Carpe Diem 4 cont
CARPE DIEM - Part 4 Continued
by
Gaius Petronius
DISCLAIMER:
Buffy the Vampire Slayer and all the characters that appear on
the show are the exclusive property of Joss Whedon, the WB, Fox
and Mutant Enemy, Inc. GP only lays claim to the character of
Jonathan Martel, but Mutant Enemy can have him anytime they want
him. The Ancient One is loosely derived from the Cthulhu Mythos
stories of the classic 20th century horror writer, H. P. Lovecraft.
The poem in Chapter 12, Walk Me Into the Darkness is copyright
2004 by G. Petronius
This part is rated R for some real bad language.
* * * * * * *
As Cordelia and Giles helped Xander to his feet, Buffy glanced
around for Jonathan. Seeing him propped up by the stone wall,
she ran over and threw her arms around him.
"You did it! I can't believe it! You can do it!"
she exclaimed.
Jonathan looked up at Buffy, his face now ashen.
". . . Buffy . . . I'm sorry . . ." he said barely
in a whisper.
"What? What's wrong? Giles!" she yelled out over
her shoulder
"No, Buffy. The spring's finally dry."
And then she suddenly realized that as she held him in her
arms, she could feel the energy, the life force that she treasured
so deeply, quickly slipping away.
"No! Hang in there!" she cried out as he started
to lose his balance. Jonathan's legs crumpled under him. Buffy
grabbed him, trying to hold him up.
"Stand UP God Damn it!" she howled in fury and frustration.
"I guess I can't be your boyfriend after all," he
said softly, "Hell of a way to have to break up," and
Buffy saw the faint smile on his face.
"No! Don't quit now! You can't fucking quit on me now!"
she swore back.
"I know this really sucks so bad," he said shaking
his head.
All the Scoobies stared in horror as Buffy cried out.
"Listen to me!" she yelled almost shaking him, "You're
still here! You hear me? You're still here!" she argued in
desperation trying to convince herself as much as him, "And
I'm still here! That's all we need to keep going! Remember, you
said so yourself at the Bronze! That's all we need!"
"Buffy . . . it's only change . . . " he whispered,
his voice faltering, "I'm always here with you . . .
in the books . . . at night . . . the stars . . ."
Still she held him tighter as they both dropped to their knees.
"No . . . Jonathan . . . You promised! . . . "
His head tipped forward, leaning up against her chest. Buffy
felt the energy around him depart. He was limp in her arms. Buffy,
quietly crying, still held him tightly.
"no . . . no, please don't leave me yet . . . you're my
Couz . . ."
Buffy rocked his body back and forth as if they were still
dancing at the Bronze.
And then the transformation came swiftly. Just as in her dream,
Jonathan's body vanished from her arms as his physical form turned
to dust. She felt the soft particles pass soundlessly through
her hands and drift to the floor like a gentle rain.
The Slayer stared silently at the faintly glowing particles
slowly coming to rest on the cold concrete.
Instantly, Willow was at Buffy's side. She quickly raised Buffy
to her feet, wrapped her arms around the Slayer, and led her away
from the corner of the chamber. Buffy, silent and dazed, didn't
resist but went where she was led.
"It's okay, Buffy," Willow said quietly in her friend's
ear, "It'll be okay. Come on." She had Buffy climbing
the steel staircase to the surface.
For a moment more, Xander, Cordelia, Giles and Oz stood by
the dust on the floor. Each hesitated as if it were the last act
of the burial ritual where mourners dropped final flowers in the
open grave. Then, one by one, they followed Buffy and Willow out
of the chamber the way they had come.
*****
Chapter 12 - "That most mysterious
of all things . . ."
"Walk me into the darkness
but only for a short way.
Sunlight is now memories,
and blues will soon be all grays.
As much as my heart is with you,
as much as I want you to stay,
you may walk me into the darkness
but only for a short way."
"Lead me to the bow of the boat,
but do not set your foot inside.
The boatman's orders are unyielding.
The stormy crossing is wide.
As much as I want you to join me,
as much as you've walked by my side,
you may lead me to the bow of the boat,
but do not set your foot inside."
"Walk me into the darkness
so I do not lose my way.
Hold me tightly in your arms
to keep all my fears at bay.
Lights shine in the darkness
or so the prophets all say.
Now walk me into the darkness
but only for a short way."
* * * * * *
Two days later, Willow didn't feel like waiting long on the
steps of Sunnydale High before class. She glanced at the crowds
of students milling about where on the surface nothing looked
any different. The southern California sun was still bright but
there was no sign of any of the Scoobies congregating this morning.
Although everything appeared the same, Willow knew it wasn't and
never would be again. There was an emptiness that would take time
to fill.
