For some reason, Riley knew Buffy would be in her backyard; in the furthest, blackest corner of the yard. He hadn't expected her to look so small, though, as she sat there in that chair.
He approached her slowly. Her legs were drawn up to her chest, arms around them; chin on her knees and her eyes closed.
"Does he hate me?" Buffy asked.
Her voice startled him. "And I was worried about scaring you," Riley said, walking towards her.
She didn't open her eyes. "You smell nice."
He laughed self-consciously. O-kay. "Didn't realize I smelled at all, but I guess I'm glad it's nice."
She didn't acknowledge what he said; just kept going in the quietest voice: "And you always breathe a little faster when you come near me. I can hear it."
"You going somewhere with this?" he asked, a little uneasily. He'd forgotten how hyper-aware she was of everything. Part of the Slayer thing; something she didn't usually call attention to.
"But when I try to see you, I can't," she continued, eyes still closed. "Sometimes you're there and then you disappear. Sometimes I just see the space where you were. I reach out to touch you, but you just slip away. Up into the sky without ever looking down."
Riley sat down on the chair next to her. He leaned forward, eyes on the ground, not sure how to respond.
"Does he hate me?" she asked again.
O.k. then, Riley thought. No response required. "He's spun. He needs time." Riley looked up to see her staring at him. "What?"
After a minute, she looked away. "So Willow and Tara."
"Yeah," he replied, puzzled, trying to keep up with what she was saying.
A sad smile came over her face. "Willow's trying so hard. She loves Tara so much."
What the hell was she talking about? Yes, he had gotten the Willow/Tara thing. There was clearly something more she was going for, however. "Could you maybe fill me in here? I'm feeling a little lost right now."
"Yeah," she said softly. "Join the club."
This was a very weird conversation. And actually, Riley kind of wanted to go back to the first part, because they really needed to talk about what had happened between them. They'd been on the verge several times over the last week, but never quite got to it. When it came down to it, though, he couldn't do it, couldn't bring himself to start the conversation. Avoidance sounded so much better. "So what exactly happened today?"
"Cameras," she said, her far away look fading. "They've been watching me. Us."
"Cameras? They?" he asked, relieved that she was coming out of that odd, rambling mood. Talking about concrete, non-personal things was so much easier.
"The nerds. You know - Jonathan, Warren, and, um, that other guy. I never remember his name."
"Nerds?" This wasn't getting any clearer.
"Yeah." She looked at him as though he should have caught up by now. "Come on - I told you about them, didn't I? That they're evil?"
"No. I think I would have remembered hearing about an evil band of nerds. Wow," he said, sitting back and trying to picture it. "This town's really gone downhill since I left."
"Tell me about it," Buffy mumbled.
"Jonathan? Really?" Riley asked, still trying to comprehend the new resident menace.
Buffy nodded.
Geez. "Who would've thought?"
"I know," she replied. "Weird. Kind of hard to get all worked up over, but they're really getting annoying."
"Yeah. I see what you mean. Still..."
"Yeah," she repeated. "Still..."
Getting back to what she'd been saying -- "So, they had cameras. Here?"
"Here," she answered. "At the magic shop. The Bronze..."
"Wait," Riley said, sitting up straight as something occurred to him. "What kind of cameras are we talking about?"
"Security cameras," she said, more alert as she noticed his shift into soldier mode. "We found one in the front yard this afternoon. Willow tried to trace where it came from and, well, then we saw the magic shop and An-"
"Is it still here?" he asked, standing up abruptly.
"Inside," she said as he walked to the house.
He stopped at the door and turned back to her, an expectant look on his face.
She jumped up and saluted him. "Aye, aye, Captain."
"Very funny," he muttered as he held the door open for her and followed her in through the kitchen.
Entering the dining room, she gestured at the table. Willow had shut down the computer and straightened everything up, but the camera and wires were still sitting there.
Riley picked it up and examined it. It was identical to the cameras he had spent most of the day playing with. Another local buyer. Damn.
He pulled his keys out of his pocket and used one to snap open the casing. Serial number looked similar, but he'd have to compare it to the invoice to be sure. "Willow didn't finish the trace?"
Buffy shook her head.
"Can I take this?" he asked, putting it back together. The distributor would know who the other buyer was. With a little persuasion, he might even tell them.
"Take it where?" she said, perking up. "I want to go, too. Are we gonna be action guys?"
"No." He headed to the door. "I'm going to be action guy; you're going to wait here until I call you."
She, of course, followed him. "You can't protect me, Riley. This is my fight."
Riley let out a harsh laugh, pausing at the front door. "Oh, trust me, I learned my lesson. I'm not trying to protect you. I'd just rather not go through a second court martial for treason if you don't mind."
Buffy stopped for a second. "Court martial? After the Initiative..?" she asked. "But you said it was just a debriefing."
