THE BOOK OF DAYS
‘The air - it worries. Someone... an old enemy is seeking help. Help to destroy our happy home.’
Drusilla, ‘Passion’
Part Four: The Conference
Arriving home, Joyce had felt very strongly that the house had been waiting for them. Not just for the night they had been away, but as if it had been sitting, suspending breath through a long, dry season. It was airless and close, and she had an overwhelming desire to throw all the doors and windows wide, letting the curtains billow and papers fly in the dragon exhalation of the summer wind.
Instead, she hung her handbag in the pantry then headed for the liquor cabinet. It was standing ajar, and the sideboard above carried a quarter of gin and an empty tonic bottle. She vaguely remembered the time it had taken her to drip the alcohol into the plastic bottle, concentrating carefully, not spilling a drop. Considerably more time than it had taken her to quaff it back, grimacing at its strength. She reached for a glass, then paused. Moving slowly she capped the gin bottle, replaced it in the cabinet, shut the door. Exhaled.
‘Mom? I’m going upstairs. I just want to put this stuff away, change out of these clothes.’
Still turned away from her daughter, Joyce nodded. She heard Buffy take a few steps, pause, then move away again.
Joyce sat herself down at the dining room table, head in hands. The previously familiar things around her seemed distorted, as if they had been pulled sharply in more than the usual dimensions. The colours were too bright, too garish. She folded her arms, laid her head down, willing time to stand still so she could rest.
After what seemed like only a few moments, she heard the clink of icecubes in a glass and the sound of wood on wood as a chair was pulled back She raised her head, sat back in her chair. Buffy, clad in her old Chinese robe, sat facing her with a look on her face she had never seen before. She gestured at the glass of orange juice she had placed in front of her mother.
‘Mom?’
Joyce took a sip of her drink. ‘Thank you honey. Just what I needed.’
‘We’re out of coffee.’
‘I haven’t had..time..to get any. The Detectives drank it all...I had to offer them something.’
Buffy rose from her chair again, and Joyce sighed. They had never been particularly good at these mother-daughter confrontations. Her daughter turned to the wall, pushing open a whole bank of windows that looked out onto the side pathway. ‘That’s better. It’s strange in here. Mom? You can say it. You’re angry with me.’
Joyce watched her daughter force herself to sit back down, uncomfortable and nervous.
‘No. No, I’m not angry. I may be angry later, but right now I’m just confused and tired and scared to death. And when I do get around to being angry, it’ll only be because you never told me. The rest is...perhaps..understandable.’ Her voice was bright, on the edge and she knew at any moment she could shatter like glass.
‘I wasn’t allowed to tell you.’
‘It was your decision, Buffy. But...now there are more things to worry about than how I feel...’
‘No.’ Buffy placed both elbows on the table. ‘Now we have a little time and I’m sick of all this being about me. I don’t know what’s going to happen next. I have to feel like I’m right with you now. I need your help, Mom.’
‘You never needed it before.’
‘Yes, I did. I just didn’t know how to ask for it. There are things that are happening now that wouldn’t be happening if I had ignored my first Watcher’s warnings and told you straight away. If I’d had your help.’
‘Honey, you’re just going to have to give me some time to get used to this. The vampire stuff - your friends have had almost two years to absorb it, but it’s all new to me.’
‘It’s not the vampire stuff that I need you for.’ Buffy stared at her hands, which were palm down on the table top in front of her. Her nailpolish was chipped and her nails grimy. ‘I know you probably had these parental hopes for me. You’ve always let me follow my own way, but I’m sure you’ve always wanted me to finish college, meet a nice guy with a good job, get married, have kids and live happily ever after. That sort of thing.’
‘Buffy, I’m not naive enough to still believe that things can just work out like that.’ Joyce sighed. ‘I mean, look at your father and I.’
‘But you’ve had hopes.’
Joyce nodded. ‘How could I not have had hopes for my little girl? Buffy, most of all I’ve just wanted you to be happy. And now I’m wondering how you could possibly have been happy for the last few years.’
‘It’s not my job to be happy. I slay so other people can be safe and happy. But.....I have been happy. That’s the problem - maybe I shouldn’t have. I was beginning to be happy with Angel.’
