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He had never left the Library in the first place. She was his friend, and he hadn’t wanted to leave her alone in her troubled state of mind. She had gone through too much that day, and though he knew her to be a strong willed and determined character, he was afraid for her. Would she crack under the strain? Angel had suffered through years of mental torment, what with the curse of his soul and all. He did not wish the anguish and the pain he had to live with every day on anyone. He had watched his friend’s disturbing roller coaster of emotions, and the state she was in now worried him the most. She was too quiet.
Tears and wild demonstrations of anger like the one he had witnessed earlier were normal. Displaying her fears and frustrations in that manner was only understandable given her unfortunate situation. But now she was eerily silent, her face devoid of emotion. Now Angel himself was used to hiding his thoughts under a passive face, but he knew Cordelia to be a passionate, emotional person. Seeing her in this condition ... this was not normal.
He watched as Anyanka tried other incantations, other spells. He could sense the panic in the goddess, for she feared that her power was gone. However, all seemed well with her magicks, which didn’t explain how a relatively simple reversal didn’t work. The thought evidently bothered the goddess as well, for she did not leave. Instead she hovered over Cordelia almost protectively, urging her to keep trying the wish in hopes that it would work. Cordelia complied in a dull voice, but no confidence or faith was present in her voice. She did not seem surprised when time after time, the spell backfired. Anyanka was clearly getting irritated with the constant failure of the spell but for whatever reason, she did not take it out on the girl. Perhaps it was her wretched, hopeless state that touched the heart of the goddess; perhaps it was the ever-present fear that Cordelia may still smash her amulet, but for whatever reason, Anyanka kept trying, and failing, and trying again.
Angel was on the verge of going out to see what he could do to help, and to offer what comfort he could to the desolate girl. Even his wariness at the wrath of the goddess was not about to hold him back. He took a step forward, but then stopped as Anyanka let out a shriek of frustration.
“Why isn’t this working?” The goddess banged her fist on the table violently. Even the act did not elicit a reaction from Cordelia. Her head was lowered, and her hair, which had long fallen out of its loose confines, covered her face. Suddenly, she spoke.
“The spell cannot be reversed unless the caster reverses it,” she quoted flatly. “Are you sure you’re the caster?” she asked, echoing the words Angel had said earlier.
“Of course I’m the caster!” said Anyanka indignantly. “I’m a goddess! Do you know anyone else who can cast such a powerful spell?”
Cordelia smiled grimly to herself at the bitter possibility, but she knew it couldn’t have been her. “No.”
“Well there you go,” said the goddess, slightly offended at the slighting of her powers. “Even reversals require ...”
“Reversal is done by negating the magicks unleashed by the first spell. However, the circumstances during the time the spell was cast must be the same as that of the time of the reversal,” continued Cordelia, still quoting from the book. She looked up at Anyanka and smiled humorlessly. “Does that mean we have to go out to the Bronze? Do I have to get stuffed in the dumpster again? Cause I can give Buffy a call and ... no, wait. We were at the quad, weren’t we? Yes, that’s it. Harmony and her flock had just insulted me. Again. So do we have to go out there to reverse the spell? Do we?” Cordelia’s voice became louder, showing emotion for the first time. “Cause we can, you know. That’s the easy part. If we go out there, then maybe the spell will work, huh? C’mon, let’s go!” Despite her words, Cordelia did not move from her spot, and she showed no signs of doing so anytime soon. Her hopeful speech was all bitter sarcasm. There was no hope. She had no hope.
* * *
Angel realized at last why the spell had kept backfiring. Cordelia’s wish, his wish, it was the same, but both had to say it in order for the reversal to work. And now he had a moral dilemma in his hands.
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