Part Two
7 months later
He knew he shouldn’t be here, knew that she probably didn’t want him here. But he had to check on her. Just to make sure she was ok, and then he would leave.
He hadn’t even called her since that night. It was his fault that she had to go through all of this and he hadn’t even picked up the phone to make sure she was doing okay. He was the one that was supposed to be there. The one who should be going out and getting her ice cream at three a.m., the one to rub her sore feet, or listen to her complain. Instead he sat in a dark office in L.A thinking about it. Thinking about all the things he should be doing right now to make things just a little bit easier on her. No wonder she didn’t want him in the baby’s life. What kind of father would he make?
Slowly he climbed through her window. There she laid, her hair strewed around her as her face shone in a peaceful expression. Crawling the rest of the way through, he sat down beside her wanting to get a better look at the beautiful angel before him. Sure enough, where her flat taunt stomach used to be was a swell the size of a beach ball.
Angel smiled. She was even more beautiful with the glow of pregnancy on her face, and all he could think about was all the time he’d missed already. More then anything he wished that he could take back time and be by her side every step of the way.
Buffy’s face started contorting into a grimace while she thrashed her head from side to side groaning. “Please kid, just a few hours sleep. That’s all I’m asking.” Her hand came up to rub her stomach in slow soothing circles trying to calm the storm within. But just as she started to dose off again, getting the serene look back on her face, her mouth turned into a frown. Opening her eyes for the first time she saw Angel at the edge of her bed. “I knew I felt something.” She mumbled. “What’re you doing here?
“I uh…” He moved over to her, helping her sit up when he saw she couldn’t.
“Thanks. It’s kinda hard to move around when you have a thirty pound thing attached to your stomach.” She grumbled.
“You look fine.”
“I look like a house.”
“You look beautiful.” He stated, pulling her into an upright position.
She gave him a week smile before she continued. “You never answered my question.”
“I was hoping you would forget.” Her eyes narrowed to the point where she was only looking at him through slits. Crossing her arms over her chest she looked at him expectantly, causing him to sigh loudly. “I had to see you. I just wanted to make sure you were ok, the baby too. I’ll leave.” As he started to get up he felt a hand slip into his, pulling him back down.
“Could you stay a little while? Please?” Pleading orbs met his own and his resolve weekend. He came with the knowledge that he would only check on her and then leave, not wanting to hurt her more then he already had. But now those goals seemed to be pushed out the window as he felt himself sitting down next to her, clutching her hand tightly.
“How long until you…” he gave a slight nod toward her stomach
“Any day now.”
“Do you know what it is?”
“You mean besides human?” She smiled as he rolled his eyes at her. “No. I wanted to be surprised. I’m secretly hoping for a girl though.” At her quiet confession she squeezed his hand a little tighter. If someone would have asked her years ago if she wanted a boy or a girl she would have laughed in her face. The idea of a baby was absurd to her. Slayers and children just didn’t mix, and then to think that the father was a vampire was even more insane. Suddenly her smile turned into pain, as her arms instinctively wrapped around her stomach.
“What? What is it? What’s wrong?” He asked worriedly checking her over for what was causing her the pain so suddenly.
Buffy sat back breathing deeply. “Nothing. The babies just kicking. Giles said that it’ll hurt more when it kicks because of my strength.” She looked up at his face, watching the sadness that was filling his eyes as he looked at her grown belly. “Give me your hand.” She whispered, taking his offered hand into hers and guiding it to her stomach. Placing it there she made sure to cover his with her own and press down some. The baby suddenly kicked.
Angel looked at her, his eyes wide and Buffy couldn’t help but smile. “Is that…”
“That’s her… or him.” She corrected “Strong isn’t it? I think it takes after us.” Angels smile faded as he looked at her.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what?” she frowned
“For not being here. For missing all of this. For not stopping by to see if things were ok, or even for calling.”
