The Players:
Xander . . . . . . . Rick Blaine
Spike . . . . . . . Capt. Louis Renault
Angel . . . . . . . Victor Laszlo
Buffy . . . . . . . Maj. Heinrich Strasser
Doyle . . . . . . . Guillermo Ugarte
Faith . . . . . . . Signor Ferrari
Willow . . . . . . . Carl, and other minor characters as needed
Tara . . . . . . . . Emil, and other minor characters as needed
Giles & Lorne . . . Sam
Andrew . . . . . . . Sascha
Anya . . . . . . . . Yvonne
Dawn . . . . . . . . Col. Heinze
Wesley . . . . . . . Berger
Fred . . . . . . . . Annina Brandel
Gunn . . . . . . . . Jan Brandel
Riley . . . . . . . pompous banker
Forrest & Graham . . various gendarmes as needed
And most definitely not least:
Ilsa Lund . . . . . ??? (Ingrid Bergman)
Now on with the story...
Part 3, Confrontations
Spike watches Xander very carefully, "Yes, I do believe 'ee is also
known as Angel. Alex, zat is ze first time I 'ave ever seen you so
impressed."
"Well, he's succeeded in impressing half the world. Heck, you were
part of it, back in the BWAHAAHAHA," Xander points out, as he tries to
pass it off casually.
"Be zat as it may, it is my duty to make sure 'ee doesn't impress ze
other 'alf. Alex, Angel must never reach America. 'Ee stays in
Casablanca."
Xander chuckles in reply, "It'll be interesting to see how he
manages."
"Manages what?" asks Spike.
"His escape," is Xander's simple reply.
Spike tries to object. "Oh, but I just told you--"
"Stop it, you pasty faced limey! He escaped from a hell dimension,
survived BWAHAAHAHA - without having to 'get better' - and the slayers
have been chasing him all over Europe and still haven't caught him!"
"Zis is ze end of ze chase," Spike informs him with solemn dignity.
Xander just snorts. "Cheap plastic toys worth twenty thousand points
says it ain't."
"Is zat a serious offer?" Spike is interested in the offer despite his
better judgment.
"I just paid out twenty a moment ago. I'd like to get it back."
"Make it ten. I'm only a poor corrupt official, with no tan and an
'orrible French accent."
Xander agrees, "Okay."
"Done!" assents Spike, greedily. "No matter 'ow clever 'ee is, 'ee
still needs an exit spell." Then he slyly added, "Or should I say
two."
"Why two?" inquires Xander, suddenly curious.
Spike smirked, "'Ee is traveling with a lady."
"He'll take one," Xander said, very sure of himself.
"I zink not. I 'ave seen ze lady, and if 'ee did not leave 'er in L.A.,
Marseilles or London, 'ee won't leave 'er in Casablanca."
Xander was still sure of himself in this regard as he countered, "Maybe
he's not quite as romantic as you are," missing the reference to Los Angeles.
"It doesn't matter. Zere is no exit talisman for 'im," Spike declared
flatly.
"Spike, whatever gave you the impression that I might be interested in
helping him escape? Though I can respect him, I still hate Deadboy.
I've always hated him."
"Because, my dear Alex, I believe under zat cynical shell of yours,
you are at 'eart a sentimentalist." Xander frowns at that, but Spike
continues. "Oh, laugh if you will, but I 'appen to be familiar with
your record. Let me point out just a few items. In 1998 you saved your
friends from a bomb in ze local 'igh school. In 2000, you were the
'eart' that 'elped defeat ADAM. Two years later you stopped your
friend, ze 'ead waiter 'ere, from destroying ze world."
"And got well paid for it on all occasions."
"What? Zere was no money involved!"
"Well...um, I got laid on the one. And major female huggage and grope on
the others."
"Either way, I 'ave my orders."
"You really are Buffy's little spank monkey after all."
Spike stands suddenly in righteous indignation. "My dear Alex, you
overestimate ze influence of ze slayers. I don't interfere with zem,
and zey don't interfere with me. In Casablanca I am master of my fate,
I am captain of my--"
He is interrupted by his aide, Tara. "Buffy is here, sir." Spike jumps
up to leave.
It was Xander's turn to smirk, "You were saying?"
"Excuse me, my sword needs polishing." He rushes away as Xander smiles
wickedly.
Back inside the cafe, Spike goes up to Willow. "Willow, see zat Buffy
gets a good table, one up close to 'ze ladies."
Muttering to herself, "Damn, If I'd known she swung that way maybe I
wouldn't have left her army." More loudly now, addressing herself to
Spike directly, "I have already given her the best, knowing she is a
pompous bitch and would take it anyway."
