Joss Whedon owns all the Buffy characters. Any others are mine. (unless noted).
Special guest star, Stone Cold Steve Austin, as Dozer ___________________________________________________________________________
ACT 1.
Oz walks into his house, and hears noise, in his room. He goes in, to see Liz making love, to
someone, but not there face.
OZ.
LIZ! WHAT THE HELL, IS THIS?
LIZ.
I'm sorry Oz, I didn't want you to find out, like this. I, I love someone else.
OZ.
(Growling) How is he?
LIZ.
Well, it's not really a he. (Then the person raises up, from the covers)
KENNEDY.
Hey, dog boy.
OZ.
NNNOOOOAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
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OZ.
AAAAHHHHHHAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Oz wakes up, and realizes he was dreaming. His Radio
alarm has woken him up, and a song is playing.)
MUSIC.
I hate the rain, and sunny weather. And I hate the beach, and mountains too, boo hoo.
AND IIIIIIIIII don't like a thing about the city, no no And I hate the country side too.
And I hate everything about YOU!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Across town, Kennedy is just walking in, from work.
FAITH.
Hey.
KENNEDY.
Hey.
FAITH.
(Pause) How was your day?
KENNEDY.
Fine.
FAITH.
Kenny, I'm really.
KENNEDY.
Faith don't. I told you, it cool. I know you didn't mean for...... It wasn't you, I know that.
FAITH.
Then why do you sneak out to you car, to sleep. When you think I've gone to bed? And you
keep weapons with you. Look, I know I screwed. (Suddenly Kenny's cell phone rings)
KENNEDY.
Hello?
SKYLER.
(On the other end) It me. I had a vision. But I'm not coming over. You can meet me, at work.
But DON'T bring her. If I see her, I leave.
KENNEDY.
Yeah sure. Yeah, it's good to hear from you. Yeah, tonight's fine. (Hangs up) Hey, an old friend's
in town. I haven't seen then in.
FAITH.
That was Skyler, wasn't it? God, she's afraid to be around me.
KENNEDY.
Do you blame her? Look Faith, I get that your technically innocent. But in a way, it was you. You
can't just expect her to be OK. Not after what you did to her. Look, it's best, you lay low, for
a while.
FAITH.
Right. Well, I'm guessing it was a vision, so if things get out, of.
KENNEDY.
I got it. (Then she leaves)
FAITH.
Yeah, you got it, Brat. Your the one, that save the kid, from me. (Looking up) You guys fucked
up. She's your champion, not me.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later at The CD store. Skyler is waiting in the parking lot. Her arm is in a sling, her face is
bruised. If you could see, under her clothes, you'd see her ribs tape. Oz walks up to her.
OZ.
What are you doing here? I gave you the week off, with pay.
SKYLER.
Yeah, And your a wonderful person. Had a vision? Kenny's coming. I said I'd meet
her. Far away, from Hanna Lector.
OZ.
(Putting his hand, on her shoulder) If there's anything I can do?
SKYLER.
Thanks. (Kenny pulls up.)
KENNEDY.
Hey Wednesday.
SKYLER.
That's NOT my name! (Kennedy remembered, that was what Faith called her.) Sorry, I'm just.
KENNEDY.
It's OK. You OK?
SKYLER.
I'll live. Anyway I had a vision.
OZ.
Wait, you guy's are fighting, yourself.
KENNEDY.
Close. Wed, uh Skyler's not coming. Sorry kid.
SKYLER.
(Holding up her arm) Your forgiven. But you can't fight alone. (Smile) Hey Oz, you said, you'd do
anything, to help.
OZ.
Yeah sure, I (realization) Oh.
KENNEDY.
Wait, you want me, and him to... By are selves.
SKYLER.
Sure, it's a great idea.
OZ.
Uh Skyler.
SKYLER.
Well, hey, I got to go, Good luck. (walking away) Man, that was easy.
KENNEDY.
Listen, you don't have to.
OZ.
No hey, if you can't make it, without me.
KENNEDY.
Excuses me? Hey, I don't need your help, dogboy. I can handle it just fine.
OZ.
So what was her vision, again? Oh, that's right, you never asked her.
KENNEDY.
(Embarrassed look) SHUT UP! OK, I go ask her, and be on my way. How hard can it be?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A bunch a motorcycles (ten) drive into town. The leader is a large, bald man.
BALD MAN.
Nice town. (vamps out) We'll take it.
