Pt. 2: Reunion
Angel braked the car just in time, before he could crash into Buffy. She looked at him, mortified. They sat there, staring at each other, until the buildup of cars behind them began to honk impatiently. Buffy snapped out of it first, and signalled to Angel that she was going to meet him at the beach, and put the car in drive.
Buffy felt slightly shaken as she recklessly drove the up the last mile to the beach. She felt a stir of emotions inside, as she always did whenever she was around Angel: love, unbearable longing, pain, grief for what they couldn't have. And this was what surprised Buffy the most. She was feeling things. Strong emotions, as strong as they had been before she'd died. Ever since she'd come back, it was as if she'd been looking through a slightly dusty glass; everything felt dull and lifeless to her. But just being near Angel, not even touching him, her senses went crazy. She slammed her foot on the brake as she careened into a parking spot, and got out of the car, waiting patiently for Angel, who pulled up a couple minutes later and parked smoothly.
"Sorry 'bout the road rage," she apologized, not quite looking him in the eye. "I've had a really crappy day, and well, cars and Buffy still don't click."
"Not a problem. I haven't had the easiest of days today, either." He took her hand, and gently led her away. Buffy smiled softly. It was like old times. When he led her through a foliage covered-arch onto a wooden platform overlooking the beach, she realized with a jolt that she recognized where they were. Two years ago, she had leaned on that very same railing, the sun shining down happily on her. She'd felt him, and though she knew it was impossible, had looked up. Angel had come through the arch and sweeped her into his arms, kissing her passionately.
"I'm so glad we didn't logic ourselves out of this," she said happily.
"Buffy, you okay?" Angel looked at her curiously.
"Fine," she lied, looking out to sea. She was surprised to feel a tear slide down her cheek.
"No, you're not," he said softly, and wrapped his arms around her. "But I know what you're going through."
"Why didn't you ever tell me about chocolate and peanut butter?"
"Well, I figured if your vamp taste buds couldn't really savour it, then it would only hurt you to know."
"You do?" Buffy asked, barely audible.
"I've taken a trip or two to Hell," he said lightly, and Buffy stiffened slightly. For the first time, she thought with an inward cry, Angel didn't know what was wrong, couldn't help her. She suddenly felt more alone than ever before.
"I wasn't in Hell," she whispered, pushing away the memories of two years ago.
"Come again?" Angel asked, confused. "Willow, when she called, she said-"
"Willow doesn't know. No one knows. Well, except for Spike, but-"
"What doesn't anyone know?" Angel asked softly, ignoring the comment about Spike. Buffy sighed heavily, and leaned against Angel. She closed her eyes, and it felt so right. It felt like she was back there, back up there, without a care or worry in the world. Angel stroked her hair soothingly, sensing all of her pent-up frustration and sadness. He wished he could take away all the hurt, all the pain she had inside.
"I was patrolling one night," she began, and recounted the whole tale, from when she'd first fought Glory, to when she'd found Dawn was the Key, to the night of the battle. It was something she hadn't even been able to think about since she'd come back, but being in Angel's arms, the words came easily, and it was as though she were talking about someone else's life, not hers. "When I was up on that tower, it was so clear," she breathed. "I remembered this moment of perfect clarity. I knew what I had to do, and I wasn't scared. I knew everyone would be okay, and...I told Dawn I loved her, and...I went for it."
"Buffy," Angel murmured, and hugged her tightly to him.
"It hurt," she confessed. "The pain, it was unbearable. It felt like I was being ripped apart, from the inside out. ...And then, there was just this calming peace, and everything was okay again, and nothing hurt anymore." Her voice wavered slightly as she continued.
"Angel, they ripped me out of there! I-I was happy, I was whole, and they took me out and brought me back to fight again. I was done, and...then I wasn't. My best friends, people I cared about more than- I've laid down my life time and again to- They had no right," she cried, her voice filled with anguish. "The fighting, it was over for me, my time was up, and they brought me back." The tears flowed freely now, and Angel's head spun with this new revelation.
"They thought you were in Hell, Buffy," Angel said quietly.
"Don't defend them," she seethed quietly, all of her bottled up emotions pouring out. "Just please don't. I sacrificed myself for the world, and they took that from me. I just... I can't have you, I was torn out of Heaven. ...Am I being selfish? Is it wrong to want- to just-"
"No, it's not wrong," Angel assured her, feeling heartbroken at what she'd gone through. "You should be at peace, you deserve it. You shouldn't have all this darkness inside you. Buffy, if I could, I'd gladly take away all the pain you have inside. I'd do it without a second thought if it meant that you could be happy. ...All the same, I can't pretend that it was the worst thing when I heard that you'd come back. I felt so happy." They were silent for a while, thoughts and feelings swirling around in both their minds. When Buffy pulled herself out of his arms, he cupped her face and looked down into her mournful blue eyes. He brought his lips to hers, and kissed her passionately, offering her a release for all of her frustrations.
She accepted, and wrapped her arms around his neck, running her fingers through his thick dark hair. Angel's lips travelled down, trailing light kisses on her neck. She moaned softly as he began to kiss the base of her neck, and she could feel the blood rushing to that spot. So could he, which is why he placed one last kiss on her lips, before pulling away.
"We can't-"
"I know," she replied, the longing evident in her voice. "We can never, and that's why I've vowed to kick the Powers' asses if I ever meet them. ...You think they've got an ass for me to kick?" Angel smiled.
"You're babbling."
"I know," she sighed.
Angel's head was in her lap, and she stroked his hair comfortingly. "Shh. Shh. It's over now. You'll be okay. You'll be alright," she assured him, though her insides were clenched in fear. He'd been hurt badly, and he was human now, he didn't have the healing abilities of the vampire. If he died, she knew she would, too.
