Disclaimer page one R&R!!!!
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“Better?”
“Better.” Autum scootches back down until she’s laying on the bed, flat. Spike climbs back into bed, and Autum yelps as the frigid air nips at her bare skin. She loves him with all her heart, and she knows that she only has half of his. But she’s willing to share, if the Slayer is as well. Autum leans into Spike and watches his chest rise and fall as he drifts back to sleep. She pulls her lover tighter to her and squeezes. Because this time she won’t be the fool that lets him go. This time she’d damn the Powers, and take what she wanted before she split. She leans over and kisses him before she gets out of bed.
~~~~~~~
“Now, one more time… where’s the boy of mine?” Dru asks the redheaded witch sitting on her bed. “The stars told me… they whisper the secrets of the ancients in my head. I hear that they tell me you know where he is.”
“The Essence, find her you’ll find him.” Willow tells the insane vampire. No telling what she’d do without Spike to restrain her.
“Good!” Dru clapped her hands together, “Not the rain… or is she…” She picks up a doll, “What do we think, Miss Edith?” She nods at the doll and slaps Willow, “She says the Autum has my boy, the rain has washed him away after all?"”
“Autum? That’s the Essence.” Willow tells her accidentally.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Buffy slammed her door on her way in. Pike sticks his head out of his own room and goes to knock on Buffy’s door. Buffy opens it and Pike sees a suitcase being packed. “Leaving so soon?”
“Got a place I need to be.” Buffy returns to packing her stuff.
“Right, and this has nothing to do with that asshole leaving.” He rolls his eyes at her. “Same old story, Buff.”
Buffy turns in his face, “I’m taking a hit on a missing person’s case. I’m a detective and I had myself transferred here… happy?” her eyes were flashing in anger, so Pike backed off.
“No harm, no foul.”
“Good.” Buffy pushes past him with her suitcase.
“But you’re not a detective.” He pulls her wallet out of his back pocket. “No ID, no badge. You’re running.”
“I need to.” Buffy ran down the hallway. None of the others bothered to stop her. For the past 2 weeks she’d been a wreck. No one could reach her.
~~~~~~~~
Connor sits in his room, again. Alone again. He still doesn’t believe she left him. She said she would come back… but she also said that she would always be his. Instead she ran off with * him *. There was no way he’d ever forgive her… never.
~~~~~~~
2 weeks, in 2 weeks this was the only time he’d had left to think of Buffy. He hadn’t thought of her once… but 2 weeks. He’d woken up and Autum was out of the tiny apartment that they shared. They’d rented it for the one month… but they were leaving sooner. So now he sits and thinks about Buffy. He knows she can’t have been in LA for too long. The first week had been hard without her and he’d thought of her all the time… but for 2 weeks Autum had filled his every sense.
Autum came in and saw Spike sitting at their kitchen table. She looks at herself and blushes… she’s soaking wet. “There’s rain… do you want to come along, kitten?”
Spike looks into her stormy eyes. Big and round and terribly afraid to lose him. Hard to believe that she could go from a stubborn ass to this in a few weeks. “Why were you out.”
Autum shrugs and sits down beside him, “I told you… it was raining.”
“Sorry, pet.” He puts his arm around her and pulls her in. He knew why the rain sang to her… he knew what it meant... but for now he would just hold her and everything would be all right.
~~~~~~~~~~
She couldn’t sleep, she could never sleep. She knew that if she did he’d be out the door. She knew he wasn’t as happy as he could be. She knew he loved her more… that if he had the chance to make it right he would. She throws the covers off and slips out of the bed as Spike rolls over. She goes into the bathroom and turns on the radio… the static clears and she dances with the music.
Now I will tell you what I’ve done for you
Fifty thousand tears I’ve cried
Screaming deceiving and bleeding for you
And you still won’t hear my
I’m going under!
Don’t want your hand this time
I’ll save myself
Maybe I’ll wake up for once
Now tormented daily defeated by you
Just when I thought I’d reached the bottom
I’m dying again!
Autum spins around, moving her hips and shaking her head… singing along with it.
I’m going under
Drowning in you
I’m falling forever
I’ve got to break through
I’m going under
She watches her reflection as she sings
Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies
So I don’t know what’s real,
So I don’t know what’s real and what’s not
Always confusing the thoughts in my head
So I can’t trust myself anymore
I’m dying again
She breaks the mirror and screams the lyrics at it
I’m going under
Drowning in you
I’m falling forever
I’ve got to break through
I’m going under
She starts to trash the bathroom… throwing things all over the place
So go on scream
Scream at me
So far away!
I won’t be broken again!
I’ve got to breathe
I can’t keep going under
She sits down in the bath tub and starts to cry.
I’m dying again
I’m going under
Drowning in you
I’m falling forever
I’ve got to break through
I’m going under!
I’m going under!
I’m goin under!
She gets up and leaves the bathroom and runs down the stairs and out side… screaming it out into the rain. When she gets back inside she thinks of how juvenile that was, but it felt so good just to scream out. She notices something that wasn’t there when she left… a piece of paper with writing on it. Spike had been called William the Bloody, it’s true… but his poetry wasn’t that bad… before people actually criticized it without reading it, it was quite good. ‘Looks like he’s found the spark.’ She thinks it to herself.
She took out her own piece of paper and started to write… at the top she wrote ‘TORMENT’. She thought of the evil in the world and scratched it down to nothing in the handwritten 8 pages the poem took up. She’d save it for a later time… she told herself, shoving it in her pocket.
