Buffy and Angel are Joss' all other characters and the plot are mine. All feedback is welcome.
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Part Five
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They didn't speak on the way to her house, as they didn't want to start anything that they wouldn't be able to finish. Each also needed time to organize their thoughts and pull their emotions together. When they reached the house, Buffy paid the sitter for watching Mikey, then said quietly to Angel, "Wait here," and escorted the girl to her own door across the street just to make sure no vampires got any ideas.
While she was gone, Angel wandered into the living room. It had a warm friendly feeling to it, with large glass doors leading onto a porch and others into the hallway. There was a large comfy couch, a big love seat and a well-worn rocking chair. A huge desk occupied one corner of the room and there were shelves of books along one wall. Angel walked over to the large fireplace and some pictures on the mantel caught his attention.
Buffy was in many of them, with a couple of different people. In the first one he looked at, she sat, laughing, on a beach at the edge of the tide with a small boy, who, from the look of his face, was convinced the water was going to jump up and attack him. She wore a bathing suit and her hair was down, the setting sun making it shine like gold.
In another she and Abbey were asleep in a hammock, each facing one way. Abbey held a small baby on her chest, wrapped in her arms and the little boy in the other picture was peering at them from around a corner, a grin visible on his innocent face. The last picture was of a young woman in her mid-twenties with a good-looking man in a police uniform at some kind of function. They had their arms wrapped around each other and they smiled happily at the camera. Angel stared at this picture for a while longer, wishing with all his heart that he could see that look of happiness on Buffy's face right then. Wishing that she had never left.
"He's dead." Buffy startled him into turning around with the photo still in his hands. He hadn't even heard her enter the room. She sat down on the arm of the couch, fiddling with the rings on her fingers. "That's Bennie, Abbey's Watcher and her hus- her late husband Anthony. He was killed in the line of duty two years ago. Bennie was two months pregnant at the time."
Angel glanced at the picture, at the happy couple who looked at each other so lovingly and remarked, "Must have been tough for her."
Buffy nodded absently, staring into space as she remembered something he knew nothing about. Angel put the picture back and indicated the others with a nod of his head. "So, you still show up on film, huh?"
"What?" she asked, confused then nodded. "Oh, yeah, I've got a reflection too, not much of one though. The only bad things about what happened is needing to drink blood and, well, the dying thing too." She smiled weakly, needing to smile at something.
Angel looked at the other two pictures, still skirting the main subject. "Who's the little boy and the baby?" He asked, not looking at her.
Buffy stood and came to stand next to him. His muscles tightened and he was supersensitive to the fact of her body so close to his. She pointed to the first picture and said, "That's Bennie's son, Michael. He's three now. We went to a beach for the day. He was terrified of the water at first, but once I went in, he saw it wasn't going to hurt him. He's a funny little kid, brave about some things and a little fraidy-cat about others." Her voice warmed as she spoke of the people in the pictures and Angel instinctively became jealous of the love she obviously had for them after she'd left him.
She continued, "This one, the one with the hammock, was taken in the afternoon earlier this summer. The baby's Rilla, she's not very old. Abbey and I were zonked from a night of slaying. Mikey thought he was spying on us, he was so proud of himself that we didn't notice."
Angel couldn't contain it any longer. "Yeah," he said, his voice laced with anger, "Looks like you've carved out a great life for yourself without me."
Buffy turned to him, knowing he felt as if she no longer needed him. "Angel, I still need you. It's not like you've been replaced or anything-"
"What do you mean, 'I need you?' You didn't need me five years ago. You haven't needed me since, you never came looking for me." She began to speak, but he cut her off. "Do you have any idea what you did to me. Do you have even the slightest clue how much that hurt?"
"I, I'm sorry, Angel. I didn't mean to hurt you," she whispered, her face ashen as she faced his wrath and her own guilt.
"What the hell were you thinking?" his voice rose as he gave his anger free rein. "Taking off in the middle of the night, not even twenty four hours after we've both nearly been killed? Leaving a note, not even bothering to explain yourself, going after saying all those things, after you kissed me like that. Did that mean anything to you at all?" He reached out suddenly and grasped her arms intensely. He didn't notice how strongly he held her and she didn't mention it. Tears slowly coursed down her face and she stared up into his eyes, breaking his heart all over again, but still he continued on. He lowered his voice, nearly cracking and asked, "Do I mean anything at all to you?"
She gasped in disbelief and said, "Angel, you mean the world to me, I love you. I just needed some time, I had to leave, and I couldn't bear saying good bye to you. I knew you wouldn't let me go if I told you. I explained everything in the note."
