Joss Whedon owns all the Buffy characters. Any others are mine. (unless noted).
___________________________________________________________________________
Special Guest stars Anya, and Lou Diamond Phillpis.
ACT 1.
Inside a lad type setting. A man in a lab coat. Is prepairing an injection. He walks to a cage.
Something's inside.
DOCTOR.
Well, little fellow. Let's see if we can get it right this time.
He injects it. It begins to twitch, like having a epileptic fit. The Doctor closes the cage.
And sounds can be heard. Like a large dog. And the cage shakes, like it's
being kicked by a large animal.
DOCTOR.
Oh well, back to the drawing board.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
We see a young girl sitting in what looks like a recording studio, as Welcome to The Jungle
plays.
GIRL.
Alright, that was Welcome to the Jungle, by Guns, N, Roses. We're supposet to get a new
album later this year, but they've been saying that for years. This is Wonkabar, your DJ. And
your listening to 987, the X. Playing the best rock old, and new. I'm here for about another hour,
the Axel comes in. Assuming he's out of jail. If you haven't heard, The X brought you Drowning
Pool last night. And apparently someone got into it, with him. I'm not sure how it stated, but it
ended with Axel uh breaking a CHAIR over his head. Oh that Axel.
Anyhow, Timan's down at Land of Oz's. Timmy, what's up, with you?
OZ'S STORE.
TIMAN..
Hello everyone, I'm here at Land of Oz record store, where celebrity Lou Diamond Phillips, is
meeting the fans, for the DVD release of his show, Wolf Lake. Here's the star himself. So
Lou, how does it feel, to be here.
LOU DIMOND PHILLIPS.
It's Great, Timan You know, Wolf creek was unjustly ignored, when it was out. But it's great
that it's catching on, like it is. The fans are really great, and.
WOMAN.
Excuse me, are you Lou Diamond Phillips?
LOU.
Yes, I am. Pleased to meet you.
WOMAN.
Oh, we are such big fans of yours. Honey, kids, look.
LOU.
It's really great when you do a show, and.
WOMAN.
look, it's Chaves, from Young Guns!
LOU.
(Disappointed) Oh not again.
MAN.
You were great, in that movie Chaves.
LOU.
Well thank you, but I'm doing Wolf Creek now, and hey it just came out on.
MAN.
Navaho.
LOU.
I'm not an Indian sir. So anyway.
WOMAN.
Oh please show us a knife trick?
LOU.
(Just glares)
INSIDE.
SKYLER.
So who is he, again?
OZ.
Has been star, from the 80's.
SKYLER.
Oh. So why is he here?
OZ.
His management is paying us, to pretend he's famous.
SKYLER.
Oh. So why are we bothering?
OZ.
Because we like, not starving.
SKYLER.
No, I mean why bother opening the store? The world's ending soon anyway.
OZ.
The world's not ending. We're going to find them.
SKYLER.
How, they've dropped off the face, of the earth? They have that thing, and we can't find them.
Your friend Willow dropped of the face of the Earth too.
OZ.
I'm actually a little worried about her too. It's not like her to leave, and not say goodbye. But
she can handle herself.
SKYLER.
She wasn't what I thought she would be. I thought she'd be like riding a dragon, and have
glowing eyes, and shit. I mean she like the most powerful witch, in the world. I thought
she'd be scary. But she looked like she should be hosting Blue's Clues, or something.
KENNEDY.
(Walking though the door) Hey guys.
OZ.
Aren't you working?
KENNEDY.
No, day off. So I though I'd come see if you'd heard anything.
SKYLER.
She doesn't have any other friends, but us, and no money.
KENNEDY.
Thanks for completely crushing me Wednesday.
SKYLER.
(Smiling) Your welcome.
KENNEDY.
Hey, why is there a reporter here?
SKYLER.
Oz has Scott Baio, or someone here.
OZ.
Lou Diamond Phillips, actually.
KENNEDY.
Chaves, from Young Guns?
OZ.
