Disclaimer: I own Mr. Jenkins, his sister, Alice, and this story idea. Joss can have the rest.
Rated: G (Humerous)
Authors Note: The Blab-A-Thon is not my idea. It actually belongs to my drama teacher, Ms. Hof. Let me explain...
Every year at my school, a Blab-A-Thon is held to raise money for the drama department. All the beginning and advanced drama students are eligible to try it. You have to get up to $20 in sponsors. When you get $20, you can get out of as many or as little periods as you wish. (Usually, you get out of all 7.) Instead of going to class, you spend the day moving from the cafeteria, little theater, and rooms B-1 & B-2. In those rooms you "blab." You can blab all sorts of ways. You can do skits, lip synchs, oral readings, pantomimes, improvs, etc. It's really fun to do and watch. Everything is scheduled precisely. Well, I actually just participated in this years Blab-A-Thon that was held today (4/1/99.) I finished about 1/2 an hour ago, so I decided it would be kewl to have the Buffy gang hold a Blab-A-Thon in their school. Hope you enjoy! All these skits actually were done at my school by 8th and 9th graders, and I'm retelling them to you with the Buffy gang in them.
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Part Eight
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Day 8 -- "Blab-A-Thon"
Angel was trying to figure out how to work this damned computer. He was growing more frustrated by the second. The screen was black. Part of it was making a humming sound. He wouldn't even be on the stupid machine, but the principal has come on over the PA system asking all teachers to check their Email for an important message and schedule.
School would start in 30 minutes. He slammed his fist on the desk. There were too many dumb buttons!!!! He noticed a white button on the monitor. He extended his finger and pushed it hopefully. The screen turned white, then settled to the regular computer screen. He resisted the urge to jump for joy. Why were these things soooo complicated???
Quickly finding the Email icon, he found the message he was supposed to read. The subject read: Blab-A-Thon Schedule. What the hell was a Blab-A-Thon? He opened it up and read the message.
Dear Staff Members,
This years annual Blab-A-Thon is being held today. The attached file is a list of all students participating who are to be excused from class all day long. There is also a schedule telling which classes will be watching the performances and where.
Sincerely,
Ms. Hofstrand
Drama Department
Angel scanned the names on the attached file. He stopped at Buffy Summers. He smiled wistfully, thinking of his beautiful slayer. He hoped he would get a chance to see her perform. Willow, Xander, Scott, Cordelia, Oz, Larry, and a few other names he recognized were also on the list. For first period, a group of students were supposed to perform in his classroom. This would be an interesting day.
* * *
First Period
Angel sat at his desk and waited for the first act to start. Xander and Oz were supposed to reenact scenes from Titanic. He wondered briefly how this would work. Right now, the two were in the storage closet. The lights were dimmed and a spot light carried by two of the blabbers was stationed in the front of the room. All of a sudden, Celine Dione's "My Heart Will Go On" blasted from the stereo.
The class burst into giggles as Oz, dressed in suspenders, and Xander, clad in a woman's dress and reddish, curly wig, stepped out. Xander was slightly taller than Oz and had a goof grin on his face. Angel shook his head in amusement.
Xander stood on the right, Oz on the left. As the lyrics started, so did another burst of laughter as Xander lip synched to the words, making dramatic motions. What made the entire scene even more amusing was their actions. Every time the words said "near" they would join hands and come close. When the song said "far" they pushed far away. Every time it said "go on" they turned in opposite directions and let their arms fly up in the air.
Everyone, even Angel, was doubled over with laughter. It was hilarious! As the song ended, it began again, this time without the words. Now, they were going to reenact some scenes!!
A chair was set in the front of the room. It was Xander's line.
"Oh Jack, I've changed my mind!" he said, impersonating Rose as best he could.
"Oh Rose! Close your eyes," Oz said, as his role of Jack took over.
Oz held Xander by the waist. "Now, step up."
Xander placed his foot quickly on the chair, and just as quickly almost fell on his butt. Oz quickly caught him. The class was wild!!!
Xander's eyes were still closed. He started to walk in one direction but Oz, whose hands were still on his waist, guided him back to the chair. He stepped up, more carefully this time. When he was successfully up, everyone was silent.
"Rose, open your eyes," Oz commanded, letting go of his waist.