"Right. Whatever." He opened the door and watched as she started walking again. Right on past him. Exactly what he'd told her not to do.
She was heading directly to the car. "I'm so totally coming with you."
He glared at her. "Could you at least pretend I have a choice?" he asked, watching her climb in and put her seat belt on.
Fine, he thought, getting in himself and slamming the door shut.
She turned to him with a bright smile. "Where to? Secret Army base? Underground tunnels? Do I get to ride in the helicopter this time?"
Not quite. Riley turned to her before looking back at the road. "I just want it on record that this was your choice."
"Noted. So where?"
He didn't answer until they pulled up in front of the hotel ten minutes later. "Home sweet home."
She got out of the car and stood there for a few seconds. "Do you really think this is the time...?"
He just smiled at her and walked toward the building, not waiting. She had to run to catch up. "This is where you're staying?" she asked.
"Sunnydale's finest."
"A hotel? I thought..." She glanced in the bar as they walked past. "I just assumed you were back on campus. This seems so...temporary."
"Well, yeah," he answered punching the button for the elevator. "That's kind of the point."
She looked up sharply and grabbed his arm. "Are you leaving again?"
"I actually meant while I find a place to stay, but yeah, eventually." He was surprised at how tightly she was clutching him.
"Eventually?" she asked weakly, letting go of him. It obviously hadn't occurred to her that he might actually leave. "How eventually?"
He shrugged, trying not to read anything into her questions. Especially not any subtext that seemed to indicate she might actually want him to stay on a more permanent basis. Not that it was really his choice - they could pull him out whenever they wanted. "I'm trying to readjust to actually being in the same place for two whole weeks in a row. Hadn't really thought much beyond that."
"You didn't ask?" she said, hitting his arm. "You didn't think maybe this time you could give a little more notice when you decided to up and leave?" She seemed as surprised as he did when the words slipped out of her mouth. Still, if this was the way it had to happen...
"Ow," he said, rubbing where she had just hit him. "It wasn't exactly planned," he snapped, turning to her. "And it wasn't like there were a lot of other options." Nice, Ri. Just go ahead and piss her off.
Her voice turned ice cold. "If I had had a little time between when you said you were leaving and when you actually left, then maybe there would have been more options." She lowered her voice to a whisper when she realized that people were staring at them. An angry whisper. "Oh, wait, no. There was a little time. There was a whole eighteen hours where I got to deal with the fact that my boyfriend was paying vampires to suck him dry. At the very least. I decided to ignore the fact that he was half naked while they were doing it."
She looked up suddenly as the closing elevator doors interrupted her. Neither of them had noticed that the elevator had come while she was talking. She jabbed the button again, trying to stop the tears that threatened to spill at any moment.
He had practiced this conversation for over a year and he still had no idea of what to say. "There wasn't anything else," he mumbled.
There, he thought. He at least had an answer to part of it.
"Oh, good," she snapped. "That makes me feel so much more adequate. Glad to know that I could at least manage that for you."
"Buffy," he said, wanting so badly to just reach out for her and pull her into his arms. To shield her from anyone who would do something like that to her. Who would betray her at such a horrible time in her life. Pick that exact moment to completely lose his shit.
Oh, right. Asshole. "It wasn't like that," he said quietly.
"Well, what was it like exactly? Whatever could have made you do that?" She was hugging herself tightly and fighting not to cry, her eyes pleading with him to give her some kind of explanation that would make sense.
He couldn't look at her. It was hard enough to admit to himself much less speak it out loud. But he owed her that. He owed her so much more, but at the very least, he owed her that. "I was dying, Buffy. I was so empty inside. Forrest. Walsh. It was ... Everything. You were all I had left. And it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. You were slipping away."
"I wasn't-" She stopped. Because she knew he wasn't totally wrong. "I trusted you, Riley. You were supposed to be the one I came home to. The one that wasn't going to walk away." She jabbed his chest. "You told me that. You made that promise." The tears finally spilled over. "I trusted you."
"I know," he said quietly. "There aren't enough words to say how sorry I am." Or how much he hated himself right about now.
"And you just left," she continued, as if he hadn't spoken. "You know what Angel did to me - how he hurt me - but you just left."
"No, Buffy," he said, angry again, "I don't know what Angel did to you. Because you never told me. Because you never..." He took a step away from her, turning back as he spoke, much more quietly. "Sorry. I promised myself I wouldn't go there. I just..." He put his hands in his pockets as he looked down at the ground. "They made me feel alive. For a little while at least. And I hated it. I hated so much that they could make me feel like that. But I couldn't stop. I wanted to so badly, but I...I couldn't stop."
His words seemed to reach some part of her -- the anger died a little; her eyes softened in a way that made him think she was understanding him in a way she couldn't before. And the look on her face changed -- became very similar to the look that had been there when he'd walked in on her and Spike. The closest to shame he could ever imagine her getting. Maybe he had hit a little too close to home.