Buffy put her hands on the railing, and stared out onto the beach. It was mostly deserted, except for a few couples here and there. Angel put his hand over hers, and she squeezed it comfortingly.
"Angel?"
"Mmmm?"
"What happened?"
"When?"
"When I came to L.A." Angel sighed heavily.
"I don't like to dwell on that."
"You-you don't?"
"Not really. That wasn't really my best moment."
"It wasn't?" Buffy was confused. "Wait a minute, what are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about when you came after Faith. ...What are you talking about?"
"Oh, uh, same." She avoided his eyes, and became suddenly preoccupied with her fingers. How could she have forgotten? She was only supposed to have been there for ten minutes, and that was all what he thought she remembered. Buffy realized in that instant that she could never tell Angel that she remembered. That being up there allowed her to remember the incredibly wonderful day they'd shared.
Angel had taken on the burden of having to remember that day alone; if he knew that she knew, he would hurt even more. And she couldn't do that to him. There was enough pain in his life already.
"Buffy," he began suspiciously, "what are you talking about?"
"Isn't it close to sunrise?" She asked, looking at her watch.
"Another three hours or so. And don't change the subject."
"There's no subject to change," she replied innocently. She wrapped her arms around his and hugged him tightly. "I should going. It'll take me awhile to get back to Sunnydale."
"Buffy..." How badly he wanted her to stay, for just a few moments more.
She stood in his living room, pacing back and forth. She heard him open the door, and looked up to see him descend down the steps. "I'm guessing that expression isn't because they were all out of fresh OJ at the deli. ...What happened?"
"Nothing happened. I just..."
"Where have you been?"
"I went to see the Oracles. ...I asked them to turn me back."
"What?" Buffy asked disbelievingly. "Why?"
"Because more than ever I know how much I love you."
"No," she said, turning away from him. "No, you didn't."
"If I stay mortal, one of us will wind up dead. Maybe both of us. You heard what Mohra said."
"Mohra's gone," she replied, turning back to him, her eyes brimming with tears. "We killed him."
"He said others would come."
"They always come, and they always will. But that's my problem, not yours, remember?"
"No," Angel replied defiantly. "I won't just stand by and let you fight, maybe die, alone."
"Then we fight together."
"Buffy, you saw what happened last night. If anything, I'm a liability to you. You take chances to protect me. That's not just bad for you, it's bad for the people we were meant to help."
"So, what? You just took a whole twenty-four hours to weigh the ups and downs of being a Regular Joe and decided it was more fun being a superhero?"
"You know that's not it. How can we be together if the cost is your life? Or the lives of others?" Buffy looked at him, feeling grief beyond description. He stepped closer to her, and she wrapped her arms around his middle, leaning into him. He put his arms around her and stroked her hair. "I know," he said softly. "I-I couldn't tell you. I wasn't sure I could do it if I woke up with you one more morning."
"I understand," Buffy sniffled quietly through tears, pulling back to look up at him. "So what happens now?"
"The Oracles are giving us back the day. Turning back time so I can kill Mohra before his blood makes me mortal."
"When?" Buffy asked weakly. Angel looked up at the clock.
"Another minute." Her eyes widened.
"A minute?! No! No, it's not enough time!" She began to cry.
"We don't have a choice," Angel said quietly, his voice beginning to break with emotion. "It's done."
"How am I supposed to go on with my life, knowing what we had?" Buffy asked through her tears, her voice dropping to a whisper. "What we could have had?"
"You won't," Angel replied, tears forming in his eyes. "No one wil know but me."
"Everything we did-"
"It never happened."
"It did! It did! I know it did."
"Buffy..." He looked at her with such love, his eyes shrouded in pain. She pulled him to her, and they kissed deeply, running their hands through each other's hair. When they pulled away, Buffy looked at the clock, a mere fifteen seconds left, and turned back to Angel in alarm.
"No! No! Oh God, it's not enough time."
"Shh. Shh." Angel began to cry, as well, and she hugged him tightly to her, as though he would disappear. "Please," he sniffled. "Please. Please."
"I'll never forget," Buffy whispered into his ear. "I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget. I'll never forget..."
"Buffy?" She was crying freely now, and Angel wanted so much to take hold of her in his arms, and tell her that everything would be okay.
"I...I'm gonna go now," she said, wiping away her tears quickly. She couldn't fall apart like this in front of him. Not Angel. Anyone but Angel. She moved to walk past him, but he grabbed her arm. That was all she needed. She pulled him to her, and kissed him hard on his lips.
When the kiss ended, she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him close. "I'll never forget," she couldn't resist whispering in his ear. "I'll never forget." She pulled away and walked off to her car without looking back. She knew that if she did, she'd never leave.
Buffy sat in her car for a few moments, and blinked the tears away. Taking a couple minutes to compose herself, she sniffled, before putting the car in drive and speeding away, not seeing the figure running to her.
Angel watched Buffy go, his heart breaking all over again. Suddenly, something clicked in his mind.
"Angel?"
"Mmmm?"
"What happened?"
"When?"
"When I came to L.A."
~~~~
"I'm talking about when you came after Faith. ...What are you talking about?"
~~~~
"I'll never forget. I'll never forget."
"Damn it," he swore. She remembered. She knew. But...how? 'It must've been when she was up there,' he thought quickly, his mind hurrying to process everything at once. '...God, she knows!' "She knows," he said aloud. Angel knew at once that he had to get her before she left. He ran as fast as she could, and called out her name as he neared the parking lot in which they'd parked. "Buffy!" Either she didn't hear him, or chose to ignore him. Still, her car sped away, leaving Angel looking on, heartbroken.
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