Xander's eyes opened, and the expression on his face was priceless! He was over exaggerating wonder and amazement. He let his arms reach out to his sides, and started to flap them slowly.
"Jack! I'm flying, really flying! Jack, do you see me fly?!"
The class was doubled over again, Angel had almost lost his voice. Buffy, who was watching Angel, smiled broadly. It felt good to see him laugh. He caught her eye and gave her a smile, just for her.
Oz's role turned more serious. "No, Rose, come down. This is a boat, not a plane. Come back to me!"
Xander stepped down and the class cheered and clapped. They weren't done yet! Time for scene number two. The chair was pushed out of the way. Xander grabbed something made out of paper, beads, and string. It was a cheap necklace.
"Jack, I want you to paint me like one of your French girls," Xander said, containing his laughter. The class, however, could not contain it. Angel, who had missed the movie, was slightly clueless. Buffy saw his look of confusion and bent to whisper in his ear.
"Jack was an artist, and in the movie, he painted French girls nude."
Angel tried not to burst into laughter, but the imagery was too much!!
Xander held up the necklace. "Wearing this."
He put the necklace on. Luckily, he made no motion to remove his clothes. Oz nodded.
"I just need you to pose for me, Rose. Here, put this arm up, and this one out, and your leg, just like.. yeah!" Oz instructed. Xander had one hand raised above his head like a ballerina, the other was sticking out to his side, and one leg was in the air. It was hilarious!!
Oz sat on the floor and sketched. After 20 seconds he was finished. "I'm done."
Xander looked disbelieving. "You're done, well, doesn't it usually take longer?"
Oz shook his head. The audience could all see the drawing. It was a dumb stick figure. "No, Rose, that's it." Ox threw the paper off stage.
Time for act three! Now a table was pulled to the front. Xander laid down on the table on his side. Oz took his hand and was lying on the floor. Buffy recognized this as one of the last scenes, when Jack died.
"Oh Jack, what's going on? I'm so afraid!" Xander said.
Oz was stuttering, after all, his character did have frost bite! "D..d..don't worry, R..r...rose. The boat got suctioned down to the bottom of the ocean, that's all. The safety boats will be here soon."
Xander looked around. "It sure is quiet, Jack. Where are the boats?"
"They'll be here soon, they just have to get organized, that's all."
"Oh Jack, what if we die?!?" Xander panicked. The class was roaring.
"Don't you say that, Rose, don't talk like that! You're going to live, Rose, you will. You'll survive, and make babies, you'll make lots of babies, and you'll follow your dreams, and have a life. Promise me Rose, you'll never let go. I love you, promise you'll never let go!" Oz said dramatically.
"I promise Jack, I promise I'll never let go!!!" Their hands were clasped tightly together.
"God, this w..w...water is sooo c..c..cold."
Xander stuck his hand down, as if to feel the water. "Oh stop your crying, it aint that cold." Giggles were heard everywhere!
All of a sudden, Oz's form went lip as he died from the cold.
Xander looked up. "The boats! Look jack, it's the boats!!! They're coming this way! Jack, the boats!" He shook Oz's hand. "Jack, look! Boats, we're saved." He looked down and noticed jack was dead. He started shaking his hand a little harder, trying to let go. "I know I promised Jack, but it's the boats! I gotta let go, jack, I gotta let go!" Oz's hand wasn't coming off. He started slapping it with his own. After three hits he was finally free. "Hey, over here!!!" He put his hands up high, and lifted his feet off the table. He was balancing on his stomach. He cupped his hands and blew, trying to whistle.
The room erupted in cheers and clapping. The skit was over, and oz and Xander stood up to bow.
Angel couldn't stop laughing! He'd have to rent that movie with Buffy some time.
Second period
After they had cleared the way and classes had changed, it was time for a different skit. Scott, Jonathan, and Larry were doing a scene from Black Sheep. They set up two chairs side by side in the front. Jonathan sat on the left, and Larry on the right.
They were doing a car scene, when nitrus oxide was leaking in from the back-seat. Angel actually had seen this movie, and remembered this part quite well. He waited for them to begin.
"Man, did you see that bug?" Jonathan started.
"Yeah, that was so cool!" Larry answered.
Jonathan made stopping motions with his arms. "He was like 'I don't wanna cant stop too late...BLAM!"
Larry laughed. "Yeah, cool!!"
