Chapter 6- Gunn
~~~
I collected my axe and began to clean it, wiping away the grime and dust that clung to it. I still couldn't get my head around it: Cordelia was awake. And she was the same old Cordelia; well, as normal as she could be considering everything that had happened to her. I had my doubts that she would ever wake, but carefully hid them from the others despite knowing that they had probably thought along the same lines. It was surreal to think that she was upstairs speaking, or more like singing, to Lorne.
I heard faint footsteps and glanced up to see Fred descend the stairs. She still took my breath away every time I looked at her. It was unfair that, after everything we had been through, I still loved her. Why was she so God damned beautiful?
I'm still trying to figure out what happened between her and Wesley. I knew that he had feelings toward her, maybe even loved her, but I never thought her eyes would stray. After that kiss, though, all I had were doubts.
And now...
I watched her as she strolled over to the reception desk, swaying her bony hips and sashaying her tiny ass. She seemed jittery about something; there was an extra bounce in her step, and she kept leafing through the notebooks filled with the client's problems and sending quick glances at the steps. I lowered my eyes back to the axe, which was now so clean I could see my own reflection on it, and tried to force my thoughts away from the petite brunette that refused to leave my mind. How could someone so small be so powerful?
Angel suddenly appeared in front of me and scared the hell out of me. Someone should give him bells to wear as a warning. I dropped my weapon in surprise and opened my mouth to say some witty comment when I realized that he wasn't there anymore.
I turned around to look for him, but I didn't need to look far. He was only a few feet away, talking to her. Fred. They were really close these days. I wasn't jealous- not much anyway- because I didn't think they were that close, as in wink-wink, nudge-nudge, wolf-whistle close. I don't think I've seen them apart for more than five minutes since we defeated Jasmine and destroyed world peace.
God, that sounds so fucking depressing.
I couldn't take all the pondering any longer. I needed to do something or say something to break the tense silence.
"Angel, man, how is she?"
He turned around and shot me a rueful look. "I don't know. She's been through a lot; I have no idea what she's feeling at the moment. All I know is that it can't be good. I just hope Lorne can do or say something to make her feel better."
"Poor Cordy," Fred murmured, resting her elbows on the table and cupping her palms beneath her chin.
"Poor Cordy is right," Lorne agreed, strolling down the stairs, an unreadable expression on his face.
"What's wrong?" Angel said alarmed, and hurried to the foot of the staircase.
"Nothing, Angel cakes," he assured. "Wesley is with her now, but she just ain't exactly feeling cheery at the moment."
"Wonder why," I muttered, and immediately regretted it as three dirty looks came my way. The frustration and boredom that I had been feeling over the past weeks were starting to affect me, and I knew I needed some time away once Cordelia was fine. "Sorry, how is she?"
"She's harboring a fair amount of guilt." He shook his head sadly and sat down on the couch. "She only sang a few lines, but that was all I needed. Our 'Delia was there the whole time during the pregnancy, except she couldn't do anything. She watched her body steal Angel's soul, and listened to herself tell...I'm confused about this." He scrunched his brow, as though trying to figure it out.
"What?" Angel asked curiously.
"She-well Jasmine- told someone to kill a young girl, and it was someone she loved. It's all foggy; I couldn't make it out, and neither could she."
They all shrugged and exchanged questioning glances, but no one knew what she was speaking about.
"What can we do?" Fred asked, worry creasing her forehead.
"I don't know, Fred." Lorne shrugged. "I'm coming up blank, so maybe it's Angel's department." Lorne, Fred and I all turned to face Angel, waiting for an answer.
He dropped his head and hunched his shoulders, assuming his typical brooding pose. "Nothing. The best we can do is to never leave her alone. Because when she's alone, that's when she'll have nightmares, and that's when she will picture everything she's done." He sighed. "Just make sure she's never alone."
I nodded, knowing that if that was what Angel had wanted then Cordelia needed the same. Angel was the king of guilty feelings, and he would most definitely know what lessened the pain.
"I'll go see how Wes and Cordy are doing," I said, hurrying past Lorne and taking the steps two at a time.
And as I ascended the stairs, I realized that it was over between us.
Some part of me would always love Fred, and I hope some part of her would always love me, but I could see that we could never be 'us'. Her eyes never followed me anymore; her body never moved closer to mine; her first thought when she woke up wasn't about me.
It was over.
The finality of it was crushing but relieving at the same time. Some of the frustration and worry had been lifted off my shoulders, although most of it had been replaced with dejection. It was like I'd been spring-cleaned; emptied of all clutter and clean enough to start a fresh plate. I shook my head and smiled wryly at my own metaphors. I've been thinking way too much.
I knocked softly on the door the led to Cordelia's room. The door opened after a slight moment and revealed Wesley, who gestured to the bed. I saw Cordelia asleep, curled in a ball, her breathing faint. I moved forward and sat on the end of the bed, gazing at the woman who had once held an inextinguishable fire, and was now confined to a fragile, guilt-ridden body and mind.
How the mighty fall. It's no wonder I haven't fallen. Yet.
There's something I knew I needed to do- something that was long overdue. I couldn't blame him for what he had done to Fred, couldn't blame him for her feelings.
"Wes," I begin, trying to decide the best way to say it. To hell with it, I finally decide. I was just going to say what was on my mind.
"Yes?"
"I'm, ah, well..."
"Don't bother starting on me about Fred," he interrupted, cutting me off. I'm surprised, to say in the least, because that wasn't what I wanted to say. But since he brought it up...