__________________________________________________________________________
ACT 2.
We see an old, run down bar. The bikers walk into the place. And the bald man walks up
to a man, sitting at the bar.
MAN AT BAR.
Can I help you?
BALD MAN.
I just wanted you to know, your sitting in my chair.
MAN.
Is that right? (getting up) Well, why don't you try, and move me?
BALD MAN.
OK (He vamps out, kicks the man, in the gut, slams his head, into the counter, and bites
him. Then drops him, to the ground.) Get this piece of trash out of here, boys! Sorry son
bitch! (To the bartender) I'll have a beer.
BAR TENDER.
Uh....
BALD MAN.
Do I stutter? I said I want a beer. NOW!!!!!!!!!!
BAR TENDER.
Oh God.
BALD MAN.
What?
BAR TENDER.
Please don't hurt.
BALD MAN.
What? I didn't get that, What? Oh, I see. I'm some low life, you won't waste your time,
serving? What? That makes me sad. I'm getting depressed, What? Makes me. Make
wanna whip an ASS! (He grabs the man, and slams his head, against the counter) LISTEN
JACKASS! I'M THE NEW OWNER, HERE! CAUSE I SAY, I AM, WHAT? (throws him, into
the wall.
KENNEDY.
All right, Mister Clean. I think it's time to be moving on.
BALD MAN.
Names Dozer, sweet cheeks. And I'm not going anywhere. Unless it's back to your place.
KENNEDY.
OK, I'm going to throw up. Right after I kick (he stands up, and shows his size) your uh.
(Sheepishly) ass.
DOZER.
I'm guessing, your a slayer. Hell, I beat up a few of you, a week. So I could kick you ass,
but I'd rather tap it. (Kenny responds to the comment, by punching him, and kicking him,
in the jaw. He falls, but gets up smiling) Damn, I though tonight was going to be slow.
He headbuts her, and rams his elbow, into her jaw. Then he picks up a bar stool, and
cracks her over the head. He picks her up, by the neck, but she kicks him, in the balls,
as he does. Then she grabs a bar glass, and smashes it, over his head. Then his him,
with a jumping kick. He falls back, and she pulls out her stake. But he grabs a beer glass,
and throws beer into her eyes. She stats swinging wildly, and he grabs her, and drives her,
head first, thorough a table. hen he grabs her, and throws her, though the window.
As her vision clears, she sees Oz standing there.
KENNEDY.
What are you doing here?
OZ.
Came to help. Looks like you need it.
KENNEDY.
I don't. This vamps a little tougher, than I though. But I can handle it. (She goes back in, and
comes flying right back out.) Not a word.
OZ.
Wouldn't think about it. (He wolfs out, and goes in. a moment later he comes flying out.)
Well, that sucked.
KENNEDY.
Gee, I'm glad your here. I don't know what I'd do, if you were here.
OZ.
Like you were doing better!
KENNEDY.
I was handling it! (Dozer steps out) Watch how it's done. (She runs, and kicks him, in the jaw.
Then sweeps his legs, kicks him, into the wall. But he gets up, and hits her, with a clothesline,
taking her down. Then he drops an elbow, on her chest. He picks her up, and bodyslams her,
into the dirt. Oz charges him, and slashes his face. That just pisses him off. He pounds him hard,
and gets him, in a choke hold. Kenny kicks him, and sends him flying. The the rest of the gang
walks out. Kenny, and Oz jump in the van, and peel out.
DOZER.
Shit, these kids have no guts. It's sitting in front of the computer all day. Make em pussies.
KENNEDY.
What the hell, kind of steroid was he on?
OZ.
Maybe it was natural.
KENNEDY.
He's that big naturally. Yeah, and I'm Queen Elizabeth.
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Faith sat in the same bar, she'd met Skyler in. "Man, I've fucked up" she thought, "Everything
I touch, turns to death. I should just go. Oz is more, or less back. They don't need me. You
should have killed me, when I asked you to, Angel."
Little did she know, she was being watched. At a table, in the conner, Three people (one was
the biker, Oz saw the other night. One was a woman, with dark hair, and sun glasses. The
last had long hair, and a beard. If not for his youth, He'd have looked like someone, in Lynard
Skynard) They were all wearing black.
OTHER MAN.
So that's her.
BIKER.
Yeah.
OTHER MAN.
Don't look like much. I mean she's hot, but doesn't look all that powerful.
WOMAN.
