The candlelight on the table cast a warm glow to the half-eaten and long forgotten food. Wax dripping down the twin candles set in their elaborate holders, while a soft glow of romance enticed the young couple snuggling closely on the Captain's chair at one end. Her head resting slightly on his shoulder, dirty blonde locks cascading over it like a river. His arms held her gently, supporting her weight effortlessly, all the while enjoying the feeling of his lover in his arms.
"Oh Xander, tonight was simply magnificent," Buffy purred softly, her fingers stroking the smooth skin exposed at his shirt's open throat, the softest hint of a smile on her mouth, and a rich brightness in her eyes.
Tilting his head down, he placed a kiss on Buffy's upturned lips. "What else could tonight be? You were here the entire time to make it the most amazing night of my life!" He replied, placing another kiss on her forehead.
"Oh Xander!" She giggled, running her arm under his supporting arm to reach the back of his head, teasing the dark curls at the nape of his neck. "You're so funny, and romantic. I'm so happy that I ditched that looser Angel." Pulling herself upwards, she let her mouth go near his ear, purring softly, whispering "Would you make love to me?"
Maybe it was the way she pleaded, or the erotic hunger evident in her eyes that caused Xander to swallow hard, "Do you really mean that?" His breathing increased with an inner sense of excitement, and anticipation.
Her smile lit up his world. "Oh Yes!...I want you to be my first and only love!"
"Oh God, Buffy..." He whispered, staring into her glowing eyes, "Do you know how long I've dreamed of this? Of wishing for this? I love you so much!!!"
"Oh Xander, I love you too." Buffy replied, her eyes wide and serious.
"Are you sure...you really want this?" His voice quivered now, arms tightening instinctively around her tiny, but strong, body, preparing to lift her up.
"I won't regret this, ever! We're bud's Xander...I love you" Her voice shifted, tone becoming higher.
"What the..." Shock swept over him at what was happening.
Buffy continued to change, "Oh Xander, I love you." Body shifting, becoming smaller, slimmer, shrinking. "Forever." Hair, longer, straightening, changing color. "I love you, we'll be best friends, forever." Face, twisting, morphing, shape changing.
Xander, worried, fearful pulled away. "I love you, Xander" the newly transformed Buffy said. Fear coursed through him, what had happened to Buffy, then the realization struck him. "My God." He jumped up, her body slipping from his lap as he scrambled to get away from her.
"Oh Xander, I love you." She took a step towards him, tiny delicate hands reaching out to him, "Oh Xander, I do love you." Her fragile features reflecting love, and the cascade of hair flowing down her back darkened in colour, into a rich auburn hue.
Xander was frightened. His first instinct was to run away, yet he was still intrigued. He couldn't help himself, like a moth to her bright flame he reached out to her. Their hands met, and that familiar spark of electricity shot through him. "Oh Willow," The name said with a breathless awe. " I love you too," he whispered huskily, surprised at the ringing sincerity of the words.
Gently picking her up, he moved to the couch. She gazed up at him dreamily, "Oh Xander..." He reached down, planting a firm passionate kiss upon her lips. Their arms intermingling, caressing each other softly, the pace of their motions quickening. "Oh Xander, I do love you."
He smiled into the kiss, before pulling back to rain soft caresses on her face, "I love you too, Willow...I think I always have." He leaned down again, arms reaching for her.
"Ugh..." He fell from the couch, thrown off by her body's powerful contraction, and her arms incredible push away. Willow's head turned jerkily, her eyes bulging obscenely while a red glow began to inflame their normal darkness, "Oh Xander, I lo.. BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP..."
"What the he..."
The early morning sunlight streamed into the room, illuminating the figure sprawled upon the bed. Sweat glinting in the light, a slight smile shining from him. The Alarm Clock continued it's droning, attempting to wake the occupant. "BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP"...
Xander shot out of bed with a small gasp. "What the hell..." Quickly he turned his head, looking for something, or someone that was obviously not there. Sighing with relief, at least for the moment, he pulled himself from his bed, and reached over to turn off the alarm.
Trudging to the washroom, he turned on the water, and splashed some onto his face, attempting to wake up, attempting to exorcize the demons from his dream that night. "Damn, that's four nights in a row
now!"
