It's so weird seeing her like this.
Since Buffy's illusion spell still only works for an hour or two at a time -- Willow and Tara are working on a stronger one, but they haven't cracked it yet -- she has to save it for when she really needs it. So I eat, gossip, pillow-fight, and watch movies with a girl who looks just like Faith.
Except it's not Faith. It's Buffy, all the way. A few days ago she told me about the time Giles was turned into a demon, and how she was able to recognize him by looking into his eyes, and how disappointed she was that he wasn't able to do the same when Faith stole her body.
Well, I didn't really get much of a chance to see Buffy in Faith's body then, or vice versa, but I know I would've known. It's not just the eyes, it's the way her hands move, the way she walks, sits, talks . . . it's Buffy. A dark-haired, dark-eyed, built-like-a-Las-Vegas-slut-machine Buffy, but Buffy.
It was a little strange, the first few times I hugged her. And I still freak out a little sometimes when I get up in the morning and go to Buffy's room, and find this dark-haired girl in Buffy's bed, but I'm learning to deal.
" . . . so Willow and Tara joined hands, and Willow said, 'Pecunia' and the demon shrank down to about half-size. You could've kicked his butt!" Buffy is saying with a snicker.
I smirk. What an opening. "So, let me come the next time you're up against one of these V'lahta demons, and let me do the butt-kicking! I'm tired of being left at home all the time while you patrol!"
She shakes her head. "Uh-uh, Dawnie. I know you wanna be a Scooby, and I'm willing to let you help out on the research, but I don't want you getting into the fighting. You saw how I looked when I came home Wednesday night? And I have Slayer healing -- a normal person would've been in the hospital for a week with the beating I took."
Doesn't she get it? "I know, Buffy, but with one more person to back you up, you wouldn't have had to take such a beating! Without Xander-" Oh no. Me and my big mouth.
Her face has gone absolutely white. I rush over to her, crying, "imsorryimsorryimsorry." I feel so awful. It's been two weeks since Buffy body-switched with Faith, and he still only comes out of his apartment to work and buy groceries. He doesn't visit us, or Willow and Tara, or Giles -- he doesn't go out at all. When we come to visit him, it's like seeing a half-finished Xander-bot. It looks like Xander, but there's no jokes, no smiles, no life.
Oh God -- Buffy's crying. I made my sister cry.
I hug her and try to tell her everything's gonna be okay, but I know I wouldn't believe me if I heard me saying that, so why should she? So I stop talking, and just wait for her to cry herself out.
When she's stopped, I pull back a little and look at her. God, am I finally gonna say this? "Are you gonna tell him?"
She blinks at me and hiccups, "Who? What?"
God, I can't believe it. Faith was right. She really is clueless. "Are you gonna tell Xander that you love him?"
She just stares at me with her mouth hanging open like a dead fish. And on that thought, ewww. "Dawnie, what are you talking about, I don't-"
I can't stand to listen to more of the usual Buffy denials, so I cut her off. "Buffy, I've seen the way you look at him when we visit. You cry whenever anyone says his name. Face it, sis, you've got it bad. I should know, after all, I've had it just as bad for a long time."
She's biting her lip. Maybe she's willing to admit it. "Even if you're right-"
Oh yeah! Who's the master?
"-which I'm not saying you are . . . I couldn't say anything right now. The last thing he needs is for me to lay something like that on him."
"Are you kidding me? This might be the one thing that could bring him out of this funk he's in! After five years, he could finally snag the girl of his dreams, the girl he's worshipped from afar for as long as he's known her . . . "
She snorts. "You've been reading Mom's old romance novels, haven't you?"
Well, so what?
"Dawnie . . . " Her shoulders slump. "I can't do it, Dawnie. I . . . I'm afraid."
"Afraid? Afraid of what? Xander?" I snort.
"No, Dawnie. Of the Buffy Curse."
What is she going on about now? "The what?"
"You know what I mean, Dawnie. I end up driving guys away. Angel left because he thought he couldn't give me what I needed. Riley left because he thought I didn't need him enough. Xander . . . Xander's always been there to help me pick up the pieces of my life when I get dumped. But who's gonna be there for me when I finally drive him away?"
God, she can be such a dimwit! "Buffy, he's stuck around all this time, I think he would've left by now if he was going to."
She looks like she's gonna cry again. "Dawnie . . . I can't! I'm so afraid. It hurt so much when Angel left me. And Riley . . . it hurt when he left, it hurt a lot . . . but I think I hurt him even more than he hurt me. And I don't know what would be worse, if Xander hurt me . . . or if I hurt him. After what he's been through, with Anya dying . . . " The tears have started up again. "If I broke his heart, I would never be able to forgive myself."
Oh God, I hate seeing her cry like this! Someday I should really learn to keep my big mouth shut!
But as Giles says, in for a penny, in for a pound. "Buffy, Xander would never hurt you. You know that. And . . . God, how could you hurt him any more than he is now? His heart's broken already. He's not getting any better -- someone has to push him into living again. Willow's tried everything; she even put 'A Charlie Brown Christmas' on and tried to get him to do the Snoopy Dance with her. Nothing. Faith couldn't get a rise out of him, and I expected him to pee his pants the moment he saw her. You're the only one who's got a chance at snapping him out of this."
She still looks unconvinced.
"Buffy, Xander once told me all about his 'You're my hero' speech. Faith was right; he doesn't just love you, he worships you. If you go to him and tell him how you feel about him, I guarantee it'll make a difference."
She looks down at her feet; oh God, I think I finally won an argument with Buffy! "I . . . I'll go visit Xander. I don't know what I'll say to him . . . but I'll go see him."
I nod, and I give her a hug before we go off to bed . . . and as soon as the door to my bedroom is closed, I start jumping and dancing all 'round the place!
Yes! Score one for the Key-girl!
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