Giles was pleased to hear a British accent come from the next examination area over. Stuck as he was in Sunnydale, he rarely got an opportunity to interact with fellow countrymen (Spike, Drusilla and Ethan Rayne notwithstanding). So he couldn’t resist the chance for a quick chat.
He was as surprised as anyone when the curtain whipped back and he and Buffy saw, in addition to Ms. Moon, a shocked Frasier Crane as well as two other gentlemen.
He was even more surprised when both Dr. Crane and Ms. Moon yelled out at the same time, “It’s her!” while pointing to Buffy.
Ms. Moon and Dr. Crane looked at each other, and along with the older of the two other men said, “It’s who?”
They both pointed back at Buffy and said in unison, “It’s her!”
Buffy blinked and said, “Who’s me?”
Dr. Crane overrode Ms. Moon and, shaking his fist, pointed at Buffy as though she were a particularly venomous species of sea snake and said, “That’s the woman who shoved me aside in the alleyway!”
The older man said, “Okay, lady, look, I don’t know what your game is but I don’t appreciate you manhandling my son.” He took a couple of steps forward and raised his cane.
Giles got down off the examination table and said, “I assure you, Buffy did not ‘manhandle’ your son.”
“You most certainly did! You approached me to ask a question and pushed me into a wall!”
Buffy blinked. “I barely touched you.”
Then the other man spoke up. “Excuse me. Mr. Giles, was it?” Giles nodded. “You were there?” Giles nodded again. He turned to Dr. Crane and said, “You never said anything about there being anyone else there, Frasier.”
“So it was a tag-team assault instead of a solo one, Niles. Does that really matter so much?” Dr. Crane spluttered.
“I don’t believe it,” Niles said.
“What? Don’t believe these two accosted me?”
“No, you just used the phrase ‘tag-team’.” Dr. Crane threw up his hands. “Besides, if you were wrong about that couldn’t you have been wrong about the young lady’s perceived assault?”
Buffy said, “Yeah, I bumped into him. I’m sorry,” she told Dr. Crane. “But there was someplace I needed to get to and you weren’t exactly hauling ass on my excuse mes.”
“We were in the middle of a conversation when you suddenly decided that there was something far more interesting down the alley. You barely gave me time –“
Giles said firmly, “She gave you two chances and at least thirty seconds. I hardly see what the trouble is.”
Dr. Crane’s father said, “Gotta tell ya, Frazhe, I think you kind of blew this out of proportion.”
“I’m inclined to agree,” Niles said.
“If you’d like,” Giles said, “We could always find that woman you were with and ask her for an independent viewpoint.”
Dr. Crane sighed. “No, I can see I’m outnumbered here. And I suppose it’s POSSIBLE – I stress, POSSIBLE – it might be barely possible –“
“That you’ll finish this sentence sometime in the foreseeable future?” Niles asked.
Shooting him a look of pure venom, Dr. Crane continued, “No. It’s POSSIBLE I might have misinterpreted her actions.”
“Thank you,” Buffy said.
“Which,” Dr. Crane went on triumphantly, “Still doesn’t explain why you pushed me aside to rush off into an alleyway!”
“You’re right,” Giles said steadily. “It doesn’t.” Then he stepped past the fuming Dr. Crane and extended his hand to Niles, then to the father. “My name’s Rupert Giles.”
“Marty Crane.”
“Niles Crane.”
Buffy went through and shook hands as well; then Giles said, “And I already know your name, Miss Moon.”
“Well, it’s about time,” she said. “I was beginning to wonder if any of you had remembered I was still in the room.” Everyone looked at her curiously. “In case any of you great intellects don’t remember, I shouted the exact same thing as Dr. Crane did, at the exact same time.”
“My apologies, Miss Moon,” Giles said. “Dr. Crane has a rather . . . forceful personality.”
“He’s a loudmouth,” was Buffy’s less charitable assessment.
Giles said, though not very sincerely, “Buffy, that’s not very nice. You shouldn’t have said that.”
“If she hadn’t I was going to,” Marty said. When Frasier gave him a hurt look Marty said, “Oh, knock it off. You’ve been behaving like a jackass and you know it. I was wondering about what Daphne said myself.”
“Thank you, Mr. Crane,” Daphne said. “In any event, what I meant was that that was the young woman I saw in my vision." She looked at Niles. "The one who’d help you with your problem with Mrs. Crane.”
Giles and Buffy’s heads had both shot up at the word vision; at the mention of the name Maris, Giles said, “That is indeed the woman we were trying to locate. Have you an idea as to her whereabouts?”
“As far as I know she’s still living at the mansion,” Frasier said. “Is that all you wanted -- to get in touch with my hopefully future ex sister-in law?”
“Yup, sums it up,” Buffy said. “We need to see her about some makeup she bought down in Sunnydale.” Niles looked up thoughtfully at this.
Frasier turned to Daphne. “Did your vision perhaps tell you that Maris was going to be killed off by the Avon Lady?”
“Not at all,” Daphne said seriously. “It just said that this young woman would encounter Mrs. Crane and then she wouldn’t be a bother to us anymore. I saw nothing whatsoever about makeup.”
Throwing up his hands, Frasier said, “Well, then, that explains it.” Then he looked at Buffy and said sarcastically, “Do the two of you perhaps work for the FDA’s covert operations division? Has Maris used enough concealer that she’s become a threat to the environment?”
Then, surprisingly, Niles said, “Frasier, that’s enough.”
“Don’t tell me you believe what Daphne’s saying,” Frasier said incredulously.
“That doesn’t matter,” Niles said. “What matters is that these two have business with Maris and I for one do not intend to stand in the way of anyone who might give her grief. If the two of you will follow me I would be delighted to give you directions.” Then, without saying another word, he left the room. Buffy and Giles said hasty goodbyes to the flustered Dr. Crane, the bemused Marty Crane and the somewhat triumphant Daphne Moon and then hurried after him.
Outside the hospital, Niles Crane stopped and said, “You have to promise me one thing.”
“What?” Buffy asked.
“You have to promise not to kill Maris.”
Faking confusion, Giles said, “Why on Earth would we want to kill her?”
“Don’t pretend. Please. I know perfectly well why you’re here; I knew as soon as you mentioned the city and the makeup. Maris has been ordering her ‘special makeup’ from Sunnydale, California for the last seven years.”
The thought struck Giles. “So you know.” It wasn’t phrased as a question.
Dr. Crane answered anyway. “That Maris is a vampire? Of course.”
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