She does to me. (The woman isn't even looking at her) I can feel her power.
OTHER.
You know, it's creepy, when you do that, Maggie.
MAGGIE.
Well, Shooter, your breath is creepy, but we have to live with it.
SHOOTER.
So what are we waiting for.
BIKER.
We're just watching tonight.
SHOOTER.
You know Jessie, that's called stalking, in most placing.
JESSIE.
She's not ready to see, what we have to show her.
SHOOTER.
Well, I'm just saying, the sooner we.
MAGGIE.
He's right. In her current state of mind, she's no good, to us. So we wait. (They all get up, and leave.
The woman pulls out a white cane. To walk.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kenny, and Oz are hiding out, in an old house.
KENNEDY.
OK we just need a plan. I mean we've taken on ten vamps before.
OZ.
OK, I'll take the bald guy, and you get the other nine. No wait, why should you have the easy job?
KENNEDY.
Will you focus. Look, I can beat him, all right. I just shouldn't have brawled with him. Next time I'll
hit, and move. Make him chase me, were himself out.
OZ.
Yeah well, supernatural stamina, remember? Plus you still have to deal with the others.
KENNEDY.
Look, are you going to help, or just run me down.
OZ.
I am helping. I saved you life, already.
KENNEDY.
Whoa, what! You did not save my life. I was doing fine, without you.
OZ.
Sure Miss Punching bag, if you say so.
KENNEDY.
OK, if your so smart, you tell me, how to beat them!
OZ.
Well, why don't you just start whining about Willow. That usually makes people run the
other way.
KENNEDY.
Excuse me! I whine! (Mocking Oz) Whoa Liz. I can't believe you left me, It likes sucks. I'm
like going to hide, in my store, which I bought because I failed as a musician, and be a jerk
to everybody.
OZ,
I DON'T SOUND LIKE THAT! But hey, while we're doing impression. (Mocking Kenny)
Hi. I'm a total bitch, that got everything handed to me. And now I have to live, in the real
world, so feel sorry, for me. Or I'll cry about my ex, who finally got smart, and dumped my
ass!
KENNEDY.
Oh, ha ha, very funny. Well, at least I never drove anyone, to the other team.
OZ.
That's not what happened.
KENNEDY.
She liked guys, until she dated you, then went gay. Hey, if I ever like straight girl, I'll just
let her date you, to get her ready for me.
OZ.
That's it! I don't care if your a girl. (he wolfs out) I'm kicking your ass!
KENNEDY.
Oohh, I'm scared. Someone help! Papa Smurf's going to kick my ass!
OZ.
Hey, I got your Papa Smurf, right here.
KENNEDY.
Bring it on!
Oz jumps on her, and they roll on the ground, fighting, kicking, punching, clawing, it's bad.
Finally they grab each other in headlocks, and won't let go. Severally minutes pass.
KENNEDY.
Oz.
OZ.
Yeah.
KENNEDY.
This is stupid. We shouldn't be doing this.
OZ.
Yeah.
KENNEDY.
So let me go, and I'll let you go.
OZ.
You first.
KENNEDY.
Oh come on!
OZ.
I'm not stupid.
KENNEDY.
Fine! at the same time. 1. 2. 3. AAHHH!! YOU DIDN'T LET GO!
OZ.
NEITHER DID YOU!
KENNEDY.
OK FOR REAL THIS TIME. 1. 2. 3. DAMN IT OZ!
OZ.
HEY, YOU DIDN'T EITHER!
_____________________________________________________________________________
ACT 3.
Faith drives down the road, trying not to think about thinks. But she glances at her cell phone.
Wondering if they'd call, if they need help. She looks up just in time, to see a man, in the way,
and slam on her breaks.
FAITH.
OH GOD! (getting out of the car) Mister I'm so sorry!
MAN.
It's OK. I wasn't watching what I was doing anyway. Listen, do you have a cell phone. My car
broke down, and I can't get a tow truck, or anything. Could you help?
FAITH.
Yeah sure. (She hands him the phone. He's an older man, maybe sixties)
MAN.
OK, there coming. Thanks, I thought I'd have to spend the night, out here. My name is Joseph
Speed, but my friends call me Joe.
FAITH.
You really should get a cell phone, Joe.
JOE.
Yeah, I guess. But I'm old fashion. I'm an old Hippy, and I don't know what to do.
FAITH.
(She notices he as a strange hand woven craft, hanging from his rear view mirror.) Hey,
what's that
JOE.