She scuffed her shoe against the unforgiving concrete steps,
turned away from the sun and walked inside alone.
Later, between classes, the hall was crowded and noisy with
students. Cordelia paraded by holding court with two disciples.
Further ahead she spotted Xander fighting with his locker that
wouldn't close. He slammed the recalcitrant metal door over and
over as if he could teach it a lesson. For once, he didn't see
Cordelia as she stole a glance in his direction.
". . .Now whether that outfit was just a fashion statement
" the head cheerleader pronounced to her companions, "Or
an easy way to get thrown out of Monday's classes . . . "
she stopped in mid sentence as her eyes settled on Xander.
"I have to go straighten out a color coordination thing
with a low life," she announced to those waiting on her favor,
"I'll catch up with you in class." She suddenly spun
on her heals and swept down the hallway towards Xander.
Looking up from his locker, Xander saw Cordelia staring at
him, her arms crossed on her chest.
"Hey, I didn't see you," he said, trying to sound
casual. There was a long pause. "So," he continued,
realizing at the same time he was probably babbling, "What
do I owe the honor of your presence? There are no broom closets
nearby."
Cordelia said nothing but as she glared at Xander her eyes
started to glisten.
"I'm all right, you know," Xander said, for once
being slightly observant of Cordelia, "I don't plan to collect
frequent flyer miles for that trip I took the other night, but
I'm okay. . . .Really."
He couldn't believe what he was seeing. A single tear ran down
the head cheerleader's face. And what he did next he never realized
was happening. As if he were recreating an event he barely remembered,
Xander reached out, swept the tear up with his finger and hesitantly
wiped it on his own cheek. Suddenly he snapped back to reality.
"I don't know why I did that!" he started babbling
again in a panic, "I don't know why I did that! I mean .
. uh, I may be a bundle of teenage hormones, but I don't normally
do really strange things like that!"
Slowly Cordelia reached out and put her arms around Xander.
She drew him in close as she tenderly buried her face in his shoulder.
"Uh, Cordy . . . Cordy . . . " he stammered in an
exaggerated whisper, "There are people looking . . . this
is like wide screen TV here . . . we're in surround sound . .
. They don't need the little red and blue glasses to see this
in 3D!"
Cordelia lifted her head off Xander's shoulder. She looked
him close in the face.
"Shut up, Xander . . . " she said quietly, "Just
shut up."
She then buried her face back in Xander's shoulder. They held
each other tightly. Students rushing by to classes dodged the
couple standing in the hallway. None took the time to even glance
at Xander and Cordelia in each others arms.
By evening, the school was largely deserted except for the
few lights in the library. Inside, most of Giles' realm was in
darkness with only one or two desk lamps, like tiny beacons, providing
any illumination.
Buffy, Willow, and Oz sat silently as they had for most of
the afternoon in front of the check out desk. Giles stood behind
and puttered back and forth between the counter and his office.
"How do I start, Giles?" Buffy said breaking the
silence as she stared out at the stacks, "He just said 'the
books.'"
"I don't know what to say, Buffy," Giles stuttered
uncomfortably as he cleaned his glasses.
Willow stood up and wandered over to a desk littered with loose
volumes waiting to be filed. She picked up the remaining Martel
notebook, stroked it and carefully opened the cover. Her eyes
widened as she found the once empty pages now filled with a delicate
flowing script.
"Hey, Giles!" she called out, "There's writing
in here!"
"What? What do you mean?"
"Here, look," she said as she brought the notebook
up to the checkout desk for Giles to examine.
"Wait a minute," Buffy interrupted, "I thought
this thing was supposed to be blank."
"Apparently the spell kept the writing concealed,"
Giles explained as he scanned the pages, "When Jonathan .
. . uh . . . well when he. . . died . . ." Giles knew it
was the wrong thing to say.
Buffy stared at her Watcher with a pained expression.
". . .the spell collapsed," he continued, "And
now here it all is."
Giles began to read.
"These are the studies and writings of Johannes Martel
regarding the nature . . ."
"Gimme it! Lemme see!"
Buffy snatched the notebook away from Giles before he could
finish the sentence. Plopping the volume open in her lap, she
tried to read but stopped and slowly closed the book.
"It's in that stupid dead language," she said discouraged.
"Scientific works were written in Latin back then you
know," Giles explained gently.
Buffy slowly handed the book back to Giles.
"I can't read it Giles. Could you read it to me?"
"Me, too," Willow said.
"I'm in for some of this," Oz concurred.
"Well, gather round," Giles said as he cleared his
throat and began translating. Buffy, Willow and Oz sat quietly
as Giles spoke. Oz put his arm around Willow.