Angel almost laughed aloud at that. "The note? What the hell does a note tell me? It's a piece of paper Buffy, it means nothing! And how could you think that I wouldn't let you go? I'd let you do anything Buffy! I'd have given you all the time in the world, but you didn't give me the chance. You didn't TRUST me!!"
Suddenly, someone began to cry upstairs and Angel became aware of how tightly he held her arms and how close she was. He quickly released her arms and she crossed them, still crying. She turned and hurried up the stairs and after a few seconds Angel followed her. She went straight to a small room on the right side of the hallway and pushed open the door.
Angel stood in the doorway and watched as she crossed the room to a small bed and bent down. She quickly gathered a small form in her arms and began to rock him soothingly, whispering quietly into his ear. The child, woken from a nightmare, sniffled against her chest, clutching her neck. She rocked back and forth on the bed, not moving until he was fully back to sleep. She stood and Angel hurried up to the side of the bed and pulled down the sheets. She murmured her thanks and placed the small mortal body back on the bed and tucked him in lovingly. She kissed him on the cheek, then preceded Angel out of the room. She shut the door and leaned against it, burying her face in her hands.
Angel's thoughts remained on the little boy and something Buffy probably hadn't thought of. "Are you ready for this?" he asked quietly, all thoughts of her betrayal pushed to the back of his mind as he considered her future.
"Ready for what?" she replied through her palms.
"Relationships with mortals." She let her hands fall and pushed back her hair. Her skin was red and her lips trembled, but her eyes were steady.
He went on, "That little boy in there, Michael, he's going to grow up Buffy. He'll get older and older and older. Before you know it, he'll be in high school. Then he'll be going to college. Then he's getting married. Then, in what'll seem like months to you, he'll be married, have three kids, a couple of grand children, a winter home in Florida and a pacemaker." Buffy stared up at him with something akin to horror and he softened his voice, automatically reaching up to caress her cheek and she leaned into the intimate touch.
"He'll get old Buffy," he whispered, "He'll change and you won't. You'll always look like this, you'll always be young and as the years past, you'll watch as everyone around you withers and dies. It's hard, believe me honey, I know, I've been doing it for over two centuries. It never gets easy. And Buffy," he paused and lowered his head to stare straight into her eyes. "No matter what you think, you can't do it alone."
Her face began to crumple and she whispered, "I know," collapsing against his chest as he wrapped her up in his arms and buried his face in her hair. "I know."
* * *
When Abbey came home, she came home to a dark house. Looking around, she placed her bag on the stairs and walked through the rooms. Glancing to the side, she saw that the doors leading onto the porch from the living room were open and there was a petite form sitting on the huge swing hanging from the porch roof.
Buffy glanced up as Abbey came out, smiling a welcome. She was tired and drained emotionally, probably more so than Angel since she'd had no idea he would show up like that. Abbey sat next to her, leaning back on the strong wood. They swung gently in silence for a moment. Buffy spoke quietly then, but it still startled her.
"Thank you," she said.
Abbey turned her head and asked with a puzzled look, "For what?"
"For everything. For understanding, for suggesting the house, for not asking questions, for being my friend. And," she said, "I'm not just talking about tonight. I mean, ever since I walked into your lives, you guys have accepted me just the way I am. I want to thank you for that."
Abbey grinned, and imitated a southern voice, "Aw, shucks ma'am. T'wasn't nothin' at all." Her grin faded slightly when Buffy didn't laugh, just kept staring right ahead of her. "Hey," she said, touching her lightly on the hand, "You okay? I mean, you're talking like your leaving or something."
She spoke so softly that Abbey had to lean forward to hear her. "Maybe I am."
It was as if someone had punched Abbey in the gut. Her face was total shock and she dropped back abruptly against the back of the chair. She stared at Buffy for a moment, then stated in a strange voice, "You're joking."
Buffy turned and looked at her. Her eyes were usually laughing, but now they were as serious as they had been that time a worm-thingie had tried to take over the continent through telepathy waves. Abbey looked into those eyes for a moment, then said, "You're not joking, are you?" She shook her head no. All Abbey could think of to say was, "Wow." Then she added, "Well, why, I mean. Geez, what happened?"
Buffy shrugged, relieved to be able to talk to someone. "He came back to me. Angel missed me," she paused. A small, incredulous smile crept onto her face, as if she couldn't believe that. "I told him about Anthony and he asked about the kids. We talked about . . . I cried. He was angry with me, though I can't say I blame him."
Abbey tried to wrap her mind around it, "So, you're leaving because he got mad at you?"
