SCENE: 10 School science lab.
[Classes are over, so the school is virtually abandoned. Giles has
brought with him a rack of books on a trolley (some school related,
some required for his spell-casting). Giles has turned off the
lights to avoid suspicion. He is slumped over several open books,
jotting notes onto a crib-sheet. Xander, across from Giles, stirs a
foul-substance in a liter-sized beaker. Willow sits in the back,
creating the dispel potion.]
Giles: [Not raising his head from the books] *Korpa pecesenco.*
Hand me my coat, quickly.
Xander: [Fumbling with Giles' coat] Ok, ok. [He passes it over.]
Giles: [He carefully snips out the grease spot on the inner lining of
his coat.] Give me the beaker.
Xander: [Xander slides it across the workbench.] It's about time.
This stuff stinks.
Giles: Now we are ready. When I dip this grease into the potion, and
say the incantation in reverse order [indicating his crib sheet], the
pistol will be irresistibly drawn to Buffy. Once we have it, she can
destroy it with the dispel potion. Willow, do you need any help?
Willow: Almost done. [Pouring two beakers' contents into another
larger one] That's it. [She brings the black liquid over to Giles,
rotating the beaker with nervous apprehension at the coming
confrontation.]
Giles: Excellent. I think there's a good chance that we may just
pull this off. All we need now is...
[Buffy enters in a ninja-style fashion, checking her back to make
sure that the handgun did not follow her.]
Giles: Buffy. Are you all right?
Buffy: Let's just say that every bird from here to the hospital looks
like a handgun.
Giles: Did you talk to Susie?
Buffy: Yeah, I'm pretty sure that her bullet was meant for me. Susie
took the podium when I was supposed to. Giles, this gun is pretty
smart.
Giles: Lock the door. We'll let it come through the window.
Hopefully we'll see it coming.
Buffy: [Wiping sweat from her brow] I ran all the way. I hope Coach
Henderson didn't see me -- he'd force me onto the cross-country team.
[She sits at the edge of the workbench beside an oscillating fan
that Xander ostensibly set up to minimize the potions' foul odors.]
[She feels cooler.] Ahhh.
[Buffy closes her eyes and bunches up her hair, letting the fan cool
the back of her neck. She bends back her head, exposing her
glistening neck. Xander is transfixed by her beauty.]
Giles: Well, everyone ready? [He dips the grease-spotted strip into
the love potion.]
Buffy: Go for it.
Xander: [Almost licking his lips, still staring at Buffy] Yeah, go
for it.
[Willow shrugs her shoulders.]
Giles: [Reading from his crib sheet] *Vidos kondictus amilo*.
Goddess of Love, hear my supplication.
[He takes the dripping strip of cloth and moves it over Buffy's body
in an elaborate pattern.]
Buffy: Ooh, kinky.
Giles: Now! [The cloth begins to vapourize, swirling up and
dissipating in the fan's gust.]
Giles: The pistol will come for you immediately. I can't say whether
it will *love* you -- I've never tried this on an object before --
but it will most definitely be drawn to you. But don't forget: you
must not let it touch you. You must pour the dispel potion onto it
before it claims your body.
Buffy: [Getting up, appearing relaxed] No prob, Giles. Easy as
spillin' milk... [She takes the black dispel potion in the beaker.]
Black milk? [Buffy sniffs the potion]. You don't moonlight in the
*cafeteria*, do you Giles?
Willow: So now we just wait?
Giles: Wait... and pray.
[We watch the clock change to about 8:00 P.M.]
[Willow is dozing at another workbench. Xander fidgets on his
stool.]
Buffy: [Whining] Giles, how much longer?
Giles: [Imitating] How much longer, how much longer? You are the
Slayer... you must learn to be patient.
[Meanwhile, Xander gets up and paces past the fan. He keeps an eye
on Buffy and Giles.]
Buffy: Can't we wait at someplace fun, like the Bronze?
[Xander surreptitiously takes something out of his pocket and
pretends to yawn, holding his hand in front of the fan, which is
aimed at Buffy and Giles. We see specks of pepper fall from his
hand.]
