(A/N: In this story Angel didn’t sire Penn, he sired Spike in the year 1800 and Dru was sired in 1860. These are his only two childe.)
Angel shuffled his feet as the silence grew deafening. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Wes?”
Wesley nervously looked at his clipboard for the hundredth time before clearing his throat.
“Well,” he said uncomfortably, “could you maybe tell me what it was like living with William the Bloody for hundred years.”
Angel nodded his head absently and ran a shaky hand through his thick hair, “Wes, this is a bit difficult,” he said, “see…” he said trailing off and moving over to the chair next to Wes. He turned to look at Wes before starting again, “I haven’t talked about it in…well…I haven’t ever talked about.”
Wesley nodded his head and put down his clipboard. Despite his nervousness he really wanted to be closer to Angel. The two of them had been friends at one point but in the last two years they had…drifted apart and Wes wanted to fix it.
“Angel, I hope you know that you can tell me anything,” he said looking at the vampire closely. “I know we aren’t as close as we once were but I still consider you a friend.”
Angel gave him a sad smile, he had been pushing Wes away for reason the ex-watcher didn’t even know about. The Wesley that kidnapped Connor wasn’t really in the room. The Wesley in front of him was the man he had trusted years ago, the man he had called a true friend.
Angel crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. It was time to forgive and forget and maybe if he could reclaim this friendship with Wes, he wouldn’t feel so …lonely.
Wesley watched the unusually play of emotion flash in the vampire’s eyes and wondered what Angel was thinking. Wes was use to seeing only pain and grief in those dark brown eyes and the flash of unease that he saw worried him.
“Angel,” he said softly, “I don’t wish to make you uncomfortable…”
Angel’s eyes snapped up to Wes’s, “You’re not, Wes. It’s just, I was thinking about what you said and I agree with you. We have drifted apart and well…I want us to be close again too.”
Wes’s smile grew from ear to ear and he felt a rush of emotions course through him. He was about to pour out sentimental words when he could hear his father’s voice inside his head. Ever lecture Wes had heard about how a proper English man didn’t surrender to emotions come rushing at him. Wesley quickly coughed to cover his embarrassment and looked away.
“Well,” he said his voice lowering an octave. “You were telling me about William.”
Angel gave a small smile at Wesley’s action and but then frowned again at the thought of opening up about something he had hidden from everyone…including himself.
Angel got out of the chair and wrapped his arms around his chest, “Spike and I well…we were close.”
Wes raised an eyebrow and waited for Angel to continue.
“Spike,” Angel said then closed his eyes, “I mean William…William meant everything to me,” he whispered then opened his eyes and looked at Wesley.
Wes remained still; he had never heard Angel speak with such emotion before. It literally sounded like Angel was speaking from the deeper part of his soul. Wes for a moment wondered if he was talking to the very last part of Angel that was untouched by the demon.
Could it be that Angel felt that much for the blonde vampire? Was this in fact what Giles had been trying to find out? The poor excuse Giles had given hadn’t rung true to Wesley. It seemed that there was a lot more going on then Wes had realized.
“Everything,” Wes repeated softly, “did you…,” Wes furrowed his brow trying to find the right words, “feel affection for him?”
Angel moved over to the front of his desk and sat on the edge. He didn’t trust his voice so he simply nodded his head.
Wesley kept his face neutral but inside he was shocked, Angel was attracted to men and had just admitted to having a relationship with the infamous vampire, William the Bloody.
Angel cleared his throat once more before explaining himself, “You know that I sired both Spike and Dru, but what isn’t commonly known is that I sired Dru for Darla.”
“Darla had wanted a girl in the family and I gave the beautiful seer to her as a gift. It was…it is, the worst thing I have ever done…What I did to Dru,” Angel stopped and took a deep unneeded breath, “I made an insane monster with a bloodlust that matched Darla’s and my own.”
“Darla had been so pleased with the broken girl…I-I still have nightmares about what I did to Dru and…” he looked down at his hands and rubbed them together, “I deserve every one of those nightmares. When I think of Dru, I know I don’t ever deserve redemption.”
Wesley was frozen to his chair with amazement, never in all the years had he known the vampire in front of him to speak with such honesty and so deeply from his soul. Wes didn’t know what to feel but honoured was definitely in there.
“William, on the other hand,” Angel said looking up with a rare and beautiful smile that literally took Wes’s breath away.
“William was all mine,” he said proudly, “I sired him for one reason and one reason only.”
Wes shuffled forward unconsciously as he gave Angel his full attention.
“To be with me forever, to be mine and mine alone…forever,” Angel said his eyes unintentionally turning golden.
Wes looked deeply into those glowing, gold eyes and could see love radiating out of them. It was the first time Wes could honestly say he found demon eyes to be hauntingly beautiful.
“And you two were together for a hundred years?” Wes asked in awe. He couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship that spanned a century.
