I traced Liz’s arms and wrapped my arms around her waist as she leaned into me. She sighed and we both lay down on her bed, one of my arms draped around her stomach. I blew on the back of her neck, hoping to blow away her fears, and my fears with it.
“Have you ever been with a girl before?” She asked me.
“No. Have you?”
“No.” Our voices were calm, cooling to the feelings around us.
“But you’ve slept with guys, other guys, right?”
I did not know what to say whether to lie or tell the truth. “What do you want me to tell you?”
She turned to me, my hand falling from around her. “The truth.”
Our eyes meet, and I answered softly. “Yes.” I breathed in deeply. “Does that make you regret what just happened?”
“No. Do you? Regret it?”
“No…….have you ever…with Max?”
“No. No one.”
“Oh.” It hit me then, I had stolen her virginity. Me, me and my fingers, and my mouth, my lips, my body, I had stolen something of hers. But what made me smile was that she wasn’t sad or upset about it, she didn’t regret. She was glad. And that meant something. Something big.
“Buffy…?” She asked moment later.
“Yes?”
“Will things be weird between us, you know, like tomorrow, at work?”
“No. I don’t think so, I hope not.”
“Do you promise?”
“Yes.”
“Can we just stay like this for awhile? Together?”
“Yes.”
She turned her back to me, and grabbed my hand in her own. My arm draped over her body once again, and I breathed in the smell of her hair, thunder once again threatening the sky above us.
I never made it back to the hotel that night, we both slept until her alarm went off, warning us that we had to get ready for work. My outfit was wrinkled, but it straightened out quickly once I got up and pressed it out with my palms. Liz straightened out her own, even though I offered to do it for her. Maybe she was afraid of me, afraid of my touch, because when we both woke up she flinched away from me when she realized who was with her. Or maybe she was just afraid that if I touched her, we would end up doing what he had done last night. I prayed to anything holy that that was just the case, because I didn’t want to think about not being with her now. It all just seemed so right.
Michael and Maria both seemed to be surprised to find me already there. Normally I was late by at least ten or fifteen minutes. They had come in almost together, both with smiles on their faces. I figured something must have happened between them, maybe they made up.
By three o’clock Max and Isabel came in. It was then that the day finally slowed down long enough for any of us to take a break or even to say hi. The morning had been so busy, that we couldn’t even not move for two seconds before someone new showed up, or someone needed more coffee, or someone’s burger wasn’t cooked just right.
“Maria!” I called to her as I grabbed her arm and pulled her into the backroom. “So what’s up with you and Michael?”
She just blushed. “My place was closer than his yesterday when he was coming home, and it was raining out, so he stopped by.”
“And…?” I pressured her.
“Things that little school girls are not to do – happened in my very room!”
“Oh my God, Maria! I’m so happy for you, but, I just have to know, what did your mom do when she saw you two…you know…in bed this morning?”
“Nothing. She’s wasn’t even home, and the best part about it – she’s coming home tonight at eleven thirty.” She sang.
“Maria!” I said and playfully smacked her butt. “You naughty naughty girl.”
“Yes, well, I always did have a way with words and men. So, what got you here so early?” She asked as we headed back out into the restaurant.
“Me and Liz had some quality girl time last night.” It was then that I remember Max had stopped by. “I came back over around nine to see if she wanted to do something. My hotel room just wasn’t cutting it.”
“You guys better not be talking about me.” Michael called from the grill.
I looked over my shoulder at him and smiled. “We aren’t guys – so I guess we weren’t.” He glared at me and Maria went off to cover her tables. No one was sitting in my section so I just leaned against the counter and followed Liz with my eyes. She was writing down Max and Isabel’s order, and it made me jealous to see her by him. I wanted her to be by me, not him, he hurt her. I didn’t want – I didn’t want him looking at me. He was staring at me. I noticed it a few minutes later when he caught me following Liz’s every move. When I noticed it, I just gave him a bitchy smile, one that was noticed by Isabel who glared at me. Max just stared at me, and I clenched my jaw shut. I made my way over to their table, and rested my palms on it. I stared deeply into his eyes. “I don’t whether you are just staring at my rack, or if you are staring at me because you are afraid that I’ll find out something about you that you don’t want me to know. Either way, I don’t appreciate it, and I will gouge out your eye balls and eat them if you don’t stop looking at me, and if you don’t stop trying to get Liz. I don’t know what you think you are doing, but all you are doing is making her feel worse and worse and I don’t like it when my friends are upset because some stupid jackass wants to rule their life.” I turned sharply on his heels, and smiled when I heard a sound of disbelief coming from Isabel’s mouth. I walked into the backroom, and felt Liz following close behind me.