Oh, it was my fathers. He was an Indian shaman.
FAITH.
Your an Indian?
JOE.
Well, if I'm not, they played a pretty big trick on me. I keep that, to remind me, that my father
isn't gone, even if his body's dead. Because his spirit lives on.
FAITH.
You really believe that stuff. Spirits.
JOE.
I don't know. Do you really believe a carpenter walked on water?
FAITH.
I really don't believe much of anything, anymore.
JOE.
Well, that's no good. We all have to believe in something Faith. Even if it's only are selves.
(He sees the truck coming) Well, that was fast. You know, a girl that would stay with a
strange, on a dark night, in the middle of nowhere must believe in something.
___________________________________________________________________________
KENNEDY.
Ok Oz, this is ridicules. We have to stop this. Cause I'm passing out. OK 1. 2. 3. (They
finally let go) Ok, Now we just have to. (suddenly a flaming bottle comes though the window)
DOZER.
(From outside) Hello. Anybody home?
KENNEDY.
Shit!
OZ.
Hey, it's not there house, and they're not invited.
KENNEDY.
No, but they can still burn the place down. If we could just take their numbers down, I think
we'd have a chance. I've got a plan, and (gulp) I need your help.
DOZER.
OK boys, burn this son bitch, down!
KENNEDY.
(Steeping out) You looking for me?
DOZER.
Well, hey, sweet cheeks. I think you still ow me a lap dance.
KENNEDY.
I'm gay, dickheded.
DOZER.
That's OK, I love a challenge. (Dozer swings at her, but she ducks, and sweeps his legs.
She gives him a few kicks, before jumping. Then moves, before he his her. he grabs a sledge
hammer, and swings it at her. But she moves, missing the hammer, by very little.)
Wile the gang is watching this. Oz sneaks to the bikes, and destroys all but one, of them.
Then gets on the last one, and takes off. Kennedy jumps on the back, and grabs a machete,
wile passing one of the gang. The gang try to get them, but being on foot, they can't keep
up. Oz moves to, and away from them, and Kenny cuts their heads of, as they go by.
Until only Dozer is left. But he's ready for them. As Oz gets close, he knocks them off the
bike, with the hammer.
DOZER.
You killed my boys! You smashed my bikes! (looking at the cooler) AND YOU RUINED MY
DAMN BEER! NOW YOU GONNA DIE!
He slams Kenny, with the hammer, and sends her flying. Oz jumps on his back, biting, and
clawing. But Dozer flips him over, and rams the hammer. into his skull, with a sickening thud.
DOZER.
Bad dog. Looks like I'm going to have to put you to sleep! (He doesn't see Kenny come from
behind him, and doesn't know she's there, until the stake goes in his heart. He only says one
word, before turning to dust.) What?
KENNEDY.
(Walks over to the cooler, and gets a beer) And that's the bottom line. Man I kicked his ass.
OZ.
Uh, we kick his ass.
KENNEDY.
(She starts to protest, but then smiles, and gives him a beer.) Yeah, we did. How'd you learn
to drive like that?
OZ.
Trade secret.
_________________________________________________________________________
ACT 4.
Faith is about to open the door, when Kenny, and Oz walk up laughing.
FAITH.
Hey.
KENNEDY.
Oh hey. Just got back.
FAITH.
Everything OK?
KENNEDY.
Yeah, no big.
OZ.
Look I should go
KENNEDY.
Yeah, see you dogboy.
OZ.
See you, spoiled brat.
KENNEDY.
You know, I think I'm ready for bed. So goodnight.
FAITH.
Yeah, whatever. I was just heading out, so see you tomorrow. (Faith made her way to a park
bench, and sat down.) Guess I'm sleeping here, tonight. Sorry Joe. Not much to believe in.
Especially not myself. WAIT! he knew my name! I never told him my name!
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Jesse, Shooter, and Maggie are standing in the dessert.
SHOOTER.
Well, I don't see what the big dead is, about her.
MAGGIE.
She doesn't ether. That's the problem.
JOE.
(Appearing from the shadows.) Don't count her out just yet. She just needs time.
MAGGIE.
Yeah, well we don't have time.
JESSE.
Maybe your wrong?
MAGGIE.
I'm never wrong, about these things Very soon Nicadiams will be back, in this world.
Soon after, he'll find what he's looking for. And then this world will burn.
THE SONG WAS HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, BY UGLY KID JOE.
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