Spike then heads over to one of his officers and whispers to him.
"Take 'im quietly. Put two men at every exit."
"Yes sir, everything is ready, sir." Graham salutes and goes off to
speak to the other members of the gendarme entourage. Seeing that all
is well, Spike saunters over to Buffy's table.
"Good evening, ladies." Spike tries to smile at Buffy, Dawn, and the other
slayers.
"Good evening, Captain William," answers Buffy solemnly, taking her
part in this story way too seriously.
Dawn pipes up, "Won't you join us, Spike?"
"Zank you, it is a pleasure to 'ave you 'ere, Buffy," he answers
as he sits at the table.
Buffy addresses the waiter, "Champagne and a tin of caviar."
The crowd erupts loudly, "THIS IS A JUICE BAR!"
Buffy cringes in
embarrassment.
Spike breaks in, "May I recommend the Apple-Tabasco-Zucchini Squash?"
"Thank you. I'll have one of those."
The waiter responds with a curt, "Very well, ma'am," and leaves.
"A very interesting club," comments Buffy as she regains her earlier
confidence and pompousness.
"Especially so tonight," agrees Spike. "In a few minutes you will see
ze arrest of ze man 'ew murdered your lackeys."
"I expected no less, Captain." Buffy grins as she surveys the room.
In the game room, Doyle is standing by the D&D table, watching the
action. He does not notice the two gendarmes approaching from behind.
"Doyle?" Forrest inquires.
Doyle spins. "Em, ya?"
"Will you please come with me?"
"Right. OK, Lemme cash in my tickets, yeah? I'm thinkin' I could get
me-self the zoo set."
Graham, the other officer, nods, and follows him to the cashier's
window, where he exchanges the tickets for the zoo pieces.
"Pretty lucky, yeah? Those animals are so cute! I love the panda!"
The cashier hands him the little box full of brightly colored pieces.
He looks around and sees guards stationed at every door. He approaches
one of the doors slowly, then suddenly bolts between the guards and
slams the door shut behind him. By the time the guards get the door
open again Doyle has pulled a Super-Soaker squirt gun. He fires orange
paint behind him and pandemonium erupts. He continues to rush down a
hallway and runs into Xander.
"Alex, Alex help me, man!"
"Don't be a fool, you can't get away," Xander informs him
remorselessly.
Doyle is frantic, "Alex, hide me. Do something, man! You must be
helpin' me, Alex. Do something!"
The guards catch up and drag him away. Xander just watches, impassive.
Legs dangling uselessly as the guards haul him bodily away, Doyle
still pleads, "Alex, ya' bastard! Alex!"
Buffy has witnessed the whole thing, and comments to Spike.
"Excellent, Captain."
Xander continues to impassively watch the scene as a customer walks
by. "When they come to get me I hope you'll be more of a help."
Xander's reply is iceberg-lettuce cold in his reply, "I stick my neck
out for nobody." He walks out to the middle of the room, an expectant
hush falls, some people are getting ready to leave. He clears his
throat and makes a loud announcement:
"Sorry for the disturbance, folks, but it's all over now.
Everything is all right. Just sit down and have a good time. Enjoy
yourselves."
He rounds on Giles and Lorne, "Alright guys, play something!" They
start right in on a rocking cover of "Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star",
Lorne singing gustily.
Spike sits calmly at Buffy's table as Xander walks by. Xander behaves
as if he doesn't notice them. However, Spike calls to get his
attention. "Oh, Alex!"
Xander reluctantly stops and reluctantly moves to their table.
"Alex, zis is Buffy of ze Slayer Army."
It's obvious there has been a serious falling out between them. They
are stiff, formal and barely polite as they reluctantly regard each
other. Buffy asks, "How do you do, Mister Harris?"
Xander replies tonelessly, "Not bad, considering. Seems you've
mis-informed me," glancing sideways at Spike, "The waters here are not
as great as you said they'd be."
"I flunked geography. So sue me!" she spat out, unprofessionally breaking
character.
Spike jumps in, "And you already know Dawn?"
Xander nods to Dawn, a small, yet genuine smile on his face.
"Please do join us, Mr. Harris," repeats Buffy, as she struggles to
get back into the role. He reluctantly sits with them.
Spike, blissfully unaware of the tension between them, speaks, "We are
very 'onored tonight, Alex. Buffy is ze reason ze Slayer Army enjoys
ze reputation it 'as today."
Buffy looks sharply at Spike, "You say 'Slayer Army' as though you
expect there to be others."
Spike is wonderfully uncaring. "Well, personally, Buffy, I will take
what cums-errr, comes."
