Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story, although they have been twisted for my own use. I apologize profusely to Joss Whedon for my butchering of his creation. Buffy The Vampire Slayer is owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Television, Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television and the WB Television Network. Wow, that's a mouthful!
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Part Four: One Step at a Time
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Whistler laughed. He reached back into his bag and pulled out another bottle.
"Sure." Whistler said. "Here."
Angel grabbed the bottle, faster this time because of the lack of chains. He could actually feel the blood strengthen him. It flowed through his veins making him feel warm and tingly. His whole body shuddered as the taste overtook him. The bottle dropped from his hands again, shattering on the floor.
"Done?" Whistler asked.
"If it was fresh--I haven't had fresh blood since--"
"Since that gypsy girl."
"No, since I lost my soul. You said Buffy still needs me. I killed her friends. I tortured her watcher."
"Yeah, I know. I was there. I saw it all Angel. And through it all, that poor girl thought there was hope. She knew in her heart that you would come to your senses. That you'd be the Angel she knew. And now you are."
"She doesn't know."
"Nah, she knows. You remember how she touched you before--Anyway, you gotta get back to her."
"She can't really want me back. After all I did to her and her friends. Come on Whistler, I'm not stupid."
"She loves you. You know that. You can't just leave her out there without anyone to watch her back."
Angel fell silent. All this was true once. Buffy had loved him. He just wasn't so sure that if he went back she still would. And he didn't blame her if she didn't A stake through the heart was what he deserved.
"I know what's goin' through yer head Angel," Whistler said. "Stop thinkin' it. Every doubt you have in your heart is a weapon against you. It's one more battle won for Lucas."
Angel just nodded.
"No more doubt," He said. "Got it."
"Don't get cute. Oh yeh that's what got you into this the first place. Your rugged good looks. Please, I don't wanna date you. I wanna get you the hell outta Dodge. Come on."
Angel stood up completely. He could stand without shaking. The doorway that Whistler had come in was still open, a bright light shining through it. Angel looked back at Whistler who only nodded. Angel stepped through the doorway and found himself in the courtyard of Sunnydale High School during the day. The yard was empty of students. He turned his face upwards and felt the warmth of the sun on his skin.
"God," Angel said. "I'd forgotten how good it felt. The sun."
"Yeh, it's the little things ya take for granted huh?"
Angel looked around again. He had seen it before so many times at night. It all seemed more real in the sunlight.
"This was part of her life I couldn't touch," Angel said. "I couldn't have this, couldn't go to school with her and just--hang. I guess she never really knew how much I wanted to."
"And how jealous you were of her friends huh?"
"Yeah. That was something Xander never understood. How I could be so jealous of him. But he got to see her with the sun shining on her hair every day and not worry about--"
"Really bad sunburn."
Angel threw Whistler a look.
"So why am I here?" he asked.
Whistler shook his head.
"Dunno. This isn't my journey. It's yours. I'm just along for the ride."
Angel looked around again and saw someone seated on one of the stone benches. He walked over slowly. It was a girl with raven black hair in older dress. Angel looked closer. The girl looked up at him. Her brown eyes seemed to pierce through to his soul. It was a familiar face, though not one he had seen for over a hundred years.
"Natasha," Angel said softly.
The girl stood up.
"Hello Angelus. I have not seen you since my death." Her voice was colored with a heavy accent. "I trust you have been well."
"I--I'm so sorry. I--"
"Hush. I know what my people did to you. I know they gave you your soul back. And I know you look at it as a curse."
"It is."
"No, it was a great gift. Even if my people meant for it to be a curse. Look at the power it gave you. And what did you do with it?"
"Became Rat-Boy," Whistler spoke up.
"Not the way I would have put it, but yes Angelus, you became a pathetic shadow of a creature."
"Angel," Angel said softly. "I don't go by Angelus anymore."
"No, you don't. But do you deserve the title of Angel? Who have you saved? You can't even save yourself."
"Do I deserve saving? After all the killing I did. No, not just killing, torturing. After killing you? Do I deserve to be saved?"
"Angel, oh Angel, are you still grieving my death? I have been dead for over a century. I have come to terms with it, why can't you? If you don't know the answers to your questions, then you aren't ready to hear them. And perhaps, you are not ready to be saved."
The sky overhead darkened as clouds filled it. Angel glanced around. Natasha smiled at him, but it was not a pleasant smile.
"My people were experts at magic," she said. "There was so much we could do. We could give souls, yes, but we also called down demons to do our bidding. Of course, we were careful. We did not use them to kill. Demons can do so much more. You know that don't you Whistler?"
Whistler shrugged.
"I know that some of ‘em do stuff when summoned. But I'm more of a free agent."
Natasha nodded.
"Yes, well, my friend is not. Fight him Angel, kill him or die. Isn't that interesting? You must kill to survive. Will you do it? You feel you don't deserve to live. So will you be willing to take the life of something to survive?"
Natasha laughed a full evil sounding laugh and then disappeared in smoke. The clouds thickened as the courtyard was filled with a sour smell. Angel bent his head as the wind blew dust around violently.
"Whistler," he shouted, "what the hell's going on?"
"Nicely put. I don’t know but I don't like it. I get the feeling Natasha called down one of her demon friends. Don't know about you, but I think that this demon ain't gonna be friendly."
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