3- Willow’s insecurities
“I can’t believe I could do such a thing,” Willow cried, her voice awfully high-pitched, “I didn’t think so much evil was in me.”
She stood next to Xander, looking awestruck at what was before her. The building had been completely floored and all that remained was a pile of rubble. The earthquake had no pity, and it taunted them by leaving the “Bakery” sign intact.
“So I guess doughnuts were not such a good idea after all,” Xander was equally mystified. Why his doughnuts? All the other buildings were intact except for a few cracks. Why did the bakery have to fall? “You know, I should’ve helped that poor old man remodel. He never stood a chance.”
“It’s not your fault. We’ll find some other place to eat. Maybe ice cream,” Xander looked at her, one eyebrow raised, “or maybe not. Because we already tried ice cream and they’re closed. Right,” she stared at the ground.
“We could go to my place,” He suggested, “that is, if you don’t mind eating blue cheese with green bread.”
“No,” she stated firmly.
“Wow. Fine, Will. You do know I was kidding with the cheese. I do have other much more eatable appetizers in my refrigerator, you know.”
“I’m sorry. It’s not the food. I mean, I would eat rat if I could. It’s just, what if they’re there?” Willow sighed and returned her eyes to the floor, “I don’t think I could deal with that.”
“1- The probability of ‘them’ going to my apartment is practically zero, and 2- Deal with what?”
“Well, people. And I don’t think people could deal with me. After all, a few hours ago I wanted to kill the whole lot of them. I don’t think they’d forgive that right away. I wouldn’t,” she sighed again, “Maybe they’ll see me as changed.”
“You are changed, Will. You know what it’s like to be evil. And though I’ve never had the pleasure of wanting to burn the earth, I can imagine the emotional strain,” He put an arm around her shoulders and started walking down the street. “Look, you just need some rest. You know, deep sleep and a belly full of food. Then, once you have your strength back, you’ll feel much better.”
“I guess you’d be right,” deep down she still felt as if she’d never gather the courage to face the people whom she felt couldn’t forgive her. “But don’t make me face them just yet, Xander. As you said, I need rest before I can do it. Please.” She looked up at him. He continued to look straight ahead.
“Fine,” he said. His voice had lost it’s bright charm. She could tell he was thinking very quickly and that decisions and plans were forming in his mind. “You can spend the night at my apartment. Just promise me you won’t settle in.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Nothing, nothing…” he just stared ahead as they walked.
They chatted a whole lot while they walked. Xander’s voice returned to the assuring state that made her feel so normal. After a while, she had almost forgotten everything that had happened. However, there was always that insecure feeling at the back of her mind. She slept deeply and dreamlessly, even though the sun shone brightly through the window. She didn’t hear Xander leave.
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