Upon waking the following morning, Buffy was mentally cursing Willow and her damn assumptions. Not only had the dream not disappeared, but it had changed and left Buffy with a headache ten times worse than the one the previous day. As she struggled to pull her exhausted body from beneath her covers, she tried to figure out why things were this bad.
Several minutes later, the only conclusion Buffy had come to was that her deplorable physical state had something to do with the change which had occurred in the dream: instead of two white rose buds, there was now one fully blossomed rose. A small, insignificant change to Buffy, but she supposed her subconscious had its reasons. She figured she'd try and discuss it with Giles and see what he had to say.
But in the meantime, Buffy thought as she dragged herself into a hot shower, she had to get rid of this damn headache if she wanted to be even a marginally functioning member of the human race. In an effort to alleviate some of the throbbing pain in her head, Buffy pressed her head against the tile wall and attempted to clear all thoughts from her mind. However, she was a bit more successful than she had anticipated and consequently ended up standing under the scalding spray for far longer than she had intended. It wasn't until she heard her mother's insistent knock on the bathroom door that she snapped back to reality.
"Buffy, are you okay?" came Joyce's worried voice. "You've been in there for over a half an hour."
It took Buffy a moment to respond, and when she did, her voice came out small and weak. "I'm fine, Mom. I just have another headache. I'll be out in a minute."
Joyce's mouth puckered into a frown as she heard the exhaustion evident in her daughter's voice. "Buffy, there's something I need to-" Joyce started to say. Mentally shaking her head, she started again, this time with very different words. "Buffy, is there anything I can do?"
Joyce heard the shower turn off before she heard Buffy's answer. "No Mom, I'll be fine. The headache went away after awhile yesterday, and it'll probably do the same today. Actually, I already feel a little better now."
"Okay then..." Buffy's mom said, doubt evident in her voice. She briefly considered telling Buffy to hurry, then decided against it. It wouldn't matter if Buffy was a little late this morning.
Walking down the hall into her own room and carefully shutting and locking the door behind her, Joyce went to her large jewelry box and simply stared at it for a moment. Then, with shaking hands, she lifted the lid and deftly flipped a concealed switch, which in turn opened the secret compartment on the bottom. Taking out the contents, she held them in her hands and then pressed them against her chest. A sob rose in her throat but she quickly swallowed it down, knowing she had to do this. Knowing that it was time Buffy discovered her destiny.
* * *
When Buffy walked in halfway through second period that day looking absolutely haggard, Xander and Willow quickly exchanged worried glances. The fact that the Slayer didn't even bother to make eye contact with either one of them only added to their concern. Buffy simply plodded to her desk, dropped her head onto her arms and proceeded to stay that way for the rest of the period.
At the end of class, the two friends were out of their seats and over at Buffy's desk before the final bell had even stopped ringing. "Buffy?" Willow asked in a tentative voice.
No answer.
Once again, Xander and Willow exchanged worried looks. "Giles," they both said in unison, and with that thought, Xander picked up a completely non-responsive Buffy and Willow collected their things. On the way out the door, the teacher asked "What's wrong?," to which Willow quickly replied "Uh...nothing. Xander's just practicing carrying people for his volunteer firefighter test next week. Always be prepared, that's their motto, those firemen," Willow called out behind her as they went through the door, leaving their confused teacher behind.
"Volunteer firefighter? Where do you come up with these?" Xander asked as he and Willow pushed their way through the throngs of students crowding the hallways. A few shot them strange looks, but most didn't even seem to notice.
Seeing as how Xander didn't really seem to expect an answer, Willow didn't give him one and instead concentrated on navigating their way to the library. After what seemed like hours later but was probably only a minute or two, they reached their destination. Pushing open the library doors, Willow rushed in and yelled "Giles!" at the top of her lungs.
The flustered Watcher emerged from behind a stack of books and said "Really Willow, this is a library, must you yell-" before he caught sight of the limp Slayer in Xander's arms. Rushing over to where Xander was now laying her on the couch, he managed to get out "Dear God, what's happened to her?"
"That's what we were hoping you could tell us," Xander replied, looking Giles straight in the eye. The librarian had never seen the boy look so serious.
"She just, she just, wouldn't wake up after Trig," Willow burst out, near sobbing.
Xander enfolded his oldest and dearest friend in a hug as Giles checked Buffy's vital signs. Several minutes later, Giles turned to face the two teenagers and said, in as gently a tone as possible, "There's absolutely nothing wrong with her. She's sleeping."
"What?!" Xander cried out.