“Yes,” Angel said, “and that’s the thing that makes this so hard to talk to you about, Wes.”
Wesley frowned, “you though I would judge you for being in a relationship with a man?” he asked.
Angel shook his head and gave the watcher a sad smile, “no, Wes, it’s not that…what I am trying to telling you, is that as much as I know I should look back at those hundred soulless years with disgust…I…I can’t,” he whispered not looking at Wesley, as if he was scared to see disgust and anger in the ex-demon hunter’s eyes.
“Angel,” Wesley said softly waiting for the vampire to look up. When Angel did Wes felt his heart break for the self loathing he saw there.
“Angel,” he repeated, “it’s perfectly understandable that you would look back at that time and not hate every moment of it. It’s only natural that in a hundred years of existence that you would have some good memories.”
Angel jumped up, “but don’t you see how wrong that is. Wesley. I was a soulless monster, I killed innocent people every night,” Angel looked at him pleadingly as if he needed Wesley’s reprimand, his hate.
“Yes, but you’re a hero now,” Wes said as he looked up at the tall vampire with warm, blue eyes.
Angel shook his head, “Wes, do you understand what I’m saying to you. I hate myself a little more each time I think about it. Each time I think about his smile…his blue eyes, his voice, because…oh Gods, help me, Wes. When I think about Spike I wish to be back in time.”
“When I think about how much I love Spike all I want to do is be Angelus again,” he moaned falling to his knees. He then looked up at Wes as if the ex-watched could absolve him of his sins.
Wes couldn’t bear it any more and he fell to his knees and told his father’s disapproving voice to bloody shut the hell up, as he grabbed the remorseful vampire and held him tight.
Wes could feel Angel tense up but after a moment the vampire relaxed and melted into the embrace. Wes began to rub his back as he told him it would be ok. The vampire just shook his head and quietly said over and over again, “I am sorry, Wesley, I am so sorry.”
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Wesley threw his keys down on the coffee table as he flopped down on his couch. He thought briefly about putting on the telly before dismissing the idea. He took of his glasses and placed them gently on the coffee table next to his keys. He eyes felt heavy as he rubbed his hands up and down his face feeling his three day old stubble scratch his palms.
Tonight had been one of the longest of his life and one he would never in all his life forget.
It had taken a good twenty minutes before Angel had calmed down. Wes had been worried the vampire would never stop repeating that one heart breaking sentence over and over again.
Once Angel had stopped sobbing, Wes had done the only thing he could think of doing. He softly kissed the vampire in front of him. Angel had stared at him in shock but a second later devoured Wesley mouth
Angel had moaned deeply when Wes had parted his lips and granted his friend access inside. Wesley had never kissed a man before but the experience had not been unpleasant. It had been nothing but comfort and Wes had been all but willing to give his heart broken friend anything he needed.
They had kissed passionately until Wes had to pull away for air and smiled at the awed and thankfulness in Angel’s eyes.
“After everything I just told you, how could you look at me, let alone let me kiss you, Wes?” Angel had asked as they had stared into each other’s eyes.
“Angel,” Wes had said touching the cool skin of Angel’s cheek. Wesley will never forget the purr that came from the vampire as he caressed that soft skin, “I have never felt more proud to be your friend.”
Angel had pulled away slowly and shook his head in denial, “I don’t understand.”
“Angel, what you just admitted to me took a lot of guts and shows just how amazing you are. You are begging for forgiveness for remembering someone you loved…someone you love, and no one should be expected to do that,” Wes said as he slowly stood up and held out a hand to help Angel up.
Angel stood up and blinded a few times, “but...
“No, buts Angel, it’s true. Yes, Angelus did horrible monstrous things but it isn’t things you want to return to. The thought sickens you…don’t you see Angel,” Wes said as he gave the vampire a small smile, “it’s only the love you’re missing. Only your love you want back.”
Angel furrowed his brow, “I don’t deserve love.”
“Pfff,” Wes said with a wave of his hand, “you’re a bloody hero, Angel. You deserve love.” His upper class accent had sounded extremely odd with his causal words and unexpected curse that it caused Angel to chuckle.
Wes gave him a huge smile, “I mean it, Angel,” he said.
Angel stopped chuckling and returned to his serious facial expression, “I know you do, Wes. But, I don’t think I’ll ever believe it myself.”
Wesley had stood there silently at a lost for words. A few minutes later he found him self walking to the elevator, after saying goodnight to Angel, still at a lost to how to respond to Angel’s sad statement.
Wesley sighed as he rubbed his hand through his hair and pulled his feet up to get more comfortable on the couch. It had definitely been a remarkable night. Wes wasn’t sure how but he was going to help Angel anyway he could.
Wesley’s eyes traveled over to were he had written down Mr. Giles number. He remembered the realization he had, had earlier as to why Mr. Giles had requested he talk to Angel in the first place. Wesley smiled as he picked up the number. Rupert Giles was just the man to help him.