He doesn't like that. You know I had an idea for a TV show, speaking of which. Ok, check
it out. It's the future. Earth's to crowded, so the colonies other world. Now the central planets
are like the government. But the outer planets are wild, like the old west. So we follow a gang of
outlaws, being chased by the alliance.
SKYLER.
Are there aliens?
OZ.
No, there's nothing that couldn't happen, it's just the future. But it's really more a western, than
Sci Fi.
SKYLER.
So why not just make a western?
OZ.
Because they didn't have space ships, back then, or machine guns. So, the crew of the outlaw ship
would have people, that the government wanted. So they have to dodge them, and Reveres.
SKYLER.
What?
OZ.
See, there cannibals, that attack ships, and.
KENNEDY.
Ok, what are you talking about, Dogboy? That sounds like a retarded show. It would probably get
canceled, after 14 episodes.
OZ.
You just can't see my vision. Come on, it'd be better than Tru Calling.
KENNEDY.
Oh, like that's hard.
FAITH.
Hey guys.
KENNEDY.
Aren't you at work?
FAITH.
It's Saturday.
OZ.
Right, you always get Saturday off. Must be nice.
FAITH.
What are we talking about?
SKYLER.
How Tru Calling sucked.
FAITH.
What's wrong with Tru Calling? I liked it.
OZ.
Please, it was a stupid show. It was like Groundhog day, the series. And that actress, if you
want to call her that.
FAITH.
Hey, I was, I mean she was great. Brilliant even.
OZ.
Oh please, she only had that job, because she knew Sara Michelle Geller.
FAITH.
FUCK SARA MICHELLE GELLER! SHE WASN'T ANYBODY'S FRIEND! DOES A FRIEND SELL
ALL HER FRIENDS OUT, AND PUT THEM IN THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE? DOES A FRIEND
HAVE YOUR CHARATER TURNED EVIL, BECAUSE SHE'S AFAIRD YOU'LL GET MORE
POPULAR? AND WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE GRUDGE ABOUT? THAT MOVIE DIDN'T EVEN
MAKE SENSE! AND ANOTHER THING!
VOICE.
(Off screen) Eliza.
FAITH.
What?
VOICE.
Shut up, and do your job!
FAITH.
Yes sir. Anyway can't stay, just came to get Kenny, and try to find out more, about Nicky, and his new toy.
KENNEDY.
It's my day off.
FAITH.
(Mocking) it's my day off. We're slayers, we don't get days off. Now move.
KENNEDY.
(Sigh) Why am I so important to the world? Why will it stop turning without me, it's a cruse.
OZ.
At least your humble about it.
As they leave Skyler is putting some CD's in the new releases, when she turns, and sees Kelly.
KELLY.
I'm just here, for music.
SKYLER.
Ok, (She picks up a CD) Here's the new Kelly Clark son. I here all the vapid whores like it.
KELLY.
Look, I don't want to fight. I'll find my own music.
SKYLER.
How, if you don't have someone to read the titles to you?
KELLY.
(Glaring) That's it. I've tried to be nice to you. But if that's how you want it. I'll go to Best Buy, they don't
hire lesbo freaks there.
SKYLER.
Oh, like I haven't heard that one before.
KELLY.
I notice you never deny it. you and Sara, always attached at the arm. (Skyler lowers her head)
Oh God, I'm sorry. I shouldn't.
SKYLER.
No, your right. I can't deny it. I am gay. But it's not Sara I wanted. It's you.
KELLY.
(Terrified) What?
SKYLER.
It just killed me, that you hated me so. But your being nice, it makes me hope. Kelly, I
know how this sound, but I can make you happy.
KELLY.
Ok, I was just kidding, I didn't really think. Uh Look I think it's great (Skyler touches her
cheek) WHOA Look, I'm not like that!
SKYLER.
No, you must feel the same way. Please, were soul mates, you must feel it. (Skyler goes to
kiss Sara, and she falls, screaming, like a little kid. Then Skyler burst into laughter) HA HA
HA HA HA! Man that was funny! God, I wish I had a camera!