"But, but, Giles, you didn't see her walk into math. She looked awful. I mean like, "Night of the Living Dead" awful. She wouldn't even make eye contact with us. She just went straight to her desk and put her head down."
"And I'm sure went straight to sleep," Giles added softly. "If she did look as bad as you said, and I'm sure she did, then it was probably due to exhaustion. I know she went hunting last night, and she probably had a difficult time and didn't get in until very late. I imagine she'll wake up in a little while and be just like her old self. In the meantime, you two should get to class. There's nothing you can do for her right now, and you're certainly not going to help yourselves any by not being there. I'll write you both passes." With that last remark, Giles headed into his office to fill out the little slips of paper.
Willow glanced down at Buffy and discerned the even rise and fall of her chest. As she raised her eyes to the sleeping Slayer's face, she noticed something which caused her to tug on Xander's sleeve. "Xander, look, she's dreaming."
Xander did indeed look, and as Willow pointed, he saw Buffy's eyelids flickering rapidly as whatever dream she was having took complete hold of her psyche.
Giles chose that moment to return from his office. Xander and Willow pointed out Buffy's apparent dream state, and a look of comprehension dawned on Giles' face. "Well, that explains it. If she's that deep in an REM state, it's no wonder she didn't wake up."
"Are you sure...?" Willow prodded, even as Giles pushed them towards the doors.
"Yes, quite. She'll probably wake up in a little and be fine. You two can come back after next period and see her, just to satisfy yourselves that she is indeed allright."
With that, Giles handed the two teens their passes and turned back to watch over Buffy. Xander and Willow, shooting one last concerned look at their friend, turned and exited the library.
* * *
It turned out that Giles was very wrong. Buffy did not come out of her coma-like state until after lunch had started. Xander and Willow had checked on her after third period, and then after fourth they had come directly to the library to wait out their lunch at Buffy's side. At this point the level of worry in the room was so high that everyone was quite tense. They all knew that if Buffy didn't wake up by the end of school, they would probably have to take her to a hospital, which would have raised all sorts of uncomfortable questions as to why they had not done so to begin with.
It was to everyone's relief when they heard a moan issue forth from the sleeping Slayer. Willow, who had been sitting and clutching Buffy's hand since she had come in, said in a quiet voice "Buffy? Buffy, wake up. Wake up."
And surprisingly, Buffy did. Her lashes fluttered and then her lids opened to reveal the bloodshot eyes beneath. Blinking rapidly at the harsh light invading her senses, Buffy asked groggily "Where am I?"
"You're in the library, on the couch," Giles said as he stepped into her line of vision. "Willow and Xander brought you here when you wouldn't wake up after Trigonometry."
"I wouldn't wake up?" Buffy murmured. "I don't even remember going to sleep."
"You just walked in, sat down, and passed out," Xander piped in. "Well, not passed out in the literal sense of course. Or maybe you did...." At the others' glares, Xander added "Okay, I'm shutting up now."
"Can someone help me sit up?" Buffy asked.
Giles and Willow gently grabbed Buffy's arms and helped pull her to a sitting position. Although she still seemed tired, she also seemed to be quickly regaining her strength. Only after Giles had ascertained this last fact did he tentatively ask "Buffy, can you tell us what happened? Why were you so tired?"
Buffy rubbed her eyes and sniffed delicately before beginning. "I was out late slaying last night. Nothing big, it's just that right before I was going to go home, I ended up having to chase a vamp all over town before dusting him. So that kind of wore me out. Anyway, I went to sleep and when I woke up this morning, I had a monster headache. It was so bad I could barely see. And I was so tired, I couldn't even think straight. Mom even wanted me to stay home from school because I was so tired. She said we needed to talk, but I told her it would have to keep until later. I got the feeling she's starting to suspect that I'm out late, so I realized I had to try and act like I was fine. I managed to somehow muster up enough energy to convince her that I was doing better, so she finally let me go to school."
"She let you go looking as bad as you did?" Willow exclaimed.
"I didn't look that bad when I left the house, honest Will. Like I said, I pretended to be okay. But I guess that effort took all my energy, so by the time I walked into Trig I had pretty much stopped functioning at a conscious level. I really can't even remember getting out of the car in front of school. I must've though, or else I wouldn't be here."
"Buffy, how much sleep did you actually get last night?" Giles probed.
Buffy hesitated before answering. She knew there was another reason she was so tired, but for the life of her she couldn't remember what it was. Maybe when she shook some more of the cobwebs from her brain.... "Um, four, five hours maybe."
"That hardly seems like enough to make you that tired," Giles said. "I realize it's not much, especially for a teenager, but I know you've functioned on much less before. Well, I think you should definitely forego hunting tonight and resume tomorrow night, assuming you feel better."