"No," Buffy said, "I mean, he's still angry, but we'll get through that I think. God, we've gotten through everything from being vampires, to ancient demons trying to rip us into pieces, five years apart will be a piece of cake to get over, right?" Abbey nodded supportively. "What I meant when I said I might leave, is that Angel told me that if I wanted to live with the Family, or even just visit and learn some things, I was welcomed. I don't know if I will or not."
Abbey shifted her seat, sitting on one leg and wrapping her arms around the other one. "Okay, the Family is that, like, cult thing he belongs to or something, right? And those vamps that helped save you and the priest, all members of this Family thing?"
Buffy nodded, biting the inside of her cheek as she thought.
"Okay, then just one more thing." Buffy turned to look at her, sensing an undercurrent in her voice. Abbey stared back at her seriously, "Listen, Buff, you talked about the Anointed One and going to Rome and the rescue and all, but you never talked about what happened afterwards and we respected that. But I think we should know now. Why did you leave? What went wrong with you two?"
Buffy shook her head, "Nothing! Nothing went wrong, we just- I mean I couldn't-," she paused at a loss for words. "I needed to get away. I went through a lot and I was badly beaten, emotionally, mentally and physically. I had to leave, to. . . Argh, I don't know. I-" she stopped, stumped for a moment.
"I had to make myself happy first. I had to learn to love myself and what I'd become before I could let him. That's what it was with me and Angel. When I'm with him, I feel like I'm on top of the world. I see him looking at me, and I know that he thinks I'm wonderful and it makes up for all the pain I've ever felt. But after Rome, I had to leave him in order to find myself. Angel couldn't learn for me how to deal with what I am. Only I could do that and I did! I learned how to deal and how to live and how to love all over again. Not like I did when I was mortal, I can't go back to that, but it took time for me to realize that and to accept it. I couldn't have done that with Angel around. I wouldn't have been strong enough. What I needed was time."
Abbey nodded and clasped Buffy's hand in her own. "Fair enough," she said with a small smile. "I know what it's like to have your entire world turned upside down, not knowing how to deal with it." They both smiled at the allusion to slaying. They both knew the horrors and trials of being Slayers, they were the only two people on the planet who did. Even their Watchers never knew the full extent of being the Chosen One was.
Abbey paused, then looked up, "Just promise me, before you agree to anything, you'll wait to talk it over with Bennie. She gets home at around noon today, so don't go off half-cocked, alright?"
Buffy nodded and offered her pinky, which Abbey took in her own. "Deal," they said in unison, then Buffy leaned over and hugged her. If she did decide to go with Angel, she had no idea how the hell she was going to leave these guys behind.
* * *
Angel walked up the steps of the porch quickly and rang the doorbell. Buffy had called the number he had given her and asked him to meet her at her house at 9:00. It was exactly 8:59 when she opened the door for him. She smiled, her entire face lighting up and said, "Hi. You're right on time. Come on in."
Angel stepped through the doorway, giving her his coat when she held out her hand. He felt uncomfortable seeing her like this, so much at home in a place he didn't know. But his discomfort was somewhat relieved by her appearance. Angel had forgotten just how beautiful she was and he enjoyed being reminded of it then. She wore beige shorts that showed off her thighs and a white, ballerina inspired T-shirt. On her feet were brown sandals and her blond hair hung free except for two bobby pins on one side, holding her hair out of her eyes. She looked for all the world, like an innocent, sweet teenage girl hanging about in her house in the middle of summer. But then, appearances are often deceiving.
"Bennie's in the living room with Abbey, the girl that I was hunting with last night. She'll be going out alone tonight, since, well you're around and we will be talking, so I won't be hunting, which makes sense and I'm babbling again, really bad habit, as you can see I haven't gotten rid of it since, and I'm going to stop embarrassing myself right now and let Bennie do that for me." She spoke rapidly, in one breath just like he remembered she was prone to do when she was nervous. Her rambling brought a smile to his face when she turned her back. Maybe things hadn't changed that much after all. he told himself, shaking his head firmly,
She led him into the room he had been in before with the large fireplace. The girl he knew from last night was standing by a desk with the woman from the picture. They both glanced up when Buffy and Angel entered the room and he could tell from the way they looked at him that they would do anything necessary to preserve Buffy's happiness, of which he had proven himself to be a possible major threat to.
The older woman smiled slightly and held out her hand, "Angel, I presume?" He nodded as he took her hand and she said, "My name's Berenice, but everyone calls me Bennie. I'm Abbey's Watcher and Buffy's friend."
"Nice to meet you, both of you," he said, extending his hand to Abbey, who took it in a quick firm grip. The older woman looked at Abbey once and she got the hint quickly. She smiled slightly to everyone and made a quick exit through the front door.