Giles: Honestly, sometimes I wonder if you're really the...
Buffy: a-A-ACHOO! [The windows shake as Buffy sneezes.] Excuse me.
[She checks in her pockets for a tissue.]
Xander: [Presenting her with a clean tissue] Here you go.
Buffy: [A little suspicious] Thanks, Xander. [She blows her nose
and keeps the tissue in her hand.]
Xander: [Staring at her tissue] You know, it's not really sanitary
to keep that in your hand. [He slides a trash-can with his foot
towards Buffy.]
Buffy: [Still thinking Xander is acting oddly] Right...
[She tosses the tissue into the trash-can.]
Xander: Just looking out for my favorite Slayer. [He slides the
trash-can back to the end of the workbench, but as he turns to resume
his pacing, he stumbles over it. The trash-can clanks against the
tile floor. Willow awakes from a troubled sleep, then puts her head
back down.]
Buffy: Are you OK?
Xander: [Springing up after a second] Perfect. Just perfect. [We
see that he conceals Buffy's tissue in one of his hands.]
[Xander walks to Giles and slaps him on the shoulder.]
Xander: So, Giles. You said you used this potion before?
Giles: A few times... for experimental purposes of course.
Xander: Of course. So, did you bag any hot babes with it?
Giles: [Insulted] Of course not. [He turns away from Xander,
folding his arms.]
Buffy: Come on Giles, you can tell us.
Giles: [Obviously irritated, he gets up to pace at the door, hands
clasped behind his neck.]
Buffy: I'm sorry, Giles. I didn't know it would upset you like that.
[She gets up to reassure him.]
[Xander sees his chance and dips Buffy's tissue into the love potion.
Simultaneously, he swipes Giles' crib sheet with the scribbled
incantation. He conceals both under his shirt.]
Giles: It was a long time ago.
Xander: Man, I forgot my food in the library. [He starts for the
door.]
Buffy: You're always thinking about food.
Xander: [Holding his stomach -- he's keeping the tissue and crib
sheet from falling out.] What can I say? I'm always hungry. [He
leaves.]
Buffy: [Trying to change the subject to distract Giles] Hmm, I wonder
where our little friend is by now?
[Giles is distracted, but not by Buffy. He looks at the love potion
and wonders.]
[The camera rises up through the acoustic tiles on the ceiling.
Floating above the tiles is the handgun. It has just arrived. It
stops and peers down at Buffy through a slit where one of the tiles
is misaligned.]
SCENE 11: Library.
[Xander bursts through the doors. He is obviously excited. He
removes the soaked tissue and crib-sheet from his shirt and puts them
onto the table.]
Xander: I know you love me Buffy, you just don't know it yet...
[He holds up the tissue with reverence. His other hand unfolds the
crib-sheet. He reads from it.]
Xander: *V-vidos. Kon*-- wait, wait! I said it wrong. Re-kick!
Re-kick!
SCENE: 12 Ceiling of the science lab
[The handgun, still aimed at Buffy, slowly rises backwards, as if it
were coiling like a snake about to strike.]
SCENE: 13 Library.
Xander: Giles said he reversed it. *A-amilo. Kondictus. Vidos.*
Goddess of Love, hear my supplication.
[Xander cannot recall how Giles moved the cloth over Buffy's body.
He pulls at his hair in frustration. He decides to improvise, moving
the tissue in a wild dance along each of his limbs.]
Xander: [Savoring the moment] Now!
SCENE: 14 Science lab.
[Buffy's eyes flash with a white light. She runs to the door.]
[Just as she starts to run, the handgun crashes through the acoustic
tiles, hurling itself where Buffy stood just milliseconds before. It
crashes onto the hard floor, breaking into a dozen pieces. Bullets
roll across the floor. Willow awakens with a start, Giles is
astonished, and Buffy doesn't even look back -- she is out the door
and running.]
Giles: My God!
Willow: What is it? [She sees the ceiling hole and figures it out.]
Giles!
