"Thank you all for coming," a man said. Buffy looked at him and frowned, he had white clipped hair and a heavy accent that she couldn't place. "I am aware that this has been an inconvenience for you, yet the Watcher Council appreciates the willingness you have all shown in coming to speak with us."
"It wasn't for you that we came," Xander muttered under his breath, and Buffy elbowed him in the ribs and glared at him. He offered her a sheepish grin and turned his attention back towards the head of the Watcher Council.
"I would like to start this hearing by going straight to the source," the man continued. "First off, my name is Mr. Howard and I know all of your names."
"Why do I feel like I'm in school?" Xander quipped once more. "And why is it all these Watcher people who are in any position of power all have last names that should be first names? Howard, Arthur, . . . "
"Xander," Giles hissed from his other side, glaring at him as well.
"You all complain I've been too withdrawn, now that I start getting my sunny personality back you all have attitudes about it. What is up with that?"
"Are you quite finished?" Mr. Howard asked Xander, staring at him from beyond the railing. The room was laid out in a circular fashion, almost like an auditorium, except rather than a stage in front there were several large and official looking desks that rose off the floor to a height that reminded Buffy of a judge's seat in a courtroom.
"Mhmm," Xander mumbled, shrinking down into his seat.
"As I was saying," Mr. Howard continued
"'If it pleases the court . . . ," Buffy muttered that time, and Angel, who was seated next to her, gave her a warning glance. Buffy blushed slightly. "Sorry, it eases the tension," she said to her boyfriend.
"Ahem!" Mr. Howard cleared his throat loudly, and Buffy looked towards him. "Once again, as I was saying, I would prefer to speak with the source first and foremost. Therefore, I request an hour alone with Miss Summers in the back room, if that's alright with her?"
"Don't I have the right to have an attorney present?" Buffy asked, sounding entirely sincere as she looked back at Mr. Howard.
"This is not a trial, Miss Summers. Surely your Watcher explained that to you."
"He might have," Buffy said under her breath, glancing at Giles who was glaring at her. "I mean . . . yeah, he did."
"And you are aware that under no circumstances have you committed any crime, yes?"
"Look, if I know it's not a trial then I know I'm not being accused of a crime. Duh! No, you're just saying that I'm a sucky Slayer. Which, I have to say, I think is total B.S. But, if you think you could do a better job than me, feel free."
"Buffy!" Angel hissed that time, staring at her askance.
She turned to him. "Hey," she said. "You're the vampire that's causing me to have all these problems, and you guys," she added to Xander and Willow, "are my friends who, 'Oh, no, God forbid' know I'm the slayer. I'm sorry, but I'm not going to show this court any respect until I start getting some from it."
Angel put his head in his hands and silently prayed this was just another one of his bad dreams.
"Ms. Summers, this is not the way to make a good impression," Mr. Howard informed her.
She turned back towards him. "I know that," she answered. "But I shouldn't have to make a good impression. Because one of my friends, who knew I was the Slayer, saved my life, you're saying I've done something wrong. Can I help it if I find that offensive?"
"I suppose not," Mr. Howard answered. "Will you please come with me so we can continue this conversation in private?"
Buffy nodded and turned towards Angel once again, leaning down and kissing him passionately. Angel responded instinctively, and when he pulled back Buffy winked at him before following Mr. Howard into the back office that lay beyond the desks. As soon as they were gone Angel closed his eyes and muttered, "That really didn't just happen, did it?"
"Unfortunately, yes, it did," Giles answered, wincing and wondering just what Buffy was saying beyond those doors.
* * *
"I apologize, Miss Summers, if you feel as though I am being cold and unfeeling towards you and your friends," Mr. Howard said as he sat down. "However I think you can understand why we would have some questions about some of the things you have done as the Slayer."
Buffy nodded. "Yeah, I can," she admitted. "I'm sorry about my attitude," she added. "I just can't help it, I don't like this. I think you can understand that."
"But Mr. Giles has said on many occasions in his journal entries that you often wish you were just a regular girl, and could do regular things. You can have that, Miss Summers."
"I wish I could," Buffy confirmed, speaking softly. "But I can't. I am the Slayer. The only way I could have a normal life was if I'd never been the Slayer, if I never knew what vampires were, or what was lurking in the dark. But I do know. You can't change that."
"Shall we start the questioning then?" Mr. Howard queried.
"Let the trial commence," Buffy said, waving her hand towards him and leaning back in her seat.
"We won't even look at your record from before under Merrick's teaching," he said gently. "You were just learning your destiny then, any mistakes you made were understandable. Let us begin with the vampire then. Angelus. When you first learned he was a vampire why didn't you just go and kill him?"
Buffy sighed softly. She'd known they were going to ask her many questions about Angel, but she didn't want to answer them. However, she knew she had no choice. "Because . . . " she sighed once again. "Because he'd never done anything to hurt me," she said quietly. "Because he'd had opportunity after opportunity to kill me, and he didn't. And he'd warned me about so many dangers . . . it just didn't seem to make sense. I mean, what vampire goes and tells the Slayer when his people are planning something?"