~~~~~~~~~
Giles sat in his room and absorbed himself into his books. He’d cross-referenced everything he knew of. There was no point. The book said that the end would come and no one would be able to stop it, but there was one part that didn’t make sense… it talked of stealing a power that would end all the worlds. Not only humanity… who would ever want to do that?
~~~~~~~~~
Did she think she could just fit back into their lives? They didn’t need her anymore. They’d proved that. None of them knew each other anymore. Angel had assumed that she’d go straight to him when Spike left. Giles had thought she’d want to talk about it. How could they? Even after… what they did. Everything that they all had done that tore her up inside so that she couldn’t look at them without seeing it, not being able to push it out of her mind that they had done it to her… that it was their fault for everything in her life that had gone wrong. If they had just let her be she’d be dead by now… something she’d wanted for nearly four years but had been getting better about… only to have her salvation torn from her bleeding hands. She looks down at her hands and remembers him… and the other. Angel had moved on on his own and yet he still never expected her to get over him. Spike never thought she’d ever get back into him, or that she ever had. They’d both taken the road they thought best… Angel because he felt it was right and Spike because it was the only thing he could do at the moment. She didn’t blame Spike for leaving… she blamed Angel for making him leave. She blamed everyone else for… that thing that she’d never think about again. She’d turned to Autum because she’d felt that it was the right thing to do. But she was wrong, the girl had stabbed her in the back as if they were back in Jr. High.
~~~~~~~~
Spike is in the shower… he’d found the shattered mirror and figured Autum must have something on her mind. Something she didn’t want people to know about. The radio was sitting on the toilet and he looks around the destroyed room. Chances were she’d cried herself back to sleep. Something she’d always done a lot of.
~~~~~~~~
Autum pulled a bag out from under the bed and pulls out a bunch of makeup. She’d heal… but until then, she didn’t want him to know. Didn’t want to admit it to herself. She’d deny that she felt the true end coming… and that it scared her half as much as it did. She knew that this time they’d lose… no matter what they did. And she wasn’t allowed to do anything about it. She had to sit out of the fight for the most part. Her ‘life’ was taking a dip and a swerve. It was sinking down further and further into Hell… and it scared her. She couldn’t tell him… she couldn’t warn him… she couldn’t fix it like the so many other times she had. She wouldn’t be allowed the forbidden. But it called to her. As did an evil she despised. The one that was with them now… the one they had to save the friend from. The dolls that whispered in her ears would lie to her… she’d make sure of that. She knew, without a doubt she knew… she smelled the end and it drove her… filling her completely. Drusilla would never cease to amaze Autum. She would watch as the world crumbles and laugh until her last nonexistent heartbeat and a scream would tear through her throat as she crumbled away with it. Thus was her agony, the burden she bore. She could already hear the screams begin and she was mortified. She had had plans that would never come to be. The First Evil was to be her next mission… but this was her punishment. She was doomed to watch their deaths over and over before she saw it for the real time. The screams run around in her mind as she puts her CD in and listens to the music as it washes over her.
Ah, paper flowers!
Ah, paper flowers!
Autum rocks back and forth.
I linger in the doorway
Of alarm clock screaming
Monsters calling my name
Let me stay
Where the wind will whisper to me
Where the raindrops as they’re falling tell a story!
Drusilla shoves Willow around her lair.
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullabies
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me!
Buffy sits down in her new apartment with her luggage.
Don’t say I’m out of touch
With this ramped chaos
Your reality
I know well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge
The nightmares I built my own world to escape!
Gunn sits around with the gang.
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullabies
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me!
Connor talks to a woman who looks a lot like Autum.
Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming
Cannot cease for the fear of silent nights!
Oh how I long for the deep sweet dreaming
The goddess of imaginary lights.
Autum stars to cry and sings along with the lyrics.
In my field of paper flowers
And candy clouds of lullabies
I lie inside myself for hours
And watch my purple sky fly over me!
Autum jumps up off the bed and goes to the window… singing as she presses her hand up against the window.
Ah, paper flower!
Ah, paper flower!
The next song start to play and she dances around the apartment
You don’t remember me, but I remember you
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you
But who can decide what they dream
And dream I do
Spike stands in the shower… thinking.
I believe in you
I’ll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you
To live, to breathe
You’re taking over me!
Autum jumps around singing/ Buffy siting in her apartment.
Have you forgotten all I know?
And all we had?
You saw me mourning my love for you
And touched my hand
I knew you loved me then
Angel looks in Buffy’s room for her/ Buffy grabbing Spike’s hand before he died saving the world
I believe in you
I’ll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you
To live, to breathe
You’re taking over me!
Autum scream/singing
I look in the mirror and see your lies
If I look deep enough
So many things inside that are just like you are
Taking over!
Connor in the hotel room looking at a picture of Autum
I believe in you
I’ll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you
To live, to breathe
You’re taking over me!
Oz looks in Willow’s room/ Autum singing and crying/ Spike comes out of the shower.
I believe in you
I’ll give up everything just to find you
I have to be with you
To live, to breathe
You’re taking over me!
You’re taking over me!
You’re taking over me!
You’re taking over me!
You’re taking over me!
Spike looks at Autum crumpled on the floor and turns off the music… pulling her sobbing form into their bed.
XXXXXXX
kk… the songs are by Evanescence. The titles are Going Under, Imaginary, and Taking Over Me. I’d usually use one of my songs… but these seemed to fit better than anything I had written and I wanted this done fairly quickly… plus with an actual song you can time things better and imagine why people did the things they did in the song better. R&R, hope you liked it!!
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