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Buffy The Vampire Slayer > BTVS - Season Three
On My Own by Jai L
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Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Joss Whedon's universe. It's a nice universe, we all love his universe. Well, we know the deal, so let's hurry it up, okay?



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Part One

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In our lives we reach the impasse. Do we act or do we fall? Do we play it safe or do we cry? All of us would like to believe that we would do the right thing, but can we? What is the right thing? It is easy to reflect back and say it, but at the impasse, we have a moment to make the decision. We have a moment of choice, and we can only pray.


* * *
Buffy Summers walked into a coffee shop in L.A. She dropped some change on the counter and watched as the waitress placed a cup of coffee in front of her. Buffy picked it up and moved to the end of the counter.

She looked down at her now cold cup of coffee. She sighed and drank it anyway. The job she took to support herself wasn't exactly stellar. Working as a waitress at the local IHOP wasn't exactly her dream job. Luckily she was able to find a dirt cheap apartment.

"Not exactly Starbucks, huh?" A voice said behind her. "It's not even as good as Mickey-D's."

Buffy turned around at the sound of the voice and found herself staring at a familiar face.

"Whistler." Buffy whispered in surprise.

"Oh, color me flattered." Whistler responded with a grim smile.

"What do you want?" Buffy asked angrily.

"What I want is to know what you want." Whistler responded as he sat next to her.

"Yay. Watch my joy as I sit next to the walking enigma." Buffy muttered as she sipped her coffee.

"You miss him." Whistler said as he ordered his own cup of coffee.

"Why not try to state the obvious?" Buffy mumbled.

"Well I could say that you believe that you have nothing left." Whistler responded as he drank some of his coffee.

"Pretty much sums it up, yeah." Buffy said.

"What about your friends?" Whistler asked as he looked at her.

Buffy looked at him, not knowing what to say.

"They need you. It's not like Sunnydale is Disneyland." Whistler continued.

"I can't help them if I have no home. No school." Buffy murmured.

"That? Easily taken care of." Whistler replied as he took a gulp of his coffee.

"What?" Buffy asked with confusion.

"Well, it's already taken care of. The police got the idea that all the crap that happened in your school was because of that "gang" on PCP." Whistler answered.

"And how'd they get that idea?" Buffy asked.

"I have my connections. My sources. Not to mention friends in high places. If you lived in the world a bit, you'd know that everything isn't permanent. Everything has it's was of being worked around." Whistler responded cryptically.

"Yeah sure, and why would you want to do that?" Buffy muttered angrily.

"It's what I do. This whole balancing good and evil thing is a gig that allows certain advantages." Whistler said almost proudly.

"Don't you have someone else to bother? I mean, there is another Slayer out there!" Buffy yelled.

The three other patrons of the store casted quizzical looks in their direction.

"She's a little bit testy. That time of month." Whistler said quickly.

"Oh, you're a big riot. You should tour. How about you go now?" Buffy grumbled.

"Did you know that I was the one that brought Angel on your side?" Whistler asked.

"What?" Buffy exclaimed with a look of disbelief in her eyes.

"Figures. You help a guy, and he doesn't mention you to his friends. Yeah. Before I got to him, he was known as the Big Smelly of Time Square. Homeless. Really into self-torment." Whistler responded casually.

Buffy quickly looked away and said, "I don't know why you're bringing this up. Angel's gone. And you're not getting me to go back to Sunnydale."

"Well maybe this will change your mind." Whistler replied as he laid a dozen roses in front of her.

Buffy looked at the roses for a second and looked at him.

"You know, roses are nice, but I'm more of a chocolate girl." Buffy said as she slowly started to move them away.

Suddenly Whistler's hand clamped down onto her wrist with unimaginable strength and quickness. Shock registered on Buffy's face when she realized that this short, badly dressed, guy could take her and probably win.

"I was thinking that you could put them on your friend's grave." Whistler replied with an edge of sadness in his voice.

"What?" Buffy asked in utter disbelief.

Whistler placed an envelope next to the roses and said, "There's a bus ticket in there that will get you back there. And some cash. You better hurry, the bus leaves in an hour."