As much as the idea of a night off appealed to Buffy, she had somehow felt more connected to her destiny ever since her conversation with Giles. The idea of even one night off, at least when she knew she was capable of slaying, seemed appalling to her now. "Giles, I'm really fine now. That little nap made me feel one hundred percent better. I want to go tonight."
Giles took Buffy's shoulders in his hands and stared into her eyes, trying to look for any hint that what she said wasn't true. Finding none, he said "All right, Buffy, but be extra careful. If you feel for even one moment that you're too tired to handle it, go home. Don't chase some vampire around town. Just go home."
Buffy rolled her eyes at Giles' parental tone. "Whatever you say, *Dad.*" Then she jumped off the couch and walked over to where her things were laying on the floor. Looking at Xander and Willow, who were just staring at her with their mouths ajar, Buffy said, "Uh, guys, that was the bell...I think we'd better get to class, don't you?"
Buffy's words mobilized the two friends into action. They rushed over to their own things and then, all three walked out of the library with a very bemused Giles just shaking his head and laughing.
* * *
The following Wednesday morning found Buffy in a state as near hell as any in which she had ever been before. She had had the dream again last night. In fact, she hadn't not had the dream ever since the change had been introduced. Every time she closed her eyes, the beautiful rose danced behind her lids, taunting her, making her frantic to grasp it and finally be free of the strange and powerful hold it seemed to exert over her sleep. Buffy could not sleep without dreaming and could not dream without feeling an increase in the incredible desperation which now plagued her every moment. She had barely slept in the past week, so much did she want to avoid the terrible feelings the dream now brought.
Buffy could not figure out these feelings. When she had finally remembered to discuss the new development with Giles, he had assured her that it was only a natural progression that her mind would take before it stopped the dream entirely. Apparently, the single blossomed rose now represented that Buffy had grown up, had "blossomed" into a young woman so to speak. A woman who was no longer afraid of herself or of her destiny, and who had come to terms with her lost childhood.
Buffy had believed that having this spelled out in explicit detail would stop the turmoil she felt whenever she awoke, but she had been wrong. Each time she slept she had the dream, and each time she had the dream she became more and more distressed. Her inability to reach the rose was slowly and surely driving Buffy to the edge.
But last night had been different. As Buffy's physical self tossed and turned, her subconscious played out to the finish an ending which had been a long time in coming. This time, as Buffy had reached out for the rose, she had finally grasped it. In that one moment, Buffy had at last been at peace. And then, before she could stop it, the rose fell out of her hand. As it landed on the ground, it had split into two individual red roses, each dripping with blood, before they both disintegrated in a poof of shimmering dust.
Needless to say, Buffy's psyche was not taking well to these new developments. Immediately upon waking, she had bolted into the bathroom and proceeded to relieve her stomach of all its contents. She felt so bad she was almost sobbing over the toilet, but from somewhere deep inside she managed to find the strength inside herself to get through her daily routine. Slowly, she brushed her teeth. Slowly, she washed her face. Slowly, she pulled on her oldest pair of jeans and her biggest sweatshirt.
As she dragged herself back into the bathroom to try and apply some make-up, she found herself staring at her haggard reflection in the mirror. Who am I? her bloodshot eyes seemed to be asking. A tiny voice in her mind responded with the words: You are a Slayer. It is your birthright, it is your destiny. Try to deny it and you yourself shall perish.
Buffy applied her make-up and walked out the door.
* * *
School that day was even worse than the past few days. Every day Buffy would try to keep her eyes open, and every day she would inevitably fail, only to jerk herself back awake when the dream started its never-ending cycle. Today, although Buffy was more tired than she could ever remember being in her entire life, she simply stared straight ahead, glassy-eyed. Her eyes twitched like crazy, but for the life of her she could not make them close. Her mind raced about, in a hundred different directions, all going nowhere. Concentration on the teacher's lecture was futile, especially considering that if asked, Buffy could not have told anyone which class she was actually in at the moment.
Strangely enough, neither Xander nor Willow had actually noticed Buffy's zombie-like behavior. They were both wrapped up their own little worlds and hadn't sensed anything out of the ordinary, besides the fact that Buffy seemed a bit tired, and maybe a bit un-talkative.
It was because of this that after the third period bell rang, they both grabbed their things and started walking towards the door, not bothering to check if Buffy was following from her seat behind them. Neither of them saw Buffy stand up and waver unsteadily on her feet. Neither of them turned around until they heard the teacher yell "Oh my God!" as Buffy fell in a dead faint and crashed to the floor.