KELLY.
YOU SICK BITCH! (She leaves)
Skyler walks into the back, laughing about her little joke. Suddenly light flashes, and Skyler falls.
She is blinded for a second, and when her vision clears, she looks up to see Anya?
ANYA.
Get up, you don't have time to rest, you lazy child!
SKYLER.
Who the fuck are you?
ANYA.
The powers sent me. I have to warn you!
SKYLER.
Ok, why didn't I get a vision?
ANYA.
They where just going to give you a vision, but I wouldn't let them. You need more! Something
evil has come to this town.
SKYLER.
You mean Nicadimas?
ANYA.
No, much worse! Your going to be facing the most sick, evil force to walk the Earth!
SKYLER.
(Scared now) What?
ANYA.
Bunnies!
SHYLER.
(Quiet for a moment, then burst into laughter) BHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No really, what is it?
_________________________________________________________________________________
ACT 2.
ANYA.
I'm serious! Bunnies are coming!
SKYLER.
Bunnies? Ok, I'll go call the National Guard, and maybe the Army.
ANYA.
Yes, that's a good idea! But we'll be more!
SKYLER.
Ok, I'll see if I can get Superman.
ANYA.
Stupid girl, Superman's not real! We need REAL help! Think of someone else!
SKYLER.
Ok, you do realize I'm being sarcastic right?
ANYA.
SARCASTIC! YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T REALLY GET THE NATIONAL GUARD?
SKYLER.
Ok, I'm leaving. (She tries to walk out, but Anya blocks her)
ANYA.
DAMN IT, GIRL, ARE YOU DEAF? IT'S BUNNIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SKYLER.
OHHH NOT BUNNIES! I'M SCARED!
ANYA.
You should be!
OZ.
(Walking in) Skyler, what's all the (Sees Anya) Your dead.
SKYLER.
What?
ANYA.
Oh, everyone you know is dead Oz. Get over it!
OZ.
But how?
ANYA.
Well, as you know I was killed horribly, in the battle of Sunnydale. Well, you'd think
that'd get me into Heaven. But the powers are upset, because I spent a thousand years
cursing men horribly, pfh, there such prudes.
SKYLER.
What?
ANYA.
Anyway I have to work for them, until I atone for my sins, or something.
OZ.
Ok, so why are you here?
SKYLER.
Wait, what's this about horrible cruses?
ANYA.
Oh, I only did that to men.
SKYLER.
Oh, ok. (Oz looks at her) Uh, I mean that's awful!
ANYA.
Look, we don't have time, the Bunnies are coming!
OZ.
Anya, dear, sweet, insane Anya. Bunnies are dangers.
ANYA.
Oh real! That's what you think!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LAB.
The man is walking toward a room, when a hyper looking girl in a lab coat, and glasses runs up.
GIRL.
Doctor, there becoming more aggressive. I don't think we can.
DOCTOR.
Call down Emily. As long as there contained.
EMILY.
This has to stop. It's getting to dangerous.
DOCTOR.
We'll stop when we succeed, not before.
EMILY.
No, I won't let you. I'm going to the police. Before someone gets hurt.
DOCTOR.
Now, my dear, we both know your to big a coward for that. You'd go to prison too. I'm sure
some big girl would love to meet you. But them maybe that's not a bad thing. I mean the men sure
don't like you. Maybe joining the other team isn't such a bad idea.
EMILY.
You bastard. I don't care what happens to me. I'm not going to wait until.
DOCTOR.
(Pulls a gun) What was that?
EMILY.
Please. It's gone to far. I'm begging you.
DOCTOR.
I'd like to let you go. Believe me, I'd never miss you whinnying. But I'm afraid you know to much.
Suddenly they hear an explosion. Emily takes this chance to run.
DOCTOR.
COME BACK, YOU LITTLE BITCH!!!!
MAN.
(Running up) Doctor they've escaped! I don't know how!
DOCTOR.
Contain them!
