Chapter 5- Giles
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It’s remarkable, really. Only a few hours ago a group of people hid their fears and put on a brave face to walk into what may be their last battle. For many it was a first, but for some, well, it was just another year, another apocalypse to avert. And avert it we did.
And now, lesser in numbers, that same group was dressed in bizarre costumes, celebrating the fact that they were still alive. Some were also mourning for ones left behind, putting on a brave face for those who had not lost anyone they had loved. Others were dancing like there was no tomorrow, and a few were sitting quietly, just plain relieved that they were still breathing.
I, sitting at the very back of the bus, watching over the people who had become my family, was none of those. One minute an unbelievable amount of happiness came over me, only to be pushed back seconds later by waves of grief for the people who had died. Sometimes, I felt relief that it was all over, and the next I felt confused and anxious about the future. I knew that it wasn’t going to be the last battle my family and I would fight, but I knew it was the last we would fight alone. And strangely enough, I felt it to be a loss.
As I sat alone, my emotions continued to revolve, and after tossing a considerable amount of champagne down the hatch, I found myself lurching forward unsteadily.
"Whoa, Giles. You’ve got to learn that, just because you’re English, it doesn’t mean you can’t be affected by the wonderful side affects of alcohol."
"Thanks for the enlightening advice, Xander," I replied testily, slightly bothered by being out-drank by a twenty-two year old. He sat down beside me, gripping a nearly empty champagne bottle and topped my glass.
"No problem. What’re you doing back here all by your lonesome?"
"Watching," I replied, waiting for the remark that I knew was coming as soon as I answered.
"Well, at least you’re doing your job properly," he said, snorting as he took another sip and causing me to wince. No matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t forget the Xander of old. It was certainly due to the fact that the Xander of old was still there, just under the surface of the older and wiser construction worker. Just like the shy, meek Willow of seven years ago was always there.
"What happens now?" he asked me quietly, and I didn’t need to ask him what he meant.
"Well, there are a lot of confused, frightened young girls out there, unaware of what power they have. Someone needs to look after them, so I was thinking of rebuilding the Council. We can never regain the material and resources lost, but I suppose we have to start somewhere."
Xander was silent for a moment, then he nodded. "I’d like to help you."
I was dumbfounded. I had thought that Xander would always stay with Buffy, or at least continue working in construction, but I had never imagined that he would wish to help rebuild something that he had hated so much.
"You would like to help?" I asked, raising my eyebrows.
"I thought about it when I was dancing and I’ve decided I wanted to help other girls like Buffy. You said yourself that there are many out there confused and unaware of what they are. You remember what Caleb said? He told me that I saw everything that went on, and he was right. These girls need someone to see them for who they are and to understand what they’re going through. And who better to do that than the Slayer’s right hand man?"
I pondered his speech for a moment, suddenly glad for his decision.
"Do you think you could find them all?" I asked him.
He grinned back. "If you taught me to read a map," he replied, causing me to choke as I took a sip. "Joking, old man, just joking."
I knew that.
"I’m going to try, anyway," he continued, watching Dawn and Willow do a shimmy that reminded me of Anya. I remembered that she had loved dancing, and I felt a gut-wrenching sensation of pain at the thought of the straightforward ex-demon. "What I’d like to know is what we’re going to do with them all."
I smiled. I had already thought it all out, and had been waiting to tell someone about it, mainly to see if I had finally lost my mind.
"I plan on teaching apprentice Watchers for the new Slayers." He stared at me blankly and I continued hastily. "Don’t worry, these will not be like the Watchers of old. More like..."
"You?"
Yes, me. As I thought over it, I realized that I was indeed very different from past Watchers. Unable to control my Slayer and unable to prevent myself from loving her, I had broken nearly every rule in the Watcher’s guide, if there had ever been one. And I wouldn’t do a thing differently if I had been given the chance.
