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Buffy The Vampire Slayer > BTVS - Alternate Universe
Fumbling Towards Ecstasy: Unraveled by Erana Zeitler
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Angel stepped out of the plane and leaned against it, sighing with relief and earning himself amused looks from the rest of the Slayerettes. Buffy bit back a giggle and looked around the abandoned airport before glancing towards the pilot, who was just now coming out of the plane. He looked at each one of them slowly and measuringly, then cleared his throat before beginning to speak.

"A member of the council will be here to drive you to the hotel," he began. "Tomorrow night the hearing will commence, and each of you will be asked to speak privately with the head of the council. Monsieur Giles, we will leave now as there are some things you should be filled in on, such as the reason we have decided to choose one Slayer over the other. My car is this way." The man began to walk towards a limousine parked on the side of the airport, and Giles smiled reassuringly at Buffy before walking towards it.

"I realize you must be wondering why we have chosen to do things this way," the pilot said to Giles once they were inside the car. "I am Mr. Arthur, by the way," he added, holding out his hand. Giles hesitated, realized he was being petty, and shook it.

"Yes, I am," he replied.

"You are aware that it is procedure to watch the slayer, yes? Afterall, a watcher's judgement may be impaired by personal feelings, so an outside party is needed to evaluate all that has occurred. I'm afraid that Buffy's behavior as Slayer is rather unusual, to say the least. She is involved with a vampire romantically, her friends know who she is, and help her without training, etcetra. While we disapprove of all these things we understand why you did not interfere; I can tell Buffy is one to reckon with. However there are two slayer's now, and now there is something we can do. 'The one girl in all the world' -- not 'the two girls in all the world'. A choice must be made."

"Mr. Zabuto made it rather clear over the phone that a choice has already been made," Giles challenged him, staring at his fellow watcher coldly.

"We have allowed Buffy and her friends, and you as well, to explain these things. If these explanations you have promised us do indeed answer the many questions and reservations we have about Buffy as a slayer, then I promise you she will remain the one and only slayer in Sunnydale. However since Sunnydale is directly over the Hellmouth, we must make sure that we have the best slayer for the job defending it."

"You have no problems with the fact that Buffy will undoubtedly be killed by the vampire community once Kendra is placed in charge?" Giles asked harshly.

Mr. Arthur shrugged. "If she is all you say she is she will be able to defend herself," he replied. "And even if she cannot, well, it makes no difference in the long run. Sunnydale must be protected, and the vampires must be stopped, no matter what the cost. One teenage girl is a small price to pay for the sake of the world."

"I'm afraid I don't see it that way," Giles answered.

"I know you don't," Mr. Arthur answered. "But that makes no difference to us, either. Your personal feelings have clouded your judgement, we see that, and understand it. And yes, some of her accomplishments have been downright miraculous. But how much of that is due to her? I'm afraid from what we've observed the vampire does more work than she does when it comes to slaying."

"You haven't been observing all that closely, then," Giles growled.

"And what about yourself?" Mr. Arthur rebuked. "Buffy is the Slayer, not you. And yet continuously you rush to her aid in an attempt to save her life and help her. She is the slayer, not the vampire, not you, and not her friends, either. She is the one who is supposed to be protecting the world."

"Where is it written that she's not allowed to have any help?"

Mr. Arthur smirked. "The Slayer must work in secret," he answered. "You and the vampire are excusable, yes, but what about her friends? What about that one friend of hers who died because she was dependant on the vampire?"

"She was facing the Chosen," Giles said, sounding astonished at Mr. Arthur's audacity. "No Slayer has ever or, most likely, will ever be able to defeat the Chosen."

"But no other Slayer has been dependant on anyone but themselves," Mr. Arthur answered. "I'm sorry you don't see it that way, Mr. Giles, but I'm afraid that is how it is. Now either you come up with some damn good excuses for your behavior and the behavior of your Slayer -- or we will choose Kendra. At least she knows the rules."

Giles could think of no reply to that other than terms that were not appropriate for a man of his position, so instead he sat back in the limousine and silently wondered what possible explanations he could think of to save Buffy's life.


* * *
Buffy looked around the hotel room, sighing as she opened her suitcase and began to place her clothing into the drawers. Most of the things she'd chosen to bring were of the latest fashion, and also looked very official looking. She wasn't sure what looking like a secretery was going to do to help her keep her job as Slayer, but she figured it couldn't hurt. Sitting down on the bed, she remembered a conversation she and Kendra had once had.

"You always do that," Kendra had said, staring at Buffy with narrowed eyes.

"Do what?" Buffy had asked, sounding puzzled.

"You talk about slaying like it's a job," Kendra replied softly. "It's not. It's who you are."