With that he started to walk away.

"Wait! How did it happen? Who was it?!" Buffy yelled.

Whistler didn't turn back to answer her question as he left the coffee shop. Buffy stared down at the envelope and roses. She quickly snatched them up, along with her duffel bag and ran out the door.

* * *
Buffy walked up to Sunnydale High the next morning. She had been able to catch a few hours sleep on the bus, but each moment she closed her eyes she pictured one of her friends dead. Whistler never said who it was. Now she was left wondering, afraid to go inside and find out which one of her friends died. She sighed and walked into the school. Luckily it was still summer vacation, so she didn't have to worry about running into teachers or students. She made her way to the library and paused at the door. She pushed the doors open and was greeted by...

No one.

Buffy sighed in relief and dismay. She wanted to know what happened, but finding no one there caused a wave of relief to pass through her.

"Hello, is someone there?"

Buffy immediately recognized the voice. Buffy recognized the British accent immediately.

Rupert Giles, her Watcher walked out from behind the stacks carrying a pile of books. When he caught sight of her, the tomes of knowledge that he took great lengths to keep in good condition fell to the floor.

"Buffy?" He whispered.

Suddenly another person popped out from behind the stacks. Her auburn hair was shorter then the last time Buffy saw her and came down to her chin. Willow.

"Hey guys. What's new?" Buffy said, feeling a sense of lameness overwhelm her.

Her two friends stood there, gaping at her. They walked down until they were right in front of her. What happened next shocked Buffy more than anything else she ever encountered.

Willow screamed and decked her across the jaw. Giles grabbed the young girl and held her back as tears started to run from her eyes.

"How dare you?!" Willow yelled as Giles held her in a firm grip. "How dare you come back after you abandoned us?!"

"Willow..." Buffy started.

"No!" Willow screamed. "You think you can just waltz in here and everything will be all right? That all is forgiven?!"

Willow collapsed in Giles' arms as the older man silently led her to a chair.

"It's all right." Giles whispered in a comforting tone. "Shhh. Relax."

A rack of sobs ran through Willow's body. Buffy moved to try and console her as well, but was stopped as Giles grabbed her by the arm and swung her away from Willow with a violent yank.

"Don't touch her." Giles whispered angrily.

"Giles what's happened while I was gone?" Buffy asked, afraid to know.

"Too much. We could have really used you..." Giles responded.

"Where's Xander? Cordelia? Oz?" Buffy asked, searching his eyes for some level of truth.

"Oz and Cordelia are investigating something at Sunnydale Cemetery and Xander is with them." Giles answered with a haunted look in his eyes.

"Something's wrong. Tell me." Buffy demanded.

"A new vampire is in town. The most vicious one we have ever encountered. As bad as Angel." Giles replied.

"And the others are checking out leads on this guy in the cemetery?" Buffy asked.

"No, Oz and Cordelia are." Giles said after a pause.

"But you said Xander..." Buffy started.

"No. He's not investigating." Giles responded with a devastated look in his eyes.

"He's resting."

"You mean..." Buffy asked, almost afraid to finished the sentence.

From behind them, Willow finished the sentence that the Watcher and Slayer were both afraid to finish. The haunted feeling in her answer chilled Buffy to the bone.

"He's dead."

* * *
Buffy and Willow walked out of the high school in silence. It was hard to believe that this girl was Willow. She was so angry, so on edge. This wasn't that same sweet girl the Buffy was so used to. This person had been hardened by circumstances.

"How'd it happen?" Buffy asked, almost afraid that Willow would snap at her again.

"He died protecting me." Willow replied in an almost hushed tone.

Buffy walked silently with the other girl as she replayed the event that happened almost two months ago.


* * *
Willow and Xander walked down the street towards her house in relative silence. Both were extremely bored and decided that it was time to call it a night. The Bronze had been fun for the first five minutes they were there, but after that it was as dull as every other day had been since vacation started. They both knew why too. It was because Buffy plagued their thoughts. Ever since that night that she confronted Angel, neither of them had seen her. What made matters worse was that Xander kept blaming himself. He had been the last one to see her and he had had no choice but to leave her alone to fight Angel. The first reactions to her disappearance were that Buffy had killed Angel and needed time to herself. Another thought that crossed their minds was that Buffy had been able to stall Angel long enough so the vampire could get his soul back and they needed time alone.