MAN.
We're trying, but there organized.
DOCTOR.
There animals, they don't orgin (Suddenly the lights go off) Look, contain this, or your fired!
Suddenly something jumps on the man. Actually many things. But we don't get a good look.
As the man is ripped to pieces, the doctor runs for the door, but is jumped by the things. He
screams, as he's taken apart.
Emily gets to her car, and something is jumping on the roof. She hits the gas, and speeds off
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Faith, and Kenny sat in a road side diner.
KENNEDY.
I can't believe this. So the Puppy Pack's gone too?
FAITH.
Looks like. (they'd went to the motel, they'd been in, and the camp site, they'd been before, but
found nothing) Would've been nice, to know how to find them, or have a number, or something.
But I guess we don't call them, they call us.
KENNEDY.
So were back to square one, great. They've got the power, to end the world, and we don't even know
how to look for them!
FAITH.
Life sucks. Would've been nice if Red hadn't left.
KENNEDY.
I might have had something to do with that. We had a fight, and I said some things.
FAITH.
You Ok?
KENNEDY.
Yeah, it was just hard, you know. I wasn't ready to see her. But moving on.
FAITH.
Good. Hey, it's Red's loss.
Emily walks in the front door, and goes to the cashier.
EMILY.
I need the phone. Please.
CASHIER.
Customers only.
EMILY.
But I don't have money! Look, I had to leave in a hurry, and didn't grab my bag. Please it's
an emergency!
CASHIER.
Look, I'm sorry lady, but I'll get fired, if I don't follow.
Suddenly a man, with a crew cut, runs in, with a gun, shooting out the door.
CASHIER.
WHAT THE HELL!
MAN.
CALL THE COPS! NOW!
CASHIERS.
ARE YOU CRAZY?
MAN.
CALL THE COPS, THERE'S THINGS OUT THERE, I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE, BUT THEIR
KILLING EVERYBODY!
Just then they look outside, and see people being attached by some kind of animals.
EMILY.
I told you, it was an emergency.
FAITH.
Wait, you know what those things are?
ANYA.
(Appearing out of nowhere) There you are. we have to go.
FAITH.
Your dead!
ANYA.
Yeah, get over it! Look, we have problems. Bunnies are coming!
FAITH.
Are you crazy, Anya we don't have time for this, something's trying to.
Just then the door comes down. and in they come. They look strange, with there hug claws,
and teeth. They look strange, with glowing red eyes. And the fact that there three feet tall
is different. But they were still clearly bunnies.
FAITH.
You've got to be fucking kidding me.
_________________________________________________________________________________
ACT 3
The Man shoots his machine gun at the mutant bunnies, and they run out the door.
MAN.
WHAT THE FUCK, IS GOING ON!
ANYA.
Evil bunnies, just like I've said for years! I warned everyone, but they didn't listen. They just laughed!
Well WHO'S LAUGHING NOW? HA!
FAITH.
Anya get us out of here!
ANYA.
Can't doesn't work that way.
FAITH.
Ok, go to Oz's store, do you know where that is? (She nods) Ok, we'll try to get there. (She goes)
MAN.
HOW'D YOU APPEAR FROM THIN AIR?
FAITH.
Long story, what's going on?
MAN.
I don't know. I was up here attending an Militia convention. I'm Norman Anderson, by the way.
I was going to my hotel, and these things came at me.
EMILY.
I know what they are. I uh, kind of help make them.
FAITH.
(Glaring at her) Start talking.
EMILY.
I was helping on a project, to make we were trying to make something to make people stronger, and more
resistant to disease. We'd tested on rabbits, and it seemed to be working at first. But then side effects.
KENNEDY.
Side effects! YOU MADE KILLER RABBITS!!!!!!!!!!
EMILY.
I only wanted to keep people from getting sick. But I never wanted this. I tried to go to the police, but it
was to late.
NORMAN.
I new it! It's they fucking government, it's it! WHY'D THE EVER ELECT CLINTON! KILLER RABBITS, GAY
MARRAGE, WHERE DOES IT END?