Buffy was only beginning to realize just how right Kendra had been. Choosing not to slay was something she thought she should be allowed to do, however to imagine not being the Slayer . . . it made her wonder just who she was without it. Angel had once said he didn't know who he was without the demon, to her it was the same, she didn't know who she was without being the Slayer. Slaying was as much a part of her as vampirism was to Angel . . . a life without it frightened her, and yet excited her at the same time. She wanted to remain the Slayer, but if Kendra was chosen . . . she would have the normal life she'd always said she wanted. The thought sent a shudder up her spine . . . a normal life . . . it was exciting and frightening and wonderful all at the same time.

A knock on the door startled her out of her thoughts, and a moment later Willow popped her head in. "You busy?" Willow asked.

"No, come on in," Buffy replied, taking her suitcase off the bed to sit down. "What's up?"

"Nothing," Willow answered with a soft sigh. "Xander hasn't said two words to me since we left . . . I'm just a little depressed, that's all."

"Depressed?" Buffy repeated, smiling slightly. "Now there's something I know about. Look, Will, you have to realize it's going to take Xander awhile to get over Cordelia's death, it was only about three weeks ago, after all."

Willow nodded. "I know that, Buffy," she said. "It's just . . . I want to help him so badly, and he won't let me. I understand why, I mean, it was our fault that she was out there, it's our fault she's dead, but . . . "

"It is not your fault," Buffy interrupted firmly. "Believe me, I've had a definite crash course in guilt over the past few months. It's a very, very bad thing that doesn't go away no matter what happens later on. So take my advice on this, don't blame yourself. Cordelia's death was no one's fault, it was just one of those things. One of those very bad things, yes, but it's not like you intended to kill her or anything."

"Yeah, but it feels like it's my fault," Willow replied. "I mean, if I hadn't told Xander the truth that night, Cordelia would still be alive right now. She's not, and Xander can't stand to even look at me."

Buffy reached out and put her hand on Willow's shoulder. "Will . . . trust me on this one. Things between you and Xander will be okay again. I know I've said that before, but I'm saying it again, you just have to give it time. I certainly never thought Angel and I would ever make up after all that happened, but we have . . . at least, we're taking baby steps towards getting back to where we were before hand. Now if me and him can make up, I'm sure Xander and you will be able to."

"I hope that's true," Willow answered softly. She glanced at her watch and sighed. "I'm going to go to sleep. I'll talk to you tomorrow . . . maybe we can even do some sight-seeing before we get to go to your tri . . . um, hearing."

"It's a trial as far as I'm concerned," Buffy answered bitterly. "I'd love to know where these people who don't even know me get off saying that I'm this horrible slayer who deserves to be replaced by Kendra. I mean, not that I have a problem with Kendra, I like her now, but still, I'm the Slayer, not her."

Willow looked slightly taken aback by the vehemence in Buffy's tone. "I thought you wanted to have a normal life," Willow said, sounding confused.

"I did," Buffy replied. "I lied."

Willow nodded and smiled. "Well, you keep telling me not to worry, so -- don't, either."

"Is it just me," Buffy wondered, "or has everything gotten really screwed up lately?"

"It's not just you," Willow replied. "Believe me, everything's messed up lately, no doubts about it."

"Well," Buffy said, standing and giving Willow a hug. "You go to bed, and I'm going to go say goodnight to Angel and Xander, then do the same. And we will go sight- seeing tomorrow. I could really use some fun right about now."

"You and me both," Willow said, returning her hug. "Talk to you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Willow," Buffy answered, watching her go before leaving the hotel room as well.


* * *
Xander sat on his bed in his hotel room, his walkman on and playing some sad country song that seemed to reflect his mood perfectly when someone knocked on his door. Slightly startled, he slipped the head phones off. "Come in," he called.

Buffy walked into the room and smiled. "Hey, Xand," she said cheerfully. "I just wanted to come in and say good night, oh, and uh, thanks for coming, by the way."

"No problem," Xander replied hastily.

"Look, Xander . . . " Buffy walked a few steps towards him, then turned and walked a few steps away, then turned and came back once again. "Xander, you need to talk to Willow."

Xander blinked and his eyes widened. "Buff . . . "

"I know this is so totally not my business," Buffy agreed. "But I really don't care. Xand, she loves you. And she's been your friend for, like, ever. She deserves better than this. I know you're still grieving for Cordy, and I can understand that, believe me, I miss her to, but taking it out on Willow is the majorly wrong thing to do."

"You don't understand, Buffy," Xander protested. "Will's my friend, my best-bud, I - I don't know what to say to her."

"Wing it," Buffy replied, shrugging. "Look, Xand, I'm sorry, and I know you and Cordy were involved, and I'm not suggesting you go get involved with Willow -- but you at least have to tell her you don't blame her."