“What did you just say to them?” She asked me, a curious smile on her face. “Isabel looked like she was going to charge after you and kill you!”
My eyes fell to the ground, as did my face. “I told him to stop bugging you, to stop trying to get you because it was only hurting you and that if he did it anymore I would gouge out his eyes and eat them.”
There was a silence that killed me, and during it, I couldn’t even look into her eyes. I couldn’t even look at her face. Her soft hand pulled my head up by my chin, and her eyes sparkled into mine. A thin smile formed across her face and she kissed my forehead. “Thank you.” With that, she turned and prepared to go, but I pulled her arm and turned her towards me.
“Things are weird – aren’t they?”
“Ya. They are.” She admitted. “Stay here after work and we’ll talk.”
It was late, around eleven when we closed up. It was really busy today, and a large group of people had come by at nine, just when we were supposed to be closing. They offered us fifty bucks to stay open, and Liz gave in to all of their large smiles. They were some traveling cowboy group, and they laughed a lot. It was loud laughter, and each had an over sized belly except for three or four, and almost of them had a mustache and beard minus a few of the younger men. Michael and Maria had left grumpily, their dreams of a late night make-out session shattered in the wind like a sand castle under the waves of the Pacific.
Liz pulled me upstairs and into her bedroom where we both lay awake on her bed in silence for hours. We made out a few times, and each of us lost our uniforms and bra, but nothing beyond that. We fell asleep earlier, as we had the night before, my arms around her, her rhythmic breath lulling me to sleep.
Liz blew on the back of my neck, startling me in the backroom. “Meet me outside for your break in ten.” She lightly squeezed my ass, and I shivered. I think that I am falling in love with her, which is a surprise to me. I have only been here two weeks, her parents will be back next week, in five days to be exact, and I am dreading it. It will mean that she will have to come to my place at night, and her parents may wonder what is going on. It means no little kisses in between long breaks that extend what they should be. Michael gives me an odd look as me and Liz emerge from the backroom. We have been doing that a lot, coming and going together as we please. I stay here at night, and have not been to my hotel room in days. Liz’s parents called the other day, and said that they would be spending another week in New York to site see since they had not been able to do so on their business trip. This made me and Liz beyond ecstatic. We celebrated by closing the Crashdown early one day and spending ten hours together in bed. It was great. I think Michael knows that something is up, but he does not say a word. He seldom does to me anymore. I just hope that he keeps whatever suspicions he has to himself. I know Maria is oblivious, she is to wrapped up in Michael to barely notice anything around her anymore. Max and Isabel glare at me now, Max is jealous of all the time I am spending with Liz. Isabel is still made at me for mouthing off to her brother the week before.
In ten minutes I am outside of the Crashdown. Liz was just finishing up with a few customers, so I know that she would be late. But it will give me just enough time for a smoke. The toxin is almost finished when Liz steps outside. She glanced around, and seeing no one walks up deathly close to me. I let my cigarette fall to the ground and she stepped on it lightly, putting out it’s embers and dangerous smoke.
“You shouldn’t smoke those you know. They’ll kill you.”
“So I’ve heard.” I say. “Why do you think I call them cancer sticks?”
“Then why do you keep smoking them?”
“Why do you keep doing that thing with your mouth, where it makes you look so cute and innocent?” I ask her.
She answers me by pushing her lips onto my own. I smile beneath her and put my hands on her waist.
“Buffy?”
“Ya?”