‘Angel.’
‘Yes. Mom, if I could change things, if I could go back and do things another way around, I......’ She stopped, confused. The breeze coming through the open windows lifted tendrils of her hair around her face and she bushed them impatiently to the side. ‘I don’t know what I would do. I don’t know how to feel. Mom, I’m going to have a baby. How should I feel? Forget everything else. How should I feel?’
‘I can’t answer that for you, honey. I can only listen.’
‘Because I want this baby. When I think about it I feel...angry...rage...I don’t know. Like it’s me against the entire world just for the baby. And it hasn’t even been a day yet, and already the whole my whole universe has pulled in around this baby. And that’s not fair to you because you don’t even know about the old universe.’
‘You’re right. And it’s my job now to find out. Because I’m your mother. Because I love you. And you should feel...however you feel.’
Buffy was silent. She lifted her own orange juice and took a sip. Joyce sighed.
‘Look - I know something bad is in progress at the moment. And I know that something has to be done about it. All your friends, and those F.B.I. agents are coming here in three hours. Until then, let’s just leave it. Have a rest, a shower, get ready for this...conference. Try and relax. I’ll do the same. Just have some time to think. Okay?’
Buffy nodded slowly, then her face brightened for a second. ‘Wait. I know. Stay here a second.’ She stood up and headed out of the room. In a minute she was back, bearing a small book. ‘Here. It might hurt, and it might not be easy to read, but it’ll get you filled right in.’
‘Your diary! Honey, I couldn’t.’
‘I’m asking you to. It’s the last three years. I don’t have Giles’s diary - his Watcher’s diary - but he may let you read that as well.’
‘I’m not sure about this.’ She made a gesture towards the book. ‘Surely...’
‘Mom, please.’
Joyce took the proffered book. ‘Okay. Alright.’
‘I’m going to go and have a nap. And a shower. Mom?’ Joyce looked up at her daughter, seeing for the first time in a long time the fragility of the young woman she had brought into the world. She had lost weight, and her collarbones showed, small and fragile.
‘I didn’t want to hurt you. Or frighten you. And I’m sorry.’ Before her mother could answer, she turned and quickly left the room.
As Buffy fled up the stairs, Joyce laid the small book on the table. She looked at it for a long time, then finally opened it. Turning to the front page, she began to read.
###
The sun was strong, even filtered through the leaves of the trees outside the Summers’ residence, and Willow felt it striking her shoulders and the backs of her legs as she walked with Xander up the path towards the front door. It was a glad feeling, not just for the warmth and the promise of summer, but the deep realisation that longer days meant shorter nights. On the Hellmouth, that was a good thing.
‘We’re early.’
‘It doesn’t look like anyone’s home.’ Xander said as they reached the front door, but he thumbed the bell anyway, stepping back and running a wry glance over his friend. ‘I hear someone managed the double bed thing last night. So it’s sleeping together now, huh?’
‘We did not sleep together! Oz was very gentlemanly. As he always is. I slept underneath and he was on top.’ Xander burst out laughing, Willow glaring daggers at him until she had thought back over her words. ‘Oh..oh Xander! You’re a sick puppy. I meant of the blankets. I was under the blankets, he was...over them. Oh...shut up!’
She was about to whack him when the door opened and Joyce appeared. She had loosely tied her hair back and had obviously been crying. She was wearing an old, frilled apron over her slacks and blouse.
‘Oh! Willow, Xander - come in, come in.’ The two teens followed her inside and stood by the door as she gestured up the stairs. ‘Buffy’s just having a quick shower. She should be down soon. I’m just...I’ve just been washing dishes, I thought everybody might want some lunch when they got here...I don’t know if you’ve eaten.’
Xander opened his mouth to answer but Willow elbowed him none too subtly in the ribs. ‘We’re fine, Mrs Summers. We grabbed something at home. Don’t go to any trouble.’
Xander looked around the hallway. ‘Is Buffy...is she okay? When I woke up you were both gone...’
‘She’s...well, you better talk to her. We didn’t want to wake you three up after your long night. We thought it’d be best just to come home and.....have a talk...’