"Your watcher states in his journal that you did go and fight him however. I'd like to hear that in your own words. Why did you go fight him if you'd decided there was something strange about the entire situation?"
Buffy closed her eyes for a moment, trying to remember why she was answering these questions. Her job, her life, her position as Slayer, she reminded herself. For some reason it didn't feel worth it. She knew very well these were the easy questions, that the hard ones would also concern Angel, and would force her to delve into a part of her mind she did not want to explore, the part that had decided her need to have Angel alive was more important than Angel's wishes. Shaking her head, she tried to remain focused on the present. "His sire, Darla, bit my mother and set it up so that I would think Angel himself had done it."
"So you went after him?" Mr. Howard asked, writing something down on a notepad, which did not do Buffy's anxiety any good.
She nodded. "Yes," she confirmed.
"Despite the fact that he'd told you things about what the vampires were planning and did not attack you when he had the chance?"
"Yes," she said again, wondering where this was leading.
"So you're personal concern for your mother and your anger about her being bitten by a vampire caused you to go after Angel despite the fact that you did not know all the facts?"
"Yes! But I thought that his biting my mother proved he was a bad guy!" Buffy said, suddenly realizing where his questions were leading.
"What happened then?" Mr. Howard asked, ignoring her comments.
"I - I went and fought with him," she continued. "I had him in my sights, I could have killed him then and there, but I asked him to explain himself. Which he did. I'm assuming you know all of that. Then Darla, his sire, showed up and tried to kill me, and he killed her to save my life."
Mr. Howard nodded. "All right," he said. "Let's move on, then. Your death. How did that come about?"
Buffy took a deep breath. "Angel somehow managed to get his hands on the Pergamon Codex and gave it to Giles. Giles found a prophecy in it that said I was fated to die if I went to stop the Master from rising."
"And your reaction?"
"I - I was upset, of course," Buffy said weakly. "I mean -- I didn't want to die! I, I told Giles that I quit."
"But you did go after the Master, yes?"
She nodded. "Yes."
"What caused you to do so?"
"Some of the vamps came into the school . . . killed some friends of Willow's."
"Again it took someone being bitten for you to take action?" Mr. Howard asked.
Buffy's mouth opened in shock at the accusation in his tone. "What do you mean by that?" she retaliated, her eyes narrowing.
"It was just a question," Mr. Howard replied with a shrug. "Please, continue."
"I went down to fight the Master, and as prophecized I lost. But Xander and Angel went after me, when they found out I'd gone down. Xander gave me mouth to mouth, brought me back to life, and then I went and killed the Master." The last Buffy said with no small amount of pride, her tone daring him to find something offensive in that.
"Very impressive," Mr. Howard said. "Killing a vampire that old."
Buffy nodded.
"All right, there's nothing we find wanting in Giles' records concerning your return at the end of the summer," he continued, missing Buffy's smirk. Of course, one of the times she was the most ashamed of he'd find no problems with. "However there is a mention of you going to a 'frat party' with a friend of yours. Cordelia?"
Buffy winced. "Yeah, Cordy. She's dead now."
"Yes, I am aware of that," Mr. Howard answered. "Would you like to explain that?"
"Well, I - Giles was pressuring me, and Angel wouldn't talk to me . . . "
"Angel wouldn't talk to you?" Mr. Howard asked, sounding puzzled.
She nodded. "He didn't think we should be together before. I mean . . . he had issues with the whole Slayer\Vampire thing, and he was scared he would be a danger to me."
"I'm assuming you convinced him to change his mind?" Mr. Howard asked. Buffy nodded. "Most interesting. You yourself, you had no reservations about dating a vampire? The only reason you two weren't involved sooner was because of Angel himself?"
"I - of course I had some reservations! But he has a soul, I mean, it's not like he's like the rest of them!"
"You weren't at all worried he might lose control?"
"I trust him with my life," Buffy replied, her eyes flashing dangerously in a warning that the Watcher was heading towards very sensitive ground.
"All right. So Angel wouldn't talk to you and Mr. Giles was pressuring you. What happened then?"
"Cordy invited me to go to this party with her . . . so I told Giles I wasn't feeling well and went. Somehow Angel and Giles found out about it through Willow, I'm not sure exactly how, and there was a satanic cult there, trying to sacrifice me and Cordy. Well, Angel, Willow, Giles and Xander went after me, and rescued Cordelia and me," Buffy explained.
"Right. Okay, the rest of your mistakes up until very recently are excusable . . . let's begin with your boyfriend losing his soul. Why didn't you slay him as soon as you found out?"
Buffy looked heavenwards in exasperation. "Because I love him," she replied, a sarcastic note in her voice.
"Just how exactly did he lose his soul?" Mr. Howard asked.
She paled and closed her eyes again. "Angel and I . . . we made love," she whispered softly.
Mr. Howard smirked. "Sex made him lose his soul?" he asked. "Then I guess we're all in trouble, aren't we?"
