Disclaimer: Not mine.
Cordelia sat locked in a bathroom stall and cried, letting the tears roll down her cheeks without any regard for her carefully applied makeup. She bit her lip to keep from making any noise as she wept silently about this new betrayal.
She heard people come in and out of the bathroom, heard girls come in laughing and talking about random bits of gossip, some of it about her, but she didn’t care. She recognized Harmony’s voice as she and a gaggle of girls came in and bitched about her earlier behavior, but she did not say a thing in her defense. She smelt the familiar odor of cigarettes as someone lit up in the stall next to hers for a quick smoke before class, but the usual fear that the smell would stick to her clothes and hair did not rise in her. She heard the bell ring for the next class, but she did not move from her position. She was just numb, and nothing that the outside world said or did would affect her anymore.
“Cordy?” It was Buffy’s voice. How the Slayer knew she was here, she didn’t give a damn, but she remained in her stall and refused to answer. “Cordy, I know you’re in here. Someone told me they saw you come in.” Well, that answered her question, but she still wasn’t going to come out. “Cordy, please. Tell me what’s wrong?” Buffy began walking past the row of stalls, peeking under each door to see which one her friend was hiding in. Cordelia tucked her legs in defiantly and quieted her sobs.
Buffy put her hands on her hips. “I will break down every door in this place if I have to, Cordy. You might as well come out now.” A door to her left swung open, and Buffy turned to it with a smile. “Good. Now ...” she stopped as she saw Cordelia’s tear-streaked face and disheveled appearance. “What happened to you?” she asked in alarm, coming inside the stall and staring at her friend. “Are you okay?”
Cordy’s voice was still gruff with emotion when she replied. “I’m fine. Now leave me alone.”
“You are not fine. And I want to know who did this to you. Is it Harmony and her crowd again?” Buffy’s eyes narrowed dangerously. “Cause if it is ...”
“It’s not Harmony,” interrupted Cordelia. She sniffed inelegantly and tried to wipe the tears from her eyes. She stood up and walked over to the sink to wash her face and reapply her makeup. Crying did not do her face any good. It was a fact that had been rammed into her head since childhood. “If you must know, it’s Xander.” She splashed some water on her face to hide the new wave of tears that began streaming down her face at the mention of his name.
Buffy’s eyes softened. “I remember what you said this morning. Do you love him?”
Cordelia glanced at Buffy warily, unsure of her motives. It was hard to figure out whom to trust these days. Harmony had betrayed her, Xander had betrayed her, why should Buffy be any different? But she sighed, and shrugged. “Maybe.”
Buffy looked at the heartbroken expression on Cordy’s face and nodded. “You do love him,” she said, almost to herself. “Since when?”
“Oh, I don’t know. Since forever.” Cordelia shook her head, remembering that this was the alternate world and not her own. “Even before Oz, I guess.”
“And what happened just now?” Buffy’s voice was gentle, soothing. Cordelia was grateful for her empathy.
“I wrote him a note asking him to meet me in the closet after class. I wanted to tell him how I feel.” She stopped. She just couldn’t go on.
“And he didn’t show up? Oh, Cordy,” sighed Buffy, giving her a quick hug. “I’m so sorry.”
Cordelia pulled away quickly, not yet up for any human contact, even hugs of sympathy. “But that’s not it, Buffy.” She looked away from the blonde and stared at her reflection in the mirror. Tired, red-rimmed eyes, a pasty complexion, and a nose that would make Rudolph proud. Cordelia pulled out her makeup bag and began to pat on some foundation in an effort to hide all evidence of her recent bout of tears. Her voice was carefully dispassionate when she continued talking. “Oh, he was in there. With Willow. He was kissing Willow.”
Buffy’s eyes widened in pity, and she reached for her friend again before drawing back at the last minute. “I really am sorry. Do you ...” she paused delicately. “Do you know why?”
Cordelia smiled bitterly. “To make me mad? To mock me? I don’t know. But it hurt, Buffy. You would not believe how much it hurt. Especially since ...”
“Since you’ve seen it happen before,” finished Buffy. Cordelia’s gaze flew to Buffy’s, startled. “I mean, with Oz and all,” added Buffy quickly, misinterpreting Cordelia’s look.
“Oh. Yeah. Oz.” Cordelia began putting on eyeshadow with an expert hand.
“So what are you going to do now?” Buffy asked, feeling a wave of anger at both men for doing this to her best friend. And that Willow ...
“Deal. Move on.” Cordelia applied her lipstick and stepped away from the mirror, wanting to get away from the talk of Xander. “There are other guys ... cuter guys. I’ll manage somehow.” She was lying to herself, and both she and Buffy knew it, but both chose to ignore that fact. “How do I look?”
“Absolutely gorgeous,” said Buffy quietly. “You going back to class now?”
“I guess. What time is it?”
“Time for fourth, actually. I have Gym.” Buffy added mentally. “See you at Lunch?”
“Okay.”
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