But the worrying really began when Buffy never contacted them. They feared that she had been killed along with Angel, trying to stop Acathla. But that idea was quickly dismissed when Giles informed them that only on new Slayer had been called, Kendra's replacement. Finally Xander went to Buffy's place and asked her mom if she knew where her daughter was. Mrs. Summers just gave Xander the note from Buffy which basically said that she was leaving Sunnydale to try and put things back together. Gain some semblance of a life again.

Now, all of them understood why she left, which didn't mean that they totally agreed with it. They all felt abandoned by their friend, but were determined to give her the space she needed. They tried to take on her role for now, hoping that one day she would return. Giles started training the rest of them in ways to fight and defend themselves. And seeing as how Xander was the best one at fighting among all of them, as a result of the whole soldier experience from Halloween, he and Giles went out patrolling together. But even that was kinda beat. The paranormal activity in Sunnydale was nearly null. They'd come upon a vampire on a average of once a week, but besides that, things were pretty abnormal for Sunnydale.

"Giles get any news?" Xander asked as he broke the silence.

"Nah, he contacted the Watchers division in America and asked them to keep an eye out for Buffy, but still no news." Willow replied glumly.

"I just wish we knew where she is." Xander said in frustration.

Suddenly, as they were getting right in front of Willow's house, figure jumped out from behind a bush and slammed into Willow. It took her a second to recognize the distorted visage of a vampire.

"Where is she?!" The vampire growled.

Xander rushed forth and collided with the vampire, sending them both flying away from Willow. The vampire got up as quickly as Xander and swung at the younger boy. Xander ducked and brought his knee up into the vampire's gut.

"Get lost." Xander yelled as he whipped out a cross from his pocket.

The vampire growled in pain and flinched from the holy symbol.

"Willow, get in the house." Xander ordered.

"But..." Willow started.

"No! Go!" Xander yelled.

Willow knew that there was no use arguing with him and ran towards the house. She fumbled with her keys and managed to get the door open and get inside. She rushed to the phone and dialed in the number to the library. She didn't know why she was calling Giles, but her intuition told her to do it.

"Hello?" A sleepy voice answered.

"Giles? It's Willow! Get over to my place as fast as you can!" Willow practically screamed.

"Willow? What happened? Are you all right?" Giles asked in concern.

"Yeah, but just get over here." Willow replied, trying to calm herself.

She didn't give Giles a chance to answer as she hung up the phone and ran to her front window. She was Xander and the vampire fighting. The cross was laying a few feet away. She was frozen as she saw Xander throw a wild punch that managed to connect with the vampire's jaw. The vampire wasn't the least bit phased as it delivered a sharp uppercut to Xander's jaw, sending him reeling. The vampire grabbed Xander's hair and brought the boy's head down to his knee. Xander fell back to the ground, blood gushing from his scalp. The vampire picked Xander up by the scruff of his shirt and sank its fangs into the young slayerette's neck.

"NO!" Willow screamed, shaken from her frozen trance.

She wheeled around and ran to the door, trying to open it until she realized it was locked. She ran to her purse, which was laying on the floor, and shook out its contents until she realized that there was nothing there. Her eyes darted around the room until she spotted them next to her phone. She ran to the desk, grabbed her keys, and ran back to the door. Her hands shook as she opened it. She paused and ran to the contents of her purse, now laying on the floor, and grabbed a cross. She ran out the door to find nothing there.

Suddenly a screech filled her ears and she saw Giles' car come to a stop in front of her home. Giles rushed out of the car with a crossbow in his hands.

"What happened?" He yelled.

"A vampire. He has Xander." Willow responded, her emotions threatening to overwhelm her.

To their right a bush rustled and a figure dropped in front of them. Willow immediately recognized the shirt Xander was wearing and started to run up to him, when the figure jumped up and growled.