"Buffy -- " Xander said again.

"Will you at least think about it?" Buffy asked, and smiled when Xander nodded. "Thanks. G'night, Xander."

"Goodnight, Buffy," Xander replied with a sigh as he watched her go. Leaning back on the bed, he put the headphones back on and hit play.


* * *
Buffy walked up to the soda machine and inserted a dollar before hitting the Pepsi button. Reaching down, she removed the soda from the bottom and turned back to go upstairs just in time to see Giles walk in through the large double front doors. "Giles!" Buffy called, stopping in her tracks.

Giles walked towards her. "What is it, Buffy?" he asked.

"How'd it go?" she queried. "Did they say anything about me . . . I mean, is this whole trial thing just a scam because they already paid off the jury?"

Giles blinked and sighed. "Buffy, this is not a trial. This is a hearing. And there is no jury involved, the decision is entirely up to the council."

"Kendra's Watcher isn't on the council, is he?" Buffy wondered.

Giles shook his head. "No, and I'm not allowed to be on it either, as I've been told they worry my personal feelings may be getting in the way of my best judgement."

Buffy moaned. "So it's pretty much accepted that I'm going to lose?"

"As it stands now," Giles corrected her. "We have a week to convince them, and five people to co-oberate just how wonderful a Slayer you truly are."

"Wait!" Buffy said, her eyes widening in horror. "Angel! He won't be able to swear on the bible -- it's a holy item, he'll hurt himself!"

"Buffy," Giles groaned in frustration. "For the absolute last time, it is not a trial!"

"Yeah, yeah, hearing, trial, big diff! The rest of my life depends on the outcome -- it might as well be a trial. I mean, we have people giving testimony -- hey, wait, who's the prosecutor?"

"Aren't you supposed to be in bed?" Giles asked, not even wanting to dignify that with an answer.

"I just came down to get something to drink, then I'm gonna say goodnight to Angel and go to bed, yup," Buffy replied. "I'm just trying to think of what I'm gonna say to them." She sighed and closed her eyes for a moment, revealing to Giles just how worried she truly was about this whole situation. "I don't know how to explain myself, Giles," she said after a moment. "What can I say? They're absolutely right, my actions concering Angel aren't befitting of a Slayer, and Xander, Willow, Cordy, and Oz should never have known who I was. I mean, because of Cordelia knowing she's dead, I'm putting those I care about in danger. What can I say when they're right?"

"Buffy, listen to me, they are not right," Giles said sternly. "You prevented the Master from rising, you've thwarted Spike and Drusilla's plans hundreds of times, you've been perhaps . . . " He trailed off when he saw Buffy's eyes widen. "What is it?"

"Spike and Dru," she replied. "Oh my God . . . I've been so wrapped up in this whole trial . . . er, hearing . . . thing, that I totally forgot! This whole thing is about who's supposed to protect Sunnydale . . . well, whose protecting Sunnydale? We're all here!"

Giles' eyes widened as well. "My God, you're right. I - I didn't realize, I've been so . . . I can't believe no one's thought of this!"

"Call that guy," Buffy said. "The watcher for Kendra. She might as well get used to dealing with Spike and Dru since she's going to be getting my job anyways."

"She will not be getting your job, Buffy," Giles replied harshly. "However, I will speak with her watcher and ask if she can look over Sunnydale while we're here. Good thinking, by the way, Buffy. Another sign that you are a wonderful Slayer."

Buffy smiled, pleased with all the compliments she'd been getting from Giles lately. Then she frowned. "Giles . . . you're always saying that I'm not dedicated enough, or that I'm not practicing enough, or whatever . . . why are you so into the praises now?"

"Buffy, I cannot compliment you all the time, or you will believe you are better than you truly are. However this is the first time your ability has been called to question, so I feel I have to assure you that there has never been, and most likely will never be, a better Slayer than you. You have all the traits that a Slayer could possibly want -- compassion, strength, a sense of loyalty and duty."

"Loyalty?" Buffy echoed, raising an eyebrow and sighing. "I wouldn't be so sure about that last trait."

Giles groaned. "Buffy, listen to me, just this once. Yes, what you did was wrong, but it's in the past now. You have to stay focused on the present, do you understand me? You do not have a chance in hell of beating this if you are constantly berating yourself. I'm quite certain the council will question you about everything you've ever done, you must have the answers ready."

"And if they ask me about Angel?" Buffy queried. "If they ask me why I chose to not have him remain human? What can I say? 'Oh, well, I love him, so I figured hey, if he's a vampire he'll live forever and I won't have to worry about losing him'. Yeah, that'll get the job done, all right. I'm sure they'll immediately proclaim that I'm the best Slayer ever."