She pulls back for a moment. “I…I think I’m in love with you.”
I kiss her and smile, but I do not say it back. She grinds into me, her hands on my bent elbows. I open my mouth slowly, letting her know that it is okay to use her tongue. I push my own into her welcoming warm mouth, and taste my cigarette scented mouth bleeding into her own. We both groan as I am pushed up against the brick ally wall. I dig my shoulder blades into it, trying to let off the pressure that is inside of me. Neither of us noticed the back door opening, we only hear it when it closes. Liz pulls away from me, and puts the back of her hand on her mouth, and we both stare into the surprised eyes of Michael Guerin.
I expect him to say something. To do something. To taunt, to tease, to make fun of, but he does nothing. He just stands there and stares at us, his eyes wide. They soon return to normal, and he smiles.
“I knew something was up between you two.”
Liz turns away from him, and licks her lips. She is afraid. In an instant she is walking past Michael and running into the Crashdown, leaving me alone with him. He stares at me, as if he expects me to say something, to do something. But I do not. I just stand there, and walk away from the wall, a foul smelling wind blowing into the ally from it’s gapping mouth like that of the whale’s from Pinocchio. It’s breeze blows my uniform at the bottom, and I wrap my arms around myself to keep warm from the blistering heat beginning to surround me. I lower my eyes before I look into his. They are full of words, some of which I wish that I did not know. I wish that he did not know. “You promise…” I begin, “you promise not to tell anyone? Please?” I am not used to begging, I am used to getting my way, but right now I do not care about that. All I want if for our secret to be kept safe. He does not answer, he does not need to. I know that he will not tell a soul, for if he does, there will be hell to pay.
I to walk past him, as my girlfriend did just moments ago. Is she really my girlfriend now? I guess so. We’ve slept together, a lot. We cuddle, and kiss, and silently make out when no one is looking. Upon entering the Crashdown, the cool air conditioned oxygen around me calms my nerves, washes away my feverish dreads. This day will be a long one – that is for sure.
It is around nine when we close up tonight, Max, Isabel, Kewpie, and Alex are still here. Me, Michael, Maria, and Liz are just finishing up wiping down the tables. Maria went off on a limb around three, and told Max and Isabel to come back at closing, and to bring Alex with them. Tess showed up with Max, he probably told her to come. His invitation to her is not welcome by anyone working here. I think Isabel and Alex are okay with it though. They all seem to get along well together. Maria pulls out a C.D. playing and hooks it up to an outlet behind the counter. Setting the player on the counter, she pulls out a handful of CD’s and puts in a mix. I hear Four Star Mary starting to play – Liz has this C.D. We danced to it one night, and I close my eyes for a moment, remembering her silky tan skin as she danced for me.
Maria is starting to dance as someone dims the lights and turns on the disco lights that Alex brought in and hooked up. Tess is sitting in a booth next to Max. On the other side of them, Alex is sitting in the corner, looking at Isabel’s back as she watches Maria dance, she smiles. Michael is sitting on a chair to Tess’s side, watching every curve of Maria’s body as she moves. She is in her working uniform, as am I, Liz, and Michael is still in his jeans and gray t-shirt that he wore to work. I do not remember seeing him discard his stained hat and apron, but he must have some time ago. Maria is pulling at me to dance with her, and I give in. I do not feel as though I belong here, but maybe hanging out with ‘the group’ will help me fit in more. I let loose and my body easily flows to music. I feel like I’m in the Bronze with Xander and Willow, or maybe even Faith, when we used to jam to the rock music. Thinking of Xander makes me want to cry, so I swallow hard and try to gaze upon the subject, or see his face through my eyes. I smile. I smile at Maria so I won’t frown, or cry, and she smiles back. I take her hands and she spins around. I laugh as she bumps into Liz and almost knocks her over. I feel like we should be giving a strip tease to the boys or something, and Maria is trying to pursue Liz to dance with us. She is rapidly shaking her head no. I wonder if she remembers how we danced to this song, and when I look at her, she blushes, and I know that she does. My body grows a little warm, and I dance over to her. I grab her hands and pull her past Maria. I dance in front of her, and she is soon swaying to the music. Kewpie Doll finally comes in, and I wish I could kill her, Liz must know me all to well, because she just laughs as I look at my enemy. She grabs my hands and spins me. I catch Michael watching us, and I know that he is looking because he wonders if we will do something, something stupid. I vow that I will not. As I pass around Liz, I whisper in her ear.
