DISCLAIMER: I own nothing but the computer upon which this was typed, and my warped little mind, which conceived the notion of this particular story, while it did not imagine up the characters. In other words, don’t sue. I only get $15 a week by doing every chore possibly imaginable…Cinderella probably had it better…but I’m getting off track
AUTHOR’S NOTE: This no longer takes placed in my "THE-SEASON-FINALE-NEVER-HAPPENED" world. Yes…I’ve moved on…(damn it…and I had this great idea goin’ and half of it typed out…oh well…)
FEEDBACK!
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Prologue
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*I was young and knew everything
and a punk who rarely ever took advice
now I’m guilt stricken,
sobbing with my head on the floor
stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice
I don’t know why I left. I guess its because I felt I had to. Mom told me not to come home, but I’m sure she would have let me back. Maybe I didn’t want to go back. I just don’t know. I feel responsible for everything bad that has ever happened to my friends. Their lives would have been so much simpler. I don’t know where I’m heading. Maybe up the coast, to Seattle, maybe even Vancouver, Canada. All I know is I need to get away. I don’t know for how long. I shouldn’t be doing this, but I never did take orders well. Its not like I can go back to school. Strange when I think about it. When I was little, everything was so simple. Go to school and get perfect grades, be the homecoming queen. Go to university, get a job as a doctor, or teacher or some other well known job, get rescued by prince charming, and live happily ever after in a white picket fence house by the sea with two kids, a dog and a cat. Drive a minivan.
*I can't be held responsible
'cause he was touching my face
I won't be held responsible
we fell in love in the first place
I get so confused as I stare out the windows of the bus, as all the cars speed by. They know where they’re going. They have a destination. To their Families, loved ones, jobs…or maybe they’re running like I am, just leaving it all behind. Where am I going? I sleep every once in a while on the bus, but I always wake up, because the dreams I have hurt to much. My poor Angel, the look of hurt on his face as a plunged the sword into him. I love him…where ever he is. He still loved me…He had trusted me...but what was I to do? He looked at me with such pain…as if asking "why? What did I do?" of course, he didn’t know what he had done…it hadn’t registered yet…he was scared, like a little child, lost in the dark, afraid of what was lurking in the shadows.
*for the life of me I cannot remember
what made us think that we were wise and
we'd never compromise
for the life of me I cannot believe
we'd ever die for these sins
we were merely freshman
I never thought, for one second, what would become of Angel and myself’s relationship, I mean once we got past the vampire part. I mean, no kids, but at the same time, no disease or death for his part. I never thought it would have been so easy to take the one thing that kept him human…I couldn’t believe that something so good, could make something so evil...if there’s a god, I’ve been asking him to protect my Angel…he didn’t know what he was doing…I didn’t think any of my friends would die for my sins.
*my best friend took a week's
vacation to forget her
his girl took a week's worth of
valium and slept
now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his
head on the floor
thinks about her now and how he never really
wept he says
I hope Willow’s okay, I hope she doesn’t get hooked on morphine. I hope Xander doesn’t fall into some deep depression. I hope my mom talks to Giles about Slaying…I hope Giles is all right. I’m guilt stricken about leaving them to pick up the pieces I’ve left behind, but as I wipe the tears out of my eyes, I know I couldn’t have stayed.
*we've tried to wash our hands of all of this
we never talk of our lacking relationships
and how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our
heads on the floor
we fell through the ice when we tried not to
slip, we'd say…
I never thought it end like this…but from every ending comes another beginning. I don’t know what will begin. Maybe I’ll find it in the rockies, or the Arizona desert. Maybe I’ll find it in the coastal rainforests of the Queen Charlotte islands, or the ice covered tundra of the north…but I’ll find it…and when I do…I’ll be back.
But for now…I’m going to write my friends, and family…and let them know I’ll be okay…so that they can be okay
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