* * *
"Here you go, baby, nice and easy, okay, that's it, just sit down and I'll go get you a glass of water," Joyce murmured as she eased her daughter down onto the couch at their home.
After Buffy's fainting spell, the school administration had contacted Buffy's mother and Joyce had come rushing away from work to come and pick up her daughter. After several minutes of intense discussion, it was decided that Buffy did not need to go to the hospital, but instead needed to go home and rest.
On the drive home, Buffy had revealed the reasons for her exhaustion, explaining about her lack of sleep due to the dream. However, she had failed to notice her mother's face becoming darker and darker with each word she said, and then Buffy failed to notice anything else entirely after she fell asleep.
Now, as Buffy sat on her living room couch, she seemed to feel strangely better than she had before. Although she was still tired, it was no longer the bone-deep weariness she had been experiencing for the last few days. She felt stronger, more alert, and she now knew that when she slept, the dream would no longer be plaguing her.
Buffy's mom returned with a tall glass of water and as she handed it to her daughter, she sat down beside Buffy on the patterned sofa. "How do you feel now?" she asked as Buffy proceeded to drain the glass.
"Better," Buffy replied. "A lot better. I think after I get some sleep, I'll be just fine."
"You know honey," Joyce began "I wish you'd told me how bad you felt. I guess I sensed you were tired, but I never realized it was that serious. I would've let you stay home from school if you'd told me."
"I know Mom, but don't you understand that it would've been hell for me? At least at school I had something to distract me. If I'd been hanging around here all day I would've wanted to sleep, and that was the worst thing possible for me then."
"Okay, but I still wish you'd told me it had gotten that bad. Maybe we could have gotten you some help or-"
"Mom," Buffy said, laying her hand over her mother's "it's over with now. I promise that in the future I won't keep anything from you, okay?"
"Okay," Joyce said and she fiercely hugged her daughter. "I just hope you know that no matter what happens, I'll always love you and that I've always tried to do what's best for you."
"Okay Mom, weird me out why don't you," Buffy said as she pulled back looked at her mother.
Joyce smiled and smoothed a hand over Buffy's hair. "Sorry, I just wanted you to know that."
"Yeah Mom, I already do."
"Okay then. You stay here and I'll be right back."
Joyce disappeared up the stairs and Buffy sat staring into space. The constant state of limbo she had been in since the dream's appearance was now at an end. It was with relief that Buffy realized that she could now get on with her life.
Buffy was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't even notice her mother's reentrance into the room. She was surprised to see her mom clutching her purse, looking as though she was going back to work. "Where are you going?" Buffy asked.
Joyce chose to ignore Buffy's question- for the moment. "Buffy-I, well, there's something that you really need to see. I should have showed you a long time ago, but the time, it, I- well, I'm sorry I didn't. Just try and remember what I told you, okay? I've never done anything to purposefully hurt you. You're my baby and I love you so much, it just, sometimes it scares me."
"Mom, you're the one who's scaring me," Buffy said in a slightly frightened voice.
"God, I'm sorry. Listen, I'm, I'm going to go back to work. I think you're going to need to be alone for awhile, so, so I'll be back in a couple of hours, and then we can talk, okay? Please try not to hate me." And with those last words, Joyce set something down on the table adjacent to the couch and walked out of the house, carefully closing the door behind her.
Buffy, at this point being completely perplexed and more than a little bit scared, glanced at what her mother had left on the table. It was a small manila envelope and Buffy curiously picked it up. Realizing there was something inside, she carefully slipped out the contents. Several loose papers fell out, and Buffy picked up the one on top, but as she began to read, her confusion only increased.
"What the...?" she murmured.
Buffy was looking at the birth certificate for a child named Hannah Elisabeth Gardner. From the name, she deduced it was a girl, and then glancing at the box marked "sex" she confirmed that conclusion. Other information she quickly gathered was the length, 16 inches; the weight, 4 pounds, 15 ounces; and the date of birth, January 19, 1981.
About to skip to the next information, Buffy did a double take. Wait a minute, she thought, January 19th is my-
Her thoughts were interrupted by the chiming of the doorbell. Still completely distracted by the suspicious thoughts now whirling in her head, Buffy walked to the door and unlocked it without any thought as to who could be on the other side. Just as she was pulling down on the handle, Buffy snapped back to reality and thought to herself It's probably just a salesman. I'll have to get rid of him so I can get back to reading that stuff.
With that thought in the forefront of her mind, Buffy pulled open the door.
And found herself staring at the biggest surprise of her entire life.
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