Jonathan pinched his fingers together to represent a fly. He moved them towards his palm, which represented a windshield.
"It was like 'Life's good, life's good, life's good, life's good, life's good," With every 'life's good' his 'fly' moved closer to his 'windshield.' "Life's good, life's good, DEAD!" He slammed his hands together.
Larry laughed again. "Man, I don't even know where we are, check the map and see if we're still on the road. Road. Ro-ad, rood, rad, road." He pronounced the word differently, testing it.
Jonathan joined in. "Road, row-ad, row-adsssss, that is a freaky word!!"
"That is so freaky, Man!!"
They chatted nonsense for a minute. "Man, you are totally wasted!! I swear, hey! Oh my God, the nitrus is leaking into the back seat!" Larry yelled. Jonathan continued to act like a moron. "We should be good as long as we follow the speed limits. Limits, liiiimmiitsss, that's another of those freaky words!" They laughed and tested the word.
All of a sudden, from the closet Scott made the sound of a police siren. He came out, pretending to be on a motorcycle. Everyone bus=rst into laughter as they saw he was wearing a straw hat and a kilt!
He told the guys to pull over to the shoulder, faking a Scottish accent. As they 'pulled over, Larry waved for Jonathan to get in the back. He jumped over his chair and fell to the floor quickly.
"Uh, good day officer," Larry started.
"Good day, laddy, were' re ye goin?" Scott said, actually doing pretty well.
"Uh, down south to Kansas. I got a prisoner in the back, and he's crazy. Killed 26 chickens and hurt a cow real bad," Larry said. The class laughed.
The officer nodded. "Do ye have any idea how fast ye were goin'?"
Larry shook his head. "I got a huge engine, and nitrus tanks, I can get up to 145, 150. I never do of course, unless I'm chasing some hot chick in a Ferrari!"
Scott and Larry laughed, and Scott bent down to Larry's eye level. "You were goin' 7 miles an hour! And when I say pull off to the shoulder, I mean to the side of the road, not the middle!" the class was now in an uproar.
"Oh, well, we do things different down south, than in Ireland," Larry said, getting the countries mixed up. Angel nodded his head. Things were very different here.
"What's yer name?" Scott asked.
"Uh, Officer Nerf," Larry said. He turned tot eh back seat and winked at Jonathan who gave a thumbs up.
"Well, just be careful next time."
Scott got on his motorcycle and rode of. They stood up, and everyone laughed. After a boring lip sync by Harmony and her group, the period was over.
Third Period
Angel was excited to learn Buffy was in the next act. He wanted to see her in action. Of course, he was soon to learn, he did not like the part she played when she played it in front of the entire class, most of whom were guys. The skit was from the movie Dumb and Dumber.
Owen Thurman and Scott were in this skit. They came out wearing weird wigs. Owen had on a white one that was sticking out everywhere, and Scott's was black and stuck to his head, as if it went through a drier.
They walked slowly along the front of the classroom. "Man, this sucks. Our moped died about a mile ago," Scott said.
"Yeah, Man. Sucks, what are we gonna do??" Owen asked. Just then, someone turned on the tape player and the sounds of a motor vehicle seemed to get closer.
Scott and Owen turned towards the closet, and looked amazed. Then they pointed and shouted, "It's the Beautiful Bikini Babe's Bus!!!!!!!!"
Buffy, Cordelia, Willow, and Amy all came out holding up a yellow piece of paper that covered their entire bodies and said: Beautiful Bikini Babe's Bus.
As soon as they stopped, they dropped the paper, revealing to the audience they were indeed, Beautiful and clad in dark colored bikinis. Amy wore a maroon color, Cordelia's was blue, Willow's was hunter green, and Buffy's was black. All of them had nice figures.
Angel nearly fell out of his chair when he saw his girlfriend wearing so little in an open place, while 40 guys were cheering and cat calling. He watched helplessly as the play continued, and the girls struck poses. There was nothing he could do now, but afterwards, he would be sure she never wore anything like that in public again.
"Hi," Buffy said her line sexily. "We are touring America for the summer, and we're looking for two, strong, handsome, boys to oil us down."
The other girls nodded. Owen looked at his pal and winked. "Well, you're in luck, because there is town, right over there, and you'll be sure to find boys there!"
Buffy arched an eyebrow, butt he girls picked up their paper and moved off towards the direction he pointed.
