01 - THE LIBRARY
(Things have been moved aside to make room to spar with. Buffy and Giles are wielding quarterstaffs, getting ready to start a round.)
BUFFY: Giles, we've been through this before, remember? Beating with sticks? Bruises? I didn't know that I hit you hard enough to forget the last time-
GILES: [interrupting, impatient] Yes... well, I've been practicing, and I thought that you could stand to do the sam-
(Giles doesn't get a chance to finish his sentence. Buffy sweeps the quarterstaff behind his legs and knocks him down.)
BUFFY: [smirking] You were saying? GILES: [frustratedly] I wasn't ready!
BUFFY: So you're saying that on the off chance I should encounter a vampire that's into primitive weaponry instead of the more traditional sucking of blood, I should wait until he feels comfortable? GILES: [sighs] I see your point, I suppose. Still, I *have* been practicing...
BUFFY: All right, all right...
(they begin to spar anew)
02 - THE HALLWAYS
(Xander, on his way to class, stops at a drinking fountain.)
XANDER: Ahhh, nothing like nice, fresh- (he pushes the lever on the drinking fountain, releasing brown junk from the spout) -brown stuff?
(Xander steps back hurriedly, managing to crash into Cordelia in the process.)
CORDELIA: [annoyed] Excuse you!
XANDER: You know, Cordelia, your command over the English language is amazing.
CORDELIA: [raising her voice, still annoyed] Am I hearing things? Are you talking back to *me*?
XANDER: [meekly] No ma'am. I was talking to that other, uh, Cordelia... over there. [loudly, to a passing girl] Yeah, I really enjoyed your oral report in Lit. class, Cordelia. [the girl looks at him scornfully and continues walking] Heh-heh... she's real nice. A little shy, though.
(A jock, hearing the commotion, turns around)
JOCK: This dork bothering you, Cordelia?
(Cordelia opens her mouth to protest, but is interrupted by Xander.)
XANDER: [babbling nervously] Uh, well- I really have that thing that I have to be getting to... you know, that thing that's... yeah. (he turns and exits, hurriedly)
JOCK: Sophmores.
(The jock goes up to the drinking fountain and takes a lengthy drink, not looking at the brown junk flowing out of the spigot. We see a close-up of his face. He looks confused for a second, then wipes his mouth. His face contorts with anger briefly. He looks down the hallway at Xander, who's talking with Willow. The jock's eyes flash red for a split-second, then return to normal. He smiles. It's not pretty.)
(ROLL TITLE SEQUENCE)
03 - EXT. SCHOOL
(It's miserable out. Pouring rain, thunder, lightning, the works.)
04 - THE GYM
(Not unlike in "The Pack", the students are all grouped together, split into two teams. Xander, Buffy and Willow are all on the same team. Most notably on the opposing team is the jock that drank some of the brown crud. He's staring at Xander. Ever heard the phrase "If looks could kill"? That would be an understatement here. Xander, aware of this, is fidgeting nervously.)
COACH: I have a surprise for you, people. We're not going to be playing dodgeball today, despite the weather (several people on both teams emit relieved sighs). Instead, we're going to be playing Speedball! (various groans from the students) Quiet! For those of you unfamiliar with Speedball, the rules are as follows: There are no rules. Everything is fair game. If you get injured, try to move out of the line of fire. (he puts the whistle to his lips) Go!
(he blows his whistle. Almost immediately, the jock hits Xander with one of the balls, hard enough to knock him down. Buffy and Willow crouch down to help him.)
WILLOW: [concerned] You okay?
XANDER: [dazed] Am I bleeding?
BUFFY: Not yet. Why did he go for you like that?
XANDER: I made the mistake of talking to Cordelia without offering the appropriate small animal sacrifice. He's her personal enforcer.
BUFFY: C'mon, let's get you off the court before he decides to finish you. Can you walk?
XANDER: Yeah, I think so. (Buffy and Willow pull him to his feet and pull him out) Heck, you only need one kidney, right? No big deal.
WILLOW: (looking at the court) What's he doing?
(Cut to the court. The jock is hogging all the balls and systematically wipes out the rest of the other team with brutal efficiency. The rest of his team is just standing there, looking bewildered. The coach is in the background, jaw dropped in amazement.)
06 - THE LIBRARY
(Giles is sitting behind the desk, reading some ancient-looking book. Willow and Buffy enter, followed by Xander, who looks to be still hurting from the game of Speedball)
BUFFY: Hey Giles, what's the ancient prophecy of doom for today? GILES: Hmm? (noticing Xander) What happened to you?
XANDER: [raspily] Old war wound. This weather makes it worse.
GILES: War... wound?
WILLOW: Well, a Speedball inflicted injury anyway. Same thing. (Xander falls into a chair wearily)
XANDER: [weakly] Willow... Buffy... avenge me...
GILES: Very melodramatic. You might want to go out for drama next year. The coach punished the boy who did this, I assume.
(A pause. Buffy and Willow exchange looks.)
GILES: Yes... well, you know what they say about assuming...
WILLOW: He wouldn't stop his own mother from being thrown to the lions if it was a school-sanctioned event.
BUFFY: So, what's on the schedule for tonight? Any scrolls or ancient tomes fortelling the end of the world?
WILLOW: Any swarms of locusts we should know about?
XANDER: How about a deadly, virulant plague? We haven't had one of those in a while.
GILES: Ha-ha. As it so happens, we seem to be free from imminent disasters for a brief time.
(Another pause)
BUFFY: Wow, this is like summer vacation. You can't wait for it all year, but when it comes around it's incredibly boring.
WILLOW: Yeah. I hate to say this, but I already miss being threatened by vampires and she-mantises and witches.
XANDER: Whoa, before we all decide to go on a fun-filled romp through Sunnydale's sewers in search of vampires Buffy hasn't staked yet, I think I have something to share.
GILES: Do tell.
XANDER: When I stopped to get a drink of water in the hallway, some brown crud came out of the fountain. And not the normal brown crud that we've all grown to know and love, either.
GILES: Perhaps the city should have re-thought their plan to floridate the water supply...
XANDER: It was almost like whatever it was was trying to get me to drink it. (he pauses) Does that sound as crazy out loud as it did in my head?
(Silence)
WILLOW: Uh...
BUFFY: Well...
GILES: ...a bit, yes.
XANDER: Yeah, that's what I thought. (the school bell rings) Oh good. Geometry class. That should make this pain in my gut feel oh so much better.
WILLOW: C'mon Xander, we'd better get to class. How far did you get on the homework last night?
XANDER: (as they leave) We had homework?
GILES: What about you? Shouldn't you get to class?
BUFFY: Actually, I was wondering if you'd like to do a little more sparring with those quarterstaffs.
GILES: I suppose, if you think you'd like more practic- wait. Don't you have a history test today?
BUFFY: [sighs] Can't blame a girl for trying... (she leaves)
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