The next morning, when Buffy woke, her back felt much better. She quickly dressed and went downstairs.
Spike was in the kitchen drinking blood. “Morning Pet,” he said, smiling.
Buff smiled. “Hi. Thanks for taking care of me last night,” she said, going over to him.
Spike finished his blood and rinsed out the mug. “How’s your back?”
“Better,” she said. “Um, Spike. I think we need to talk and it’s really important.”
“Okay,” Spike said, trying not to show how afraid he was.
Buffy took his hand and led him up to her room.
Spike sat on the edge of her bed and Buffy locked her bedroom door.
“I’m not mad or anything but I wanna talk about some things that have been on my mind,” Buffy said, wringing her hands nervously. “Things have been really good between us. We’ve begun to get close and we talk a lot. Most of the stuff we talk about is about the girls and training, but really haven’t talked about us. I know you still love me but there’s more to it then that.” She paused and looked at him. “You know I care about you right?” She asked, softly.
Spike nodded. “Yeah, I do,” he whispered.
Buffy smiled a little. “Spike, when you first told me you love me, I was so scared. I was taught that vampires couldn’t love. Not without souls. Angel told me that and proved it. When he became Angelus, he was a killer. You were a killer and you still are, but you choose not to. You got the chip but you changed because of me. Maybe not at the time, but when I accepted you, you changed. I looked at you now, a man with a soul who loves me more then anything. When I met you, you were cocky, annoying, mean, and you were a soulless killer. You tried everything in your power to kill me but it didn’t work and for some reason I couldn’t kill you either. If you look at it from a different perspective, it’s a good thing. Our best and worst of times have been with each other. I lose mom and you were here. So many bad things happened to you, mostly because of me, but I was still there,” she said.
“Last year was very bad and unhealthy. It was my fault, and you were only trying to help. I realize now after everything that happened, that nothing that happened was your fault. It was real and I didn’t feel something. I pushed you to sleep with Anya and to try and rape me. If I had stopped to realize what I was doing, we would have been together the way it was supposed to be. No one except me knew why I was the way I was. I died, Spike. I didn’t come back. Not really. The Buffy you fell in love with, was gone. And you didn’t care. You still loved what came back. You love me with everything in you. No matter what I did to you, you let me come back to get whatever I needed. You didn’t leave until you hurt me. After everything I did to you, you still stayed. I needed you to stay and when you left, I realized how much it hurt you to do that. I tried to hate you but I couldn’t.
“Then I saw you in the school basement and I couldn’t believe that you came back.” She wiped the tears away from her cheeks and noticed the unshed tears in his eyes. “I want more then what we have. I don’t know if that’s what you want but I want to try again. And it wouldn’t be like it was before, but if you don’t want to, I wouldn’t blame you.”
Spike stood up and went over to her. He took her hands in his and squeezed them gently. “Buffy, I love you more then anything in the world, but if you’re not absolutely sure, then I’m not gunna try,” he said.
Buffy sniffled. “Spike, I really wanna do this. I’m going out of my mind without you so yeah, I’m sure,” she said, meeting his intense gaze.
Spike let go of her hands to wipe away a few more tears that were making their way down her face. He looked into her eyes and saw the sincerity there. He leaned down and gently pressed his lips against hers.
Buffy snaked her arms around his neck and whimpered softly.
Spike pulled away slightly at her whimper but moved back in when she unconsciously followed his lips.
He scooped her up and carried her to the bed where he laid her down. He laid down over her and continued to kiss her.
Buffy reluctantly tore her lips away from his to breathe.
Spike raised himself up on his arms to look at her. “You okay?”
Buffy nodded but had no air to breathe.
Spike rolled off of her and laid next to her.
Buff smiled as he wrapped an arm around her waist and rested his head over her heart.
She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and rested her other arm on his. “This is nice,” she said.
“Yes it is,” Spike agreed.
Buffy kissed his hair softly. “I was planning on giving the girls the day off, so we have all day to ourselves,” she said.
“That sounds good,” Spike said, entwining his fingers with hers.
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