Buffy, disgusted with him, turns back to Xander. "Do you mind if I ask
you a few questions? Unofficially, of coarse."
Xander, playing it reluctantly cool and reserved, answers dryly, "Make
it official, if you like."
"What is your nationality?"
Xander is confused, "Huh?"
"Just answer the damn question, Zeppo!" Buffy snarls, extremely furious
that she has broken character again.
"Buffy! You know me!"
Taking a deep breath, counting to ten, Buffy professionally pushes her
anger aside and leans over and hisses into his ear, "Just go with it,
Xander. I always loved this scene and I want to play it right."
"Fine, have it your way," Xander sighs. "OK, where was I? Oh, yeah..."
He assumes a complete poker face and resumes the dialog, "I'm a
Vegetarian."
"Zat makes Alex a citizen of ze world!" beams Spike.
"I was born in New York City, if that helps."
Buffy nods and continues her interrogation. "I understand you came
here from Sunnydale after the time of The First BaSHinG."
"You were the one who sent me here! 'Healing' waters you said!" he
bites out sarcastically (yet also reluctantly).
"Are you one of those people who cannot imagine Slayers in their
beloved Sunnydale?" smoking him a venomous glare for not getting into
the spirit of the scene.
"It's not particularly my beloved Sunnydale. Besides which, who would
want a big smoking hole in the ground?"
"Can you imagine us in Acapulco?" Dawn chirps brightly.
Xander's tone is lighter, less dry as he answers Dawn, "When you get
there, ask me."
Spike cheers, "'Oo! diplomatist!"
Buffy grinds on, "How about New York?"
Xander finally shows a little amusement, "Well there are certain
sections of New York I would advise you not to go. New Jersey, on the
other hand, is yours for the taking. Please!"
"Aha," Buffy exclaims, "who do you think will win the demon war?"
"I haven't the slightest idea." Xander leans his chair back and
nonchalantly pops a radish in his mouth, crunching down on it loudly.
"Alex is completely neutral about everything. And zat includes woman,
too." interrupts Spike.
"You weren't always so carefully neutral. We have a complete dossier
on you." Buffy gleefully takes out a little black book and begins
reading from a page. "Alexander LaVelle Harris, American, Age 25. Cannot
return to his country." She snaps the book closed. "The reason is vague.
We also know what you did in Sunnydale, Mr. Harris, and why you left."
Xander brings his chair down in a clatter. "Buffy, it's a fricken' hole
in the ground!" He is getting extremely annoyed with this scene as she
attempts to play her part a little too close to the original. He reaches
over and snatches the book from her.
"Don't worry," she says, "we're not going to broadcast the
information."
"Like I care." he snorts. He glances down at the book. "Hey, are my
eyes really a lovely warm chocolate brown? All the stories say
that, I just never really believed it. I guess it must be true,
cause," waving the book, "it's official."
"You will forgive me, Mr. Harris, but the point is an enemy of the
Army has come to Casablanca and we are checking up on anybody who can
be of any help to us."
He's reluctantly resigned himself to her games. Not only was she a
pompous bitch who didn't know jack about geography, but she was always
stubborn about doing things the way she wanted to do them. He now just
wants to get to the end of the scene as painlessly as possible.
Looking pointedly at Spike, he answers her, "My interest in whether
Angel stays or goes is strictly a sporting one."
"In this case you have no sympathy for the fox, eh?"
"Not particularly. I understand the point of view of the hound, too."
"Angel has published the foulest lies in the LA papers until the very
day we reluctantly swept in to save his ass in the BWAHAAHAHA, and
even after that he continued to print scandal sheets from a sewer
main Oslo."
Spike, despite an inner sense that he'd always disliked Angel, felt
compelled to point out, "Of course, one must admit 'ee 'as great
courage."
"I admit he is very clever. Three times he has slipped through our
fingers. We intend not to let that happen again."
Xander decided to get up, his patience with her finally leaving with
the hot blond number just now exiting through the door, "You'll excuse
me, Your business is demon hunting, mine is running a juice bar."
Buffy dismissed him with a curt, "Good evening. Mr. Harris."
Xander gratefully heads for the game room where he can pick up his
game of solitary tic-tac-toe, leaving Spike and Buffy in his wake.
"You see, Buffy, you 'ave nothing to worry about Alex."
"Perhaps," Buffy said as she eyed the Xander's retreating back through
squinted eyes. She turns as a new couple walks in the front door.
It is the infamous, courageous Angel. And a stunning young woman,
dressed in a simple beautiful white gown, is walking next to him.
She is so beautiful everyone turns to gaze at her. It is none other
than Ms. Cordelia Chase.
AN: Now really, who did you think it would be?
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