"I, Johannes Martel, am writing this book to record my
studies on what I have learned concerning the nature of the universe.
Actually Telemon is making me do it."
Giles stopped for a moment and scowled.
"He said it was necessary," the Watcher continued
hesitantly, "since it would be important to someone someday."
Willow glanced over at Buffy who sighed.
"I told Telemon it was boring and that he was just an
old fart," Giles stopped, flustered. Willow snickered and
out of the corner of her eye she saw Buffy grinning in spite of
the streaks of moisture on her cheeks.
"But . . . then dear Phaebe died of the fever," Giles
continued slowly, "And I understood what he meant. Since
then I have found great comfort in knowing that nothing since
the beginning is either created or destroyed, only changed."
"This applies to both those things which are of material
form and that of the aether, from the simplest of the elements,
reaching up to the fundamental life force and finally including
that most mysterious of all things . . ."
Giles looked up from the book and stared across the library.
The last two words he spoke with wonder.
". . . the soul."
And then Buffy remembered it, what Jonathan had said. She glanced
briefly at Willow. Before Willow could protest, Buffy leaped to
her feet and ran out of the library.
"Buffy! Buffy! Where are you going?" Giles called
after her.
Before the library door could slam shut Willow was up in hot
pursuit. In the darkness of the school hallway, the running footfalls
of the two students echoed amidst the lines ever present solemn
lockers.
"Buffy! Buffy!" Willow shouted after the Slayer.
Buffy ran out on the night enshrouded steps of Sunnydale High.
There she stopped where she and Jonathan had sat on their last
night together. Overhead the sky was moonless and full of stars.
Buffy stared up into the darkness as Willow caught up with her.
"Buffy! . . . Buffy talk to me!"
Buffy stared intently up at the sky.
"In the stars, Willow," she almost whispered, "He
said 'in the books . . . and in the stars.'"
Willow walked up and stood right beside Buffy.
"Which star is it, Buffy?" she asked
"There . . . " Buffy pointed without hesitation,
"The bright one, right there."
"Oh, . . . yeah . . . " Willow stared up at the sky,
"That's him? You can tell?"
Buffy just nodded.
"It's so bright . . . It's beautiful," Willow said
quietly.
Buffy nodded again and looked directly at Willow.
"Offer still open for that shoulder to lean on?"
the Slayer asked tentatively.
"Always," her friend answered.
Buffy placed her head on Willow's shoulder and sighed deeply,
closing her eyes. Willow wrapped her arms around the Slayer, holding
her friend as tightly as she could. They stood silently together
in the darkness on the Sunnydale High steps.
*****
"What a bloody stinky mess!" Spike complained sarcastically
staring around at the wreckage that spread out from the altar
across the lower chamber of the factory, "We're going to
lose our security deposit! He always was a lousy house guest.
Never picked up after himself!"
"Now Spike dear, we mustn't speak ill of the dead,"
Drusilla said in a sing song voice.
"Nice job," Angelus grinned as he kicked his shoe
at the small pile of faintly glowing dust in corner of the warehouse,
"You even had me going there."
"Was a good party," Spike nodded appreciatively as
he looked around at the smashed equipment, scorched altar and
shredded party streamers, "But I don't get it, Dru. We've
only got half the books."
He gestured at the dust on the floor at Angelus' feet.
"What the hell can we do with that?"
"Ah, you forget," she said in a dreamy voice, "I
have taken the first half of Master Martel's course already .
. . when I was alive."
"Ooo," Spike smiled sensing Drusilla's twisted mind
was working on something even more nasty than just a surprise
party.
She held up the notebook.
"The second semester should be a snap. I just have to
read this booooring book," she complained.
Drusilla opened the black notebook and read out loud.
"All matter, even the physical human form, is composed
of basic elements into which it may be broken down. And from those
same basic elements it may also be reassembled."
"Sounds kind of kinky," Spike commented with raised
eyebrows as he glanced over at the pile of dust.
"You were an 'A' student, weren't you," Angelus smiled
evilly, now beginning to follow Drusilla's twisted line of reasoning
as well, "The Wizard taught you everything, right Dru?"
"Just like you taught the Slayer," Drusilla grinned
back as her face morphed.
"Angelus, will you do the honors?" Spike interrupted
holding up a whisk broom and dustpan.
" All right, just this once. . . . But I don't do windows!"
the vampire growled.
"Be tidy Angel, darling, don't miss anything," Drusilla
cooed, "We wouldn't want our dear Johannes coming back to
us . . . incomplete."
FINIS
1998/2004
*****
There is a sequel, "If I should die before I wake,"
that I'm in the process of novelizing, but that's another story!
pax,
Petronius
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