KENNEDY.
Excuse me!
FAITH.
(Pulling her aside) Not now, Kenny.
KENNEDY.
But he just said!
FAITH.
He has a machine gun, we might need him.
EMILY.
Do you have a problem, with Gays.
NORMAN.
No problem, if they want to burn in hell, that's there deal. I just don't want them to get married.
KENNEDY.
Ok, now I have to kill him!
FAITH.
(Holding her) After we kill the rabbits! Then will both kill him.
KENNEDY.
(Just glares at him)
FAITH.
How'd you get here?
NORMAN.
Mobile home.
KENNEDY.
Oh big shock.
FAITH.
'Can it hold us all?
NORMAN.
I think so. But it's to dangerous.
FAITH.
We have some friends, we have to get.
NORMAN.
Look, I know your a woman, and all, and you think with your heart, and not your little brain,
BUT IT'S SUICIDE!
KENNEDY.
Is he for real?
FAITH.
I'm going for my friends, and that's it!
NORMAN.
Oh really. And what makes you think (She punches though the BRICK wall, with her bare hand)
Alright then, let's goes.
Just then the rabbits break in, and attack Faith, and Kenny fight them off, as best they can, but
they keep coming. Norman begins shooting at them, and gets a few, but there's still to many.
Suddenly he bumps the juke box. Seventeen, by Winger begins to play.
The rabbits grab there ears, and fall out the ground, dead.
FAITH.
What the fuck just happened?
EMILY.
Of coarse the music, it makes sense.
KENNEDY.
No, it doesn't!
EMILY.
The experiments made them smarter, and stronger. It must have made there senses stronger too.
And rabbits have excellent hearing anyway. So the right frequency got to them. Gave them
aneurysms.
KENNEDY.
THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE!
FAITH.
Hey, dead bunnies, I'm happy!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
RADIO STATION.
AXEL.
(Walking in) Don't I don't want to talk about it.
WONKA.
Ok Jailbird.
AXEL.
It was self defense.
WONKA. if you say so. Hey, I've been getting crazy call, people saying rabbits are killing them.
AXEL.
It's Saturday, all the crazies are bored.
WONKA.
Oh, I'm on (Turns on mic) Wonka here. Axel's on his way in. And don't forget Beer Good will be here
at midnight for the Funeral Directory. All your favorer in Death Metal. I have time for one more call.
Hello, your on the X.
CALLER.
HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUNNIESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!
WONKA.
See, it's been this way, all day.
TIMAN.
RUN, BUNNES ARE ATTACKING!!!!!!!!!!
AXEL.
Dude, bunnies are not attacking. (Just then they break in) BUNNIES ARE ATTACKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!
LAND OF OZ.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
OZ.
Where are they?
ANYA.
I don't know, they said they where coming.
LOU DIAMOND PHILLIPS.
What the hell, is this?
OZ.
Are town's, well different.
Suddenly the mobile home pulls up, and Faith, and the others run for the door.
FAITH.
You guys Ok?
OZ.
So far. Hey, Apparently Bunnies are killing people.
ANYA.
I told you.
NORMAN.
Look, we need to get one, NOW! They'll be here any minu, hey your Chaves!
LOU.
(Glaring) No, I'm Lou.
NORMAN.
You do it, with your horse, Mexican Indian.
LOU.
YOU KNOW THAT OFFEDEND ME, SIR! I'M GLAD YOU LIKED THE MOVIE, BUT IT DOESN'T GIVE
YOU THE RIGHT TO SAY THAT!!!!! SO GET OFF MY BACK!!!!!!!! I HATE THAT MOVIE, IT HAUNTS
ME!!!!!!
NORMAN.
Hey, did you see the size of that chicken?
LOU.
THAT WASN"T EVN MY LINE, YOU STUPID REDNECK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Then he sees Faith snicker( Oh,
it's funny is it? Well wait until your forty, and you can't get a job. And idiots come up to you all day,
saying Five, by Five. We'll see how funny it is THEN!
