other explanation.
Buffy: Hey!
Loren: Well, it’s true. Anyway, Angel is *so* over cheeleaders.
Continue fighting, then a fade out.
SCENE TWO, “The Biggest Thing Since Buffy and Spike”
Roger carefully slides down the backs of the other guys as the rest sort of fall off each other.
Angel: What the hell happened?
Giles: A very good question.
Gunn: I... Oh my God, don’t tell me... We didn’t... We weren’t...
Spike: If you’re going to talk, might as well say words that actully mean something, you great big poof.
Angel: Shut up, Spike. I don’t think anything you’ve ever said was worth the carbon dioxide it emitted.
Spike: Hey!!
Lorne: Gunn?
Gunn: We weren’t like... on top of each other, were we? Fred. we weren’t on top of each other, tell me we weren’t on top of each other!
Fred: You were on tope of each other.
Angel and Spike and Gunn and Lorne: Oh my God.
Roger: No one was on top of me.
Spike: I’ll show you on top of you...
Angel grabs Spike as he tries to go at Roger.
Angel: God, that sounds so wrong.
Roger: Yeah. Is anyone more than a little conserned about Spike?
Andrew and Jake: I’m not.
Spike: No one asked you, homos.
Jake: I take that offensivly! I perfer the term ‘Sexually different’.
Angel and Spike: Oh my God.
Andrew: Hey, I like that.
Jake: You do? Man, I never thought I would meet anyone...
Andrew and Jake go into the biggest, juicest, most disturning kiss ever shown on T.V. Lots of back rubbing and grunting (((grunting is pointless, however, that is why they grunt.)))
Everyone except Andrew and Jake: Oh my God.
SCENE THREE, “The Pep is Dead... We Think”
All the minions lay in a state of deadness upon the ground. Jessica swings her bloody axe over her shoulder and beams. Loren wipes her hands together in satisfaction. Buffy just stands there, like often she does.
Jessica: We win, now can Spike be normal again please? There’s only so much gayness one can take!
Loren: I second that gayness.
Willow: I third it. I never thought I could be so scared in my entire life.
Tara: I’ve never been that scared in my entire life. I mean, legs that are of men, they should never, ever be able to go up that high...
Buffy: And Andrew so can never, ever been seen in a skirt again... Or in a thong... Or in a push up bra... Or in pumps.
All except Buffy: I second that pumpness.
Buffy (((turning to Gertrude))): We won. Now give them back their boyfriends.
Gertrude: I see now... I was wrong...
Loren: About what?
Gertrude: I underestimated the stregth of your bonds. Your friendship is much more powerful that you thought.
Jessica: What the bleeding hell are you talking about?
Gertrude: I tried to steal away your friendship. For the first time in history, the greatest battlers of my kind were together and I wanted to tear you apart. But here I am... And you all are still the greatest friends any could have. You won today, the “boys” loose the pep, but, mark my words, this is not the last time.
Gertrude dissapears in a wisp of green, gaseuous smoke that makes everyone gag.
Loren: I told you cheerleader were evil.
Jessica: Memo to self: Listen to Loren. Hey, Loren, how far have you gotten with Angel?
Loren: Wouldn’t you like to know?
The girl walk out, all emersed in ther own inaudibel conversations.
SCENE FOUR, “The Big Sappadelic Friend Scene”
The girls bust through the basement door. Weapons clatter to the ground and Taylor bursts into the most dramatic of sobs ever.
Girls: Oh my God.
Boys except Andrew and Jake: We know...
No one moves, they just keep staring at the eevilness, mouths agape. Loren is the first to snap out of it.
Loren: Angel! Squeak! You’re normal again!
Loren runs to him and throws her arms around him, squeezing him with all the stregth she could muster.
Angel: Good thing I don’t have to breath...
Loren: Sorry, but...
Angel: You don’t have to explain...
ANGEL/LOREN PLAYS IN BACKGROUND
Angel stoops down and plants the lightest kiss on Loren’s lips. When he draws back, Loren scowls.
Loren: What was that? Do I have to teach you everything?
She starts making serious out with him.
Spike (((Sticking finger up his throat))): *Gag*
Buffy: Who’s leaving? All leaving the basement of love monkies, say aye.
Angel: Lowen, Lowen, howwey, offf.
Loren stops kissing Angel, but never lets go off him, holding his forearms like her life depended on it.
Loren: Sorry.
Angel: What happened?
Buffy: This eevil demon person dude was trying to take away our friendship, no biggy.
Angel: Well, she lost, because I think our friendship...
Willow: Is stronger than ever...
Big group hug. Head together, arms wrapped around shoulders.
Buffy: *Now*, all leaving the basement of love monkies, say aye.
All except Loren and Angel: Aye!
All except the love monkies pile up the stairs. Jess has her hand wrapped in Spike’s, but everyone else is taking it slow.
Giles: I was *not* a cheerleader!
Now everyone is gone and you can’t hear them. Loren and Angel are left all alone in the basement.
Angel: Are you ready.. I mean...
Loren: I’ve been ready for a long, long time.
Fadeout with the blaring ANGEL/LOREN THEME SONG and them kissing most passionatly.
THE END
Here is the first episode, enjoy. ***Reminder, DO NOT CONTINUE THIS STORY EVEN IF IT IS ROUNDROBIN, IT IS FOR UNDER YOUR SPELL AND MYSELF ONLY!!!!
*Eevil: Making fun of Wesley, who, for some reason can not say EVIL.
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