Willow’s face became wreathed with concern. ‘Mrs Summers...we’re really sorry about everything. You must be..um...upset that none of us told you what was going on.....’ She trailed off, and gave Xander a sideways glance. He was looking at his shoes, a suitably abject expression on his face.
‘No. In fact, I think I have to thank both of you. Buffy...she gave me her diary to read. I have to thank you for being there for her when I wasn’t. For saving her life.’
Willow brightened up immediately. ‘Well...well...she did...save us. A lot. A very lot. So sometimes we...’
‘Like to return the favour.’ Xander finished. ‘But we are really sorry, Mrs Summers.’
She nodded. ‘Buffy just has to...give me time, I guess. I just need some time.’
Willow gave her a shy smile. ‘Well, there’ll be lots of time.’
Joyce didn’t notice the worried look that passed between the two teens as she ushered them towards the stairs.
###
‘She gave her Mom her diary? Wow, Will, that’s total share mode.’ He smiled. ‘Maybe it’s about time. I never really felt right about Mrs Summers not knowing. Well, on the occasions I thought about it.’
The two teens had gone upstairs to find Buffy. They were now at the top of the stairs, headed towards her room. Her door was slightly ajar and he raised his hand to knock.
‘No. Wait...’ Willow grabbed his sleeve, pulling him back away from the doorway. He turned to her, and on her face he saw a look of both compassion and sadness. ‘Don’t..’ He followed Willow’s gaze, and suddenly felt like an intruder. Her hand pinched down hard on his forearm.
Through the gap in the doorway, the pair could see Buffy, standing in front of the mirror, studying herself intently. She was clad only in a cropped white singlet and cotton boxer shorts. Her hair was wet, obviously fresh from the shower, and she, like her mother, had pulled it back messily to get it out of her face. She had been crying. Xander pulled backwards, his sense of good form overcoming the wonder he felt, but Willow squeezed his arm, again staying his movement.
Buffy’s hands strayed to her stomach and lingered there. In the mirror Xander watched her expression slowly change, a look of wonder crossing her features, to be followed by what could only be described as savage determination.
Beside him, Willow exhaled audibly. The pair watched Buffy cross to the foot of her bed, where she’d laid out some clothes. She stepped into a pair of loose sweatpants, making sure they were slung low at the hips. As she straightened up, she seemed to hear something, and crossed to the window, looking out into the early afternoon sun. Her hands strayed to her stomach again, and she smiled. She picked up the remote for her stereo and pressed a few buttons. A song that Xander didn’t recognise filled the room. A driving beat backing a piano and electronic music, with a female voice that Xander felt he should know but couldn’t name. As they watched, Buffy began to dance.
Xander stepped back again, away from the door, shaking his head. This time, Willow grabbed him by the waist, holding him still. She leaned against him, her head against his shoulder, and he was forced into immobility.
Buffy danced - circles, spins, her arms held high. Xander could sense her feelings through her movements - frustration, fear, joy and confusion.
...know the chill, know she breaks...my siren...
As she danced, tears began once again to roll down her cheeks. Willow murmured something, and he bent down to hear her.
....reach high...doesn’t mean she’s holy...
‘It’s like the Rainbow - Anna dancing for joy of her baby.’ He looked puzzled and she continued. ‘D.H. Lawrence - never mind.’
As the song came to and end, Buffy sank down onto the bed, face in hands. Willow let go of Xander, and knocking on the door as she passed through the doorway, sat down beside her friend, taking her in her arms.
###
‘Alright. I call this meeting to order.’ Giles spoke up from the head of the table in the Summer’s living room where the nine had gathered. He was nervous, and his gaze constantly flickered from Buffy to Joyce to the notes in front of him.
‘For real?’ Cordelia pouted. ‘How come Giles gets to be the chair-talker-person-thing?’ The Watcher silenced her with a look.
‘We will run this as a meeting, because we’ve got a lot to talk about and not much time. Not everyone knows everything that has happened so the best thing is to go over the four main problems that we have. I...I talked to Mr Mulder and Dr Scully here after they came back from the police station, and apparently we have a problem on that front.’ He looked at Mulder, who placed a piece of paper in the middle of the table. Joyce picked it up, and began to read as the agent spoke.
