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“Cordy? Cordelia? Oh God ... Buffy! Cordelia’s hurt ... go get some help!” Darkness. Hazy shapes floating over her. Distorted figures ... more than one ... familiar .... “Hold on, Cordy, I’m gonna take care of you ...” Was she still in the Library? Did the spell work at last? That wasn’t Anya’s voice! It was ...
“Xander ...” she croaked, her throat constricting with the effort. She opened her eyes and saw the dark brown ones of the man she had given everything up for. His eyes were wild with panic, and the sight of her awakening immediately brought a relieved smile to his face.
“You’re alright! Thank God ... you’re alright!” His voice was thick with emotion, and he gently took her in his arms. “I thought I’d lost you,” he said gruffly, stroking her tangled hair.
Cordelia tried to sit up and winced in pain. “Wh-where am I?” She looked around her surroundings, trying to ascertain where she was. The night sky was dotted with stars that twinkled far above her. Off in the distance she could see a scattering of trees. And ... was that a tombstone? “I don’t think we’re in the Library anymore, Toto,” she murmured.
Xander frowned, perplexed. “No, we’re in the cemetery. Don’t you remember? I kissed you and ...”
Cordelia coughed and shook her head. “Last I remember, I was in the Library with ...” She paused suddenly, her eyes darting to his. “You kissed me?”
Mistaking her surprise for anger, Xander let go of her and looked away. “I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do it like that suddenly, it’s just that ... I can’t stand not being ...”
“Xander.”
He turned to her mutely, at the joy shining in her eyes and the soft smile on her lips. A flicker of hope rose in him. “Cordy ...”
She shook her head, silencing him, and took his face between her hands. She stared intently into his eyes and whispered, “Do you love me?”
Xander became still at her words.
“I ... um ...”
Cordelia immediately pulled away at his hesitation, lowering her head so that he would not see her disappointment. “I see.” She stood up abruptly and began to walk away, trying to ignore the pain in her body – but the most painful of all was the throbbing of her heart.
Xander scrambled up from his position. “Cordy! Wait!” She did not heed him. Déjà vu swept over her as she recalled a scene from days past when Xander had pulled away from her embrace. It seems that even in the real world ...
“Cordy ... I love you.”
Cordelia stopped walking. Xander caught up to her but didn’t reach out to touch her. “I love you,” he repeated quietly.
She turned around slowly, eyes bright with tears. Of sadness or of pleasure, he couldn’t tell. “Why should I believe you, Xander?” she asked in a low voice, trying to hide the thrill of ecstasy she felt at his words. It would be so easy to throw herself into his arms, but she had taken too much rejection lately to fully trust in him ... yet.
Xander ran a hand through his thick hair nervously. “I was scared, Cordy,” he confessed. “I didn’t know what to do with the sudden rush of feelings, y’know? You were always, like, this goddess on a pedestal, and I was just this lowly court jester trying to sing your praises. When I realized how much you meant to me ... I panicked.” He paused and looked down at his feet. “And Willow was ... well, I can’t make any excuses for that. Insanity, maybe? It was just that she was there, and I thought ... well ... I did ... I was insane. Crazy.” He finally caught her gaze and said earnestly. “I was crazy for doing that to you, Cordy. Stupid. Crazy and stupid. You are the only woman I have ever loved. I’ve done some pretty dumb things in my time, but hurting you like that was the stupidest thing I ever have done, and probably ever will do. I’m an idiot.”
Cordelia did not say anything. Xander nodded sadly in understanding and began to walk away.
“You’re a moron.”
A smile began spreading throughout Xander’s face. “I’m a numskull,” he agreed.
“A lamebrain.”
“An imbecile.”
“A dorkhead.”
Xander let out a laugh at the old insult. “Dorkhead? You slash me with your words!” he said, playing his part to the hilt. They smiled at each other, an undercurrent of passion hidden beneath their words. He suddenly grabbed Cordelia around the waist and swung her around. “I love you, Cordelia Chase.”
“Do you?” she asked, throwing her arms around his neck. She laughed teasingly in his ear, all traces of tears gone. “I don’t think I believe you. I don’t think you love me at all, Xander Harris!”
And he gave her the sweetest kiss she had ever received from anyone just to prove her wrong.
* * *
Angel watched the happy couple from behind the trees and sighed unhappily to himself. Turning around, he walked away.
END...
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