Buffy didn't find his humor at all amusing. "It wasn't that," she replied coldly. "Miss Calendar, who is a computer teacher in our school, is also gypsy who was sent to spy on Angel to make sure his suffering coincided with the gypsies plans towards him. She told me that according to the rules of the curse if he acheived one true moment of happiness he would lose his soul."
"Mhmm," Mr. Howard muttered. "All right, I don't need you to explain any of the rest of it, I already understand all that . . . except for one particular part." Mr. Howard stopped and Buffy paled considerably, knowing exactly what that one part was. "Mr. Giles' watcher journals on this particular subject coincide with our feelings. He was rather disappointed in you. Can you guess what I am referring to?"
"When Spike made Angel into a vampire again?" Buffy speculated weakly.
Mr. Howard nodded. "Yes. It says here that Miss Calendar told you if she just gave him his soul there would be no way to make him human again. It also says that you asked her to take away any and all clauses in the curse, making it impossible for him to lose it again. However, Miss Calendar protested that she felt she would be betraying him, when she was trying to make amends. Mr. Giles stated that it was Angel's choice to make, not yours. Why exactly did you tell Miss Calendar not to make Angel human again?"
Buffy swallowed hard, a single tear leaking out of the corner of her eye at the blunt question. She wondered if Mr. Howard realized that the subject he was on now was one she had not recovered from, despite the two months seperating those occurances from now. "I - I love him," she whispered.
"So you preferred him to be a vampire rather than human?" Mr. Howard asked, sounding puzzled.
"No," Buffy said softly. "No, that's not it. I didn't want him to be killed, and I knew that if we made him human once more, it would turn into a vicious cycle unable to be broken -- I didn't want that."
"Do you believe Angel himself would have agreed with your choice?"
Buffy shook her head. "No," she breathed.
"So you decided that your need to have Angel with you was more important than Angel's own opinion concerning matters about his own life. Yes?"
She nodded. "Yes," she answered. "But you don't understand."
"Then explain it to me, Miss Summers."
"I - I love him so much, I - I can't live without him! I need him with me! It was selfish, but it was also to save my own life! Don't you know what it's like to love someone that desperately?"
"No, Miss Summers, I'm afraid I do not," Mr. Howard answered. "I imagine it must be a very powerful thing, this love between the two of you."
Buffy nodded sharply. "It is," she answered coldly. "Together we've defeated everything the Hellmouth has thrown at us. That must count for something."
Mr. Howard offered her a small smile. "It does count for something, Miss Summers. It's the only reason you're here today, being given this chance to explain yourself. You are excused now. Would you ask Angel to come in?" he asked. Buffy nodded and stood weakly, hoping Mr. Howard had a cross in his drawer, considering how easily it was for Mr. Howard to bring out her temper she didn't doubt that he'd manage to bring out Angel's as well. She smiled and had to admit that if Angel did lose control and kill the sniveling, annoying and judgemental watcher she would probably end up applauding.
* * *
"How did it go?" Xander asked when Buffy walked out of the door and towards where they were sitting.
"Giles it's a damn good thing they didn't send him as my watcher," Buffy muttered, glaring at the door. "Because if they those practice sessions of mine would be a lot more intensive."
"It went that well?" Giles questioned, sounding tired.
Buffy nodded. "Oh, it went just peachy," Buffy said coolly. "When he wasn't accusing me of only acting after people had been bitten or killed, and he wasn't demanding explanations for every thing I've ever done as the Slayer it was a regular laugh riot. Of course, there was no time when he wasn't doing either one of those things, so you can imagine the fun we had. By the way, Angel, you're next at bat. Hope you enjoy yourself."
Angel sighed. "With any luck I can repair some of the damage you've done," he muttered. "Though somehow I doubt it. I can just imagine how awkward this is going to be," he added as he stood.
"Be careful," Buffy said as he walked down from the chair and through the large double doors leading to the back office.
"I'm sure he'll be fine, Buffy," Giles assured her, seeing the honest concern on her face.
"I'm not worried that Mr. Howard'll kill him," Buffy replied. "I'm worried that the man's audacity and rudeness and . . . and ickiness will just be to much for Angel and he'll bite the sniveling pencil pusher. Believe me, I wanted to. Badly. And I don't even have a demon pressuring me to do so."
"It couldn't have been that bad," Willow piped in, staring at Buffy with wide eyes.
"Oh, no?" Buffy asked. "One of the few nice things he said to me was 'these mistakes are excusable'. And remember when I got back from summer vacation? When I was little Miss Bitch? Well, that's the only time in my life that Mr. Perfect didn't have some kind of objection to! God, if only Angel wouldn't feel guilty about it I'd be hoping SO badly that he bites him."
"Buffy, do you realize that your entire future depends on the impression you make at this hearing?" Giles asked, staring at her and shaking his head.
"You weren't in there, Giles," Buffy replied softly. "You didn't hear this man's comments. I'd say it's pretty definite . . . Kendra's the new Slayer."
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