Scott looked astounded and slapped Owen on the head. "Wait, wait!" he cried.
The girls turned and came back.
"My friend is sort of stupid, you see, the town is that way," he motioned in the opposite direction.
"Thanx boys, buh-bye," Willow said. They headed off the floor and around the audience towards the closet. Buffy had to pass Angel to get there. She smiled sweetly at him, and he just glowered back.
"Wow, two guys, touring with them, oiling them down, they sure will be lucky," Scott said.
"Yeah, man. We just gotta waist for our break."
With that, the skit was over. Harmony and her gang was back with some stupid cheer they made up. The bell rang halfway through. Time for 4th.
4th Period
Angel was less than enthusiastic to learn Buffy was in another skit, after her last performance. He was more than relieved when she came out of the storage closet wearing an outfit similar to the one she had worn the first time he saw her in LA.
She walked tot he front. "My name is Buffy, and I'm going to do a movie scene with Willow, Cordelia, Amy, and Harmony. It's from the movie Clueless."
Angel cringed. He'd seen this movie, too.
Willow sat off to the side for the moment. Harmony stood on the left with a brunette wig on and held a clipboard. The other three were on the right, lined up with Buffy, Cordelia, and Amy.
Harmony had the first line. "Earth to Cher, come in Cher."
Buffy turned her head and walked to Harmony. "Mrs. Stoger, the physical education program in this school is a disgrace. It's hardly effective to stand in line for 45 minutes. I doubt I've worked off the calories in a stick of carefree gum."
Cordelia and Amy started clapping.
"Well, you've certainly exercised your mouth Cher, now hit the ball," Harmony ordered.
Buffy got in a position like she was playing tennis, and jumped back as in imaginary ball hurtled through the air. "Mrs. Stoger that machine is a lawsuit waiting to happen!"
"Thanks for the legal advice. Dione, you're up," Harmony called to Cordelia.
"Oh, no, Mrs. Stoger? I have a note from my tennis instructor and he would appreciate it if I didn't participate in any training that may derail his teachings," she said, holding up a folded piece of paper.
Harmony rolled her eyes. "Amber?"
Amy looked deeply concerned. "Mrs. Stoger, my plastic surgeon specified that I do not participate in any activities were balls fly at my nose."
"Well there goes your social life," Cordelia said.
Buffy giggled. Just them, Willow came up and tapped Harmony on the shoulder. She was wearing a T-shirt and overalls, her clothes totally saggy and dirty.
"Listen up kids, we have a new student. This is Tye Frasier. Look Tye, you don't have enough time to change, but you can hit a few balls in those clothes," Harmony said.
"She could be a farmer in those clothes," Amy said smugly.
The skit was over after a few more lines, all in all, pretty funny.
5th Period
Angel was unprepared for this lip sync. It was a Spike Girls song, called Wannabe.
Buffy came out in pigtails, a baby tee, and short skirt. She was Baby Spice. Amy came out with a Gucci dress and her short dark her framing her face. Posh Spice. Willow had put on a wild outfit, very suiting for her, and was Ginger Spice. Cordelia was a sight in Adidas pants and a sports shirt, her hair in a pony tail. Sporty Spice. When Xander came out as Scary Spice, it was too much. He was wearing a poofy afro wig and female clothing. He looked like one of the Jackson Five.
As the song started up, the girls moved in perfect coordination, but Xander grooved the way he pleased. While the girls were in the middle of an intricate dance move, Xander did the YMCA.
After the act was over, the group had to move to another class. Angel was a little disappointed to see them all go, but was happy to get a few moments alone with his love.
Buffy closed the door after everyone had left, leaving her and Angel by themselves. She turned the lock and taped a piece of paper over the window, preventing any students -- or principals -- from spying.
"So, what did ya think?" Buffy asked, walking over to Angel's desk.
He leaned farther back in his chair. "I think that you'd better wear a T-shirt over that bathing suit next time you wear it, or I'm going to have to carry you home in a rain coat."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "What about my performances, was I good?"
Angel nodded. "Very."
He wanted to say more, but was shushed when her lips were on his.
After School, Buffy's locker
Willow strolled up to her best friend. "Buffy, how come you didn't do your skits with us for 5th period? You were also late for 6th!"
Buffy grinned. "I had my hands full."
Willow watched her walk away, a blush slowly creeping over her face,
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