Try as he might he just couldn't calm down. "Oh goody, it's my favorite part of any morning! Yes, boys and girls.. "Cold Shower Time"...the only part of the day guaranteed to make you just SCREAM," he quipped to himself. Quickly undressing, he steeled himself for what he knew was coming ahead.
Pulling the curtains back from the shower stall, he stepped into it. The cold water coming from the tap was fiercely cold, almost like it was taunting him. Finally, with great courage, he pulled the lever and let the cold water run up the shower head.
The water blasted forth like an ice storm, pelting him with it's fierce coldness. "Yeeeaahhh! Oooh Oooh, that's Coooolllddddd!!!!" The water continued it's onslaught, but to it's credit it was working. Calming down now, he quickly turned up some hot water to balance it. "If my mom wasn't up before, she sure is now." And despite himself, he had to laugh at that.
The shower went quickly. Wrapping a towel around his waist he started to comb his hair. It was then that he noticed the clock, reflected in the mirror. "10:12! Damn, I was supposed to meet Willow at the mall at 10! She's going to kill me!" He knew even as he said her name aloud, it would be trouble. Sure enough, his subconscious kicked in with a vengeance, filling his mind with memories. Unbidden they came, flooding his thoughts, making his body tense with excitement.
Hands braced against the sink, he struggled to get his breathing back under control. Turning his head, he slowly blew out a deep breath, but when he opened his eyes he pictured Willow slumped down on the floor, beside the toilet, his bed sheets wrapped around her naked body. A groan ripped through him, and he angrily sent the comb clenched in his fist flying, watching it as it bounced off the wall. Slowly lowering himself to the toilet and placing his head in his hands, he sighed a simple question, "When?"
"When do I get my friend back? When can I look at or think of her, and not think of that night? When will it stop being, so... so.... so awkward?" The questions came. The same questions that he had asked every day since the event. And like every other day he had asked, there were no answers.
"Oh God! Will I loose her? Will she give up on our friendship because it's too awkward? It's not like I haven't tried." And try he did. It just didn't seem to do any good. In the few days since they had..., his mind scrupulously avoided the dreaded "word", but ever since...when he came within sight of her, it was like incentive for every memory to surface in great, glorious detail. The physical responses that accompanied those memories created such an awkward situation. He was so embarrassed, and afraid he'd slip up...he simply fled. Even if he did manage to stay, he ended up being so cold and distant, just to stay in control of his traitorous body, that she became uncomfortable with him. No matter what the situation, he'd always ended up leaving.
His best friend...his soul's sister...and he was losing her because of some hang-up he obviously couldn't get over. Tears streaked across his face, as they had every morning this week. "I should have tried harder. I could have stopped it, I know I could have stopped it, but I damn well DIDN'T"
"It's all my fault." He whispered it, before sobs suddenly seized his body. "I'm so tired of this, I just want her back. I want my bud back." His shaking voice dropped to the hoarsest whisper. "I want my hearts family back." Chest and shoulders heaving to a grief so profound, Xander heard Willow's soft words again. "It's not your fault.", but he knew better. He should have had more control, but didn't. And now, because of a punch bowl, and raging hormones he was going to loose the one thing that carried any meaning for him.
He couldn't lose her.
Reaching up his hands rubbed his tear soaked eyes. He pulled himself upright, but kept his head bent as he walked towards his bedroom. Glancing at the night stand, the clock happily reported that it was 10:19. Somewhere from deep within, an optimistic hope bubbled up. "It's not too late, I still have time!" It was the fist positive emotion he'd had all week. "We can make this work. No, we *have* to make this work. There's just too much at stake. I will not loose her over this!"
With a strength of determination rarely seen, Xander quickly dressed and bounded down the stairs, stopping by the kitchen table and the note placed carefully on it.
"Xander: I'm sorry but I had to go into work early today, so here's breakfast and lunch. Try to stay out of trouble okay! Love Mom." He looked at the note and placed cleanly beside it was two $10.00 bills. Frowning at the money like it was offensive, Xander reflected on the last memory he had of his mother *cooking*. None came to mind.