‘We went down to Sunnydale P.D. this morning to find out what was going on. Buffy’s case has been scaled up.’ He frowned, and turned towards the Slayer. ‘Unfortunately this is partly our fault. Because we didn’t have you with us Detective Daniels feels that you have escaped federal custody. In an effort to cover his ass, despite our assurances that we have clearing evidence, Daniels wants to begin a manhunt.’ He shook his head and gave a derisive snort. ‘That man is a real piece of work. The case jurisdiction is now exclusively F.B.I, and he wants to start looking for a suspect even he doesn’t think is guilty. As if he doesn’t have enough to do in this town. We do have enough evidence to clear Buffy, if you all make a statement, but unfortunately that will require the luxury of time. Maybe more than a week before it’s all officially cleared up.’
Joyce put the warrant back on the table and hid her face in her hands. The room was silent. Mulder collected his thoughts, and continued.
‘This is highly irregular, but Scully and I discussed it, and we recommend that Buffy leave town until she can be cleared of all charges. Daniels isn’t going to stop now until he’s found her - there’s something highly suspicious about this man’s actions. The other detectives seem a little embarrassed. I don’t know why they haven’t come here yet - most people running from the law will eventually return home.’
‘Um, that would be me.’ Willow looked up in amazement. ‘Can I interrupt?’ When Giles nodded she went on, wonder in her voice. ‘Last night when Oz got back we cast a glamour over Giles’ house and Buffy’s house so that no one who meant Buffy harm could find them. It made me so exhausted, I didn’t think it had worked. Oz was a big help though.’ She smiled at her tired boyfriend, who was listening intently to the conversation.
‘That was excellent thinking, Willow.’ Giles looked surprised. ‘You must tell me later how you did it. Is there anything else, Mr Mulder?’
‘Yes.’ Scully spoke up. ‘We realise that there are more urgent things than getting Buffy out of Sunnydale, but if and when it happens, we recommend travelling inland by car. Any other way is too easy for Daniels and his men to track. We’ve talked about it, and decided that if it is decided she should leave, Mulder can take her. I’ll stay here and work out of the police station to call off the manhunt.’ Mulder whispered something in her ear, and she nodded.
‘The rest of you will need to stay here so I can get your statements. That means Buffy will have to go alone.’
‘No. You don’t need a statement from me and my daughter is not going anywhere without me.’ Joyce placed her hand down on top of Buffy’s. ‘Not when there’s so much trouble around.’
Scully nodded. ‘Of course. Okay, that’s a party of three. You should leave as quickly as possible.’ She looked at Giles. ‘Next?’
‘Yes. The next problem is also somewhat bureaucratic in nature, but may, in the end, cause a lot of trouble. I finally managed to get through to the members of the Watcher’s Council this morning at school. The good news is that a new Slayer has been called since Kendra’s death. None of us were sure if that would happen with Buffy very much alive. The bad news is that they haven’t found her yet. They have performed a ritual of Finding, and know she is in Portugal. The closest Watcher has been sent there, from..um..France, I think, but she has had no luck finding her. However they assure me it will only be a matter of days. Having two Slayers takes the urgency out of the process, in a way.’
‘A Slayer in Europe. That’s good. Will I be able to meet her, Giles?’ Buffy had perked up at the mention of a new Slayer, and Willow saw her smile for the first time since the meeting began.
‘Perhaps..perhaps one day. I will try and get her sent here as soon as she is found, but it will take some swift talking. The Hellmouth may actually be on our side this once. I also informed the Council about the situation here. As standing head of the Council, I am not bound to accept...’
‘You’re in charge of the Council?’ Xander was surprised.
‘Well, yes, I am Watcher to the current Slayer, and because I have to assess each situation from that point of view, I am bound to lead the Council. It is tradition.’ He took off his glasses and wiped his brow. ‘The Council has advised me to ensure that Buffy’s pregnancy is terminated as soon as possible.’
There was a shocked silence. Xander looked at Buffy, who had sat up straighter. A look of anger was passed over her face, to be replaced by the same look of grim determination that he had seen in her bedroom. Joyce was about to speak when Giles raised himself from his chair, and moved around the table so he was behind his Slayer. His hands on her shoulders, he continued. ‘I will do no such thing. I know how Buffy feels about this. The Council of Watchers has a tendency to look at the Slayer more as their property than a person. Buffy has taught me how wrong that is. And it is Buffy who has to make that decision, in consultation with her mother. A much as being the Slayer is your sacred duty, Buffy, I do believe that your duty as a human being is greater.’
