Disclaimer: I'm not in any way associated with BTVS or Star Wars, or anyone who's ever been involved with it. I just took Joss Whedon's brilliant characters and mushed them into George Lucas' ingenious universe. The rest is, as they say, history. Please don't sue me, I'm not making any money off this, just have a lot of good laughs. (:
Act One
A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away....
Act 1, Opening Scene: The Bronze, Mos Eisley, Tatooine
(Luffy Summerskywalker, Princess Cordy, and Hangel Solo are sitting around at a table, Oz-o Calrissian is on stage with the rest of "Womprats Ate My Baby")
Luffy: (sitting close to Hangel) And then I told O-G-Man hat I didn't care if The Master loosed his fishy hell on the universe, that I didn't intend to die and he could just find somebody else to stop him.
Hangel: But in the end, she realized she just couldn't let the universe face that, so she gave it all up. (he kisses her forehead, Luffy blushes)
Cordy: Wow, I'm impressed. You know, the Alliance could really use you, Luffy. You to, Hangel.
Luffy: I don't know...we're more free-lance. It's bad enough complying to O-G-Man's rules.
Cordy: Oh, but you have so much to offer! Although, we will have to do something about your hair...
Luffy: (reaching up to her hair) My hair? What's wrong with it?
Cordy: Oh, nothing...it just does that...thing. You know. (Luffy starts to argue, but Hangel cuts her off)
Hangel: What do we get paid?
Cordy: Well, you get fashion advice (looks pointedly at their clothes) and 3,000 credits a month.
Hangel: That's kinda cheap.
Cordy: We're a rebel alliance, you think we have cash floating around? (Luffy raises an eyebrow and looks at the Mercedes Landspeeder parked outside) It was a gift.
Luffy: Right. Anyway, when and where do you want us?
Cordy: If you're up to it, meet us at the high school on Endor in 2 days. (They get up to leave.) Oh, and Luffy? (Luffy looks back at her.) Try hair-spraying that thing back...you don't' want to make a bad impression.
(Luffy glares at Cordy for a moment, before Hangel pulls her away from the table and outside into the hot, dry night.)
Hangel: (Pulling gently on Luffy's arm) Your hair looks fine.
Luffy: (Glaring at the door.) For the sole sake of the alliance, I'm surprised she's the motivational speaker.
Hangel: It's only because she can't do anything else. Come on, let's get inside. It's getting late.
(Luffy nods reluctantly and lets him lead her away.)
Meanwhile...
* * *
Scene Two: The Hellmouth Star, in orbit around Endor
(Darth Xander joins Grand Moff Snyder, Admiral Harmony, and other officials in an anonymous conference room)
Snyder: Lord Xander. How kind of you to join us.
Xander: I, uh, had to see about a tremor in the Force.
Snyder: Very well. (speaks to the group) Have you located the Slayer yet?
Harmony: (clears her throat) Like, no, but we found this old guy who we think is connected with her, ya know? So we're gonna try and, like, interrogate him or something.
Xander: The Jedi Watcher...
Snyder: It can't be. The Watchers were eliminated years ago. You, my friend, are all that's left of their religion.
Xander: You with your fancy-shamncy "facts." Let's go on gut-feeling here, people!
Harmony: Yes, well, anyway, this dude keeps disappearing, but we're working on tracking him.
Snyder: Good. Inform me if anything else comes up. (The officials get up and leave. Xander starts to follow) Lord Xander.
Xander: Yes?
Snyder: It would be best for all of us if you could occassionally do some research of your own, instead of spitting our random facts.
Xander: Random? I do not spit out random facts. They are rooted deeply in the Force.
Snyder: "Dog spit is cleaner than human?"
Xander: (face mask turns pinkish) Well, maybe not that one...
Snyder: Work on it. Dismissed. (Xander exits, leaving Snyder to sigh and contemplate his navel and the fate of the universe.)
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