Buffy came down a few minutes later and Spike stood up. After a moment, she went over and wrapped her arms around his waist. “I didn’t want to interrupt you and Dawn,” she whispered.
Spike closed his eyes at the feel of her arms. “Oh god, Buffy,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around her body.
Buffy inhaled his scent. “I’m so mad at you,” she said.
“I know,” Spike said, with guilt.
“How could you do that to me?” Buffy asked, pulling away.
Spike felt tears sting his eyes. “Buffy,” he said, but she cut him off.
“No,” she said, softly but angrily. “You said you loved me.”
“I do,” Spike said, meeting her eyes.
“Then why did you leave me?” Buffy asked, tears welling in her eyes.
“I had to,” Spike said, moving away from her.
Buffy grabbed his hand. “Please don’t. I don’t wanna fight and I don’t want to lose you again,” she whispered, her tears threatening to fall.
Spike looked at her with vulnerability.
Buffy squeezed his hand soothingly. “I don’t wanna scare you. I just want you to be okay,” she whispered.
“Buffy, I will never be okay,” Spike said, tears welling in his eyes.
“Then talk to me and I’ll help you,” she whispered.
“You cant,” Spike said, gently pulling his hand free.
“Why?” Buffy asked.
“Because us together is the reason we’re like this,” Spike said.
“Like what?” She asked.
“I’m overwhelmed with guilty with what I did. I can barely make through everyday. You’ve been upset ever since I left. You’re nervous and I can understand that. I promised myself I would never hurt you or Dawn. All I ever do I cause the two of you pain,” Spike said, tears sliding down his face.
“But things can be better for us. You have no idea how hard it was for me when you were gone. You were my everything next to Dawn. You were my rock, my..”
“Boy toy?” Spike offered, bitterness slipping into his voice.
“I know I hurt and I said I was sorry,” Buffy said, angrily.
“That’s not the point,” Spike said, softly.
“Well what do you want me do?” Buffy asked softly. “I cant sleep with you again.”
“I’m not asking you to do anything,” he said. “And I don’t wanna sleep with you. I might love you with everything in me but I’m not going through that again.”
“I wanna help you, if you’ll let me,” Buffy said, softly.
“Buffy, you don’t get it,” Spike said, trying not to yell at her. “It hurts too much.”
Buffy’s eyes softened and she approached him. “I know, but cant we talk about it though?” She
asked, softly, her hand reaching for his.
Spike surrendered to her and allowed her to lead him to the couch.
Buffy sat down and gently tugged Spike down next to her. “I want us to be able to okay,” she said. “I want to be able to talk to you and I want you to be able to talk to me. I want us to trust each other again.”
Spike looked at her with love and devotion. “I trust you,” he said.
“Not fully,” Buffy said, softly. “I hurt you too much for you to be able to trust me,” she said, turning toward him. “I missed you, you know. When you were gone.”
“I didn’t think you’d care,” Spike admitted.
“For the longest time, I thought I didn’t,” Buffy said, tears stinging the back of her eyes. “After a few weeks of going to your crypt, I realized that you left me like the rest. I tried to be angry at you and place blame on you, but I couldn’t. You left because you hurt me and apparently you couldn’t handle it. I never thought you would run from me.”
“Buffy, sorry wasn’t gunna cut it,” Spike said, tears in his eyes. “I didn’t even realized what I had done until I was on my way out of town.”
Buffy ran her hand across his face, tenderly. “And I didn’t realize how much I hurt you ‘til you left the bathroom,” she whispered.
Spike leaned into her touch as his tears slid down his cheeks. “I’m so sorry,” he whispered.
Buffy frowned. “I know,” she said, pulling him into her arms. “I know you didn’t mean to hurt me but I was no better. I should’ve just given in to my feelings instead of trying to please everyone else. We would’ve been much happier.”
Spike snuggled into her arms and inhaled her scent. “I love you,” he whispered.
Buffy pulled him closer and tenderly stroked his hair. “Good,” she said, softly. “Maybe one day, I could love you, but I cant make any promises.”
“I’ve been so lost without you Buffy,” he said. “I haven’t been able to eat or sleep and its making me weak and sick.”
“I’ll take care of you,” she said. “I promise you that.”
After a while Spike fell asleep in Buffy’s arms.
Not wanting to move, Buffy situated them on the couch. She wasn’t able to fight sleep as her eyes closed.
The next morning, Dawn came downstairs and paused at her sister and vampire asleep on the couch.
Spike sighed but snuggled deeper into Buffy’s arms.
Dawn scowled and went to the kitchen.
A few minutes later, Spike walked in. “Dawn?”
Dawn closed her eyes to hold back the tears.
Spike smelled the salt of her tears and went over to her. Cautiously, he reached his hand out and rested it on her shoulder. “Dawn?”
Dawn’s shoulders started shaking as sobs wracked her body.
Spike pulled her into his arms and held her close to him. “Shhh,” he whispered.
Dawn shook in his arms and continued to sob. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
Spike cradled her head against his chest and ran his fingers through her hair tenderly. He began to purr softly to try and calm her.
Buffy came into the kitchen and paused at her sister in Spike’s arms. She smiled a little and went over to them. She rested her hand on Spike’s back and he looked at her. She rubbed her hand up and down his back, soothingly.
After a while, Dawn’s sobs died down to heavy breathing and occasional hiccups.
Spike pulled back a little and looked down at her. “Am I forgiven?” He asked.
Dawn wiped her tears. “If you ever leave again, I’ll hunt you down and kill you,” she growled.
“I’m never leaving again, I promise,” Spike said.
Buffy slid her arms around his waist and hugged him tightly. “I was hoping that you would say that.”
Dawn smiled and snuggled with them. “We love you, you know,” she said.
Spike got a squeeze from Buffy and smiled. “I know.”
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