‘However, this means we cannot expect any support or help from the council in the near future. I will try to get the new Slayer sent here, but I think it will depend entirely on whom her Watcher is. I do have friends among the Council.’
‘How come you haven’t told us much about the Council before?’ Willow was barely disguising her anger - not Giles thought, at him, but at the circumstances that they found themselves in.
‘I admit, I have made a mistake in not telling you all, especially you, Buffy. The Council is currently in disarray, and has been for the tenure of the last dozen slayers, some thirty-five years, since before I started training. There were two factions, it ripped the Council apart, and the current Slayer was caught in..in the crossfire, so to speak. There has been very little improvement. The main problem is lack of communication. Us not knowing about Kendra or she about Buffy is a case in point. I can only hope things improve soon.’
Xander sat back in his chair. ‘This is all very interesting, but I think we’re forgetting our main problem. Acathla. Angel. Sucked into hell. Ring any bells?’
‘Yes, Xander, you’re quite right. Willow placed a binding spell on the demon two days ago, which could break at any time, leaving Angel or any other vampire free to perform the ritual and open the vortex. This morning Cordelia and I went through a lot of books, looking for information on how to stop Acathla.’
‘Is there a way to do it for good?’ This was the first time Oz had spoken, and the others looked at him in surprise.
‘Apparently, yes. Cordelia?’
Cordelia sat up straighter and gave Willow a haughty look. ‘Acathla was killed by a mediaeval knight, who stuck a sword through his heart, turning him to stone, right?’ Giles nodded. ‘Okay, well this guy was really sloppy, because if he had, like, thought about it, he could have gotten a sledgehammer and broke Acathla up so no one could wake him up again. But no, he had to go bury him in the ground. Not so clever.’
‘It was the accepted way with dealing with such things at the time.’ Giles explained. ‘However, what Cordelia has said is correct. Destruction of the actual physical form of the demon while it is dormant should kill it for good. Supposedly, when this has been achieved, the sword should disappear as an indication that the vortex is eternally closed. When I read this I was very surprised, as I did not expect it to be that simple. However, getting it done may prove not to be simple at all.’
‘But that’s what we have to do. What I have to do. This was Angel’s little plan, and Angel is my problem.’
‘I think Angel is everybody’s problem.’ Xander said.
Buffy planted her elbows on the table. ‘It’s time for me to deal. I can only see three outcomes here, because I won’t have Angel out there anymore. Either we curse him properly - and the curse Willow used the night you guys were attacked is ruined, I kill him, or he kills me. Those have really been the choices all along. If we keep on like we’ve been doing, more people are gonna die.’
Xander nodded slowly. ‘So go kill him.’
Joyce had been looking at her daughter in horror. ‘You’re not going to fight him, surely? Buffy, you’re...’
‘Pregnant, I know. But I’m also the Slayer and responsible for Angel’s condition. I can fight. I’m not sick. ‘
‘I don’t like it, Buffy.’ Giles said. ‘You would be putting yourself, and your child, in grave danger.’
‘Just like I was three nights ago. Giles, we can’t go on like this. He has to go down.’
Giles wiped his brow again. ‘Alright. Enough discussion, I think. I now simply look for each person to put forward what they think should be done. Of course, Buffy will have to have the final say, but I would appreciate the input of each of you from your particular perspective. We’ll just go clockwise, shall we? Willow?’
The redhead teen looked first at Xander, then Buffy, then stared resolutely at the table ahead of her as she spoke.
‘I want to try the curse again. Without interruption this time. I think I can do it, but it’s gonna take a few days to get back to the point we were at. The disk is damaged and the printouts were ruined in the fight. The ritual should be easy enough to salvage, but....I wanna take the loophole out...’
Xander looked appalled ‘Give the man a chance to live forever, nice ‘n’ happy. Fuck it. You guys take forgiveness a little too literally.’
