"So Dru's the bloody Master of the Order," Spike marveled, walking jauntily between the other two vamps. "Don't that beat all. So... where's this 'package', eh? Like to say my hellos an'..."
Spike's words were cut off by the taser at his neck, and he dropped bonelessly onto the ground.
"Well," the vampire grinned to the other, "That's both things we were supposed to get."
"Wonder what she's gonna do to him?" The other vampire kicked at Spike's unconscious form with his boot.
"I heard he tied her to a pole and tried to feed her to the Slayer."
"I heard he was, like, dating the Slayer."
"Working with Angelus to kill our kind," the vampire spat.
"Yeah, man," the other one laughed. "What isn't she gonna do to him?"
--------------------------
"I gotta go with Giles here," Xander said. "When Dawn tries to what?"
Willow sunk back into her chair, shrinking under everyone's stares. "Um... I..."
"Willow," Giles said, his eyes peering into hers, "Does this have something to do with the door we opened?"
"Yes," Willow whispered. "Look, guys, this is a very you-don't-want-to-know kind of thing..."
Buffy's eyes blazed in fury. "Oh -- I think I speak for everyone when I say that this is a very we-incredibly-much-do-want-to-know-or-Willow-gets-injured kind of thing."
"O-okay," Willow took a deep breath. "Um, okay. Um. Buffy, you know how said that when you held Dawn, it was like holding yourself?"
"Yes..."
"Well, uh, you were holding yourself, sort of. When they made Dawnie out of you, they... took out part of your soul and put it into Dawn."
Buffy blinked.
"That's, um, why you've felt so bad. And why she's felt so bad. 'Cause you were both missing a piece of yourself. They did it so that you would be, y'know, drawn to her... in the most literal kind of way, she's your soulmate, your missing piece. I think... I think when you went to Heaven... you experienced, for the first time in your memory, what it was like to feel whole. I think that's why it hurt so much to come back, Buffy. Until then, you didn't remember what it was like to be complete... 'cause of, y'know, the monks and their head-mojo, not that I can throw stones..."
"This is what you were trying to tell me with the eye thing?" Xander blurted.
"Yeah, Xander. It was. I got... distracted."
"That would explain a great deal," Giles mused. "Even before your death, Buffy, you had complained to me of feeling disconnected and empty..."
"You were so different when you came to L.A.," Angel added, his brow furrowed.
"We all noticed it," Xander muttered. "Riley definitely noticed it..."
Buffy shook her head. "I... but... huh?"
"Buffy..." Willow said gently. "The Key was never meant to be corporeal this long. The arrangement was supposed to be temporary, just until Glory's window of opportunity passed... then Dawn would have disappeared and all of our memories of her would have vanished. The monks just meant to borrow part of your soul, not cut it off from you forever. The part where they all got killed was really not in their plan."
"How... how do you know?"
"I know... because Spike knew."
"But... Tara said I didn't come back wrong! If I only had half a soul..."
"You came back the same as you left. That's what Tara tested you for."
"I... I still don't understand... the Dawn and Spike thing...?"
"Ever since Dawn found out what she was, she's been begging Spike to sire her. So that you could have your whole soul back, and she would go on existing. Spike's been refusing for years, and Dawn keeps asking."
"Why... why would she..."
"All I know is what Spike remembers. She told him that your soul wanted to be whole, wanted to leave her body... which left her with a semi-death wish." Willow smiled sadly.
"Semi-death wish?" Gunn asked, eyebrows soaring.
"Well, she didn't want to stop existing. She just wanted Buffy's soul to be free. That's why she was hitting up Spike to vamp her. Still existing -- no soul."
"He never told me," Buffy whispered.
"He knew what knowing it would do to you, Buffy... 'cause he knew what knowing it was doing to him. He finally made himself forget... took a potion or had a spell done or something. It was... it was eating him alive. Which is why he didn't tell you, and why I didn't want to tell you... but oh no, everybody's gotta make me!"
"All this time... everything we've been through... my little sister's been begging him to kill her and he didn't tell me?"