Bennie moved over to the couch, motioning Angel to take a seat. He chose a large armchair, while Buffy chose to sit on the arm of the couch, half way between Bennie and him. Angel had the same feeling he had gotten when he first met Buffy's mom. Centuries old demon lover with serious intentions versus protective friend/Watcher/guardian. It should be interesting.
Bennie took a deep breath, then let it out again. With a slightly self-conscience smile, she said, "Please excuse me if I'm a little distracted, Angel. I have never met a vampire with a soul before, and all the others it's my job to kill them."
Angel nodded, "Perfectly natural. People usually react strangely," he paused, then added, "Not that many know what I am, but still-"
Bennie agreed and said, "When Buffy told me you sought her out here, I was somewhat startled. She never told us before what happened between you two and we never asked." Buffy looked down at her hands and glanced up at Angel and found him staring intently at her. She held his gaze for a second, then glanced down again, painfully aware of the sorrow and pain that hid just beneath his mask.
Bennie continued, "That was fine with us, we love her and respect her. So you can imagine that we are worried that you're here, but for those same reasons, we will stand behind anything she decides. I just wanted to meet you, more to compare you against the accounts other Watchers have written."
Angel grinned for the first time. "How do I compare?" he asked.
Bennie smiled back, "Words often fail to describe someone older than a century, I've found."
Angel agreed, then said, "Listen, Buffy may be able to go out in sunlight, but I still have to be back before sun-up. I would like to go for a walk."
Buffy nodded, catching on immediately and Bennie quickly said, "Yes, I have a ton of paper work to do, so I will say good night now."
Angel and Buffy murmured their good nights and quickly sped out of the house. But once alone, they moved in silence, the awkwardness penetrating the air. They made it all the way down the street before Buffy finally mustered enough courage to make the first move. "So, what'd you do last night?"
He shrugged, and his arm brushed against her shoulder. "Talked to the others, read. Not much really."
"The others?" Buffy said, looking at him. "Are there many like yo- I mean, like us?"
"I don't know the exact number, but we have outposts in nearly every part of the world. The Family's grown over the centuries."
"Family," Buffy said, smiling wistfully. "Are they?"
"What?" he asked, looking at her for the first time, waiting for an explanation.
"You know. Are they family to you? Do you care about them? I mean, the ones that I met in Rome, they risked their lives because you asked them to. Are they your family?"
Angel was silent for a moment, and Buffy was content to stroll along beside him, close enough that her arm brushed against his every so often. The silence lasted so long that she was sure he had decided to ignore her question, when he said, "They are, but not like yours."
"Mine?" she asked, glancing up at him. "Do you mean my mom and dad?"
"Them and the others," he said. He nodded back the way they had come, "Bennie, Abbey and those children. The others are my family, but not the way you are used to. We're more reserved, quieter. I don't know if there is much love the way you guys have, but there is much respect and friendship. And," he paused, "Comradeship. We're all we've got, there's no one else for us."
Buffy blinked, then slowly slipped her small fingers into his hand, nervous that he would pull away. Angel glanced down at their clasped hands, then up at her and she said, "There is for you. There's me."
Angel stopped and turned, reaching out to grasp her hand with his other one as well. He held her single small hand in his two large ones and studied it for a moment, running his thumbs over her palm. Buffy watched his fingers, shivers running up her arms. He glanced up at her and she met his eyes. Angel bent his neck, leaning down and Buffy tilted her head up, slowly closing her eyes. Gently, he touched his lips to hers, then pressed slightly harder, their hands pressed between them. It was a beautiful kiss, one of reacquaintence and reassurance. It held no promises, no resolutions, just love and a fire that had not dimmed in all their years apart.
Slowly, Angel pulled back, just an inch from her face. He stared down at her flushed cheeks and bright eyes, searching for something. He found it and felt a calm break over him, quieting his fears. She'd left, she'd made a mistake and she'd hurt him, but she was sorry and she loved him just as much as he loved her. He knew that didn't automatically make everything okay, but he really didn't care. All he cared about was what he was holding in his hands.
"Angel?" she whispered, leaning her forehead against his.
"Mmm?" he replied, his eyes closed as he let his guard down for the first time since she'd left.
"I want to go with you."
He opened his eyes and pulled back slightly, studying her visage. There was no doubt there that he could see, but still he asked, "Are you sure you want to leave?"
She nodded, a small smile on lips that were warmed from his kiss. "I'm sure. Not forever, but for a visit at least. See what it's like, what your life has been like. Besides," she added grinning, "I seriously need a vacation."
He grinned down at her, then picked her up in his arms, lifting her off the ground and kissed her as hard as he could. Above their heads, the stars shone brightly, illuminating for the entire world to see, a pair of lovers lost in eternity.
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