‘Be quiet Xander! You’ll get your turn, we all know how you feel. Let Willow talk.’ Giles was angry at the boy’s lack of control, but not as much so as Willow. She rounded on Xander furiously.
‘Xander, would you just forget for one minute about your stupid hate for Angel and concentrate on something else! Something important, maybe - like Buffy’s baby!? We all know you’ve always hated Angel, even though he’s saved your life - and mine, and Buffy’s - many times over. Now we have a chance to save Angel from the demon that’s doing all these terrible things to him, and us, and you can’t even differentiate between Angel the person and the demon that killed him. You can’t get past the fact that he managed to get Buffy and you never could. You are a sore loser, and you’re eaten up with jealousy. And I’m going to regret yelling at you later because you are my friend and I don’t normally do things like this but I’m riled now so you better just shut the hell up!’
There was silence at the table. Both Buffy and Xander looked down at their hands, unwilling to meet anyone’s eyes. Joyce looked appalled, as did Cordelia who was looking between Willow and Xander like a tennis umpire. Willow cleared her throat, sighed, and then began to speak again in a low voice that carried a sense of urgency.
‘Giles and I can work on the restoration spell until the loophole is removed. It may take a week or longer, but once its done, Angel will remain a vampire with a soul forever. No turning back. That’s all I’m going to say. I can do it, but it will take time.’
‘Willow - I wish that could happen. I do. But we don’t have the time.’ Buffy was getting quite upset. ‘He’ll be angry, and he will come after you guys, and I couldn’t stand it.’
‘Buffy, please, I know this is hard, but we have to hear everyone out. Oz?’
‘I don’t have much to say. I’ll help where I can, but I’m completely out of my league here. I never really knew Angel before he was the bad guy, but if Will says that we can get him back, I’m on her side. I’ll do what I’m told. I’m just worried that this binding thing’s gonna break and all of a sudden torture-like activities are gonna start happening. So, I dunno. I await instruction, I guess.’
Willow leaned over and kissed him gently on the forehead, and he blushed slightly. Giles, however, had moved on to the next speaker, and no one saw the red cast creeping up into his face. ‘Cordelia?’
‘I just want this finished so I can get my summer vacation started. But I’m also thinking, if the police are looking for Buffy, she should really skip Sunnydale. No offence.’ she added, looking at Mulder and Scully. ‘I’m done.’
‘Dr Scully?’
Scully shook her head slowly, and telegraphed Mulder a look. He nodded, and spoke up. ‘We can’t really say anything, apart from that we will provide any help we can. My offer to take Buffy and Joyce east still stands.’
‘Xander?’
‘Destroy Acathla, kill Angel. There’s no other choice. If Buffy won’t do it, I will.’
‘Xander, don’t be an idiot. Angel would wipe the floor with you. And you have a broken arm.’ Cordelia sounded scared and angry, and her boyfriend reached out his good arm to take her hand.
Buffy stood, pushing her chair back. ‘You won’t have to. You’re right. We have no choice.’ She turned to Giles. ‘I’ll hit Crawford street this evening, before sundown. If I can get in and out and destroy the stone demon without having to fight. I will. But if I have to fight, I’ll fight to kill - Drusilla, Spike, anything else that gets in my way.’ She looked at Xander. ‘If I have to kill Angel, I will.’
‘You’ve said that before.’
‘This time I’m not going to be fighting to buy time. We know this is going to take days, at least. But I have to give him the chance. If it comes down to me or him, he’s dust. But otherwise...Willow? Am I a fool?’
Willow shook her head sadly.
‘Then I have to come with you. You’ll need backup.’ Giles approached her, and she took a step back.
‘No. If I don’t make it, Willow will need you.’
Joyce clasped her hands together. ‘I don’t like this at all.’
‘I’ll come.’ Xander’s voice was low and quiet. ‘Giles is right, Buff. You need backup.’
Mulder and Scully shared a glance. ‘I’ll will too.’ Scully said.
‘And me. We’re trained to fight, and the guns might come in handy.’ Mulder sighed and leant back in his chair to observe the Slayer, who was looking at her Watcher. He nodded.
Buffy closed her eyes briefly, then opened them. ‘Alright. But you all have to do what I say. _Exactly_. Because otherwise, you’ll die.’
###
End of Part Four.
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