There was no mistaking that it was Xander. Was, being the key term. Now it was a monster. A demon. A vampire. It jumped at Willow, clamping down on her shoulders, and spun her around. Xander sunk his fangs into Willow, drinking the life out of her. Suddenly his mouth was ripped from her neck as he pulled back and fell to the ground. Willow fell too, but was able to catch a glimpse of the arrow in Xander's back as the demon that was once her friend exploded into ash.

Willow sat there, in shock, feeling lightheaded. Giles walked to her and dropped the empty crossbow that was in his hands. He wrapped his arms around Willow as she started to cry. She knew then that she would never be the same. She felt a drop of wetness fall on her cheek and glanced upwards and saw that Giles was sobbing as well. She turned slightly and wrapped her arms around him as he was doing to her. Together they cried for the loss of their friend.


* * *
Tears streamed down Buffy's cheeks. She glanced tentatively at Willow who was crying as well. Willow felt her gaze and looked back. Buffy saw the anger in her eyes, as well as the accusation, but she also saw a glimmer of sympathy for the Slayer. The Willow that she knew wasn't all gone. Willow grabbed Buffy and pulled her in a tight embrace and together the girls cried, as Willow and Giles cried months before.

* * *
Buffy collapsed in front of the headstone.

Alexander Harris Born April 29, 1981
Died July 6, 1998
A loving son, a devoted friend, you will be missed.

"Oh, God." Buffy whispered as Willow knelt next to her.

Buffy's fingers traced the inscription of Xander's full name.

"Did you ever find the monster that did this?" Buffy asked angrily.

"Yeah. He tried to avoid us. He killed others, brought some over to the other side." Willow responded. "The first time we found him was by chance. He was outside the Bronze, feeding on some girl. We never got the chance to save her. Since then, he has killed more, and waved their deaths in front of our faces."

"Why?" Buffy asked in confusion.

"He wants you."

Buffy whirled around at the sound of the new voice. Behind her were Oz and Cordelia. Oz's face registered shock and surprise. Cordelia's on the other hand displayed anger and cold fury.

"Hi Buffy." Cordelia spat out, giving Buffy the feeling that the other girl viewed her name as poison.

Cordelia's leg lashed out and connected perfectly with Buffy's jaw, sending the blond-haired girl toppling back against the headstone.

"Nice way to say 'Welcome back', you should work for Hallmark." Buffy said through gritted teeth.

"I should kill you!" Cordelia yelled as she advanced towards the shorter girl.

Willow grabbed Cordelia and yanked her back away from Buffy. The aurburn-haired girl stood between the two combatants.

"Both of you remember where you are." Willow whispered venomously.

All eyes drifted towards the grave of their lost friend and as if by magic, all the anger fizzled away.

Buffy walked upto Cordelia and said, "We need to talk."

The girl only nodded at Buffy as they walked away from Willow and Oz, who both sensed that the two needed privacy.


* * *
Buffy and Cordelia walked out of the cemetery in an uncomfortable silence. But what should she have expected, to be welcomed back with open arms?

"So, Willow told you?" Cordelia questioned as she sat down on a small stone wall.

"Yeah." Buffy replied, but then quickly added, "I'm sorry."

Cordelia just gazed emptily towards the way they came from.

"You could have prevented that from happening." Cordelia murmured, still not looking at Buffy.

"I know." Buffy responded.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" Cordelia asked.

Buffy could only look down at the ground.

"During all that time, did you find answers?" Cordelia clarified.

"No."

Cordelia nodded silently, accepting the answer.

"Shit!" Buffy screamed as the torrent of emotions broke through.

She lashed out, punching the stone wall. She punched again, dislodging a few stones. She pulled back to continue, when suddenly she was knocked to the ground. Cordelia stood over her, trying to control the Slayer's thrashing. Finally, Buffy stopped and started to weep openly. Cordelia sat next to her awkwardly, then wrapped her arms around the other girl. Together, they sat in the dirt and cried. They both knew that the tears wouldn't end anytime soon.



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