"I'm sorry I couldn't make you feel that way," she said quietly, looking down.
He shook his head. "It's not that simple."
"Then break it down for me," she said. "Make me understand."
"I don't know if I can. I don't think I've figured it out yet."
The elevator doors opened and she walked in. "Well maybe you'd better; because I can't do that again."
He stared at her. Did she just say 'again'? Was she seriously saying...?
The doors started closing and she put out her hand to stop them. "You coming?"
Stunned, he finally nodded and stepped in, pressing the button for the right floor.
"I haven't totally forgiven you, you know," she said, looking straight ahead. "I reserve the right to have random outbursts of tears and anger and maybe even throw things at you."
"Agreed," he said, trying not to smile. Most definitely agreed.
"And no promises. I'm not in a place where I can do that right now."
"No promises. Understood," he said with a curt nod.
The elevator stopped and they stepped out, heading down the hall. "But I want you here with me," she said. "I clearly didn't say that enough before so I'm saying it now. I like my life with you in it."
They had reached his room and he unlocked the door, pushing it open for her. "Buffy," he said, reaching out for her as she walked past.
She stopped and turned to him.
He put his hand on her shoulder. "I would give anything to make it up to you. Anything."
Her eyes brimmed with tears. "Don't say things like that, Riley." She took a step closer, putting her finger to his mouth and saying, "Hellmouth - remember?"
He closed his eyes as she traced his lips, her touch searing his skin. Her hand brushed across his cheek, following the scar up past his eye, and the whole world stopped. The only thing that existed was her touch and the embers that it stoked in his heart.
"Do I still make your skin hum?" she whispered.
He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her to him, a year's worth of longing spilling out in his kiss. She responded eagerly, pressing against him, and hungrily taking him in. She put her arms around his neck and he lifted her, kicking the door shut behind them as he carried her to the bed.
Laying her down, he asked, "Buffy, are you su-"
His words were cut off by her kiss as she pulled him down on top of her, tugging at his sweater and pushing it off over his head. "So warm," she murmured, planting kisses on his neck and chest, stopping only when he stripped her of her shirt. "I forgot how warm you were."
He wrapped his arms around her. "I forgot how small you were," he said, kissing behind her ear, moving slowly down her throat. He hesitated for a second when he came to her scar, and then kissed it. Gently at first, then harder as her hands tightened in his hair, his teeth and tongue grazing, hands exploring her body, not relenting until her hips came up to meet his and she cried out.
"Riley?" she gasped, surprised. Probably because he had never kissed her there. Never.
He looked up with a smile. "Fry cooks - what can I say?" he murmured before heading back down to the scar, his mouth staying there as he unbuttoned her jeans and slipped his hand past her waistband.
Her eyes turned wicked. "You're not the only one who's learned a few new tricks." She grinned as she flipped him onto his back, slowly running her finger down the center of his chest and following with her mouth. "Riley, honey, I'm gonna make you scream."
~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~
Buffy rolled over, pushing the pillows aside. "So was there an actual reason you brought me here or was it all just some pretense to get me into your bed?"
"I knew I was gonna get blamed for that," he said, sitting up.
She watched as he walked over to the desk. Riley pulled some papers out of the bag resting on the floor and paged through them until he found the right one. "Bingo," he said, holding it up as he turned to her, only to be hit in the face with his jeans.
"Put some clothes on," she said, sitting there with the sheets drawn up to her chest. "It's distracting."
He smiled as he put the pants on. "You're not doing anything to be distracted from."
Finding the camera they had brought from the house, he compared it to the invoice. Same model, same make. Serial number showed it even came from the same lot. He pulled out his cell phone and began issuing orders. "Invoice 8062. I need to get in touch with the distributor. Yes," he said with annoyance, "I know it's late. I don't really care. If you can't do it, get Paxton in. He'll take care of it." He was silent as he listened to the voice on the other end of the line. "No, it can't wait until the morning. Do it now." He snapped the phone shut.
She smiled as he came back to the bed. "It probably could have waited until morning."
"Yeah, I know," he answered. "He just pissed me off. Doesn't know how to take orders. None of them do."
She laughed. "You sound a little like Walsh."
"Yeah. Scary, huh?" He leaned down to kiss her.
Grabbing his waistband, she pulled him to her. "So, we have some time before they call back?"
"You mean before you can go kick ass?" he asked, lifting his hips as she pushed his jeans down. "Yeah, we have a little time."
She ran her knee up his leg. "And you're actually going to tell me the address? It's not all classified or anything?"
He rolled over and pulled her on top of him. "Well, it may not be quite that easy. You might have to beat it out of me." He cupped the back of her neck and drew her down for a kiss. "Or something."
"Yes, sir. Most definitely something..."
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