Buffy’s brow furrowed at his confession. All this time she hadn’t even thought about how Angel was feeling by not being around to experience everything that was happening. For the past seven months she had just thought that he was living a happy life in LA not even giving her a second thought. It never even occurred to her that while she was sitting at home worrying about her child not having a father around, he was in LA wondering how his own baby was even doing. This was something that had never even occurred to her. When she sent him away that night seven months ago, she thought she was doing it for his sake. Trying to take away the pain in his eyes she reached up and gently started caressing his cheek, causing him to lean into her warmth and close his eyes to bask in it’s comfort.. “Angel, it’s ok. I didn’t exactly give you a reason to stick around last time.”
“I know, but that shouldn’t matter. I was the one who did this to you and…”
“And I thank God ever day for giving us this gift. Angel, we’re going to have a baby! Someone who we can watch grow, someone we can love.”
Angel looked at her in confusion. “We?”
Buffy’s eyes started to fill up. She hadn’t meant to bring him into this. How did she know that he even wanted to be in their lives? He had said that he was sorry for missing everything but that didn’t mean that he wanted to be here permanently. Thoughts swam around her head in confusion. Did she or did she not want him to move back here with her?
“Oh Buffy, I didn’t mean that!” Angel said hurriedly as tears started sliding down her cheeks. “I want to be a part of your guy’s life. I want to be here with you.”
She started to cry even harder when she couldn’t decide if he was telling her the truth or not. There was something else though that was making her act this way. She knew that thses tears were not only for Angel. They were tears of fear also. “No, it’s not just that.”
“Then what is it?”
She looked at him wildly. “Angel, what if this baby isn’t human. What if it’s some kind of demon or apocalypse thing? I mean, it’s the kid of a vampire and a slayer. How normal could it be?”
He looked at her. His eyes starting to fill up too as he pulled her to him. “No. This baby is good. Don’t you ever think that it’s evil. Buffy, this baby is good, do you hear me?” He looked her straight in the eye. “Good.”
“You don’t know that. We can never be sure of anything. You even told me that once.”
“I can be sure. Buffy, this baby is a part of you. That means that it doesn’t have a bad bone in its body.” She still looked unconvinced. “What did the gang say when you told them?”
“I didn’t.”
Not quite sure what she was talking about he brushed the tears from her face and delicately asked, “What?”
“I didn’t tell them that you’re the father.” Silence fell over the room. The only thing you could hear was Buffy’s sobbing. Trying her hardest to get control of her tears she started taking deep breathes, but it just came out as hitching sobs instead.
“Why?” he croaked
“Because what if they tried to take it away!” she cried. “Angel, you know how they feel about you, they know vampires aren’t supposed to have kids! What if they thought it was some sort of plague and they tried to take it away, telling me that it was for my own good. I couldn’t do that! I couldn’t let them know. Giles would have to consort his books, and what if the council found out. My baby would just be a living experiment. I couldn’t have that. Not for the kid or me. I couldn’t tell them Angel. I want to keep my baby. I want to watch it take it’s first steps and hear it speak it first words. I’m sorry. I’m… so… sorry.” The tears overtook her as she tried to speak more, all that came out were cries of desperation when she tried to talk.
Seeing her in such an emotional state Angel did the only thing he could do. Quickly he took her in his arms and rocked her, running slow soothing circles on her back, mumbling nonsense to her to try and shush her tears. “Shh, please don’t cry.” He finally said in desperation. For as long as he could remember he’d always hated to see her cry. From the first time he saw her through her bathroom window, tears slipping out, until now, his heart always broke just a little bit more every time the salty liquid escaped her.
“I can’t do this Angel.” She cried into his shirt. “I can’t do this alone. I thought I could but I can’t, I just can’t.”
“Hey,” he said softly. “You won’t have to. I’m going to stay here. And no, it’s not just because of the baby. I want to be with you. I love you. Shh, don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere.”
He held her long into the night, rocking her back and forth, promising her the world, while she cried herself to sleep.
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