FAITH.
Uhhh.
KENNEDY.
Guys! (They turn, and see the bunnies outside) Company.
FAITH.
Anya, can you get to the radio station?
ANYA.
Yeah, why?
FAITH.
Look, they don't like Winger.
SKYLER.
Well, who does.
FAITH.
No, it kills them. I know how it sounds, but trust me. Tell them to play Seventeen.
ANYA.
Ok. (She goes).
Now we just have to last.
__________________________________________________________________________________________
ACT 3.
The rabbits are coving the door now.
OZ.
This isn't good.
NORMAN.
Do something Chaves, throw some knives, or something!
LOU.
I TOLD YOU, I'M NOT CHAVES! (Hit's Norman)
Then they hear a noise in the back.
FAITH.
What was that?
EMILY.
Oh God. There smart. They can make plans.
OZ.
You mean?
They were distracting us.
Rabbits poor in, from the back room. (There was an air vent) Faith, and Kenny run for weapons (Oz
keeps some, just in case.) Oz wolfs out. The rabbits stop, and shake in fear.
OZ.
Oh yeah, you guys don't like wolfs, do you? (He chases them all over the store.
NORMAN.
WHAT THE HELL? (He shoots Oz)
OZ.
Hey, I'm good, jerk!
NORMAN.
Your a werewolf!
LOU.
You know if I had him, I'll bet Wolf Lake wouldn't have been canceled.
SKYLER.
Ok concentrate. No muffins this time. focus. (She raises her hands, and speaks some words. Lighting
fires the rabbits) YEAH! UP YOUR DOC!
KENNEDY.
WENESDAY, FIND THAT BAND, IT KILLES THEM!
Skyler goes to the rock section, and finds it.
OZ.
Wait, that's not been paid for!
SKYLER.
Oz, it's Winger, nobody's going to buy it, anyway.
OZ.
Yeah, you got a point.
Skyler puts it on, and the rabbits scream, and die. One pulls out a gun, and blows his brains out.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
RADIO STATION.
The DJ's are in the studio, trying to keep the rabbits out. When Anya appears.
AXEL.
WHAT THE HELL?
ANYA.
You have to pay Seventeen by Winger! Or Bunnies will kill everyone!
WONKA.
Ok, I'm not taking drugs. Well, I do, just not right now. So what the fuck?
ANYA.
Oh, I'll do it, you useless people! (She finds it, and sends it over the airwaves) YES!
I HAVE MY VENGEUNS. DEATH TO ALL BUNNIES, HA HA HA! (She disappears)
AXEL.
I'm speechless.
TIMAN.
Thank God.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ANYA.
Well, I guess my work is done. I told you Bunnies were.
FAITH.
Yeah yeah.
ANYA.
You feel pretty dumb now, don't you?
KENNEDY.
Don't you have to bee going.?
ANYA.
How is he?
KENNEDY.
Good. Well, when I saw him last, he'd met someone. (She decided not to tell her who) He's happy.
ANYA.
(Tear) Good. I'm glad he's happy. Goodbye.(She vanishes)
FAITH.
This has been a weird day, even for us.
NORMAN.
Man, I can't wait to get out of this hell hole! Bunch of freaks, with no morals.
KENNEDY.
Ok, bunnies are dead.
FAITH.
Have fun. (She walks over to Norman, and we hear him scream, as she beats the living hell out of him)
Faith walks back into the store, and see Oz watching TV. Lou's on it.
TV MAN.
So you single handedly saved this town, from the wild animals.
LOU.
That's right. It wasn't easy, but I did it.
FAITH.
THAT SON OF A BITCH!
TV MAN.
Well thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, we all ow are lives, to Chaves.
LOU.
I'M NOT CHAVESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
____________________________________________________________________________________
Ok I know this was stupid. But I've had the idea for awhile, and it's my tribute to dumb B movies.
If you think it distracts from the rest of the series, sorry. But I though it was funny!
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