Spike woke slowly to the feel of Buffy’s arms around him. He also felt someone else on his other side and recognized it as Dawn. Unable to contain his smiled he slipped back into sleep.
Dawn’s eyes fluttered open and she smiled at how content he was in her sister’s arms. Carefully, she slid from the bed and quietly snuck upstairs.
Buffy slowly drifted back to consciousness and kissed Spike’s temple.
Spike mumbled her name sleepily.
“Wake up, Sleepy Head,” she said, smiling.
Spike eyes fluttered open and he looked at her. “You didn’t have to stay with me you know,” he said.
Buffy kissed his hair. “I know, but I wanted to,” she said, softly. “How are you feeling?”
Spike sighed. “I slept better then I have in ages but I feel like carp,” he muttered.
“Well lets go upstairs and see if I can make you better,” she said, softly.
Reluctantly, Spike lifted his head from her shoulder and let her lead him upstairs.
Dawn was in the kitchen when they came up. “Hey guys. Have a nice nap?” She asked.
“Yes and so did you,” Buffy said, sitting at the counter.
“I did,” Dawn answered truthfully. “I’m not ashamed. It’s been awhile since I’ve been able to sleep next to him.”
Buffy raised an eyebrow and looked at Spike who avoided her gaze.
“The summer you were gone, I had nightmares and so did Spike. We helped each other
out,” Dawn said.
Buffy’s eyes softened. “How long did the nightmares last?” She asked.
“If Spike wasn’t with me I had nightmares. Once he stared staying with me, they stopped. He stayed with me almost every night until you came back,” she said.
“You stayed with her?” Buffy asked, going toward him.
“Usually the two of us fell asleep on the couch and I took her up to bed before I left,” Spike said, softly.
Buffy smiled. “I know it must’ve been hard…”
“No,” Dawn said. “You don’t know. You have no idea what Spike and I felt. We thought the world was gone. The only thing that kept Spike going was me. The only thing that kept me going was you. You never had to go through what we went through.”
Spike ran his hand over Dawn’s back. “Nibblet, its okay,” he said, kissing her hair softly.
“I’m sorry. It’s just… Buffy, you don’t know a good thing when you have it. I would kill to have a guy look at me the way Spike looks at you,” Dawn said.
“What does that have to do with anything?” Buffy asked, fully aware of what Dawn was talking about.
“You treated him like shit,” Dawn said.
“Nibblet!” Spike exclaimed. “Watch your mouth.”
“Sorry,” Dawn said, sheepishly.
“I haven’t been like that for a while,” Buffy said, trying to defend herself.
“You still keep him at arms length,” Dawn said. “If I had someone like him around, I would jump him the first chance I got. The only reason the two of you are alone is because you don’t want anyone else. Buffy, if Spike hadn’t been totally committed to us, we’d probably be dead and he’d be off with some chick, 1000’s of miles away. And if Buffy hadn’t been around,” she said, looking at Spike. “You wouldn’t of fallen in love with her or me. The best and worst of times that you’ve both had, has been with each other. You’re both scared and that’s fine but be scared together,” she said, going upstairs.
“Spike?” Buffy asked, carefully. “Do you still love me?”
“Never stop,” he said, going downstairs.
“Spike,” Buffy said, following him downstairs. “I have feelings for you. I care about you and I probably love you, like I love Xander. As a friend. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to offer you more but I don’t want…” She paused and took a few breaths. “I don’t want you to think that you have to be Angel or Riley for me to love you. I’m so terrified of what’s happening between us that it hurts to breathe.” Tears welled up in her eyes and she struggled to control them and failed. “Every time I feel like that you seem to notice because you’re always there. I know I was very mane and abusive to you but you forgave me just like I forgave you. I keep you at arms length because I’m afraid of losing you,” she whispered, as her tears spilled over.
Spike opened his arms. “Come ‘ere,” he commanded gently.
Buffy sniffled and climbed onto the cot. She tucked her head under his chin and he held her tight.
“I know you’re committed to me and Dawn. You have proven yourself time and again and I have told you that I would never forget it,” she said, picking her head up. “And I haven’t.”
Spike wiped her eyes gently. “What kinds of feelings do you have?”
“It’s so much more then friendship but not quite love,” Buffy said. “Does that make sense?” She asked, softly.
“Yeah,” Spike answered.
“Is that enough?” She asked, hopefully.
“More then enough,” Spike answered.
Buffy smiled and snuggled back into his arms.
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