"He refused to do it... he was trying to help you in other ways."
"Other... ways?"
"Like the demon eggs," Xander sighed, realization dawning.
"I know he wasn't the Doctor, Xander, Willow already showed me..."
"There was more than what I showed you," Willow said, explaining briefly as horror flared on every face.
"My God, he's an idiot," Angel gasped. "And I thought he did dangerous stuff for Dru."
"Love's Bitch," Willow agreed quietly.
"Did he seriously not realize what he could have become?" Angel railed. "An Aurelian vampire, allowing what vestiges of humanity they had to be sucked out?"
Willow shot a nervous look at Buffy. "The situation was complicated..."
"You're telling me I only have half a soul," Buffy said incredulously. "The reason I feel all... numb inside is because..."
"Because Dawn is still alive," Giles finished gently. "But I doubt you would accept killing Dawn as a solution. I'm certain Spike came to the same conclusion."
"I-I can't listen to this anymore," Buffy stammered, standing up unsteadily. "I have to think, it's too much, I need to be alone..."
"Buffy, there's more... stuff you should..."
"No more! I can't... I can't hear this, I don't want to hear this!"
Buffy shoved her chair back, running out of the cavern. Angel moved to follow her, but Giles restrained him.
"And that's why I didn't want to tell her," Willow sighed.
"I think we've sheltered Buffy quite enough," Giles frowned. "I certainly wish Spike had shared this knowledge with me..."
"He couldn't do that," Angel said quietly. "He knew you too well."
"What exactly is that supposed to mean?" Giles bristled.
"Look. I've known Spike for over a century, okay? No one knows him better than me. I... made him what he is."
"Oh, nice job on that," Xander spat. "Golf-claps all around."
Angel ignored him. "Dawn was under Spike's protection. I don't think any of you can understand just how serious a thing that is where Spike's concerned. In Spike's mind, every one of you would be a potential threat to Dawn."
"We love Dawn," Xander protested. "We've all saved Dawn a million times..."
"And how do you feel about Dawn now?" Angel challenged, staring Xander down. "Knowing that she doesn't really exist? Knowing that everything you loved about her is just a stolen shard of Buffy? Knowing that her mere existence is making Buffy miserable? Knowing that she is, essentially, a parasitic organism? Moreover, a parasitic organism that wants to die? A parasitic organism that you won't mourn, because the moment she dies, you'll forget she ever existed?"
"She's not a 'parasitic organism', she's Dawn."
Giles sighed. "I may not enjoy Angel's terminology, but he does have a point. Xander, remember when you were split into two beings? Should we not have recombined you?"
"See?" Angel smiled slightly. "That's exactly why Spike wouldn't have told you."
"Anybody else completely confused?" Faith groaned, dropping her head into her hands.
"So Buffy won't ever be whole again until the person she loves more than anyone else in the world dies," Wood mused. "That's... special."
--------------------------
"The t-thing is, I t-think he was trying to slip me a message. 'Cause he called you my boyfriend, which is w-wrong on a l-lot of levels... but those vamps wouldn't know that..."
"A blatantly false statement to clue you in," Wesley sighed, handing Tara a glass of water. "Tell me exactly what he said after that, Dawn, as word-for-word as you can."
"He said to tell you that he'd decided to tackle your 'killer first-day project' by himself."
"My killer first-day project? You're certain that's what he said?"
"P-pretty certain. And he kind of... looked at me when he said it. I-I think it had something to do with the vendetta thing... the vampires said that Drusilla was going to do to Angel what Angel had done to her..."
"Angel did quite a lot of damage to Drusilla in their day. He made her insane, he killed her entire family..."
At this, Illyria whipped around, staring at them both. "Killed her family?"
"Yes. He was rather methodical about it, actually... of course, we're speaking of Angelus here, not Angel..."
"Wesley," Illyria said pointedly. "Your killer. Your killer was Vail."
Wesley froze, blinking. "And on the first day we took over Wolfram & Hart..."
"He had a project, did he not?"
Wesley let out a little moan. "Connor. Drusilla is going to kill Connor."
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