[Giles leaps to the dispel potion. The handgun pieces start to
re-assemble themselves by magical means. It starts to tip up, ready
again for flight.]
[Giles throws the entire beaker and its black contents onto the gun.
It smashes onto the floor and sends the dispel potion splashing
everywhere. A horrible wrenching, twisting-metal sound reverberates
throughout the lab as the handgun begins to die. A black steam
billows up where it falls into the puddle, leaving no trace of
itself.]
Willow: You did it!
Giles: [Running to the door] Hurry, we must find Buffy.
Willow: [Following] Why? She's probably with Xander.
Giles: That's what I'm afraid of.
SCENE 15: Library.
Xander: Get off me! Shoo! Shoo I say!
[Buffy is wrapped around Xander's leg like a vine. She alternates
kissing his knee with playful giggles and semi-erotic moans.]
Buffy: Ooh, kiss me! Kiss me! [She kisses his knee again in a long
embrace.]
Xander: Kiss *me*, not my knee!
[Giles and Willow burst through the library doors. Giles is relieved
that Buffy is safe. Willow is shocked at what she sees.]
Willow: Buffy, how could you?
Giles: Don't worry, it's not permanent. [He gathers up the
crib-sheet and crumples it with a fist.] Would you care to explain
yourself, Mr. Harris?
Xander: I was just kidding around.
Giles: [Angry] Kidding around? Magic is not for children!
Xander: Don't say you've never wanted to try it.
Giles: [Realizing that Xander is more right than he knows.] [Softer]
You must never do this sort of thing again. Thankfully, Buffy was
not hurt by your stunt. [Reflecting how Buffy took off running right
as the gun attacked] In fact, you may have saved her.
Xander: I wanted her to love me... why is she kissing my leg? [He
grabs his neck] Oh God, she's using tongue.
Giles: [Always the scientific observer] You must have made an error
during the blessing. It appears that she is hopelessly in love with
your lower leg.
Willow: How are we going to help her? [Buffy is still smooching
Xander's knee-cap.]
Xander: Help *her*? I'm the one who needs help!
Giles: More than you know.
Xander: [Trying to shake Buffy off his leg] I've gotta use the
restroom, man. How am I supposed to do that?
Giles: Good heavens, I will not have her suffer so. Stay here, I
will retrieve some of the dispel potion. [He leaves.]
Buffy: [In a dreamy voice] You are my pillar, my pillar of love.
Willow: [She is disappointed with Xander, yet she finds the scene
slightly amusing.] At least the gun is dead.
Xander: I'm glad we won't have to face that thing again.
Buffy: You are my Xander-leg, I love you so much! [She hugs his leg
with a Slayer's bone-crushing strength.]
Xander: Aieeeeoww!
EPILOGUE (SCENE 16):
[We see a stunning vista of wispy mountainsides, with the Himalaya
mountains standing tall on the horizon.]
[Superimposed caption: "Tibet, 1997"]
[View pans to a secluded, ancient-looking temple built into a
mountainside.]
[Cut to interior of temple: candles and incense sticks are burning,
giving the large circular room a smoky atmosphere. Intricate
carvings adorn the columns that support the walls and ceiling.
Ceremonial gongs are sounded at regular intervals. Nearly drowning
out the gongs' ringing is a haunting chant in Tibetan/Chinese.]
[The view lowers to show that dozens of Buddhist monks in faded
orange robes sit at the perimeter, facing the yet unseen center of
the room. Their faces are relaxed as they chant, deepening their
meditation.]
[Slowly pacing among the monks are stern-faced Chinese communist
soldiers, bearing AK-47's in hand, their bayonets fixed and ready to
strike at any moment.]
[At last, we see the focus of their attention in the center of the
room. The dirt floor has elaborate symbols scratched into it. Atop
these symbols sits a menacing T-80 Soviet-made tank. We pan around
the huge war vehicle, its red star markings obscured by chalk symbols
like those on the floor. We stop at its barrel, once again looking
down that dark hole of certain death. A plume of black exhaust jets
from the rear of the tank, but we catch only a glimpse of it.]
[END PART 5/5].