He wasn't sexist, being friends with Willow and Buffy sure kept that
down at an all-time low, he would have been happy to cook his mother dinner..but..she'd have to be here for just a half hour to do that. All those magazines preached about "quality time" with their kids, and well... hell, he couldn't even remember the last time they had spent any time together.
Picking up the money, a wistful expression crossed his features as a long forgotten memory from his childhood asserted itself.
* * *
Bounding up the steps two at a time, a significantly younger Xander, with an equally young Willow in tow, exuded raw exuberance. The colourful paper he held flapping in the breeze, a present for his mother. "Oh Xander, you're mom is gonna love that!" Willow said enthusiastically.
"Oh you really think Willow? I worked *so* hard on it. I even got an A!" Xander replied equally enthusiastic, a smile on his face, looking forward to giving his mother her gift.
"Well I know that silly, I helped you work on it!" She rolled her eyes, giggling the whole time. She was so proud of him. He wasn't a very good student and she often had to help him. Not that she minded, Xander was like the big brother she always wanted, but never got. She loved spending time with him.
"Oh yeeaahhh. Gee thanks Willow, you're a true friend." He tugged open the Harris's back door not even bothering to notice that Willow's face had turned a light shade of red in embarrassment.
"Hi Mom, I'm home! And I got you a present." The joy and happiness clearly rang in his young voice. Willow trundled in just behind him. "Hi Mrs. Harris," Her little voice so quiet and shy.
"How's my big boy?" Mrs. Harris asked, lifting her son off the floor and cradling him in her arms. "And hello to you too Willow. My do you ever look so nice in that dress. Xander don't you think Willow looks nice in that dress?" She said to Willow, smiling widely the whole time.
Willow turned a bright shade of red, and lowered her head in embarrassment, her feet beginning to nervously shuffle. "Oh mom, I guess she looks okay, for a girl!" Xander replied causing Willow to blush more. Noticing the youngsters discomfort Mrs. Harris decided to change the subject.
"So dear, what have you brought home for your mommy?" Making a game of trying to see what was behind his back.
"Tada, it's a picture of you mom!" Xander cried, pulling the picture from behind his back, and proudly displaying it to his mother, the smile on his face beaming. He was so proud of it.
"Oh Xander, it's beautiful. Come on, let's get Willow to help us put it up on the fridge," She took both children by their hands and gently led them to the fridge. Passing a magnet to each of the children, and securing the top of the picture herself, she happily watched as the children fought to see who would go first.
"Hey Willow, you go first."
"Nuh huh, you go first Xander, it's your house."
"Oh no Willow, you're the guest, you should go first!"
"Oh okay, if you insist," reaching out, she placed her magnet on the fridge securing her corner of the picture. "Okay Xander, it's your turn."
He placed his magnet on the fridge. His mother instantly pulled him into a hug, smiling. "Well doesn't that look nice? What do you think Willow, do you like it?" Both eyes turned to her.
Being put on the spot like that caused Willow to get nervous, "Uhm, uh, hmmm, yeah. It looks very, um, nice Mrs. Harris." And despite themselves they couldn't resist laughing at that. Willow was exasperated, and started to feel bad, that is until Xander made a goofy face at her. Then she just cracked up with them.
Life was good, and they were having the time of their lives. It was so rarely that Xander got to spend any time with his mother, and he was enjoying it thoroughly. That is until the phone rang. Xander's face became angry, the phone was bad, it always took mommy away. He hated the phone. Willow sensing his anger put a reassuring hand on his shoulder.
Mrs. Harris put little Xander down and crossed the kitchen to answer the phone. "Hello... Yes this is her... Yes... Yes... I understand... I'll be there as soon as I can... Goodbye..." Sighing she hung up the phone. Picking it back up again she quickly dialed up a number, after a few rings the other end picked up.
"Hi Sarah.... Yes I'm fine thank you, and you?.... Oh good I'm glad. Listen I need a favour... Okay I just got an emergency business meeting, do you think that Xander could stay with you tonight?..."
Xander screamed out, "Noooo! I don't wanna go anywhere, I wanna spend the night with you." Eyes filled with anger, his lips pouting, tears starting to form.