"Yes. And I plan on training the Slayers, under the pretense of a gym or something, and then sending them out with their Watchers. I would never drag them away from their families; there would be no need to. And I was actually planning to ask Faith if she would take charge of the training part. She needs some stability, and with Wood helping me, I’m sure she would have no qualms. All I needed was for a way to find these girls, but it seems the answer has come to me."
Xander was silent for a moment, and raised the glass to his lips. Placing the empty glass on the seat, he turned to face me.
"You’ve got it all planned out, don’t you?"
"Yes, I have, actually."
"I reckon it could work," he said slowly.
"You do?" I asked in surprise. Wood had been skeptical at first, until I had managed to warm him to the idea.
"Definitely." He stood up and lifted his glass. "But I better get paid..."
He walked down the aisle, leaving me sputtering in disbelief. He shot a smile over his shoulder and I realized that he was only joking. Of course, I should have known. I rolled my eyes and stood, intending to speak with another of my ‘children’.
"Buffy," I said, placing my hand on the driver’s seat.
"Oh, Giles!" She glanced around quickly, then back to the road. "Enjoying yourself?"
"Quite," I replied, surprised that the bus wasn’t swerving from side to side. She had definitely improved.
"Good."
"Buffy, are you all right?"
She did not speak for a moment, but I saw the uncertainty flit through her eyes in the mirror.
"Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?"
"Spike, for one." I hated to say it, but it needed to be said. Sure enough, her eyes filled with pain and regret.
"W-what about him?" she asked carefully.
"He was a champion, Buffy." She nearly drove off the road in surprise, and there were a few complaining groans from the back.
"Huh?"
"He died to save the world, and he sacrificed himself. He did some...bad things in his life, but none of that matters anymore. Maybe I should have seen that when you and him were...uh, together, but I didn’t and I’m sorry. Maybe you could have had a chance to love him."
She straightened the bus and gave me a thoughtful glance.
"That is you, isn’t it Giles?" she said jokingly. "There’s no body-snatching demon I should know about?"
I chuckled and went to remove my glasses, once more reminding myself that I no longer had them. "No, I can assure you that I’m Giles."
"Then what’s with the ‘all hail Spike’? If I remember correctly, you were the one who tried to kill him."
I winced at that memory, but didn’t reply straight away. Instead, I sighed and rested against the dashboard.
"I’m just saying that all I want is for you to be happy, and if that includes you loving someone that isn’t exactly who I would wish for you, then I would still approve. If he made you happy, I wouldn’t have any reason not to."
She was silent, so I took that as consent to go on. "I know that all your pain is not over, and it probably never will be. That’s why I don’t want you to live with regrets, knowing that you could have had something but didn’t go for it because you were worried about what everyone else thought."
"Thank you," she whispered softly, and I noticed with surprise that she had tears in her eyes. Obviously she had taken my words to heart, something that didn’t happen very often, and it gladdened me that I could still be of some use and offer good advice.
That was what I was for, wasn’t it? To watch over my Slayer. To give her advice and guide her through the hard times. To be a shoulder for her to cry on, to be the level-headed one when she was angry. To be there for her. To watch over her.
To finally let her go.
~~~
I felt the tears spring into my eyes at his words.
"Thank you," I whispered, grateful for his acceptance.
He nodded and disappeared down the bus. I heard what he meant, but didn’t say.
Angel. Giles wanted me to be happy, and he knew that Angel was the only one who could give me that. He was the only one who could make the rest of the world melt away. He was the only one who could make me smile- a real smile. He was the only one who, when he held me, made me feel like my skin was on fire. He was the only one I wanted.
Giles had seen that, and I was thankful. I had thought that after the incident with Spike that maybe I didn’t need Giles anymore. Maybe he was a part of the old Buffy, and with the new he wasn’t needed. But I realized that I could not of been more wrong. He was a part of me and always would be. He was the father who hadn’t abandoned me without coming back. He was the librarian when I needed knowledge. He was the teacher when I was the naive student. He was the guru when I needed advice. He was the logic and reason when I was the impatience and the irrationality.
He was always there. And I felt strangely glad that he always would be.
~~~
Please review! Next chapter- Gunn.
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