What happened afterwards was like a dream to Buffy. It was as if she was out of herself. Watching from a distance. She saw herself standing by Angel, stunned by Drusilla's death. She saw Spike transformed and attacked them. She saw herself fighting. What happened next was like a blur. She couldn't remember what happened.
Buffy knew that she and Angel was okay and that Spike was still alive. How she managed to dispatch him escaped her. But what Buffy couldn't overlook, nor forget was the look in Spike's eyes. The pain, the sorrow, the... Buffy lacked the proper word for it. But it would haunt her for the rest of the night.
Buffy went to school the next day and tried to act normal. But she couldn't. After school she went to Library.
"Ah Buffy. Perfect. We can start the training now and you'll be home by 6." Giles got the appropriate training gear on. Instead of eager and willing (or whining and pleading) Giles got a blank look from Buffy. "Buffy?"
"Huh?" Buffy looked up. Giles immediately knew that something horrible had most likely happened. He sat the young girl down and he sat down in front of her.
"What happened?"
"I went hunting last night."
"Yes?" Giles prompted.
"I met Spike."
"Oh." Something Spike related, getting there.
"I killed..." Giles asked himself.
"You killed..."
"Drusilla." Buffy ended. Giles was unfamiliar with that name. Further attempts to make Buffy talk failed. Xander and Willow entered the Library and was briefed on Buffy's situation.
"So she killed a vampire. Big deal. She has done that dozens of time before." Xander remarked.
"I know. But this time it's different. Willow, help me research the name 'Drusilla'."
"Okay." Willow nodded.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After some hours of searching, still nothing. It was getting dark. Ms. Calendar came in to ask why Giles didn't show up for their date. Giles promptly stuttered and then explained. Ms. Calendar tried to reach Buffy with progress.
Buffy wanted to tell them. But she didn't feel up to it. She really didn't want to be the Slayer anymore. At first it was pretty cool, then it was interfering with her life, now... Buffy thought that it would be pretty easy slaying vampires other than the unfortunate fact that it cut down majorly on her social and personal life. But she never thought that it could affect her this way. Buffy thought that vampire equaled demons, therefore, kill. Then she met Angel.
Angel completely turned her believes. He had a soul. He maybe a vampire, but he loved Buffy. He cared for her, protected her. Okay, sometimes he was a major pain in the butt, but usually Buffy couldn't stand to be away from him. She thought he was the only one like that. The only vampire like that.
But what happened last night changed Buffy's mind. Those emotions she saw in Spike's eyes, they couldn't be. He was taken over by a demon. Demons couldn't love. At least not the ones Buffy met, and staked. She had never bothered to search for the human within the vampire shell. Buffy just dismissed them as uncaring, blood-thirsty (literally), evil argh things. For the most part, vampires were like that. Now, now Buffy was shown differently. Spike was evil, yes. Blood-thirsty, yes. But he also loved, and cared for Drusilla. The vampire, woman, that Buffy slayed last night.
Maybe Buffy and so many Slayers before her were wrong. Who was she to say that vampires deserved to die? Who was she to say that Drusilla deserved to die? Many vampires became that way without their consent. Not all wanted to be possessed by demons.
Darkness descended. Angel arrived.
"Buffy?" Angel walked to her. "Are you okay?" No respond.
"She has been like that since this afternoon." Giles told Angel.
"What happened last night? With Spike." Angel sighed.
"She slayed Drusilla."
"Who's Drusilla?"
"Spike's... love."
"That's it? She killed Spike's love. Oh, ah. What is so out of the ordinary about that?" Xander, again, commented. Rather inappropriately too.
"I don't know. I don't know how it could affect Buffy this way.
You'll just have to ask her." Angel looked to Buffy. She looked up at him, tear marks on her cheeks. No one noticed when she started to cry for she made no sound.
"He loves her. And I... I killed her." Buffy whispered. Everyone's eyebrows scrunched. Surprisingly, Giles was the first to understand. He kneel before the sitting Buffy.
"You were doing your job Buffy. You can't blame yourself for doing that."
"But you should've seen his eyes."
"What about his eyes?" Buffy knew Giles wouldn't understand. No one could.
"I killed the one he loves."
"Loved." Giles corrected her out of reflex.
"No Giles. Loves. He still loves her, even though I killed her. I can't be the Slayer Giles. This is wrong."
"Buffy you have to understand. You were only doing your job. What you are chosen to do..."
"I don't give a damn!" Buffy yelled and stood up. "I don't care anymore. I have no life, I'm one step from being kicked out, my love is a vampire... and I killed someone who is dear to someone else. I have no right to decide who lives and who dies. I can't."
"Vampires..."
"No Giles. They may be vampires, but they're human too. Angel's both. Spike's both. Drusilla was both. They're all both. I'm committing murder. And... and I can't do it anymore." Buffy couldn't hold back her tears any longer and she had to let it out. Giles held out his arms for comfort. Buffy cried into Giles' shoulder.
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