"I wasn't, Wes, because I can't control her feelings any more than you can. You love who you love, and you can't change it just because it doesn't suit you."
I can't believe that came from my mouth. Did I really just say that? Man, I must be rationalizing more than I realized.
Wesley seemed to think so too. "Did you come up with that by yourself?"
"Yeah," I replied. "Apocalypses do wonders for your outlook on life."
"Oh." He seemed to ponder what I said, and then suddenly stiffened. "What did you mean when you said you couldn't control her feelings?"
I sighed. This was just what I need at the moment- a reminder of Fred's wandering affection. "Are you blind, English? She's in love, and it's not me." My voice turned bitter, and I struggled to keep it under control. But I wasn't here to talk about Fred, so I continued before he could regain his voice. "Look, what I meant to say was that I'm sorry for the way I've been a treatin' ya, okay? I just..."
"It's quite all right," he replied, but he looked a bit dumbfounded at my apology.
"Nah, it's not, man." I shook my head, leaning forward to lean my arms on my thighs. "I know you did some whacked things over the past year, but you were only tryin' to do right. And we treated you like shit for it."
"For good reasons." He stood up and walked to the door, pointing to Cordelia's sleeping form. "I'm fairly certain she will wake soon. I'm going to make some tea, would you like anything?"
"Nah, I'm good."
He nodded and left, shutting the door softly behind him. I glanced back at the brunette, wondering when I'd get the chance to be evil. Everyone else has had their day: Angel, Wesley, Cordelia...hell, even Fred tried to kill her professor. I know I did it, but I did it for her. So that doesn't make me evil, does it?
Hell if I know. The line between good and evil isn't exactly clear to me anymore, or maybe it ain't even there.
I felt something vibrate against my leg and jumped, immediately feeling ashamed when I realized that my phone was ringing. I answered it and heard a familiar voice that I hadn't heard in months. It was a good friend from my old street gang, asking for my help getting rid of a nest of demons terrorizing their part of the city. I jumped at the chance to get out on the streets, fighting evil just for the sake of it, instead of doing it for money. I was aching for a good fight, itching for an opportunity to fight with my old gang. Just like old times.
I ran my thumb over Cordy's cheekbone, silently apologizing for leaving her alone. I slipped out just as Wesley was returning. I explained to him where I was going, and, after refusing his offer of help, I left through the back door.
An hour later I was strolling home, smirking as I recollected a well-fought battle. It had felt good to be backed up by people who understood me, and it felt even better to watch their backs. It reminded me of the old days and I swore that I would help them out more often. I wasn't going to abandon Angel and the others; they were too important to me to be able to leave. But I needed more action that didn't involve some up-coming apocalypse.
I turned the corner, passing under a street lamp. As I did so, I heard a particularly loud roar that did not sound like something a human could produce. Still high strung from my earlier affray, I leapt into action, hurtling across the street and into an unlit park. I vaulted over a set of kid's seesaws and skidded to a halt when I saw the source of the noise. A brawny biker vamp was rushing towards a tall teenage kid who calmly watched him advance. He's crazy, I thought, before rushing to intervene.
But there was no need. As soon as the biker vamp attacked, the boy ducked his fist and grabbed it, twisting it so that it snapped loudly. He pushed the vamp forward, shoving him to the ground with a swift kick to his lower back. He withdrew a stake and plunged it into the vamp's back, watching it explode into dust with a small smirk of satisfaction. I was god-damned stunned.
"Who are you?" the boy asked sharply once he had noticed me watching him.
"Who the hell are you?" I replied in amazement. "And how the hell did you know how to dust that vamp?"
The boy narrowed his eyes and straightened. "You know about vamps?"
"Yeah. I hunt them. How did you know about them?"
He dropped his head, but not before I saw the pain flash through them. "My family...they were all killed. I came home to find three of them drinking from my sister. I-I killed them all...but it was too late."
I felt a pang of grief as I remembered my own sister, turned into a vampire before I could stop it.
"Who are you?" I repeated slowly.
The boy hesitated, then met my eyes. "Connor."
~~~
I heard Gunn leave through the back door, but did not reveal the fact to Fred. I knew he wanted some time out, some time away from the weirdness and heartache that had been our lives over the past year. He was restless, and he deserved a break. So I gave it to him, and said nothing.
I felt something like remorse as I thought of the bridge that had come between him and Fred. They had been so happy, so carefree, and that had only been a few months ago. Where was that love now? I could not remember when the cracks had started to appear, and found myself wondering what had caused them.
I heard Gunn leave through the back door, but did not reveal the fact to Fred. I knew he wanted some time out, some time away from the weirdness and heartache that had been our lives over the past year. He was restless, and he deserved a break. So I gave it to him, and said nothing.
Fred remained oblivious to the love, the rivalry and heartbreak that she was the cause of.
|
|
|
|
Rave
Barbie Girl (Becca)
biscuit07
Filmtheory (Jim)
Malice (Jess)
MebbtheScribe (MichaelB)
Reset (Allie)
Shay (Marrisa)
somnambulist29 (Shea)
Stephanie Loss
Wendyness (Wendy)
Questions?Contact Us
|
|
All stories on this site have been archived with the authors' consent. Do not copy these stories for your own uses without the express consent of the author themselves. Buffy the Vampire Slayer TM and Angel TM are © UPN, WB, Fox and its related entities. All photos on the site are © UPN, Fox, Warner Bros, and/or their respective owners. No profits are being made by use of these images.
Powered with the assitance of eFiction.
|
|
|