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Giles lit a fag as he watched the home shopping network. He smiled at the simple pleasures he hadn’t allowed himself a few years ago. The ex-watcher had changed a lot since retiring and had to admit the simplicity of watching morning telly was bloody wonderful.
He leaned over to get his half full beer when the phone began to ring. He looked over with a grimace and got up slowly. He muttered as he walked over to the phone about finally going out to get a cordless so he didn’t have to get up every time the damn thing rang.
“Rupert Giles,” he said shortly after he snatched the receiver. They were showing that magic mop again on the telly and he had been seriously considering ordering one.
“Mr. Giles its Wyndam-Pryce.”
“Oh, good day Wes, I trust your day went well.” Giles said sitting down on one of the stool by the kitchen island.
“It went well, Mr. Giles, thank you for the acquirement.”
Giles nodded his head impatiently, “good, good,” he said quickly to get through the polite formality instilled in the both of them. After a moment of silence Giles began to speak, “did you happen to talk to Angel as we had discussed yesterday?”
“Yes, I did, in fact that is why I have rung you up, you see…I have been thinking about what you said all night and well…may I be so bold as to say I know the real reason you asked me to talk to Angel”
Giles’s face broke out into a smile; Wesley was not as slow on the uptake as he had previously thought.
“I’m guessing you meeting with Angel proved to be enlightening then?” Giles asked already knowing the answer.
It had been in fact his plan all along; He had wanted Wesley to figure it out all on his own. That way Giles wouldn’t be breaking any confidences in the process with Spike.
“Yes, I would definitely call my meeting with Angel enlightening,” Wesley answered, “and I am assuming that Spike also…enlightened you?”
Giles smiled again, getting Wes’s help on this had been a fantastic idea.
“Yes, he has,” Giles answered.
“Good, good,” Wesley said then gave a small chuckle, “I have to admit, when I first walked into that meeting I still hadn’t figured it all out, but as soon as I asked Angel’s about his feeling towards Spike I suspected why you had called me.”
Giles nodded his head even though the other ex-watcher couldn’t see.
“So, what do we do?” Wes asked after a moment.
“So, you wish to get the two vampires’ together?” Giles asked just to clarify.
“Yes, Giles I…I think it is imperative...”
“Imperative,” Giles repeated questioningly.
“Yes, Angel is…well, let’s just say he needs this.”
Giles stayed silent thinking of how sad and lonely his friend was and nodded his head, “yes, I have to concur, it is imperative, to them both.”
“What are your suggestions, Mr. Giles?”
Giles looked over to the paintings sitting in the corner and smiled, “you think you could persuade, Angel to visit London?”
“Yes, I believe I can, but there has to be more to your plan them getting them face to face?”
“Of course there is,” Giles said with a snort.
“Naturally, Mr. Giles, I didn’t mean to...
“Its fine, Wesley, no harm.”
After an awkward pause Giles explained to Wesley about the paintings and having Angel come and see them.
“You believe if he sees the paintings that they will affect him?”
“Bloody hell, Wes,” Giles sighed, “once you see them you’ll understand.”
Wesley seemed to be thinking so hard that Giles could swear he could hear it an ocean away.
“It can’t be that simple.” Wesley said after a moment.
“It’s not Wesley, but really what more can we do. We can beg and plead but the rest...well, the rest is up to them.”
“Angel doesn’t believe he deserves love.” Wesley said abruptly like he was forcing himself to say it out loud.
“And Spike believes no one will ever really love him,” Giles said after a moment.
The two ex-watchers stayed silent before Giles began to chuckle loudly.
“What is it, Mr. Giles?”
“It’s just…who would have though that to watchers would be worried about the love life of the two most fearsome vampire’s to ever walk the earth.”
Wesley laughed out loud before answering, “Two watchers fired by the council, I wager.”
Giles smiled at that, “yes, I’m proud to say that I wasn’t all they expected. That I wasn’t a bloody mindless fool when it came to their black and white ideals.”
“I agree,” Wes said back, “best moment of my life was being kicked out of the council.”
Giles chuckled again, “not a prouder moment.”
They both remained quite as they realize somehow the two of them stopped being just old collages and became something resembling friends.
They both spent the next hour talking about the vampires and how to help them mentally before the two meet. By the end they had both agreed that they could do no better then being true friends to the vampire’s and being there when they were needed.
“Don’t let him walk away,” Giles said after a moment, “when he sees Spike for the first time, insist he talks to him.”
“I promise, I assume you will do the same.”
“I will,” Giles said vowing to himself as well as Wes.
By the time Giles had hung up the phone he felt more of the weight on his shoulders lift off.
“This could really work,” he whispered as he walked back over to the couch. Spike just might have a happy ending after all.
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