“Michael is watching us.” I tell her. She blushes and smiles, just as I expected. She looks at over to him, and raises an eyebrow in question. He looks away, not wanting to draw attention to us.
Kewpie moves her body, and I note that Max’s eyes are not on her, they are on Liz. Liz and me. But mostly Liz. I scowl at this, and so does Tess once she notices. Max does not notice any of this though, Michael does and he just holds back a laugh and smiles. I glare at him and scowl in his general direction too as Isabel comes to join us, she must be growing bored just watching. The song changes, but only into another all to familiar band. Kim Ferron. This must be one of Liz’s CD’s. We have danced to this one too. I almost laugh, but seeing her worried face makes me almost frown. I want to take her into my arms, tell her it is okay to cry, and hold her until the bright morning sun comes up and pulls us away with it’s rays of beating heat. I wish this night could last forever, and the people around us could fade away into the darkness of the shadows, never to return again, and me and Liz would be able to run off into the dying dry heat of the desert, and never return. Ever. I feel myself getting all hot and bothered, working up a low cooling sweat, it’s beads or liquid run down my neck, and the next song is a slow one. One that we did not dance too – we did other things that little girls in a perfect world should never do with one another. We all stop dancing, and Maria tries to coax Michael into dancing with her. He declines, in definite, and I suddenly feel a wave or exhaustion rolling over me. I think of Xander, and I don’t exactly know why. With out dancing, there is nothing else for me concentrate on. I sit in the back of a booth, and turn my head away from everyone, the tears in the back of my eyes breaking and spewing through the pours in my eyes. I do not sob though, just let the tears silently fall. Like an obedient dog, I look up when Maria calls my name. I forget the tears on my face, but when Liz rushes to my side, I suddenly remember then. The music is turned down, and I can feel everyone’s eyes on me. Liz cups the side of my face in her warm palm and looks at me with even warmer eyes. I helplessly smile at her and she meekly smiles back. She brushes the hair out of my hairs, a tender exchange that I’m sure only Michael and Max really take notice of. I wipe away my tears and bring my knees up to my chin, pushing Liz back just a bit, I hope she doesn’t mind. Her hand leaves my face and I feel myself blushing.
“What’s wrong, Hun?” Maria asks, sliding into the seat across from me. She puts her elbows on the table, and rests her head in her hands, her gaze fixed on me.
“It’s nothing. Just thinking.”
“About home.” Kewpie says, her voice sullen. How did she know. Our eyes meet, and suddenly, I see her in a new light. She’s not just some evil person, she’s an old soul. Someone who knows things, who knows how I feel.
“Ya. Just about…home.” I smile weakly, “About the things I left behind.”
“The boy.” Isabel interrupts, her voice holding darkness. She still dislikes me, and enjoys to see me cry. But I will not for her anymore.
“The boy,” I begin, “left me before I left him…and when I did leave him, I didn’t even stick around for his funeral.” I know my words must shock them, because the silence that was there, has now turned eerie. “So that’s why I’m really here…because my best friend died and I didn’t do a thing a stop it.” I look up into Max’s face, I hope that he feels guilty for watching me, trying to find out my secret. “I guess you can stop worrying that I’m here to find out your secrets. I’m not. I’m just here because I needed to be away. I don’t want to be your friend – because I really really don’t like you, but maybe you can at least stop staring now.” Using a short burst of energy, and the Slayer power that I vowed never to use again, I jump over the table and land on the tiled floor. They move away, like Moses parting the Red Sea, and I am Moses. I walk into the backroom, and up the familiar stairs into Liz’s house. I know that she won’t mind. I find my way into her room, and lay down on her bed, my tears soaking her sheets.
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