Giles pursed his lips together and looked at his Slayer for a long moment. "If they do ask you about that, as I'm sure they will, I'd recommend answering them honestly. Believe me, your actions have been impeccable and well thought out on everything except that one matter."

"On everything except anything involving Angel, you mean? Let's not forget when I first found out about the vamp thing I didn't exactly rush to go kill him. Let's not forget that when he lost that soul of his I wasn't exactly busy sharpening the stakes. Nope, I'm sorry to say I'm definitely going to be receiving the guilty verdict."

"There's a very simple explanation for all of those things, Buffy," Giles said gently and with a small smile.

"And that explanation is?"

"You love him," he replied simply.

Buffy smirked. "I don't know if that's a defense that will hold up in court, Giles." She sighed and turned towards the stairs. "Goodnight, Giles," she called.

Giles watched her walk up the stairs and sighed softly. He had a feeling things were going to get a lot worse before they got any better.


* * *
Angel opened the door and smiled at the person standing behind it. "Buffy," he said neutrally.

"Angel," she replied in the same manner. Then she smiled and walked inside. "I just wanted to say goodnight . . . I mean, well, yeah, that's exactly what I wanted to say. Goodnight. Which I've now said."

"Is everything okay?" he asked, staring at her with concern.

"No," she answered. "But then again when is anything ever okay lately? Ya know what this feels like? It feels like I'm in the middle of some really angsty book that is just never gonna end. It's been one thing after another after another, and I'm just tired of it. I just . . . I want some damn peace!"

Angel sighed, not quite sure what he could say to make her feel better. "I'm sure things will calm down eventually," he said awkwardly after a moment of silence.

"Well, I hope that time comes pretty soon," Buffy muttered, opening the soda can she had in her hands and taking a swallow. "Like, tomorrow would be nice."

"Hey," he said gently, "don't worry about this hearing. I'm telling you, there is no one in the world stupid enough to think that you're not the best Slayer there ever has been. Believe me, I'd know."

Buffy raised an eyebrow. "You knew other Slayers?" she asked, perching on the edge of the bed and staring at him questioningly.

Angel nodded. "A few," he replied. "Most of them were so busy trying to follow the rules the Watchers laid down before them . . . they had no personality, no thought that hadn't been drilled into them by the Slayer Handbook . . . "

"You know about the Slayer Handbook?" Buffy screeched, raising her eyebrows. "How long have you known about it?"

"You mean you don't have one?" Angel asked, sounding puzzled.

"No! Great, even the vampires know about it, but do I have one . . . no." She pouted for a moment, then shook her head. "Sorry, I've just been babbling all night long to just about everyone, I'm too wired to sleep."

"Come on," Angel said, holding his hand out to her. She took it and he helped her to stand. "You're going downstairs to bed," he said sternly. "You're going to have a long night ahead of you tomorrow, and you might not be able to sleep then. So you need to do it now."

"Angel?" Buffy asked, biting her lip and turning to look at him hesitantly.

"What?"

"Could I . . . could I sleep up here tonight? I - I don't mean that we should, like, do anything, or whatever, but somehow I just always seem to sleep better when you're around. Is . . . would that be okay?"

Angel hesitated, then nodded. "Sure," he answered. "Although this isn't exactly the best way I can think of to make yourself look good for the Watcher Council."

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Give me a break," she muttered. "They're just a bunch of pompous scholars who wouldn't know how to kill a vampire if one stood before them and didn't fight back." She winced at the look Angel gave her. "Okay, bad analogy, and it's a good thing they wouldn't know what to do since you have to talk to them tomorrow, so, ya know, I mean, since they wouldn't know they can't do anything, so, so that's good. Alright, I know, I majorly screwed up that analogy."

"Yeah, you did," Angel agreed.

"Well, gee, thanks," Buffy sighed. "But I am serious . . . what right do they have to dictate what I do? I mean, I was chosen for this gig, and it wasn't by them, either. They weren't the ones who said I was to be the Slayer, it was some other force, so they're like, messing with the will of God or something. That's just bad."

"Buffy . . . " Angel started, giving her an annoyed look.

"Oh, I'm doing that thing where I stay on one topic and don't get off it no matter what anyone says thing, aren't I?" He nodded. "Sorry. Well, I'll just get in the bed and go to sleep and you can do the same and then I won't be able to say anything. I used and a lot in that sentence, huh?"

Angel walked towards her and carefully took the soda from her hand. "I think you've had enough of this," he said sternly, putting it on the dresser.

"Probably," Buffy agreed. With a yawn she snuggled under the covers on the bed, then waited for Angel to join her and wrapped her small arms around him. "Good night, Angel," she said before drifting off to sleep.

Angel smiled, thinking back to better days. "Goodnight," he replied.



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