"Sarah can you hold on?... Thanks..." Placing the phone on the counter she crossed the distance to her son and softly gave him a tender hug. "Xander I *have* to go out tonight. I have no choice. Please try to understand. And hey, you get to stay at Willow's
tonight, won't that be fun?"
"But mom, we never spend any time together anymore. Please don't go! Please!!!!" The tears now streamed off his face like miniature rivers. It hurt Mrs. Harris to see her son like this, "Oh Xander, please don't cry, I promise I'll spend the whole weekend with you, okay?"
"Promise?" he asked not quite believing her words.
"I promise." She replied, "and to prove it I'll even pinky swear." Reaching out to him with her pinky she prepared to hook his.
'Wow' He thought, 'no-one ever breaks a pinky swear!' So he hooked with his mother's pinky and did the "Pinky Swear."
"Ahhh, that's my boy." Letting Xander go, she crossed the floor to the phone and picked it up. "Sarah are you still there?.... Good... Yes I'll be home tomorrow.... Thanks, you're a lifesaver.... I owe you one.... Thanks again, goodbye....." Hanging up the phone she crossed the floor to Xander again. "Okay you, upstairs with you, and pack some overnight clothes."
"Can Willow come upstairs too?" he asked.
"Of course Willow can help you, if she wants," she said with a smile, knowing that wherever Xander went, Willow would probably follow. Sure enough the two of them bounded up the stairs, and into Xander's room.
"Wow Xander, you get to stay at my house all night!" Willow said happily, she liked when Xander got stay over, that meant she could stay up a bit later. Not only that, it gave her someone to play with. And that was *always* a good thing.
"Yeah, it's going to be soo cool! I wonder what your mom's making for dinner!?" Xander said aloud, always thinking about food, but so looking forward to spending time at Willow's house. He liked it there.
"Xander! Can't you think of anything BUT food?!" She giggled. "Just think, we can even play house. I can be the mommy, and you can be the daddy. Won't that be fun?" She laughed, she liked playing house with Xander. He always made funny jokes.
"Oh no, not house again! Why don't we play with the Lego's, or how about the coloring books, or maybe you can help me with my schoolwork? Please!!!!" Xander pleaded, reaching into the drawers pulling out his overnight clothes and placing them into a bag.
"Oh okay, I *guess* I can help you," she joked, knowing already that she was always more than willing to help Xander. She was smart, and she was proud of it. It made her feel good to help out her friend.
"Oh Willow, Thank you, thank you, thank you!" He rushed over and gave her a quick hug. Both of them pulled away and looked shocked with one another, and together in unison they both said, "Oooh yuck, cooties!" And they made a big show of wiping off the front of their clothes.
"Willow, you know what?" Xander asked hesitantly.
"What?" She asked back, dark eyes wide and innocent.
"You're my bestest friend ever, for a girl!" he said, matter of factly.
Oh Xander, you're silly! You're my bestest friend ever, for a boy!" She giggled, proud that she was his best friend. And with that she helped him finish getting ready for the sleep over.
* * *
Now, years later, his eyes were fixed at a point on the fridge, tears streaming from them as he recalled the sunshine sweet smile that spread across Willow's face when he called her his best friend. They had, in their own different ways, been such lonely children. In retrospect, that statement had probably been the most meaningful thing any kid had ever said to her. "You're still my bestest friend ever..." The words softly escaped his lips. Looking around, getting his bearings, and wiping the tears from his eyes, Xander carefully tucked that memory away.
"No Willow, you're still my bestest friend ever, and I intend to keep it that way!!!" And with a determination rarely displayed, he folded the $20, shoving it in his pocket, striding to the back door in long quick steps.
He turned, once, and looked into a room full of strong memories...him and Willow as kids, him and Willow as young adults, and most recently, him finally viewing Willow as the woman she had become. Locking the door, he paused taking the extra time to make sure the tears were firmly wiped away. "I intend to keep it that way."
The door slammed closed, and Xander was off to the mall. Off to see Willow. Off to try and save their friendship. He had to, he had no choice, it was the most important thing to him. If he didn't, he would loose it all... That one thought scared him more than anything else.
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