Buffy awoke from her dream with a start. It had been about Angel again, and the dreams were occurring more and more often. She didn’t know how much longer she could take this- the sensation of his hand stroking through her hair, his lips softly brushing hers. She could still feel the tingling feeling that she got after every dream, still feel his hands in her hair. She sat up and the feeling stopped. But she could still sense him, and looked down next to herself. He was there, lying on her bed. It was unusually cold, midwinter, and he probably felt it too- he was at room temperature after all, yet he had been too much of a gentleman, or too scared of what might happen to dare to go under the covers to keep warm. She stood up, grabbing a blanket to cover herself; despite the cover that she already received from her pajamas she still felt naked. He gazed up at her, his hand still on the pillow from where it had lain stroking her hair.
Buffy: Angel, uh…
Angel: Hi. I’m, uh, sorry. About this. I didn’t want to hurt you. You just looked so peaceful in your sleep… How come you never look like that in real life? You always seem so stressed somehow.
Buffy: Yeah, well, that’s what happens when you’re woken up from a good dream.
Buffy’s face turns a slightly darker colour, then recovers, knowing that there is no way Angel could figure out what her dream was about.
Buffy: Why are you here?
Angel: You mentio… well you said… ummm…Buffy, you said my name. In your dream.
Buffy looks down at the floor, her face turning even redder than it was before with the thought that he knew exactly what she had dreamed, every second of it. She missed him so much but it could never be the same, could never be like it was. She would never have another truly perfect moment with Angel again, and it killed her inside. She couldn't even bear to look at him, let alone be this close, this intimate. She took another step back, but he rolled off the bed and walked closer to her.
Buffy: Angel, I can't have you coming back here. I can't have you in my life, knowing more than even my friends do about what I’m going through. You’re in my dreams, yes, and I will cherish every second of them until the day I die; but that’s all that they can ever be. We both know that. I’m here, trying to move on without you, and you keep coming back. You keep hurting me when you come back, and you know why? Because you leave again. Every single time that I open my heart to you again, you leave. We kissed and you left. I don’t even know how much I mean to you anymore. If you can just leave like that… I don’t know how you can if you love me as much as I love you,
Angel: You know I do!
Buffy: Let me finish. If you love me as much as I love you, how can you possibly leave? You kill me when you do, but it’s you that makes the choice here, you who decides to break my heart open again.
Angel: It breaks my heart too. More than you can ever know. But I do want you to be happy, and I don’t think you need me for that. You can find someone here to love, I know you can. And I know that you will probably compare everyone to what you remember of me, but just think of all the things they can give you that I can't. It probably won't ever compare, but eventually the pain of all this will ease. I know it will. It has to.
Buffy: But it won't. Not if you keep coming back here. I know you want to help, and I appreciate it, I really do; but there’s nothing you can do here that you can't do in L.A.
Tears are streaming down both their cheeks, and while Buffy had originally been pulling away from him, she and Angel are now both lying on the bed on top of the covers, not needing the additional heat than the one that is pulsing through them. He pulls her closer to whisper in her ear.
Angel: Maybe not. But I get to see you.
His hands slide up to her shoulders, then down to interlock with hers around her waist. His lips are now playing over the scar on her neck, softly grazing over the small white marks. She whimpers, the love she has been holding back for so long now spilling out of her, mixing with her tears; and with it, her common sense also leaves. She softly takes his hands, stroking them across her stomach, letting them glide under her shirt, before slowly removing them. Her hands untangle themselves from his as she rolls over and rubs her hands up his chest. He lets out a shuddering sigh as he tries to convince her that this is too far, but she’s not listening.
Angel: Buffy, please…..
Buffy: Angel, don’t try and stop me. I need this release and the peace it will give me. And I'm going to get it. It’s not going to go too far, I promise…
To Be Continued…..
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