Xander slowly opened his eyes and was surprised to see Buffy standing in front of him. He blinked, certain it was a dream.
"It is a dream, Xander," Buffy said with a small smile. "If it wasn't, I would *not* be wearing this extremely short skirt and this very tight shirt."
"It can't be a dream," Xander said with certainty. "You're not moaning or panting or doing . . . well, anything else you usually do in my dreams."
"That was more than I ever wanted to know about you, Xander."
"Well, if it's not a dream what is it?"
"Call it a vision, if you want," she answered with a shrug. "Us vampires have some pretty neat psychic tricks."
"Okay, now I know it is *definitely* not a dream, a nightmare maybe . . . "
"Xander, please, listen to me. It's me, I swear not . . . whatever's in me. You have to be careful, Spike knows about the ritual to restore me, in fact, he was counting on it. He's planning an ambush, he wants to get rid of you, Willow, Angel . . . anyone who threatens him and Drusilla."
"You don't sound like you," Xander said suspiciously.
"Xander! This is *serious*! You are going to die tonight if you go after Spike, I'm sure of it."
"Look, Buffy, if it really *is* you, you know I have to go through with it, we all do. We owe you too much not to."
Buffy smiled softly. "Thank you, Xander. But if you insist on going you must promise me something."
"What? Let the poor little Buffy-vamp bite my neck?"
Buffy laughed. "If only *Willow* had fallen asleep," she said with a sigh. "Angel would have been best, but no, he has to be Mr. Awake man. Anyway, promise me that when you get the opportunity you'll stake Spike."
"I can't, Buffy! We need his blood to save you!"
Buffy shook her head. "The only thing that can save me now is death. My death. Before I can hurt you . . . or Angel . . . or anyone else. I'm not doomed yet, Xander. Please don't make it beyond my control."
"Buffy listen to me, we'll get his blood, we'll get some of Kendra's . . . then you'll be okay and everything'll be back to normal."
"Xander . . . I'm a vampire. Is there anything normal in that? No, there isn't. It's over and done with. There's nothing left of *me* in that person down in the cellar. She's not who I am. It's up to you, Xander. Willow won't be able to help me, neither will Giles. Kendra might not get here in time to stop me from doing something . . . something terrible. And Angel . . . well, he's kind of a non-issue. That's why he lost that fight last night, he didn't want to hurt me, he still seems to think that I'm locked in there somewhere, and he's *wrong*, Xander. I know it's going to be hard, but you have to remember that I am *not* me."
"What if it works, though?" Xander argued. "If there's even the slightest chance . . ."
"No, Xander. That's not how it works. I'm a *vampire.* That's *it*."
"How many times did I say the exact same thing about Angel?"
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Xander . . . this is very, *very* different. Angel has a soul, I don't. Not anymore. The body downstairs isn't me, so stop treating it as if it were."
"Then where are *you*?"
"Now, Xander. We're getting into all that life, death stuff. Far too complicated. Maybe you should be paying attention in class instead of sleeping, you *are* in the ancient religions section of your friendly History textbooks."
"Buffy, are you sure the ritual won't work?"
"No," she replied, honestly. "But I'm sure that if it doesn't I'll never be at rest, and the demon in my body will go on to kill hundreds, maybe thousands. Is that a chance you really want to take?"
"For you? You're goddamned right I do!"
"Xander, don't be stupid. Please, listen to me. Tonight I want you to kill Spike. Don't take his blood. Take a stake and ram it into his heart. And then do the same to me."
"Buffy . . . "
"You have to, Xander! You are the *only* one who can."
"Please don't make me do this, Buffy."
"If I had a choice I wouldn't. But there's no one else I can go to. I already explained this to you."
"What about Cordelia?"
Buffy laughed. "Xander! Cordelia? Slaying vampires? She'd get dust all over her designer outfits!"
Xander had to agree. He reached out and caressed Buffy's cheek gently. "I'm gonna miss you, you know," he said, his eyes filling with tears.
"I'm gonna miss you, too," Buffy said, her falsely normal facade faltering a little. "Tell Angel I love him, will you? And tell my Mom I'm sorry for . . . for so many things. And . . . " Buffy stopped, a single tear sliding down her cheek. She looked at Xander and he felt his heart break at the sorrow he saw in her eyes. "I don't want to die, Xander . . . " she said softly. "I really, really don't."
"There's gotta be a way out of this!" Xander exclaimed. "Something . . . "
Buffy shook her head. "I'm sorry, Xander. You shouldn't have to see me like this."
"I'm your *friend* Buffy. You should share your emotions with me."
"I have to go," Buffy said, getting to her feet. "Xander, please, do what I said. Kill Spike, and kill me, too."
"I don't know if I can," Xander answered honestly.
"You don't have a *choice*, Xander."
"Buffy!" Xander cried. "I *can't*! Goddamn it, Buffy, I love you, all right. I've loved you since the day we met, more than anything in my entire life! I can *not* kill you. I may be strong, but I'm not *that* strong."
Buffy paused in the midst of her retreat and turned back, the sunshine of the dream gleaming against her blonde hair, her blue-green eyes sparkling with tears. Xander was struck by how beautiful she was, how beautiful she'd always been. "I know . . . Xander. You have no idea how much I wish I felt the same way. I'm sorry. But someone else does love you, Xander. Hopefully you'll realize that in time. Can I . . . can I ask you one more favor? It's kind of, well, mean. Nasty. Cruel. All those things."
"Anything."
"Take care of Angel for me. Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid, like go sun-bathing or something. And . . . take care of Sunnydale, too. Help Kendra, when she gets here. Protect her, if you can. I know this is a lot to ask, but . . . "
Xander nodded. "Like I said. For you, anything."
Buffy smiled. "Thanks, Xander. Please, do what I'm telling you to, it's for the best, in the end. Tell Angel . . . no, tell everyone I love them. I love you too, Xander. You've been one of the best friends I've ever had, you and Willow. I'm going to miss you." She smiled again, the same falsely calm smile she'd had on her face throughout most of the conversation. But Xander could see her pain and fear and sorrow reflected in her eyes.
"I'll miss you too, Buffy." *But not for long*, Xander silently vowed. This hallucination, dream, vision, whatever it had been, had only strengthened his desire to save Buffy. He didn't know if what she'd said was true or not, all he knew was he couldn't live without her.
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